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Chat, Are We Cooked? AI Is Literally Giving Us Brainrot!

brainrot

Tralalero Tralala! Tung Tung Tung Sahur!

Honestly and seriously, what do these mean and where did they come from? If one tries to search about it, results would say that it’s AI-generated content originating from Italy. What’s interesting is that it’s filed under the “brainrot” memes of the younger generation. The term is defined as low quality digital content or media that is excessively consumed and causes a decline in one’s cognitive state such as attention and critical thinking. Usually, it comes in short form content like TikTok videos, Facebook and Instagram reels, and YouTube shorts—basically, videos under 10 seconds with visuals and audios that leave a lasting impression on you after rewatching it a few times or consistently seeing/hearing them when you scroll through your feed. It gets to the point where it eventually gets stuck in your brain and you resort to that response in any given situation. 

Globally as of the moment, we have the audios from the songs Sugar on My Tongue by Tyler, the Creator. The catchiness of the song eventually brought about a trend where people film themselves from the POV of a refrigerator. Another example is Predador de Prereca, a Spanish song so upbeat you would think the lyrics are harmless and fun, but when you translate its lyrics to English, you’d be surprised how obscene and lewd the song actually is. Now, you might be thinking why I’m taking the time to give these specific examples and explain it to you. Well, it’s because when we obsessively and mindlessly scroll through social media, we tend to absorb anything we see and hear without giving it a second thought. While some content may be innocent and harmless, some content may also have sexual innuendos and themes of violence, aggression, suicide, and so on and so forth. For younger adults and older, perhaps they’ll be able to discern what’s right or wrong and what’s moral or not. But for teens and younger children, they could cluelessly absorb it, internalize it, and sometimes even embody what they see. Trust me, I’ve seen what kids talk about in their discord group chats and servers, and it’s honestly pretty terrifying. 

A number of studies have recently been conducted to study how the excessive consumption of short-form content impacts one’s attention span, and as expected, it significantly and negatively affects one’s cognitive functioning. This is because the brain gets conditioned for constant stimulation, instant gratification, and rushes of dopamine. When this happens, we start to have trouble accomplishing tasks that require sustained attention because we’re not getting any immediate feelings that are rewarding, satisfactory, amusing, or pleasurable. And this can definitely and especially be a problem for the younger generations. Now you might be wondering, “How does brainrot from short-form content connect to brainrot from the use of AI?”. Well, exercise your ability to concentrate and patiently wait because we’re getting there! 

When children become accustomed to fast-paced sensory-stimulating information, their academic performance can be compromised because this affects their ability to sit through hours of lectures, reduces their academic interest, and causes them to have lower grades. Tendencies to procrastinate become higher too, which can lead to experiencing symptoms of depression and anxiety overtime (Jochmann et al., 2024). Not only will they have difficulty listening in class, but they will also have difficulty accomplishing assignments, homework, and projects, as doing these necessitates much time and concentration. And this is where AI learning tools come in and exacerbate the problem. ChatGPT is probably the most widely used AI learning tool as of the moment. Using it is just so simple, quick, and easy. You just type in a prompt–may it be a question or a statement, and in just a few seconds, you get a substantial amount of information. Does this sound familiar? While ChatGPT is extremely useful and helpful, recent studies have shown that becoming heavily reliant on it actually makes you… dumber. Through EEG scans, Kosmyna et al. (2025) examined the brain activity of users and non-users of AI tools in essay writing and found that those who wrote essays without any tools had the most active and well-connected brain networks. Meanwhile, those who solely relied on AI had the least brain activity especially in areas connected to attention and critical thinking. It has also been observed that those who heavily rely on AI show poor memory as some participants in the student reported not remembering what they wrote. 

You’d be surprised that not only do individuals rely on ChatGPT for academic related work, but they also rely on it for decision-making and companionship. From people I personally know, they resort to ChatGPT when they need help deciding where and what to eat. Some even resort to it for a quick therapy session as ChatGPT is designed to be agreeable and to validate you. Knowing this is actually quite frustrating and perhaps, the younger generation’s brain must truly be rotting because the first thing that comes to their mind when something happens or a thought occurs is to message a robot. 

Now, what can we do to address this problem? 

  1. Engage in activities or games that stimulate your brain and encourage you to practice your critical thinking and problem solving skills (Dresler et al., 2018). Such games that encourage strategic thinking include crossword puzzles, sudoku, scrabble, and chess. There are also mobile applications now that are designed to enhance your quantitative reasoning, memory, attention, and verbal comprehension through mini games. 
  2. Don’t forget your physical health! Engaging in physical activities have been found to prevent age-related declines in cognitive functioning such as dementia. Physical exercise, especially aerobic exercises, have been found to expand the volume of the hippocampus, the part of the brain that plays a significant role in memory, learning, and spatial awareness (Erickson et al., 2011. 
  3. Eat healthy! Nutrients such as Vitamin B, Omega-3, antioxidants, and choline all contribute to memory functioning so it’s best to stock up on food rich in these such as leafy green vegetables, nuts, eggs, fatty fish, and fruits (Puri et al., 2023). 
  4. Aim to have a restful 8 hours of sleep. Doing so allows us to have better cognitive capacity and functioning. Feeling well-rested enhances our ability to think, focus, and remember better. Add in some meditation or any relaxation techniques or activities that can help to release stress in your body as well (Dresler et al., 2018). 

If it were up to me, I would personally add in a fifth method which is to delete ChatGPT! But no worries if not. What’s important is that you are able to exercise discipline, self-awareness, and self-control when it comes to slowly being less dependent on AI learning tools. As tempting as it is to receive an instant response, solution, or answer, how quick and constant we get an answer from AI contributes to how long and lasting its impact will be on our cognitive health.

References:

  • Dresler, M., Sandberg, A., Bublitz, C., Ohla, K., Trenado, C., Mroczko-Wąsowicz, A., Kühn, S., & Repantis, D. (2018). Hacking the Brain: Dimensions of Cognitive Enhancement. ACS Chemical Neuroscience, 10(3), 1137–1148. 
    https://doi.org/10.1021/acschemneuro.8b00571 
  • Erickson, K. I., Voss, M. W., Prakash, R. S., Basak, C., Szabo, A., Chaddock, L., Kim, J. S., Heo, S., Alves, H., White, S. M., Wojcicki, T. R., Mailey, E., Vieira, V. J., Martin, S. A., Pence, B. D., Woods, J. A., McAuley, E., & Kramer, A. F. (2011). Exercise training increases size of hippocampus and improves memory. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 108(7), 3017–3022. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1015950108 
  • Kosmyna, N., Hauptmann, E., Yuan, Y. T., Situ, J., Liao, X.-H., Beresnitzky, A. V., Braunstein, I., & Maes, P. (2025, June 10). Your Brain on ChatGPT: Accumulation of Cognitive Debt when Using an AI Assistant for Essay Writing Task. ArXiv.org. https://arxiv.org/abs/2506.08872 
  • Puri, S., Shaheen, M., & Grover, B. (2023). Nutrition and cognitive health: A life course approach. Frontiers in Public Health, 11(11). https://doi.org/10.3389/fpubh.2023.1023907
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Blog Everyday Thriving General Restorative Practices Wellbeing Practices

Sweat the Stress Out: The Science of Beating Burnout by Working Out 

burnout

What is ‘burnout’ and what can we do about it?

Have you ever caught yourself spacing out while finishing a task at work, juggling multiple things at once, or even just feeling so monotonously stuck inside a routine? More often than not, we’ve all noticed ourselves feeling drained to the core while carelessly attending to our demands. Manifested as symptoms of exhaustion (i.e. physical and psychological), dissociation, as well as a lack of motivation, burnout commonly occurs among individuals with stressful roles and this work-related fatigue encompasses one’s well-being as it affects productivity, commitment, and morale (Celestin & Vanitha, 2017; Naczenski et al., 2017). The consequences of burnout might tempt us to engage in certain activities that might not be helpful to us (e.g. drinking, smoking, etc.) (Muteshi & Kamya, 2024). While there are different ways for us to poorly cope with this, there are alternative ways for us to positively fight it as well and such is through the productive movement of our bodies. Exercise, whether cardio, resistance training, or other forms, is actually a strong weapon against burnout and here are its benefits (Basso & Suzuki, 2016; Bretland & Thorsteinsson, 2015; Gerber et al., 2020; Naczenski et al., 2017): 

  • Clearer thinking 
  • More positive mood 
  • Lower stress levels 
  • Improved well-being 
  • Better sense of accomplishment 
  • Reduced emotional exhaustion 
  • Decreased perceived stress 

Exercise was also found to be a significantly helpful component in therapy-oriented approaches in order to recover from burnout (Ochentel et al., 2018). Furthermore, studies show that engaging in movements that are involved with rhythm, breath work, and grounding strategies can help calm our nervous systems down and make us more resilient in the face of stress (Porges & Dana, 2018). That said, we can view exercise as an accessible way to tolerate or cope with distress and its related feelings or phenomena such as burnout (Linehan, 2015). 

How can we sweat the stress out?

We don’t have to go to such physically strenuous lengths for us to recover from burnout. Studies have shown that even just a bit of exercise can help yield the benefits that were mentioned earlier (Basso & Suzuki, 2016; Star, 2023). Here are some types of exercises you can try out (Basso & Suzuki, 2016; Bretland & Thorsteinsson, 2015; Ochentel et al., 2018; Star, 2023): 

  • Cardio and aerobic – Running, cycling, brisk walking, swimming, 
  • Resistance training – Lifting weights, making use of bodyweight 
  • Social activities – Dancing, yoga, tai-chi
  • Sports – Individual or team sports 

Additionally, even doing these for just a short period of time can already release a significant amount of endorphins in order to improve our moods right away just on its own (Basso & Suzuki, 2016). When deciding on which activity/ies to do, it helps that you actually want to do or enjoy that type of exercise as this builds consistency in the long run (Star, 2023). So whether it’s dancing, swimming, strengthening your muscles through weights, or building stamina through cardio – know that you’ll more likely get further if you’re happy with what you’re doing. The world is your oyster! You’re not just limited to one type of exercise. For instance, doing cardio together with lifting weights actually maximizes the likelihood of you yielding positive results not just psychologically, but also physically (Bretland & Thorsteinsson, 2015). Thus, know that the type, intensity, and duration of exercise really depends on what works best for you. Lastly, it’s important that you tailor your workout to the status of your health, lifestyle practices, and personal preferences in order to build an exercise routine that is both safe and successful (Gerber et al., 2020). 

Beating Burn Out

To beat burnout, of course, it is vital that we commit ourselves into doing so – even with what little motivation we have left. You might feel a little less confident and unmotivated at first before building these through time, or vise-versa, you may feel ready to start a new routine but might lose interest after a while. That’s okay and completely normal! Here are some tips that might help as you go through your journey (Bretland & Thorsteinsson, 2015; Celestin & Vanitha, 2017; Ochentel, Humphrey, & Pfeifer, 2018; Porges & Dana, 2018): 

  • Move forth with compassion: Allow yourself some kindness and patience as you start your fitness journey and know that progress is not linear. 
  • Baby steps: Try to build consistency until your routine becomes a habit – slowly yet surely, and the smallest effort on your most tiring days still does count. 
  • A healthy life is a happy life: Don’t forget that exercise must be accompanied by other healthy habits (e.g. proper rest, healthy diet, avoid unhealthy substances, etc.).
  • Switch it up when you feel stuck: Try new exercise routines or find a buddy or group to make work-outs seem more enjoyable and uplifting. 

Working out is merely a piece of the puzzle in the grander scheme of tools to help us take care of ourselves mentally and physically, yet has immensely impactful effects when done properly. Not only is it good for our body, it also helps us balance how we respond to stress by bringing us back down to what feels safe (Porges & Dana, 2018). Finally, seek the professional help you need should things get really tough (e.g. training coach, therapist, etc.). Remember, baby steps and your body will thank you tomorrow in ways that might surprise you.

References:

  • Basso, J. C., & Suzuki, W. A. (2016). The effects of acute exercise on mood, cognition, neurophysiology, and neurochemical pathways: a review. Brain Plasticity, 2(2), 127-152.
  • Bretland, R. J., & Thorsteinsson, E. B. (2015). Reducing workplace burnout: the relative benefits of cardiovascular and resistance exercise. PeerJ, 3, e891. 
  • Celestin, P., & Vanitha, N. (2017). From burnout to balance: Managing mental health in high-stress projects. 
  • Gerber, M., Schilling, R., Colledge, F., Ludyga, S., Pühse, U., & Brand, S. (2020). More than a simple pastime? The potential of physical activity to moderate the relationship between occupational stress and burnout symptoms. International Journal of Stress Management, 27(1), 53. 
  • Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT skills training handouts and worksheets (2nd ed.). Guilford Press. Muteshi, C., Ochola, E., & Kamya, D. (2024). Burnout among medical residents, coping mechanisms and the perceived impact on patient care in a low/middle income country. BMC Medical Education, 24(1), 828. 
  • Naczenski, L. M., de Vries, J. D., van Hooff, M. L., & Kompier, M. A. (2017). Systematic review of the association between physical activity and burnout. Journal of occupational health, 59(6), 477-494. 
  • Ochentel, O., Humphrey, C., & Pfeifer, K. (2018). Efficacy of exercise therapy in persons with burnout. A systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of sports science & medicine, 17(3), 475. 
  • Porges, S. W., & Dana, D. (2018). Clinical applications of the Polyvagal Theory: The emergence of polyvagal-informed therapies. Norton. Star, K. (2023). Mental health benefits of exercise: For your body and brain. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/mental-health-benefits-of-exercise-2584094
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Blog Everyday Thriving Wellbeing Practices

A Psychological Guide For Becoming A Better Jowa

jowa

In The Art of Loving, psychoanalyst Erich Fromm shared his thoughts on what we could be doing

better in our romantic relationships. Long story short, according to him, lots of us are getting the whole “love” thing wrong right off the bat. Many of us are enthralled by the initial stages of meeting someone and falling for them. The thrill of falling for someone new can overwhelm us to the point of forgetting that after the golden honeymoon period, there’s a lifetime together ahead of you left to face. Novelty fades quickly, forcing many of us to confront the truth: that the experience of love is made of 5% excitement and 95% hard work and commitment to making things last with another person and all of their hopes, dreams, fears, and insecurities. 

Fromm believed in seeing love not as a strong emotion, but rather a skill.

He described it as the most noble of all pursuits, often let down by the common mistake that the intensity of falling in love is enough to sustain a lifetime of loving. Fortunately, like all skills, we can get better at it! While becoming a better lover would require a lifetime of dedication to the craft, a good place to start might be getting acquainted with the elements in Fromm’s model: care, respect, responsibility, and knowledge. 

1. Care – Am I doing what’s best for my partner?

  • Maybe the most basic element of love is care, or the active concern for the wellbeing of our beloved. Also known as compassionate love, care involves an empathic and willful choice to work towards enriching your partner’s life through your presence and actions, regardless of whether or not we get anything in return. In fact, some argue that care is most evident in the situations where we choose to do the best thing for our partners even when it makes things harder for us or causes us inconvenience. 
  • Rather than the grand, passionate displays of affection that we often see depicted in movies or posted by couples a little too comfortable with PDA, the ways in which we practice care can be quiet and subtle, but consistent. These aren’t necessarily the big moves we take to make someone swoon, but the little things we fill their days with in order to let them know that they’re safe with us. 
  • Buying your partner their favorite treat after they’ve had a rough day, offering to do the dishes or bring the kids to school, or even just spending quality time with them are a few ways we can demonstrate care.  

2. Responsibility – Am I really here in sickness and in health? 

  • Another core pillar of any long-lasting partnership is responsibility, the acknowledgement that caring for your partner is actually part of your ongoing duty to them as part of your choice to be involved in their life and wellbeing. We tend to think of responsibility as culpability or fault for past acts, but responsibility as it pertains to love is about our openness to respond to our partner’s needs, wants, hopes, dreams, pains, and whatever other twists and turns come about as part of our choice to be involved in someone else’s life. Signing up to be someone’s jowa means signing up for candlelit dinners, romantic vacations, and coming home to someone who loves you, yes, but it also means signing up for the possibility of taking them to the hospital at 2 in the morning or picking them up from NAIA during rush hour 5 years down the line. 
  • Despite the risks and despite the uncertainty, despite the possibility that they might become “too much” for us one day, do we still choose them? Will we do our best to handle everything that comes our way as a result of being in each other’s lives? Do we accept love as toil and effort and a lifetime of work? To say yes to all of these things every day without resentment, even on the hardest days, is the essence of responsibility.

3. Respect – Am I whole enough to take them as they are? 

  • However, responsibility can quickly devolve into control when we don’t temper it with respect. This is the acknowledgement that your partner was their own person before you came into each other’s lives, with their own goals and their own path to walk in life, and that they will continue to be that person even after you get together. People can change, and people can always be better than they are today, but respecting someone means letting them discover who they’re meant to be for themselves and not imposing who we think they should be on them. 
  • Fromm notes that this kind of exploitation-free respect can only be possible when we are independent, or whole and healed enough that we do not need to lean on someone else and force them to be that missing piece of us that we’re looking for. Respecting someone means trying your best to see the person in front of you and love them for who they are, not for how well they fulfill your fantasies of a missing piece that completes you.

4. Knowledge – Do I even truly know the person I spend so much time with?

  • When was the last time you tried to learn something new and important about your partner? Odds are, past the first few dates, many of us might not keep making an effort to keep finding out new things about the person we’re with, even though there’s an infinite amount of things to keep discovering about someone else. 
  • Lastly, everything we’ve talked about so far falls completely flat if we don’t even know the person we’ve decided to commit to. How can we say we really respect, take responsibility for, and care for someone when we might not be able to tell the difference between who they are at their core and an idea of them doesn’t really represent them accurately? 
  • Getting to know your partner doesn’t have to involve a serious sit-down or an impromptu therapy session, of course! We can take a few small steps in our day to day interactions with them to get to know them better. Examples are: being more mindful and present when we’re just spending time with them or talking to them, asking small questions with genuine curiosity to understand their perspectives better, or planning date nights with novel activities that help you see each other in situations you’ve never been in before.

References:

  • Cowley, C. (2021). Love, Choice, and Taking Responsibility. In New Philosophical Essays on Love and Loving (pp. 87-100). Cham: Springer International Publishing. 
  • Fehr, B., Harasymchuk, C., & Sprecher, S. (2014). Compassionate love in romantic relationships: A review and some new findings. Journal of Social and PersonalRelationships, 31(5), 575-600. 
  • Fromm, E. (2000). The art of loving: The centennial edition. A&C Black. Hendrick, C., Hendrick, S. S., & Zacchilli, T. L. (2011). Respect and love in romantic relationships. Acta de investigación psicológica, 1(2), 316-329. 
  • Smith, K. (2020). Erich Fromm’s’ The Art of Loving’: An existential, psychodynamic, andtheological critique (Doctoral dissertation, University of Glasgow).
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Blog Everyday Thriving General Wellbeing Practices

That’s Cringe! What It Means, Why We Feel It, and How to Deal With It

cringe

Have you ever been hit by a sudden wave of secondhand embarrassment? That gut-wrenching

feeling that makes you squirm, shift uncomfortably, or even physically recoil, all because you just saw someone do something painfully awkward? Or maybe you remembered something embarrassing you did years ago, and suddenly you’re blushing all over again? That feeling is what we call “cringe.”

But what exactly is cringe?

It’s a unique emotional response we get when we witness someone make a social blunder or a faux pas that jeopardizes their social image or even ours, even if it’s not happening to us directly or right now (Escoe et al., 2024). It also happens when someone tries to make a good impression but completely messes it up in a way that’s hard to ignore.

According to research, cringe is a vicarious emotional reaction. That means it happens when we witness someone break social norms or mess up their social “integrity” (Mayer et al., 2021). The interesting part is that these social transgressions are usually trivial and pretty harmless. They don’t have serious moral consequences, and sometimes they even make us laugh.

Physically, cringe can show up in a bunch of different ways. Maybe you flush or scrunch up your face. You might squirm in your seat, cover your mouth, or even shout “eww!” Some people break into a sweat or get goosebumps. Your face might feel hot, and your whole body reacts, even when your brain logically knows it’s not you in that awkward moment. 

That reaction? That’s cringe.

Cringe vs Embarassment

Now, to make it clear, cringe isn’t quite the same as embarrassment. Embarrassment is something we feel about ourselves when we mess up socially, especially if others see it. Think about waving back at someone who wasn’t waving at you, or accidentally calling your teacher “mom.” It’s sort of like an instant feeling of awkwardness that is personal.

Cringe, on the other hand, is more like secondhand embarrassment. It’s what we feel when someone else does something awkward or socially uncomfortable. Like watching a person try way too hard to seem cool in front of new people, or the classic example of someone pulling out a wedgie in public. It’s awkward, it’s uncomfortable, and it makes you squirm just watching it. What’s even funnier (or more painful) is that we can also cringe at ourselves, like remembering something cringey we did years ago and feeling all those feelings all over again.

So why do we feel cringe in the first place?

Well, humans are inherently social creatures. We share emotions, we try to figure out what others are thinking, and we quickly learn what kind of behavior leads to embarrassment or shame. Since belonging is a basic survival instinct, we naturally avoid things that might make us look weird, awkward, or unacceptable to others.

When we see someone break a social rule, or suddenly remember an embarrassing moment of our own, our brain treats it like a social threat. That’s why we squirm, look away, or get that full-body “eugh” feeling. It’s basically our brain trying to protect us from experiencing the same awkwardness firsthand.

A more neurological explanation could be that certain parts of the brain, like the anterior insula, which helps us process self-conscious emotions like embarrassment, are closely connected to the amygdala, our brain’s “emotion center”. When these two areas work together, they help explain pain empathy, or that feeling we get when we experience someone else’s pain or embarrassment, almost as if it were our own (Paulus et al., 2014).

Cringe ~kind of~ has a social power.

Surprisingly, cringe doesn’t just make us uncomfortable, it also makes us want to talk about it.  Sharing cringeworthy moments can actually make us feel better, because it gives us a chance to compare ourselves to the person who messed up… and feel a little more socially competent in the process (Escoe et al., 2024).

It’s like saying, “At least I’m not that awkward!” and that makes us feel better about ourselves.

With that said, how do we handle cringe:

Although cringe is not the most comfortable feeling, it is a normal reaction that we all experience. It is unavoidable, but what we can do is to handle it with grace, or even a little humor.

Here are some ways to handle that awkward feeling:

  1. Pause, breathe: When you witness something awkward that catches you off-guard. Pause, let yourself be shocked or embarrassed, but don’t forget to breathe and let the awkwardness float away.
  2. Shift your focus: Instead of dwelling on the cringe, check your phone, chat with a friend, or think about something else. 
  3. Remember, it’s not always serious. Everyone’s got a “wait, did I really just do that?” moment, and most cringeworthy moments are harmless. But it’s honestly funny looking back, and can even turn into funny stories later.
  4. Practice empathy. Put yourself in their shoes. Think about how the other person might be feeling. Chances are, the person who made the cringe move feels just as awkward. Cut them some slack– we all mess up sometimes, or even give them a mental high-five for bravery.
  5. Find the humor (but keep it kind). Sometimes the best cure is a little giggle. Like when someone pulls a wedgie in public… Yeah, awkward, but hey, life’s too short not to laugh a little.

EMBRACE YOUR INNER CRINGE!

At the end of the day, cringe is part of being human. Awkward moments happen to the rest of us, but they do not last forever. The key is to be kind and not to take these moments too seriously– sometimes, they even make life more interesting.

References:

  • Escoe, B., Martin, N. S., & Salerno, A. (2024). EXPRESS: That’s So Cringeworthy! Understanding What Cringe Is and Why We Want to Share It. Journal of Marketing Research. https://doi.org/10.1177/00222437241305104
  • Mayer, A. V., Paulus, F. M., & Krach, S. (2021). A Psychological Perspective on Vicarious Embarrassment and Shame in the Context of Cringe Humor. Humanities, 10(4), 110. https://doi.org/10.3390/h10040110
  • Paulus, F. M., Müller-Pinzler, L., Jansen, A., Gazzola, V., & Krach, S. (2014). Mentalizing and the Role of the Posterior Superior Temporal Sulcus in Sharing Others Embarrassment. Cerebral Cortex, 25(8), 2065– 2075. doi: 10.1093/cercor/bhu011
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Dancing Through Life: Integrating Mindfulness and Movement in Daily Living

Laya Alampay

When people ask me how long I’ve been dancing, I usually start counting the years from my freshman year in high school. In reality though, I’ve been dancing and moving for as long as I can remember. Whether it was recreating dance sequences from music videos, pretending that I was a popstar, or needing to dance for field demonstrations at school, I was always moving and grooving. 

This might be why I used to be intimidated by mindfulness exercises. As someone who loves moving around, and as someone whose mind endlessly wanders, the thought of having to sit still and meditate wasn’t something that particularly excited me. I had this impression that maybe mindfulness just wasn’t my thing, and that I would have to find other ways to work on my mental health. But the more that I started to grow and evolve in dance, and the more that I actually understood mindfulness, the more that I discovered that the two aren’t actually very different. In fact, all this time, I was unknowingly developing mindfulness through dance.

Let me share how I developed the attitudes of mindfulness through dance: 

1. Non-judging

A form of dance that I’ve come to love is freestyle – basically a form of improvisation. No choreographed routine, no planning ahead, just pure reliance on how your body naturally moves to the music. Admittedly, having to do freestyles used to make me self-conscious. In the beginning, it was something that seemed so intimidating to me. Over time though, I opened myself up, and it eventually became one of my favorite things to do. I found freedom and expression in not questioning or judging the choices my body was making, ultimately allowing myself to fully immerse in the moment.

2. Patience

Typically, we’re taught to stay on beat by using counts of 8. And while this method isn’t necessarily incorrect, it can be harder to apply to more intermediate and advanced choreographies. Even so, dancers can also sometimes get lost in their concentration and count intuitively, rather than actually listening and paying to the music. There’s a term that’s used, “dancing in the pocket” which basically means dancing in reaction to the music, rather than anticipating it. As I tried to get better and better at dancing in the pocket, I made intentional efforts to not rely on just counting in my head, but to actually listen to the music. It challenged me to become more patient and really exercise control over my mind and body.

3. Beginners mind

For almost 15 years now, without fail, every dance team I’ve joined starts every new training cycle with going back to very similar basic foundational drills. Whether the rookie or the senior, we all go back to the same drills. By doing these drills over and over again, and by embodying a beginner’s mindset, I’ve been able to develop a strong foundation that has allowed me to be stronger and more versatile. By adapting a beginner’s mindset, I also learned to appreciate every learning opportunity, and not take for granted all the small steps of hard work that I put in. Most importantly though, keeping a beginners’ mind keeping me curious, and keeps me excited to learn and grow.

4. Trust

One of the things that I’m most thankful for is that in all the years that I’ve been dancing is that I’ve never encountered a major injury that required me to be sidelined for an extended period of time. Sure, I might have sprained my ankle, strained a couple muscles, and I might have also dislocated my elbow once (although that wasn’t actually from dance!), but for the most part, I’ve been able to take care of my body. One of the biggest reasons why I’ve been able to do this is because I’ve learned how to listen and trust my body. I know when to push my body, and when to give it rest. And whenever I’m nervous, I’ve also learned to trust my body, and trust the training I’ve put in to prepare my body as best as I can.

5. Non-striving

I’m not going to pretend that I’m not competitive and that I never had dance ambitions. However, I was also lucky to have coaches and mentors who, more than winning, instilled the importance of enjoying the moment, and simply putting the best version of yourself on stage. Although we could be extremely competitive during training, come actual competition day, all of that would be thrown out the window. Nothing else mattered than pouring our hearts out and enjoying the moment. Ironically, non-striving has helped me stay in the competitive scene longer. I’ve actually been able to maintain a healthy and sustainable relationship with the demands of competing because my focus is centered around the process, and not the outcomes. 

6. Acceptance

I used to think that dance was universal. And by this, I thought that dance could mold the body to move in very specific ways. Over the years, a frustration I frequently encountered was: “why don’t I look like them?” I realized though, that as much as there are ways our bodies can move similarly, ultimately, every body works and moves differently. Our individual and unique movement is a power and a strength, and not a limitation. I came to discover that it’s not about exactly copying other people’s movements, but it’s about recognizing your own body, and understanding your own movement. By embracing and accepting your body and how it moves, it gets easier to actually understand how you can grow and improve.

7. Letting go

To this day, and even after years of experience, I’m still hit with waves of panic and anxiety before stepping on stage. And even in the simpler things like running choreography at the end of class, I will still feel moments of nervousness and uncertainty. But once your cue and the music starts, once you actually start moving, nothing else matters. You find yourself letting go and submitting to the music. And at the end of a stressful day or a stressful week, there’s no better feeling than having a few precious moments of just letting go of your inhibitions, and releasing all that stress. 

Over the past couple years, more and more dance studios have popped up across Metro Manila. There’s also been a lot more beginner classes of various styles. It’s been really fulfilling seeing dance become more accessible and approachable. And I guess this shouldn’t be a surprise since dance has always been a great form of exercise not only for our physical health but also our mental wellbeing. Not only this, but dance helps provide safe spaces and builds connection and communities. So if you’re curious, or even maybe just looking for a new activity to explore, I highly encourage exploring dancing through life!

Categories
Blog Everyday Thriving Wellbeing Practices

Embracing Self-Love During Challenging Times

self-love

During these past months, endless and unexpected challenges have been coming my way which have been leaving me feeling drained and helpless. As a result, I have been finding myself experiencing difficult times in reaching the different goals I have for myself. Through these feelings of heaviness and sadness that comes with it, I started to ask myself more often – “Why has it been so hard for myself to fully enjoy, be present, and show more love and compassion to others and to my different encounters in life?”

After much reflection, I’ve realized that the multiple hats that I’ve been having to wear have led to my personal or internal cup reaching its empty state. Feelings of overwhelm and helplessness have been consuming me due to not only my many hats of work tasks as a preschool teacher, fulfilling my numerous tasks as a Masters student, and adjusting to my long list of chores or tasks since I’ve recently shifted to a more independent living setup, but more importantly, through using my free time to empty my cup even more by engaging in unproductive thoughts, decisions, and encounters for myself.  As a result, I’d find myself beginning my days with an even more drained state. With this, I started to ask myself another question of – “Why do I keep on feeling drained and helpless?”

Coincidentally, I’ve stumbled upon a simple saying online that goes, “You can’t pour from an empty”. After reading this saying, I immediately found myself resonating with it and the saying slowly opened my mind and heart to a more hopeful and promising path to embark on to finally recharge my cup for each day as I tread this challenging season of my life. This current path that I’ve discovered and am excited to tread on consists of embracing self-love more fully and intentionally. As I am currently walking on the earlier parts of this path of embracing self-love, I am glad to share that I have slowly been experiencing more personal improvements in dealing with my multiple hats this season of my life. 

To hopefully inspire or also open more minds and hearts of people who are going through similar experiences in their journeys in life, here are 7 stepping stones that I’d love to share with all of you since they have not only helped me embrace self-love but have also been filling up my cup even more each day – 

Seven stepping stones to fully embracing self-love:

1. Setting healthy boundaries

As the saying goes, “You can’t practice self- love properly if you are constantly giving to others and running on an empty cup.”, I am slowly learning to say no to the things that may eventually drain my cup at the end of the day, or any part of the day. Examples of this may look like saying no to an outing with friends after a day of heavy work tasks and class requirements. Easier said than done for me because I’d also find myself wanting to please others (as guilty of being a people pleaser) instead of disappointing them by saying no. However, I’ve learned that we can’t always control other people’s thoughts about us, and what we can only control are our own thoughts, and we should focus more on our own well-being, especially if we are already in a “low-battery” state. And again, how will we even be able to fully attune to others as we are at a current state where we can’t anymore attune to our own selves. Or again, as the saying goes, “How can you pour from an empty cup.” So in setting these healthy boundaries for myself, I have recently learned the impact of choosing ourselves AND sitting with the discomfort that may come with it afterwards, and surprisingly I’ve learned how it was all worth it as I am able to fully attend to myself more, to other people’s needs or to give them a more compassionate and genuine space to be in, and to also attend to my many tasks more fully and effectively. 

2. Practicing Mindfulness

This second stone for me looks like engaging in different encounters that simply leads me back to my senses such as journaling, taking nature walks, and engaging in different breathing exercises. I have noticed how impactful these different practices of mindfulness have been for me in slowly choosing myself and embracing self- love, too. A helpful tip that I’d like to share is to include these different mindfulness experiences in your daily routines as often as possible. But also remember that each is to their own, as it truly depends on each one of you to find your own way of including these mindfulness practices in your own routines as often as possible. And find which way works best for you. 

3. Getting any kind of physical exercise

In relation to mindfulness, I’ve realized how a simple task of completing my chores such as mopping the floor of my condominium can help me process my thoughts and personal obstacles more intentionally and effectively. A recent physical exercise I’ve also been trying out is taking a 30- or 15-minute walk around my neighborhood after my work to help me calm myself down after a long day of work and class in order to help me better prepare myself to plan more effectively and recharge for the next day. Doing this more often has helped me balance the many tasks on my plate more effectively as I am able to become more fully aware and give more attention to all the concerns and the different hats I play in a day. Another helpful tip would be to write all these new mental insights gained after a successful physical exercise or task on a paper or notebook so that you are hopefully able to become more proactive on these plans for your succeeding days. 

4. Letting go of perfectionism

Growing up as a perfectionist, I would find myself being hard on myself after experiencing regrets or “should have” moments in my day. As a result, I would find myself draining my energy in negative thoughts. As a result of this, I’m slowly learning to choose to let go of my tendencies and thoughts of perfectionism to allow myself to slowly accept what has happened, move on from it, and look forward to new insights gained from the experience. Letting go of my perfectionism tendencies have positively impacted my mental health as it has slowly allowed me to become more patient and understanding of myself and others, too.

5. Watching my self-talk

After choosing to let go of my perfectionism tendencies, I have also learned the importance of consciously choosing positive self-talk, such as telling myself, “It’s okay to feel disappointed. These things happen…What can we do better next time?”, has been helping me feel heard, validated, and motivated to slowly move forward and learn from my experiences during the different and unexpected hurdles I would face each day.

6. Getting in touch with my interests and passions

As we are all faced with unexpected challenges each day, I’ve learned how helpful it has been for me to always go back to my “whys” or my passions in life that have been giving me purpose and strength to keep on moving forward. Going back to my interests, passions, or our sources of strengths has been a big help for me in effectively navigating my thoughts and actions in my daily encounters. 

7. Seeking help

The seventh stepping stone is seeking help. It truly is a big help on our part to constantly remind ourselves that we can only take so much and that it is okay to ask or reach out for help, no matter what they are and in what way these acts of seeking help may be. These ways of seeking help may look like reaching out to a trusted friend or family member and opening up to them about our troubles. Or this may also look like seeking professional help to better help ourselves find more effective ways to navigate the different parts and experiences we experience each day. I’d like to end this seventh stepping stone with a saying from my current favorite book,

“What’s the bravest thing you’ve ever said?” asked the Boy, “Help. Asking for help isn’t giving up, it’s refusing to give up,” the Horse replied. 

“The Boy, the Mole, the Fox, and the Horse” by Charlie Mackesy

With all these 7 stepping stones, I hope that in a way, these may help you slowly fill up your own internal cups and energize yourselves with more self-love practices and decisions more often during the various challenges we are all experiencing each day. But also, feel free to take baby steps in trying out these 7 stepping stones, and again, choose which way works best for you in easily bringing yourselves closer to decisions and actions of embracing self-love more fully, intentionally, and regularly. 

References:

  • Beyondpress. (2024, June 28). The Power of Self-Love During Tough Times – PACIFIC MIND HEALTH. Pacific Mind Health. https://pacificmindhealth.com/the-power-of-self-love-during-tough-times/
  • Dillard-Wright, D. B., PhD. (2020, October 7). Caring for yourself can make the world a better place. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/boundless/202010/self-love-in-difficult-times


Categories
Blog Everyday Thriving Wellbeing Practices

“Uy! Usap Tayo: How to Spot Healthy and Toxic Communication in Relationships”

communication

Ever walked away from a conversation feeling lighter, heard, and understood—like the connection between you and the other person just clicked? On the flip side, have you ever left an interaction feeling drained, confused, or doubting yourself? Communication isn’t just about words; it shapes how we build (or break) trust, emotional safety, and connection.

In relationships, whether romantic, familial, or friendships—the way we communicate determines whether bonds deepen or fray. In Filipino culture, where pamilya first is the norm, values like pakikisama (getting along with others), respect for elders, and keeping the peace often dictate how we talk to each other. But what happens when these values lead to avoidance, where the “bahala na” (a “let it be” or “whatever”) attitude or the dreaded “Basta sundin mo na lang” (Just follow) mindset seeps in? it makes communication difficult, and toxic patterns—like passive-aggressiveness, guilt-tripping, or emotional suppression—take root.

So how do we tell if we’re engaging in healthy or toxic communication? Let’s decode it together.

What Healthy Communication Looks Like

Healthy relationships don’t mean zero conflicts—they mean handling disagreements in a way that strengthens the bond rather than eroding it. Think of Ethan and Joy in Hello, Love, Goodbye—they had honest conversations about personal dreams and compromise, rather than resorting to manipulation or avoidance. Healthy communication can also manifest in other ways:

1. Open & Honest Expression

In a healthy relationship, both people feel safe sharing their thoughts and emotions without fear of judgment or backlash. Transparency fosters trust. One way to do this? Use “I” statements instead of accusations. Saying, “I feel overwhelmed when responsibilities aren’t discussed beforehand” is much more productive than “You never help around the house.” The first invites a conversation, while the second invites defensiveness.

2. Active Listening & Validation

Feeling heard is one of the biggest indicators of a strong relationship. This means listening without interrupting, truly trying to understand the other person’s perspective, and showing that you care. Simple phrases like “I get why that upset you” or “That makes sense” go a long way. Plus, nonverbal cues—eye contact, nodding, mirroring body language—matter just as much as words. In fact, research suggests that 60-70% of our communication is nonverbal!

3. Conflict as opportunities for Collaboration

Arguments happen, but healthy couples see them as challenges to tackle together rather than battles to win. Some strategies they use:

  • Pausing before reacting – Taking a time-out when emotions run high to prevent saying something regrettable.
  • Focusing on solutions – Discussing behaviors instead of attacking character (e.g., “Can we split chores more evenly?” instead of “You’re so lazy.”)
  • Compromising – Finding a middle ground so that both people feel valued.

4. Emotional Support & Empathy

Empathy is the glue of strong relationships. Instead of dismissing feelings (“You’re overreacting”), validating them (“That sounds tough. How can I help?”) strengthens connection. Dr. Helen Riess, a renowned psychiatrist who has dedicated her life to understanding empathy, suggests using the E.M.P.A.T.H.Y. mnemonic to boost empathic capacity: Eye Contact, Muscles of Facial Expression, Posture, Affect, Tone of Voice, Hear the Whole Person, and Your Response—to deepen emotional understanding.

5. Actions Matching Words

In healthy relationships, verbal and nonverbal communication align. If someone says, “I love you,” but their actions consistently show indifference, the words lose meaning. Little things—like reaching for a partner’s hand during an apology—can reinforce sincerity and deepen trust. And touch, when consensual, also plays a role in healthy relationships, as it triggers the release of oxytocin, a hormone known to promote bonding and reduce stress hormones like cortisol.

So, what happens when things take a different turn? Sometimes, even with the best intentions, our conversations can slip into toxic patterns, gradually eroding trust and emotional safety. Recognizing these patterns help because what starts as minor miscommunication can build into long-term hurt.

What Toxic Communication Looks Like

It doesn’t always start with shouting or outright cruelty—it’s often subtle at first. Think about classic Filipino teleseryes where jealousy is mistaken for love, like when a character demands, “Bakit mo siya tinitingnan? Ako lang dapat!” (“Why are you looking at them? You should only look at me!”) or manipulate their partner by threatening to leave just to test their devotion. Over time, these patterns can create emotional wounds that are hard to heal. Here are some red flags to look out for:

1. Verbal Aggression & Contempt

Sarcasm, insults, and eye-rolling may seem minor, but they’re serious indicators of toxicity. Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman found that contempt—things like mockery or belittling—is the strongest predictor of divorce. Why? Because it conveys superiority rather than respect.

2. Gaslighting & Manipulation

Gaslighting is when someone distorts reality to make you doubt your own perceptions. If you often hear phrases like “You’re too sensitive” or “That never happened,” it might not just be a misunderstanding—it could be manipulation. Over time, this kind of behavior erodes confidence and can make a person feel like they’re losing their sense of self.

3. Stonewalling & Avoidance

Stonewalling—shutting down or withdrawing from conversations—is a common defense mechanism, but it’s also a relationship killer. While taking space to cool off is healthy, completely avoiding discussions creates an emotional void that leads to unresolved resentment.

4. Passive-Aggressive Behavior

Instead of openly addressing issues, toxic communication often involves backhanded comments, silent treatment, or subtle jabs. For example, “Nice of you to finally show up” instead of directly saying, “I was hurt when you were late.” These behaviors create tension and prevent honest dialogue.

5. Contradictory Nonverbal Cues

Mixed signals—like saying “I’m fine” while slamming doors—can be incredibly confusing. Aggressive gestures, turning away, or using a dismissive tone can speak louder than words and often indicate underlying hostility.

Having a hard time thinking about where your relationship stands? Here is a visual example that can help you determine the nature of how you communicate. Try to think about a pH Scale but for human communication.

First, let’s go way back—back to the basics of chemistry. One of the first things we learned was the pH scale, which measures how acidic or basic a substance is.

The more acidic something is, the more likely it is to burn. Strong acids can cause damage—it’s painful on the skin, stinging in the eyes.

But what does this have to do with the way we communicate?

People often talk about how conversations can be “too negative” or how we should be “more positive.” It sometimes feels like we measure communication on a scale like this:

More positive = better. But that’s not always true. If we go back to chemistry, highly basic substances can burn just as much as acids. In other words, if we only judge communication as either “positive” or “negative,” we miss the bigger picture.

But if we factor in HONESTY, the picture becomes clearer. Let’s use the following as examples:

  • Cruel lies – These are obviously harmful. Luckily, they don’t happen too often in direct conversations.
  • Toxic positivity – This one is trickier. It sounds nice, but it dismisses real struggles. Think of phrases like “Everything happens for a reason!” or “Bahala na!”  While well-meaning, these statements can make people feel unheard rather than comforted.
  • Brutal honesty – This is another extreme. It values truth but at the cost of kindness. Sometimes, people justify hurtful words by saying, “I’m just being honest.” But honesty without compassion can be just as damaging as a lie.

Both toxic positivity and brutal honesty shut down meaningful conversations before they even begin. Hence, finding the Balanced pH is key!

In chemistry, a balanced pH would fall between 6 and 8—not too acidic, not too basic. In communication, we should aim for the same balance. It can manifest in these ways:

  • Be honest, but with empathy.
  • Be positive, but without dismissing reality.
  • Listen, not just speak.

In the end, balanced communication isn’t just about being positive or negative (healthy or toxic)—it’s about being real while still being kind. And being aware of these patterns are equally important because the way we communicate doesn’t only impact our relationships—it affects our mental well-being too. Remember, healthy communication strengthens emotional resilience, reduces stress, and boosts overall life satisfaction and well being. While toxic communication triggers chronic stress responses in the brain, increasing anxiety, depression, and even symptoms similar to PTSD.

So when we prioritize healthy dialogue, we foster deeper connections, trust, and emotional security. But when toxic communication takes hold, it creates cycles of harm that can be tough to break. To be honest, it does sound daunting and possibly exhausting to constantly keep this in check.The good news? Every conversation is a chance to do better.

Even Millennials and Gen Z-ers are growing with this mindset in hand—choosing open dialogue over the old “tiisin mo na lang” (just endure it) mentality. Whether that means pausing before reacting, listening more attentively, or setting firmer boundaries, small shifts in communication can lead to massive changes in our relationships. Because in the end, the quality of our conversations is the quality of our connections.

So, what kind of conversations do you want to have?

References:

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Blog General Wellbeing Practices

The 5 Stages of Heartbreak (and how to survive them)

heartbreak

Heartbreak is inevitable. We try to avoid it, we fear it, but at some point, it is something we all experience. Whether it is the end of a romantic relationship, a breakup with a long-term partner, or the painful decision to file for separation/annulment/divorce, heartbreak is a deeply personal and often overwhelming experience. The emotional toll can feel exhausting, leaving you wondering how you will ever move forward.

But here is the thing: while heartbreak can be a difficult and very emotional experience, it can also be a catalyst for healing and growth. Understanding the stages of heartbreak and learning how to navigate each one can help you find you overcome the pain and come out stronger.

In this post, we will dive into the stages of heartbreak, based on the Kübler-Ross model of grief, and explore how to manage your emotions as you move through each phase. Whether you are in the middle of a heartbreak or reflecting on one from the past, this article will offer
insights on how to cope, heal, and ultimately grow.

Denial

The first stage of heartbreak is denial, a natural response of the brain and a common defense mechanism that helps numb the overwhelming emotions triggered by a breakup. Denial provides a temporary emotional shield, giving you more time to adjust to the situation, slowly absorb your new reality, and begin to process the inevitable changes in your life.

Some feelings and behaviors common in this stage are:

  • Trying to stay in touch with your ex as though you are still together to keep some form of normalcy
  • Forgetting that you were broken up and not sharing this news with your family and friends

Some coping strategies include:

  • Allow yourself to feel all the emotions
    • Stop running away from them and allow yourself to feel all the emotions. Sometimes it is best to let everything out.
  • Acknowledge the breakup by sharing the news
    • Sharing the news to your loved ones can serve as a starting point for moving on.
  • Avoid contacting your ex
    • Staying in contact with your ex only makes it more difficult to move on. You will constantly have them in your mind, which will slow down the healing process.

Anger

The second stage of heartbreak is anger. While denial acts as a coping
mechanism, anger functions as a mask that conceals the deeper negative emotions and pain that often accompany a breakup, such as bitterness, resentment, and frustration. It allows you to channel those intense feelings outward, creating a sense of control over the emotional turmoil you are experiencing.

Some feelings and behaviors common in this stage are:

  • Feeling hurt
  • Blaming your ex for the breakup and carrying resentment towards them
  • Hoping for the worst for your ex

Some coping strategies include:

  • Sit with your anger and channel it elsewhere
    • It is normal to feel angry in this situation. Sit on your anger even if its uncomfortable, then channel it elsewhere by exercising, listening to music, etc.
  • Avoid badmouthing your ex
    • Eliminate all negative vibes by avoiding to talk about your ex’s negative traits and attributes. This will only make it more difficult to move on. Use these conversations to focus on rebuilding yourself and navigating the changes.

Bargaining

The third stage of heartbreak is bargaining. During this phase, we often negotiate with ourselves, and sometimes with our ex-partners, trying to find ways to change or fix things in order to restore the relationship. It is common to find yourself caught up in “what if”, as you desperately seek alternate scenarios where things could have turned out differently. This stage serves as a defense against the deeper emotions of grief, offering a temporary escape from the sadness, confusion, and pain.

Some feelings and behaviors common in this stage are:

  • Feeling vulnerable and helpless. In those moments of intense emotions, it is not uncommon to look for ways to regain control.
  • Wishing for another chance, reevaluating and negotiating relationship terms (friends with benefits, situationships, etc. ), and end up compromising your own personal values.
  • Seeking to compromise with your ex and promising change.

Some coping strategies include:

  • Always remember why you broke up
    • It is inevitable to reminisce about your relationship and
      remember the good times you had together. When you start to
      think that they should be back in your life, remember the
      reasons as to why the relationship did not work out.
  • Remember your personal values
    • Do not sacrifice the values that are important to you. You can
      build a meaningful relationship on your own terms with
      someone who shares those same values.

Depression

The fourth stage of heartbreak is depression. In this stage, you might find yourself more capable of confronting and processing your feelings. You may create your own opportunity to give yourself the space needed to deeply process the events and heal from the heartbreak. However, depression can be complex, messy, and profoundly difficult to navigate, which is why it is crucial to lean on loved ones and seek the support you need during this challenging time.

Some feelings and behaviors common in this stage are:

  • Feeling overwhelmed, heavy, and confused
  • Feeling an overwhelming sadness and experiencing crying spells
  • Isolating yourself from friends and family
  • Feeling hopeless about the future

Some coping strategies include:

  • Practice self-care
    • Take care of your mental health by practicing mindfullness,
      getting enough sleep, eating, and doing the things you love to
      do.
  • Reach out to loved ones
    • Reach out to your friends and family for their support. They
      will be integral to your healing.
  • Find something that makes you happy
    • Find something that makes you feel happy and relaxed to help
      you focus on the present moment.
  • Seek professional help if needed
    • If you feel extremely overwhelmed and lost, it is a good idea to
      talk to a professional who can help you in navigating your loss
      and processing your feelings.

Acceptance and Healing

The final stage of heartbreak is acceptance and healing. Acceptance does not necessarily mean that you have completely moved past the loss. Rather, it signifies that you have come to terms with the breakup and have gained a deeper understanding of what it means in your life moving forward. You begin to integrate the feelings, experiences, lessons, and memories from the relationship, ultimately acknowledging that it has reached its natural end, and you find the strength to let go and gradually move forward.

References:

  • Gupta, S. (2024, February 9). From heartbreak to healing: Navigating the 7 stages of a breakup. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/from-heartbreak-to-healing-navigating-the-7-stages-of-a-breakup-8552187
  • Holland, K. (2024, September 30). The stages of grief: How to understand your feelings.
  • Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/stages-of-grief
  • Tyrell, P., Harberger, S., Schoo, C., & Siddiqui, W. (2025). Kubler-Ross Stages of Dying and Subsequent Models of Grief.

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Blog Thrive at Work Wellbeing Practices

Embracing Mindfulness: The Cornerstone of Effective Leadership

mindful leadership

Modern life has been defined by a steady stream of distractions that can impair productivity and cause us to lose focus on what really matters– from the never-ending alerts on our smartphones to the never-ending onslaught of emails and appointments. Keeping focused and engaged is more difficult than ever at a time when information overload and shorter attention spans are the norm. This has become more evident in the leadership domain, where promoting an innovative culture and bringing about significant change depend heavily on one’s capacity to remain focused and in the moment.

In today’s fast-paced world, there has never been a greater need for effective leadership. In the classroom, in the boardroom, or in the community, leaders must navigate difficult situations while motivating and inspiring those around them. But within the confusion and demands of life, mindfulness in leadership is a crucial quality that seems to be frequently overlooked.

The foundation of good leadership is mindfulness, which is frequently connected to spirituality and meditation.

“Mindfulness is the simple process of noticing new things about the familiar. When we notice actively, we become sensitive to perspective and change.”

Ellen Langer, Harvard professor of Psychology 

It involves accepting oneself, one’s ideas, feelings, and environment, as well as being completely present and involved in the here and now. Although mindfulness may seem like a straightforward idea, it may have a significant influence on a leader’s capacity to make wise decisions, develop deep connections, and create a healthy work environment.

Fundamentally, mindfulness enables leaders to cultivate self-awareness– which is an essential quality of successful leadership. Leaders are able to make more deliberate decisions and better control their impulses by developing an awareness of their own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors as opposed to responding rashly to circumstances. In addition to promoting personal development, this self-awareness helps leaders build empathy for others, which in turn promotes a cooperative and understanding culture within their teams.

Mindfulness also gives leaders the strength they need to face uncertainty and hardship. In the a turbulent and unpredictable environment, leaders frequently encounter unforeseen difficulties and setbacks. Leaders can cultivate mental toughness to maintain composure under duress, adjust to change, and endure hardship by engaging in mindfulness practices. Leaders that possess resilience not only instill confidence in their teams but also provide an example for others to follow, exemplifying the value of remaining composed and clear-headed under difficult situations.

Additionally, practicing mindfulness improves a leader’s capacity for genuine connection-making and successful communication with their staff. Leaders may cultivate trust and rapport with their team members by exhibiting real interest and empathy during encounters, if they are totally present and attentive. In the end, this genuine and open communication is able to foster a positive work atmosphere where team members feel appreciated and free to share their thoughts and viewpoints, which stimulates innovation and creativity inside the company.

Apart from enhancing social skills, mindfulness also helps leaders make strategic decisions and think strategically. Leaders who practice mental clarity and focus are able to see beyond the current difficulties and formulate long-term goals and objectives. With this strategic viewpoint, executives can make well-informed decisions that support the mission and core values of the company, resulting in long-term success and development.

Mindfulness also empowers leaders to adopt a servant leadership style that puts their team members’ growth and well-being first. Leaders may enable their people to flourish both personally and professionally by cultivating a culture of mindfulness inside their businesses. This improves employee retention and happiness while also helping businesses draw in top talent and stay competitive in the fast-paced job market of today.

Although it seems to be one of the latest buzzwords, mindfulness is not merely a fad. It has been found to be an essential part of effective leadership in the twenty-first century.

Leaders may acquire the self-awareness, resilience, communication abilities, and strategic thinking necessary to successfully traverse the complicated and constantly changing world of today by practicing mindfulness. Leaders who practice mindfulness are better equipped to empower their staff, create genuine connections, and promote long-term success and growth in their companies. Adopting mindfulness is advantageous for leaders as individuals as well as crucial for developing a culture of good and influential leadership that encourages and facilitates others in realizing their own potential. 

References:

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Blog Everyday Thriving Wellbeing Practices

New Year, New Me: How to (Actually) Stick to Your New Year’s Resolutions!

New Year New Me

As the holiday season approaches, many of us will start to reflect over the past 12 months and get excited about starting a new year. The start of a new year is a time filled with hope, optimism, and an eagerness to set new goals for ourselves. For many people, New Year’s resolutions symbolize a fresh start to be a better version of ourselves. Despite this being a longstanding tradition, as much as 80% of New Year’s resolutions fail or fall through after a few weeks into the year.

With 2025 just around the corner, understanding why some resolutions fail and what works can help you *actually* stick to your New Year’s resolutions. 

But first, why do so many New Year’s resolutions FAIL? 

As mentioned earlier, the New Year represents a fresh start for many people. It’s a time filled with aspirations to be better and do the thing they’ve been thinking about doing for so long. Starting fresh also means closing a chapter from our past, whether it was good or bad.

This ‘fresh start effect’ is actually a psychological phenomena that many people use to view new beginnings as motivation towards achieving their goals. It’s very similar to how we feel more motivated when we start a new job or how we would want to turn over a new leaf when entering a new school grade as kids. 

While the concept of a fresh start is not a bad thing (it has its benefits!), it becomes a dangerous slope when we start to distance ourselves from our past failures and think that we can only improve when we start anew. It’s important to remind ourselves that this tradition of setting New Year’s resolutions is quite arbitrary. We can make goals and change at any point in our lives, and not just on January 1st. This thought is just one of a couple of reasons why people can quickly fall short on their New Year’s resolutions. Some others include:

1. Setting goals that are unrealistic or overly ambitious. 

Something many people get wrong when setting goals for themselves is making them too big and unrealistic due to their eagerness to change. Making resolutions like “losing 15 kilograms in two months” or “working out everyday for a year” can set yourself up for failure. Rather than having goals that are achievable, the extensive effort needed to attain an overly ambitious goal may lead to demotivation and burnout.

2. Being driven exclusively by extrinsic motivations

While it’s common to have different motivations for a resolution, it’s important to realize the reasons behind these motivations. If our resolutions are driven by extrinsic or external motivations, such as societal expectations or peer pressure, rather than by a genuine desire to change for ourselves, then it’ll be more difficult to sustain the motivation as time passes.  

3. Feeling limited by our cognitive distortions about ourselves

Sometimes, our biggest challenges when working towards goals are our own irrational or negative thoughts. Common cognitive distortions that get in the way of goal-directed behavior are when we engage in “all-or-nothing” thinking or make “should statements”. The rigidity in these cognitions makes it difficult for us to accept human error or mistakes. For instance, if your goal is to exercise daily and you miss one day, you might feel like you’ve failed and want to abandon the goal altogether. This mindset can undermine your progress and lead to lower self-esteem.

How to make better goals and stick to your resolutions:  

While it may seem daunting to set resolutions and stick to them, approaching your goals with careful planning, self-awareness, and self-compassion may help you feel more supported and excited about them. As we prepare to make our New Year’s resolutions, try the following tips to help you create sustainable and attainable resolutions. 

1. Understand your WHY

Before setting any goal, ask yourself why you want to make this change in the first place. Aligning the goals with your own personal values and priorities in life may help you to stay committed to them. It’s also important to evaluate if you are emotionally and mentally prepared to make these changes. Studies have shown that readiness to change and self-efficacy positively predict successful outcomes. Without the emotional readiness for these goals, change can be taxing and relapse is likely. 

2. Set specific, measurable, and actionable goals

Vague resolutions like “lose weight” or “be happier” are hard to achieve because they lack clear direction. Instead, create specific and measurable goals that have a call to action. For example, instead of “lose weight,” you can aim to “go to yoga class once a week” or “run 10 kilometers in under an hour.” Rather than “be happy,” try reflecting on what contributes to your happiness, such as “have dinner with my parents twice a week” or “go on a date with myself once a month.” Specific goals take away from the ambiguity and make it easier to assess progress.

3. Be realistic about your limits

While it’s great to have grit and perseverance for growth, it’s equally important to be realistic about your time, energy, and limitations. Take into consideration your routine and other commitments, like work, school, or family and friends, and avoid spreading yourself too thin with too many goals or resolutions that are too big. 

4. Be kind to yourself

Know that the process will not be easy. Being kind to yourself when you stumble is crucial. Try to engage in self-awareness when you are having irrational thoughts or cognitive distortions. Instead of thinking of success and failure, adopt a more flexible approach to any setbacks that come your way.

Self-compassion involves recognizing that everyone makes mistakes and that it’s okay to take a break and recalibrate yourself. Practicing self-compassion exercises can help reduce feelings of guilt or inadequacy, which in turn fosters resilience and encourages you to get back on track.

5. Check-in on yourself and reflect on the process

Regularly checking-in with yourself by incorporating mindfulness practices can help you stay attuned to your goals and aware of your own thoughts and feelings towards them. Mindfulness also encourages you to be patient with yourself and your journey. Reflect on the process and how far you’ve come with reflective questions like, “How do I feel about my progress so far and where I’m at right now?” and “What can I do to improve?” 

6. Involve your support system

Having a support system can be a powerful tool when working toward your goals. Whether it’s a friend, family member, or therapist, having someone to hold you accountable and offer encouragement can make a significant difference. You might even consider having a “goal partner” who is working toward a similar resolution, providing mutual support and accountability.

What happens when things don’t go according to plan? 

Despite your best efforts, things may not always go according to plan. Practicing radical acceptance, a distress tolerance skill, will be vital if this time comes. Radical acceptance involves accepting reality as it is without judgment. If you break your resolution, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed or that you can’t change. You can always return to your goal after a setback. Moreover, remember that we can make goals and change at any point in our lives and that resolutions are not tied to the beginning of the year. Every day that we get is an opportunity for our growth. 

Setting and sticking to New Year’s resolutions can be tricky, but with the right mindset and approach, it’s within all of us to create lasting change. By setting realistic and meaningful goals and embracing flexible thinking, self-compassion, and self-awareness, you can fulfill that New Year’s resolution and prove that the new year can still be a time of hope and excitement.

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