Compassion, which we can understand as the sharing in and a desire to relieve the suffering of others, comes naturally to us as human beings. It is one of our most potent qualities, and is a cornerstone of human societies and the dream for every person to have a conscience formed and directed by aspirations of justice, peace, and cooperation. However, this precious resource has many facilitators and inhibitors, and like all human potentials can be broadened or restricted. Drawing from our clinical work and inspired by the UN’s recognition of the International Day of Conscience last 5th of April, this article will describe what it means to have a “compassionate conscience” and offer three general questions to help direct us towards cultivating our capacities for compassion: whether we are “aware” of suffering; whether we are “moved” by suffering; and whether we “desire” to relieve suffering.
Defining Compassion
Compassion can be understood simply as “the feeling that arises when you are confronted with another’s suffering and feel motivated to relieve that suffering.”1 Emphasizing its action-oriented nature, compassion is distinguishable from the related emotion of “empathy”, defined as the “mirroring or understanding of another’s emotion”.2 Despite the cynicism of mainstream conversations (and sadly much of modern psychology until fairly recently), it is deeply rooted in the human condition: as professor and author Dr. Dacher Keltner puts it, compassion is “an innate human response embedded into the folds of our brains”, the “evolved instinct to help other people is a reflex”.3 And it does appear that human minds evolved the neural hardwiring for this sharing in another’s pain in some way.4 We’ve even seen how exercising “self-compassion” — the directing of kindness and understanding inwards, to our own suffering — can literally ease the experience of pain in the context of chronic illnesses.5 It has rightly provoked intense interest among scientists, hence the growing body of work focusing on its clinical application along with related practices such as “loving-kindness” and “mindfulness”.6 All this to say is that compassion comes naturally to us, and is one of our most potent qualities.
But as the clinical psychologist and founder of Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT) Dr. Paul Gilbert puts it: “Compassion too has its facilitators and inhibitors.”7
Many factors can affect our capacities for compassion: whether we were encouraged growing up to engage in compassionate works; our own personal resources; whether our own beliefs about specific compassionate acts (e.g. giving change to a poor stranger) aligned with the moral value we assign to social questions (e.g. poverty determined mainly by individual effort or systemic factors); whether, because of formative experiences, we safe enough in our own bodies to handle the compassionate impulse and the potency of its accompanying emotions; and many others.
For the frontliners of the pandemic, without whom our entire country may have simply collapsed, there was “compassion fatigue”: a deep physical and emotional exhaustion that sets in as a response to an overwhelming loss of human life and livelihood, when there is an accumulation of the suffering of those they serve and not enough space and resources to process and recover.8 Given how helpless we all were in many instances, we might relate to the very unpleasant feelings that came when our compassion was unable to express itself in ways we desired, including shame, doubt, guilt, and even anger.9 Like all human potentials, our potential for compassion can also be disturbed.
Compassion, whether it’s the capacity to offer it to others or accept it for ourselves, is a precious resource. It is the cornerstone of the well-formed conscience and the bedrock of the dream of a “culture of peace”, which the United Nations described as “a positive, dynamic, participatory process linked intrinsically to democracy, justice and development for all by which differences are respected, dialogue is encouraged and conflicts are constantly transformed by non-violent means into new avenues of cooperation.”10 If compassion ought to come naturally, which appears to be what the research is currently telling us, then how might we build on it? What kind of questions can we ask to direct us, especially when our capacities for compassion are obstructed in some way?
Three questions for cultivating compassion
For the former Buddhist monk and scholar of religious studies Dr. Thupten Jinpa, compassion is made up of different components, three of which we will look at here.11 While these components overlap in actual human experience, making some distinctions can help us generate useful reflections.
1. “Are we aware of suffering?”
The cognitive aspect of compassion requires that we recognize that pain exists, both in ourselves and in others. But recognition cannot remain an abstraction; compassion is directed and active. Our ability to know suffering can be hampered by ignorance: we may not have an understanding that a person experiences pain in some way because we are unaware of their context and needs. It can also be hampered by prejudice: we might assume we understand a person even if we have not really begun to enter into a real knowledge of who they are. It may not have anything to do with the other person at all: something in our conditioning, past or present, may be keeping us from seeing suffering for what it really is. So what is keeping us from being really aware? Are we really paying attention to what that person is going through? Do our assumptions about that person take up too much headspace? And are there ways of doing things we learned growing up that have left gaps in our perception?
“Are we moved by suffering?”
The affective aspect of compassion requires that this recognition of pain reaches the heart. Put another way, the experience must be felt bodily, and not just at the level of the thought. But like our ability to see, our ability to feel can also be hampered. It may be physical or emotional fatigue: as such, our energy might be directed at conserving energy and towards the things that offer rest or familiar comforts.Our beliefs about suffering might also become like gatekeepers to our emotions: values inherited from our families and communities might have led us to believe that our suffering is somehow correlated with notions of merit or of what people do or do not deserve. Perhaps these same values do not adequately accommodate the fact that suffering is inevitable. It may also be that our bodies may have too much or too little sensitivity to pain, and the effort we put into trying to regulate how much we expose ourselves diverts these emotional resources away from compassion. So what is keeping us from being really present to these feelings? Are our bodies getting enough rest? Do some of our beliefs create barriers rather than openings for feelings of compassion? And do our bodies, whether it has become accustomed to too much or too little pain, allow for these feelings to be felt?
“Do we want to relieve suffering?”
The intent aspect of compassion requires that this experience of the pain of others has an outlet. From the head to the heart, it must then travel outward through speech and action. After all, that is exactly what the etymology of compassion means: to suffer with others. But this suffering with others is not about the passive taking in of pain, but an active partaking in it towards some kind of resolution. We might express this compassion by contributing time and resources to charitable works. We might also express this by becoming a kind of reference point for compassion, whose presence communicates safety and love, so that others might feel safe enough to approach for consolation. We also manifest this intention by directing it inward, at our own pains, and practicing on ourselves what others might ask of us: forgiveness, understanding, and openness to our own failings as human beings with as many flaws as gifts. So what is keeping us from expressing our compassionate impulses as concrete actions? Are we paying attention to the logistics of these compassionate impulses, so that we know what we have to offer? Are we paying attention to how we respond to others, so that we know whether our actions communicate an invitation of safety and warmth? And are we paying attention to how we react to our own experiences, so that we know that we give first to ourselves the compassion we offer others?
As we pass through what we hope to be the worst that the pandemic has to offer, it is important to recognize how our capacities for compassion have been tested and what this might mean for us moving forward. By reflecting on the things which expand or contract the depth and breadth of our compassionate impulses, we can continue to exercise this precious human instinct with less dread about how little we have been able to offer and more hope about how much we can do for ourselves and others within our own spaces.
Sources:
- (n.d.). “What Is Compassion?” Great Good Science Center, UC Berkeley. Retrieved from: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/compassion/definition/.
- Smith, J.A. (08 May 2009). “What Happens When Compassion Hurts?” Great Good Science Center, UC Berkeley. Retrieved from: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/what_happens_when_compassion_hurts/.
- Keltner, D. (01 March 2004). “The Compassion Instinct.” Great Good Science Center, UC Berkeley. Retrieved from: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/the_compassionate_instinct/.
- Lamm, C., Decety, J., and Singer, T. (2011). dMeta-analytic evidence for common and distinct neural networks associated with directly experienced pain and empathy for pain. NeuroImage, (54), 2492-2502. DOI: 10.1016/j.neuroimage.2010.10.014.
- Wren, A.A., Somers, T.J., Wright, M.A., Goetz, M.C., Leary, M.R., Fras, A.M., Huh, B.K., Rogers, L.L., and Keefe, F.J. (2012). Self-Compassion in Patients With Persistent Musculoskeletal Pain: Relationship of Self-Compassion to Adjustment to Persistent Pain. Journal of Pain and Symptom Management, (43)4, 759-770, DOI: 10.1016/j.jpainsymman.2011.04.014.
- Hofmann, S. G., Grossman, P., & Hinton, D. E. (2011). Loving-kindness and compassion meditation: potential for psychological interventions. Clinical psychology review, 31(7), 1126–1132. DOI: 10.1016/j.cpr.2011.07.003.
- Gilbert, P. (2014). The origins and nature of compassion focused therapy. British Journal of Clinical Psychology, 53, 6-41. DOI: 10.1111/bjc.12043.
- Clay, R.A. (11 June 2020). “Are you experiencing compassion fatigue?” American Psychological Association. Retrieved from: https://www.apa.org/topics/covid-19/compassion-fatigue/.
- Culliford, L. (07 June 2011). “Compassion really hurts.” Psychology Today. Retrieved from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/spiritual-wisdom-secular-times/201106/compassion-really-hurts/.
- United Nation (n.d.). “International Day of Conscience: 5 April”. Retrieved from: https://www.un.org/en/observances/conscience-day/.
- Jazaieri, H. (24 April 2018). “Six Habits of Highly Compassionate People.” Great Good Science Center, UC Berkeley. Retrieved from: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/six_habits_of_highly_compassionate_people/.