Category: Everyday Thriving

Chat, Are We Cooked? AI Is Literally Giving Us Brainrot!

Post author By Frances Sinon
Post date March 30, 2026
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Tralalero Tralala! Tung Tung Tung Sahur!

Honestly and seriously, what do these mean and where did they come from? If one tries to search about it, results would say that it’s AI-generated content originating from Italy. What’s interesting is that it’s filed under the “brainrot” memes of the younger generation. The term is defined as low quality digital content or media that is excessively consumed and causes a decline in one’s cognitive state such as attention and critical thinking. Usually, it comes in short form content like TikTok videos, Facebook and Instagram reels, and YouTube shorts—basically, videos under 10 seconds with visuals and audios that leave a lasting impression on you after rewatching it a few times or consistently seeing/hearing them when you scroll through your feed. It gets to the point where it eventually gets stuck in your brain and you resort to that response in any given situation.

Globally as of the moment, we have the audios from the songs Sugar on My Tongue by Tyler, the Creator. The catchiness of the song eventually brought about a trend where people film themselves from the POV of a refrigerator. Another example is Predador de Prereca, a Spanish song so upbeat you would think the lyrics are harmless and fun, but when you translate its lyrics to English, you’d be surprised how obscene and lewd the song actually is. Now, you might be thinking why I’m taking the time to give these specific examples and explain it to you. Well, it’s because when we obsessively and mindlessly scroll through social media, we tend to absorb anything we see and hear without giving it a second thought. While some content may be innocent and harmless, some content may also have sexual innuendos and themes of violence, aggression, suicide, and so on and so forth. For younger adults and older, perhaps they’ll be able to discern what’s right or wrong and what’s moral or not. But for teens and younger children, they could cluelessly absorb it, internalize it, and sometimes even embody what they see. Trust me, I’ve seen what kids talk about in their discord group chats and servers, and it’s honestly pretty terrifying.

A number of studies have recently been conducted to study how the excessive consumption of short-form content impacts one’s attention span, and as expected, it significantly and negatively affects one’s cognitive functioning. This is because the brain gets conditioned for constant stimulation, instant gratification, and rushes of dopamine. When this happens, we start to have trouble accomplishing tasks that require sustained attention because we’re not getting any immediate feelings that are rewarding, satisfactory, amusing, or pleasurable. And this can definitely and especially be a problem for the younger generations. Now you might be wondering, “How does brainrot from short-form content connect to brainrot from the use of AI?”. Well, exercise your ability to concentrate and patiently wait because we’re getting there!

When children become accustomed to fast-paced sensory-stimulating information, their academic performance can be compromised because this affects their ability to sit through hours of lectures, reduces their academic interest, and causes them to have lower grades. Tendencies to procrastinate become higher too, which can lead to experiencing symptoms of depression and anxiety overtime (Jochmann et al., 2024). Not only will they have difficulty listening in class, but they will also have difficulty accomplishing assignments, homework, and projects, as doing these necessitates much time and concentration. And this is where AI learning tools come in and exacerbate the problem. ChatGPT is probably the most widely used AI learning tool as of the moment. Using it is just so simple, quick, and easy. You just type in a prompt–may it be a question or a statement, and in just a few seconds, you get a substantial amount of information. Does this sound familiar? While ChatGPT is extremely useful and helpful, recent studies have shown that becoming heavily reliant on it actually makes you… dumber. Through EEG scans, Kosmyna et al. (2025) examined the brain activity of users and non-users of AI tools in essay writing and found that those who wrote essays without any tools had the most active and well-connected brain networks. Meanwhile, those who solely relied on AI had the least brain activity especially in areas connected to attention and critical thinking. It has also been observed that those who heavily rely on AI show poor memory as some participants in the student reported not remembering what they wrote.

You’d be surprised that not only do individuals rely on ChatGPT for academic related work, but they also rely on it for decision-making and companionship. From people I personally know, they resort to ChatGPT when they need help deciding where and what to eat. Some even resort to it for a quick therapy session as ChatGPT is designed to be agreeable and to validate you. Knowing this is actually quite frustrating and perhaps, the younger generation’s brain must truly be rotting because the first thing that comes to their mind when something happens or a thought occurs is to message a robot.

Now, what can we do to address this problem?

Engage in activities or games that stimulate your brain and encourage you to practice your critical thinking and problem solving skills (Dresler et al., 2018). Such games that encourage strategic thinking include crossword puzzles, sudoku, scrabble, and chess. There are also mobile applications now that are designed to enhance your quantitative reasoning, memory, attention, and verbal comprehension through mini games.
Don’t forget your physical health! Engaging in physical activities have been found to prevent age-related declines in cognitive functioning such as dementia. Physical exercise, especially aerobic exercises, have been found to expand the volume of the hippocampus, the part of the brain that plays a significant role in memory, learning, and spatial awareness (Erickson et al., 2011.
Eat healthy! Nutrients such as Vitamin B, Omega-3, antioxidants, and choline all contribute to memory functioning so it’s best to stock up on food rich in these such as leafy green vegetables, nuts, eggs, fatty fish, and fruits (Puri et al., 2023).
Aim to have a restful 8 hours of sleep. Doing so allows us to have better cognitive capacity and functioning. Feeling well-rested enhances our ability to think, focus, and remember better. Add in some meditation or any relaxation techniques or activities that can help to release stress in your body as well (Dresler et al., 2018).

If it were up to me, I would personally add in a fifth method which is to delete ChatGPT! But no worries if not. What’s important is that you are able to exercise discipline, self-awareness, and self-control when it comes to slowly being less dependent on AI learning tools. As tempting as it is to receive an instant response, solution, or answer, how quick and constant we get an answer from AI contributes to how long and lasting its impact will be on our cognitive health.

References:

Dresler, M., Sandberg, A., Bublitz, C., Ohla, K., Trenado, C., Mroczko-Wąsowicz, A., Kühn, S., & Repantis, D. (2018). Hacking the Brain: Dimensions of Cognitive Enhancement. ACS Chemical Neuroscience, 10(3), 1137–1148.
https://doi.org/10.1021/acschemneuro.8b00571
Erickson, K. I., Voss, M. W., Prakash, R. S., Basak, C., Szabo, A., Chaddock, L., Kim, J. S., Heo, S., Alves, H., White, S. M., Wojcicki, T. R., Mailey, E., Vieira, V. J., Martin, S. A., Pence, B. D., Woods, J. A., McAuley, E., & Kramer, A. F. (2011). Exercise training increases size of hippocampus and improves memory. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 108(7), 3017–3022. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1015950108
Kosmyna, N., Hauptmann, E., Yuan, Y. T., Situ, J., Liao, X.-H., Beresnitzky, A. V., Braunstein, I., & Maes, P. (2025, June 10). Your Brain on ChatGPT: Accumulation of Cognitive Debt when Using an AI Assistant for Essay Writing Task. ArXiv.org. https://arxiv.org/abs/2506.08872
Puri, S., Shaheen, M., & Grover, B. (2023). Nutrition and cognitive health: A life course approach. Frontiers in Public Health, 11(11). https://doi.org/10.3389/fpubh.2023.1023907

Tags AI, artificial intelligence, brain science, brainrot, ChatGPT, cognition, generative AI, wethriveinc, wethrivewellbeing

Blog Everyday Thriving General

IG: Instant Gratification and Social Media

Post author By Christine Chua
Post date March 16, 2026
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Ding! Someone liked your post. Ding! You have a new message. These familiar notifications

from the different social media platforms may often spark a small rush of excitement. What
people might not know is that these alerts are doing more than just updating us—they trigger the release of dopamine in our brains, which is the reward system and creating a pleasurable sensation (UC Davis Health, 2024). Over time, this cycle can condition us to crave such interactions, reinforcing us to check for likes, comments, and shares. When these signals of approval are absent, however, the opposite effect may occur. Instead of pleasure, people may experience feelings of rejection, inadequacy, or self-doubt.

To better understand these dynamics, it is important to first define social media, then examine how it intersects with instant and delayed gratification. By doing so, we can better understand
the potential impacts social media has on mental health.

What is Social Media?

Social media refers to a collection of online platforms that allow individuals to interact, connect, and share content within digital networks (Bashir & Bhat, 2017). Examples include Facebook,
Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and X (formerly Twitter).

Researchers define social media as a system that enables people to create, exchange, and engage with diverse forms of content such as messages, photos, videos, and articles (Ahmed, Ahmad, Ahmad, & Zakaria, 2019). It allows for individuals to maintain relationships, build communities, and share ideas regardless of distance.

However, while social media brings undeniable benefits in terms of connectivity and information-sharing, it also affects one’s mental health. The contents of these platforms are curated in such a way that triggers dopamine to be released and leads to instant gratification.

The Effects of Social Media?

The effects of social media are wide, influencing how people perceive themselves, interact with others, and make daily decisions. Many studies have highlighted both positive and negative outcomes. On one hand, social media can support mental health by providing access to social support networks, educational resources, and opportunities for creative self-expression. On the other hand, its design and constant availability may foster dependency and compulsive use.

A central reason why social media feels so compelling is its connection to dopamine. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that plays a key role in motivation, learning, and reward-seeking behavior. Each “like,” comment, or share triggers a small dopamine release, producing a sense of satisfaction called instant gratification (Flex, 2023). Over time, this repeated reinforcement conditions users to continue engaging, hoping for the next rewarding interaction.

The danger is that this process can lead to an endless cycle of checking, posting, and seeking validation (Flex, 2023). Users may start to measure their self-worth by online approval, making them more vulnerable to negative emotions when engagement is low.

Instant Gratification

Going deeper, what is Instant gratification? This refers to the tendency to prefer immediate rewards over larger but delayed benefits (Goldfield, 2025). In the context of social media, this increases the temptation of instant gratification by offering continuous and easy access to small rewards. This desire for instant gratification affects a person’s decision-making process, creating the choice between immediate pleasures and future benefits (Yin & Shen, 2024). Given the age of social media and technology, most individuals tend to go for fast paced rewards. What makes social media more concerning is that it presents an endless supply of these rewards, making it difficult to exercise restraint.

Effects of Instant Gratification

When people consistently prioritize immediate rewards, several consequences can arise. First, people tend to become more impulsive (Flex, 2023). Rather than taking time to weigh long-term benefits, individuals may opt for “quick fixes.” A person might find it increasingly difficult to resist urges, leading to habits like compulsive scrolling or checking phones at inappropriate times. In some cases, this can escalate into problematic use, where social media begins to interfere with sleep, productivity, or face-to-face relationships.

Second are the emotional effects where individuals who rely heavily on social media for validation may become more vulnerable to mood swings, irritability, or even anger when the desired engagement fails to appear (Flex, 2023). Over time, this lack of emotional regulation can contribute to stress and dissatisfaction.

Social Media as a Source of Instant Gratification (UC Davis Health, 2024).

Social media is uniquely positioned to fuel instant gratification because of its design. Platforms employ algorithms that deliver personalized and fast-paced content, maximizing user engagement. Some of the main features that encourage this gratification include:

Likes, Shares, and Comments: These act as immediate markers of approval, giving users a sense of recognition and belonging.
Messages and Notifications: Alerts about direct messages or mentions increase feelings of connectedness, providing social reassurance.
Short-form Content (e.g., TikTok, Instagram Reels, YouTube Shorts): Quick, entertaining videos deliver immediate stimulation and are often consumed in rapid succession.

While these features are not harmful in isolation, prolonged use may contribute to a range of negative effects, such as (Naslund, et. al., 2020).:

Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)
Social comparison and envy
Burnout and fatigue from constant engagement
Sleep disruption due to late-night scrolling
Anxiety and depression linked to validation-seeking
Exposure to cyberbullying and online harassment
Strained offline relationships
Dissatisfaction with body image

These outcomes underscore the importance of learning to balance the use of social media.

Promoting Delayed Gratification in Social Media Use

While social media is not inherently bad, its impact depends on how it is used. Like many tools, it can be beneficial when approached with moderation and harmful when consumed excessively. Some ways to counteract the pull of instant gratification is by intentionally cultivating delayed gratification.

Here are some ways which one can promote delayed gratification in terms of social media use:

Slowing Down and Taking Breaks
Pausing from social media creates mental space to reflect on habits and choices. Breaks can weaken the automatic cycle of checking for notifications and allow individuals to re-engage with
activities that provide long-term satisfaction.
Setting Social Media Boundaries
Boundaries can include time limits, app restrictions, or “tech free” hours during the day. By reducing availability, users can protect their focus and emotional well-being.
Limiting Short-form Content
Choosing to consume longer forms of media—such as articles, documentaries, or podcasts—can help retrain attention spans and reduce reliance on constant novelty.
Practicing Mindfulness
Mindfulness involves cultivating present-moment awareness without judgment. When applied to social media, mindfulness helps individuals notice urges, reflect on whether to act on them, and engage more intentionally. Over time, this increases self-control and reduces dependency on dopamine-driven reinforcement (Flex, 2023).

Social media has transformed human interaction, offering opportunities for connection, entertainment, and knowledge sharing. At the same time, it poses risks of dependency on instant gratification. The dopamine-driven cycle of likes, comments, and short-form content can fuel impulsivity, emotional instability, and even mental health struggles.

Yet, social media itself is not the enemy—it is our relationship with it that determines its impact. By slowing down, setting boundaries, choosing more mindful forms of engagement, and practicing delayed gratification, individuals can enjoy the benefits of social media while safeguarding their wellbeing. In doing so, we shift from being passive consumers of digital validation to intentional consumers.

References:

Bashir, H., & Bhat, S. A. (2017). Effects of social media on mental health: A review. International Journal of Indian Psychology, 4(3), 125-131.
Flex, A. (2023, July 5). The rise of instant gratification culture: How smartphones and social media contribute. Medium. https://medium.com/@neonmaxima/the-rise-of-instant-gratification-culture-how-smartphones-and-social-media-contribute-33bfa3a43ab4
Goldfield, G. (2025, March 4). I want it now! The psychology of instant gratification. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/no-more-fomo/202503/i-want-it-now-the-psychology-of-instant-gratification
Naslund, J. A., Bondre, A., Torous, J., & Aschbrenner, K. A. (2020). Social media and mental health: benefits, risks, and opportunities for research and practice. Journal of technology in behavioral science, 5(3), 245-257.
Sadagheyani, H. E., & Tatari, F. (2021). Investigating the role of social media on mental health. UC Davis Health. (2024, May 10). Social media’s impact on our mental health and tips to use it safely. Cultivating Health. https://health.ucdavis.edu/blog/cultivating-health/social-medias-impact-our-mental-health-and-tips-to-use-it-safely/2024/05
Yin, B., & Shen, Y. (2024). Development and validation of the compensatory belief scale for the internet instant gratification behavior. Heliyon, 10(1).

Tags everyday thriving, instant gratification, mental health Philippines, social media, wellbeing practices, wethriveinc, wethrivewellbeing

Blog Everyday Thriving General Restorative Practices Wellbeing Practices

Sweat the Stress Out: The Science of Beating Burnout by Working Out

Post author By Sophia Sison
Post date February 23, 2026
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What is ‘burnout’ and what can we do about it?

Have you ever caught yourself spacing out while finishing a task at work, juggling multiple things at once, or even just feeling so monotonously stuck inside a routine? More often than not, we’ve all noticed ourselves feeling drained to the core while carelessly attending to our demands. Manifested as symptoms of exhaustion (i.e. physical and psychological), dissociation, as well as a lack of motivation, burnout commonly occurs among individuals with stressful roles and this work-related fatigue encompasses one’s well-being as it affects productivity, commitment, and morale (Celestin & Vanitha, 2017; Naczenski et al., 2017). The consequences of burnout might tempt us to engage in certain activities that might not be helpful to us (e.g. drinking, smoking, etc.) (Muteshi & Kamya, 2024). While there are different ways for us to poorly cope with this, there are alternative ways for us to positively fight it as well and such is through the productive movement of our bodies. Exercise, whether cardio, resistance training, or other forms, is actually a strong weapon against burnout and here are its benefits (Basso & Suzuki, 2016; Bretland & Thorsteinsson, 2015; Gerber et al., 2020; Naczenski et al., 2017):

Clearer thinking
More positive mood
Lower stress levels
Improved well-being
Better sense of accomplishment
Reduced emotional exhaustion
Decreased perceived stress

Exercise was also found to be a significantly helpful component in therapy-oriented approaches in order to recover from burnout (Ochentel et al., 2018). Furthermore, studies show that engaging in movements that are involved with rhythm, breath work, and grounding strategies can help calm our nervous systems down and make us more resilient in the face of stress (Porges & Dana, 2018). That said, we can view exercise as an accessible way to tolerate or cope with distress and its related feelings or phenomena such as burnout (Linehan, 2015).

How can we sweat the stress out?

We don’t have to go to such physically strenuous lengths for us to recover from burnout. Studies have shown that even just a bit of exercise can help yield the benefits that were mentioned earlier (Basso & Suzuki, 2016; Star, 2023). Here are some types of exercises you can try out (Basso & Suzuki, 2016; Bretland & Thorsteinsson, 2015; Ochentel et al., 2018; Star, 2023):

Cardio and aerobic – Running, cycling, brisk walking, swimming,
Resistance training – Lifting weights, making use of bodyweight
Social activities – Dancing, yoga, tai-chi
Sports – Individual or team sports

Additionally, even doing these for just a short period of time can already release a significant amount of endorphins in order to improve our moods right away just on its own (Basso & Suzuki, 2016). When deciding on which activity/ies to do, it helps that you actually want to do or enjoy that type of exercise as this builds consistency in the long run (Star, 2023). So whether it’s dancing, swimming, strengthening your muscles through weights, or building stamina through cardio – know that you’ll more likely get further if you’re happy with what you’re doing. The world is your oyster! You’re not just limited to one type of exercise. For instance, doing cardio together with lifting weights actually maximizes the likelihood of you yielding positive results not just psychologically, but also physically (Bretland & Thorsteinsson, 2015). Thus, know that the type, intensity, and duration of exercise really depends on what works best for you. Lastly, it’s important that you tailor your workout to the status of your health, lifestyle practices, and personal preferences in order to build an exercise routine that is both safe and successful (Gerber et al., 2020).

Beating Burn Out

To beat burnout, of course, it is vital that we commit ourselves into doing so – even with what little motivation we have left. You might feel a little less confident and unmotivated at first before building these through time, or vise-versa, you may feel ready to start a new routine but might lose interest after a while. That’s okay and completely normal! Here are some tips that might help as you go through your journey (Bretland & Thorsteinsson, 2015; Celestin & Vanitha, 2017; Ochentel, Humphrey, & Pfeifer, 2018; Porges & Dana, 2018):

Move forth with compassion: Allow yourself some kindness and patience as you start your fitness journey and know that progress is not linear.
Baby steps: Try to build consistency until your routine becomes a habit – slowly yet surely, and the smallest effort on your most tiring days still does count.
A healthy life is a happy life: Don’t forget that exercise must be accompanied by other healthy habits (e.g. proper rest, healthy diet, avoid unhealthy substances, etc.).
Switch it up when you feel stuck: Try new exercise routines or find a buddy or group to make work-outs seem more enjoyable and uplifting.

Working out is merely a piece of the puzzle in the grander scheme of tools to help us take care of ourselves mentally and physically, yet has immensely impactful effects when done properly. Not only is it good for our body, it also helps us balance how we respond to stress by bringing us back down to what feels safe (Porges & Dana, 2018). Finally, seek the professional help you need should things get really tough (e.g. training coach, therapist, etc.). Remember, baby steps and your body will thank you tomorrow in ways that might surprise you.

References:

Basso, J. C., & Suzuki, W. A. (2016). The effects of acute exercise on mood, cognition, neurophysiology, and neurochemical pathways: a review. Brain Plasticity, 2(2), 127-152.
Bretland, R. J., & Thorsteinsson, E. B. (2015). Reducing workplace burnout: the relative benefits of cardiovascular and resistance exercise. PeerJ, 3, e891.
Celestin, P., & Vanitha, N. (2017). From burnout to balance: Managing mental health in high-stress projects.
Gerber, M., Schilling, R., Colledge, F., Ludyga, S., Pühse, U., & Brand, S. (2020). More than a simple pastime? The potential of physical activity to moderate the relationship between occupational stress and burnout symptoms. International Journal of Stress Management, 27(1), 53.
Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT skills training handouts and worksheets (2nd ed.). Guilford Press. Muteshi, C., Ochola, E., & Kamya, D. (2024). Burnout among medical residents, coping mechanisms and the perceived impact on patient care in a low/middle income country. BMC Medical Education, 24(1), 828.
Naczenski, L. M., de Vries, J. D., van Hooff, M. L., & Kompier, M. A. (2017). Systematic review of the association between physical activity and burnout. Journal of occupational health, 59(6), 477-494.
Ochentel, O., Humphrey, C., & Pfeifer, K. (2018). Efficacy of exercise therapy in persons with burnout. A systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of sports science & medicine, 17(3), 475.
Porges, S. W., & Dana, D. (2018). Clinical applications of the Polyvagal Theory: The emergence of polyvagal-informed therapies. Norton. Star, K. (2023). Mental health benefits of exercise: For your body and brain. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/mental-health-benefits-of-exercise-2584094

Tags burnout, health and wellbeing, mental health, mental health Philippines, movement, stress, We Thrive Clinic, We Thrive Consultancy and Wellbeing Services Inc., wellbeing strategies, wethriveinc, wethrivewellbeing, working out

Blog Everyday Thriving Wellbeing Practices

A Psychological Guide For Becoming A Better Jowa

Post author By Javy Lim
Post date February 13, 2026
No Comments on A Psychological Guide For Becoming A Better Jowa

In The Art of Loving, psychoanalyst Erich Fromm shared his thoughts on what we could be doing

better in our romantic relationships. Long story short, according to him, lots of us are getting the whole “love” thing wrong right off the bat. Many of us are enthralled by the initial stages of meeting someone and falling for them. The thrill of falling for someone new can overwhelm us to the point of forgetting that after the golden honeymoon period, there’s a lifetime together ahead of you left to face. Novelty fades quickly, forcing many of us to confront the truth: that the experience of love is made of 5% excitement and 95% hard work and commitment to making things last with another person and all of their hopes, dreams, fears, and insecurities.

Fromm believed in seeing love not as a strong emotion, but rather a skill.

He described it as the most noble of all pursuits, often let down by the common mistake that the intensity of falling in love is enough to sustain a lifetime of loving. Fortunately, like all skills, we can get better at it! While becoming a better lover would require a lifetime of dedication to the craft, a good place to start might be getting acquainted with the elements in Fromm’s model: care, respect, responsibility, and knowledge.

1. Care – Am I doing what’s best for my partner?

Maybe the most basic element of love is care, or the active concern for the wellbeing of our beloved. Also known as compassionate love, care involves an empathic and willful choice to work towards enriching your partner’s life through your presence and actions, regardless of whether or not we get anything in return. In fact, some argue that care is most evident in the situations where we choose to do the best thing for our partners even when it makes things harder for us or causes us inconvenience.
Rather than the grand, passionate displays of affection that we often see depicted in movies or posted by couples a little too comfortable with PDA, the ways in which we practice care can be quiet and subtle, but consistent. These aren’t necessarily the big moves we take to make someone swoon, but the little things we fill their days with in order to let them know that they’re safe with us.
Buying your partner their favorite treat after they’ve had a rough day, offering to do the dishes or bring the kids to school, or even just spending quality time with them are a few ways we can demonstrate care.

2. Responsibility – Am I really here in sickness and in health?

Another core pillar of any long-lasting partnership is responsibility, the acknowledgement that caring for your partner is actually part of your ongoing duty to them as part of your choice to be involved in their life and wellbeing. We tend to think of responsibility as culpability or fault for past acts, but responsibility as it pertains to love is about our openness to respond to our partner’s needs, wants, hopes, dreams, pains, and whatever other twists and turns come about as part of our choice to be involved in someone else’s life. Signing up to be someone’s jowa means signing up for candlelit dinners, romantic vacations, and coming home to someone who loves you, yes, but it also means signing up for the possibility of taking them to the hospital at 2 in the morning or picking them up from NAIA during rush hour 5 years down the line.
Despite the risks and despite the uncertainty, despite the possibility that they might become “too much” for us one day, do we still choose them? Will we do our best to handle everything that comes our way as a result of being in each other’s lives? Do we accept love as toil and effort and a lifetime of work? To say yes to all of these things every day without resentment, even on the hardest days, is the essence of responsibility.

3. Respect – Am I whole enough to take them as they are?

However, responsibility can quickly devolve into control when we don’t temper it with respect. This is the acknowledgement that your partner was their own person before you came into each other’s lives, with their own goals and their own path to walk in life, and that they will continue to be that person even after you get together. People can change, and people can always be better than they are today, but respecting someone means letting them discover who they’re meant to be for themselves and not imposing who we think they should be on them.
Fromm notes that this kind of exploitation-free respect can only be possible when we are independent, or whole and healed enough that we do not need to lean on someone else and force them to be that missing piece of us that we’re looking for. Respecting someone means trying your best to see the person in front of you and love them for who they are, not for how well they fulfill your fantasies of a missing piece that completes you.

4. Knowledge – Do I even truly know the person I spend so much time with?

When was the last time you tried to learn something new and important about your partner? Odds are, past the first few dates, many of us might not keep making an effort to keep finding out new things about the person we’re with, even though there’s an infinite amount of things to keep discovering about someone else.
Lastly, everything we’ve talked about so far falls completely flat if we don’t even know the person we’ve decided to commit to. How can we say we really respect, take responsibility for, and care for someone when we might not be able to tell the difference between who they are at their core and an idea of them doesn’t really represent them accurately?
Getting to know your partner doesn’t have to involve a serious sit-down or an impromptu therapy session, of course! We can take a few small steps in our day to day interactions with them to get to know them better. Examples are: being more mindful and present when we’re just spending time with them or talking to them, asking small questions with genuine curiosity to understand their perspectives better, or planning date nights with novel activities that help you see each other in situations you’ve never been in before.

References:

Cowley, C. (2021). Love, Choice, and Taking Responsibility. In New Philosophical Essays on Love and Loving (pp. 87-100). Cham: Springer International Publishing.
Fehr, B., Harasymchuk, C., & Sprecher, S. (2014). Compassionate love in romantic relationships: A review and some new findings. Journal of Social and PersonalRelationships, 31(5), 575-600.
Fromm, E. (2000). The art of loving: The centennial edition. A&C Black. Hendrick, C., Hendrick, S. S., & Zacchilli, T. L. (2011). Respect and love in romantic relationships. Acta de investigación psicológica, 1(2), 316-329.
Smith, K. (2020). Erich Fromm’s’ The Art of Loving’: An existential, psychodynamic, andtheological critique (Doctoral dissertation, University of Glasgow).

Tags healthy relationship, interpersonal relationships

Blog Everyday Thriving General Wellbeing Practices

That’s Cringe! What It Means, Why We Feel It, and How to Deal With It

Post author By Danielle Mananghaya
Post date January 21, 2026
No Comments on That’s Cringe! What It Means, Why We Feel It, and How to Deal With It

Have you ever been hit by a sudden wave of secondhand embarrassment? That gut-wrenching

feeling that makes you squirm, shift uncomfortably, or even physically recoil, all because you just saw someone do something painfully awkward? Or maybe you remembered something embarrassing you did years ago, and suddenly you’re blushing all over again? That feeling is what we call “cringe.”

But what exactly is cringe?

It’s a unique emotional response we get when we witness someone make a social blunder or a faux pas that jeopardizes their social image or even ours, even if it’s not happening to us directly or right now (Escoe et al., 2024). It also happens when someone tries to make a good impression but completely messes it up in a way that’s hard to ignore.

According to research, cringe is a vicarious emotional reaction. That means it happens when we witness someone break social norms or mess up their social “integrity” (Mayer et al., 2021). The interesting part is that these social transgressions are usually trivial and pretty harmless. They don’t have serious moral consequences, and sometimes they even make us laugh.

Physically, cringe can show up in a bunch of different ways. Maybe you flush or scrunch up your face. You might squirm in your seat, cover your mouth, or even shout “eww!” Some people break into a sweat or get goosebumps. Your face might feel hot, and your whole body reacts, even when your brain logically knows it’s not you in that awkward moment.

That reaction? That’s cringe.

Cringe vs Embarassment

Now, to make it clear, cringe isn’t quite the same as embarrassment. Embarrassment is something we feel about ourselves when we mess up socially, especially if others see it. Think about waving back at someone who wasn’t waving at you, or accidentally calling your teacher “mom.” It’s sort of like an instant feeling of awkwardness that is personal.

Cringe, on the other hand, is more like secondhand embarrassment. It’s what we feel when someone else does something awkward or socially uncomfortable. Like watching a person try way too hard to seem cool in front of new people, or the classic example of someone pulling out a wedgie in public. It’s awkward, it’s uncomfortable, and it makes you squirm just watching it. What’s even funnier (or more painful) is that we can also cringe at ourselves, like remembering something cringey we did years ago and feeling all those feelings all over again.

So why do we feel cringe in the first place?

Well, humans are inherently social creatures. We share emotions, we try to figure out what others are thinking, and we quickly learn what kind of behavior leads to embarrassment or shame. Since belonging is a basic survival instinct, we naturally avoid things that might make us look weird, awkward, or unacceptable to others.

When we see someone break a social rule, or suddenly remember an embarrassing moment of our own, our brain treats it like a social threat. That’s why we squirm, look away, or get that full-body “eugh” feeling. It’s basically our brain trying to protect us from experiencing the same awkwardness firsthand.

A more neurological explanation could be that certain parts of the brain, like the anterior insula, which helps us process self-conscious emotions like embarrassment, are closely connected to the amygdala, our brain’s “emotion center”. When these two areas work together, they help explain pain empathy, or that feeling we get when we experience someone else’s pain or embarrassment, almost as if it were our own (Paulus et al., 2014).

Cringe ~kind of~ has a social power.

Surprisingly, cringe doesn’t just make us uncomfortable, it also makes us want to talk about it. Sharing cringeworthy moments can actually make us feel better, because it gives us a chance to compare ourselves to the person who messed up… and feel a little more socially competent in the process (Escoe et al., 2024).

It’s like saying, “At least I’m not that awkward!” and that makes us feel better about ourselves.

With that said, how do we handle cringe:

Although cringe is not the most comfortable feeling, it is a normal reaction that we all experience. It is unavoidable, but what we can do is to handle it with grace, or even a little humor.

Here are some ways to handle that awkward feeling:

Pause, breathe: When you witness something awkward that catches you off-guard. Pause, let yourself be shocked or embarrassed, but don’t forget to breathe and let the awkwardness float away.
Shift your focus: Instead of dwelling on the cringe, check your phone, chat with a friend, or think about something else.
Remember, it’s not always serious. Everyone’s got a “wait, did I really just do that?” moment, and most cringeworthy moments are harmless. But it’s honestly funny looking back, and can even turn into funny stories later.
Practice empathy. Put yourself in their shoes. Think about how the other person might be feeling. Chances are, the person who made the cringe move feels just as awkward. Cut them some slack– we all mess up sometimes, or even give them a mental high-five for bravery.
Find the humor (but keep it kind). Sometimes the best cure is a little giggle. Like when someone pulls a wedgie in public… Yeah, awkward, but hey, life’s too short not to laugh a little.

EMBRACE YOUR INNER CRINGE!

At the end of the day, cringe is part of being human. Awkward moments happen to the rest of us, but they do not last forever. The key is to be kind and not to take these moments too seriously– sometimes, they even make life more interesting.

References:

Escoe, B., Martin, N. S., & Salerno, A. (2024). EXPRESS: That’s So Cringeworthy! Understanding What Cringe Is and Why We Want to Share It. Journal of Marketing Research. https://doi.org/10.1177/00222437241305104
Mayer, A. V., Paulus, F. M., & Krach, S. (2021). A Psychological Perspective on Vicarious Embarrassment and Shame in the Context of Cringe Humor. Humanities, 10(4), 110. https://doi.org/10.3390/h10040110
Paulus, F. M., Müller-Pinzler, L., Jansen, A., Gazzola, V., & Krach, S. (2014). Mentalizing and the Role of the Posterior Superior Temporal Sulcus in Sharing Others Embarrassment. Cerebral Cortex, 25(8), 2065– 2075. doi: 10.1093/cercor/bhu011

Tags cringe, emotion awareness, emotion regulation, everyday thriving, mental health, We Thrive Consultancy and Wellbeing Services, wellbeing, wellbeing practices, wellbeing resources, wethrivewellbeing

Blog Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Everyday Thriving General

What about now? A journal on surviving the Adulting stage

Post author By Sherwin Castillo
Post date October 18, 2025
No Comments on What about now? A journal on surviving the Adulting stage

Somewhere along the way of finding out what to put in my CV and what to wear for my job interview, or maybe in between deciding whether to resign or not, up to paying my monthly bills and attending social events and date nights. I just happened to find myself in the middle of the fast-paced wave of life, unable to utter a word to begin answering the question of my friend, “Kumusta ka?” Then, I realized how adult life has really struck me hard and for real.

According to studies, emerging adulthood or the transition period from adolescence to adulthood, whose age ranges from 18 to 29 years old, is one of the most crucial and challenging periods an individual undergoes. After graduating from college, individuals are faced with a reality that is usually uncertain and unstable. Coming from the structured environment of school where next steps are defined and established, suddenly, you are expected to decide on which path to take, or what kind of job you would want to pursue or engage in. Being independent in aspects of financial, physical and mental health has also become one of the expectations as you become an adult. However, what makes this life period interesting and concerning is the recent trends in statistics showing the increasing stress levels and mental health concerns among young adults over the years. Statistics show that the stress levels of young adults across generations are increasing, with an average of 3.4 to 5.8, now at 6 out of 10 ratings. According to Dr. Chelsea Dudley, a clinical psychologist at Coastal Therapy Group, California, while the developmental demands of the early adulthood stage continues to be the same, i.e., financial and career and relationship-related concerns, other environmental and societal factors in the present such as inflation, political instabilities, and other health-related concerns that has surfaced as a result of the post pandemic era, aggravated the stress levels of these individuals (Medaris, 2023). These compounding factors, together with the fast-paced and competitive era of technology and social media, have left young individuals overwhelmed as they try to navigate their lives. No wonder, numbers also show that across age ranges, 18 to 25-year-olds have been the ones with the highest prevalence rate of mental illness at 33%, and with about 75% of these young individuals reporting having mental health problems related to depression and anxiety, peaking at 24 years of age (Parvin et al., 2025; Mozafaripour, 2025).

While we also recognize that these numbers may have been influenced by several factors, surveys and reports have been consistent in saying how challenging it is to transition to being an adult (Gordon & Gordon, 2023); Significantly challenging that in the past decade that the term “Adulting” has been invented, to refer to the act of being or behaving as an adult–living up to the expectations and responsibilities of life. This makes us wonder, how do we really survive and work on this challenging phase of life? Here is an outline of life skills we hope to work on to survive the adulting phase:

Revisiting Management skills: from time to energy

Most self-help articles and journals would actually highlight the importance of time management skills, including executive functions such as planning and prioritization, to become more productive. However, in the book of James E. Loehr and Tony Schwartz titled “The Power of Full Engagement,” they pointed out that while time is an important element in being productive, energy is also a vital factor that can actually drive efficiency (Morgan, 2024). This is also in recognition that in this fast-paced culture, our
energy and motivation may fluctuate and that is something we cannot fully control. This also shifts our understanding of ourselves to becoming more self-aware since energy is internal while time is
conceptually external; that in managing our commitments, we can be more conscious of our own capabilities at a certain point in time, lessening the tendency of being overwhelmed by demands in the
long run. In a more practical sense, energy management looks like creating a personalized schedule for oneself in a day, gauging when the peak of your energy and matching the most demanding tasks in that moment. It is about taking short and meaningful breaks in between to prevent energy depletion. With that, energy management entails taking care of physical health also, knowing that the energy level is crucial in achieving efficiency and productivity. In managing both time and energy, we hope to maximize our full capabilities while not being pressured and swept away by the business of life and may end up compromising our well-being (Morgan, 2024).

Emotion Regulation Skills: Modulating and understanding internal cues

As we recognize how overwhelming things can be in this adulting phase, we cannot spare ourselves from having reactions to particular changes in our daily lives. As a consequence, we may actually find ourselves feeling frustrated, disappointed, anxious, confused and sad along the way. These difficult emotions, just like any emotion, when not regulated and processed, may actually affect psychological well-being. In regulation, it is vital that young individuals are able to pause and label their own emotions to better manage them. Oftentimes, our emotions and reactions are tied to our own sets of
values we assign to situations and ourselves. For instance, emotions of anger and frustration may usually spring from situations where your limits and boundaries may have been crossed, or perhaps when you feel unjustly towards some situations. Sadness, on the other hand, may mean that you have lost something or someone, which is usually accompanied by guilt. These emotions, when understood, give us insights and enlighten us about our own tendencies and ultimately our own values. This understanding of oneself is vital, knowing that identity formation and engaging in stable and fruitful relationships are the developmental tasks needed to be achieved during the early adulthood stage (Munsey, 2006).

Additionally, emotion regulation skills are also relevant in this phase because it is the time and space for exploration, given the availability of opportunities. In a sense, having good regulation skills
means equipping oneself with the capability to explore with ease, knowing how to self-soothe, cope and maneuver in the face of unpredictable situations. With this, we remember that one good practical example of an unpredictable situation is in the context of dating. This, as we mentioned, has been one of the developmental milestones identified at this stage of life – deciding whether to engage and be committed to a romantic relationship. For most young adults, dating has been a complex process of knowing oneself and the other person (potential partner) that can surface a lot of insights, stir up values and beliefs and confront wounds and triggers (Munsey, 2006). As such, to survive and become successful in this adulting phase, there is really a need to understand oneself, our preferences and values first in order to better manage our emotions and reactions, and eventually be able to deal with life decisions.

Communication Skills: Recalibrating situations and expressing oneself

As we’ve established the importance of a deeper understanding of oneself, the next skill that needs to be developed is the ability to communicate and express oneself. This is especially true as young
adults engage in conversations and daily encounters with family, work and other relationships. Communication skills are relevant as young adults start to form and solidify their sense of self and set boundaries with other people. Remember that the emerging adulthood phase is also a transition towards becoming independent and self-reliant (Munsey, 2006). Sometimes, the challenge is when we know what we want to do and who we want to become and be with, but we can’t primarily work on it because we cannot speak and express ourselves better,. There is also that consideration of outcomes or consequences should we choose to express ourselves.

A Psychologist named Marsha Linehan described in her dialectical behavioral approach that in terms of developing our communication skills, there can be three situations to look at depending on what is your goal and priority in the context of relationships. That is: a) those situations where we need to assert our needs to other people b) those situations where you may want to communicate something but you want to maintain the quality of relationship you have with the person/people or c) you just simply want to communicate but also maintain your self-respect.

In the first situation, she presented the acronym D-E-A-R M-A-N to be used in asserting one’s needs (Eist, 2015). Describe the Situation – Stick to the facts and state them as they are, without the interpretations. Express – state your own feelings about the situation. With this, it is relevant that we use I-statements (I feel…, I am…) to communicate a sense of accountability on one’s own feelings. Assert – Clearly say and describe your needs and Reinforce – propose how the situation can be to their favor also to them if they choose to grant your request and cooperate. In doing this, Linehan also reminded us that it is very important that we stay mindful of the objective, appear confident and be willing to negotiate to arrive at a win-win situation (Eist, 2015).

Meanwhile, in the second situation, Linehan proposed the acronym G-I-V-E when we may want to communicate having the goal and priority of maintaining the quality of the relationship we have with
other people (Eist, 2015). She said that it is essential that we become Gentle in our delivery and that we show Interest in their dispositions. We may also need to be Validating in the way we see their views without the need to agree with them. It is also relevant that we do this in an Easy and respectful manner (Eist, 2015).

Lastly, Linehan also gave the acronym F-A-S-T when it comes to situations where we want to preserve our self-respect. She said that it is necessary that we become Fair not just to ourselves but also to
others. There shall be no taking advantage of the other and of oneself. This also means that there shall be no over-Apologizing on your end; that sorry shall only be said in sincerity and on when it is truly warranted. Sticking to one’s own Values relative to the situation is also a must as that is also a reflection of becoming Truthful and not making excuses and being of ill intention (Eist, 2015).

Truly, life transitions are one of the most crucial and great wonders of human nature. As Jeffrey Jensen Arnett, a psychologist, described, “Emerging adulthood is a time of life when a lot of important turning points are reached, so it’s endlessly dramatic and fascinating.” (Munsey, 2006). While it is undeniably overwhelming, it is also a period of growth and possibilities.

References:

Eist, H. I. (2015). DBT Skills Training Manual, 2nd Ed. Marsha M. Linehan (2015) New York. The Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease, 203(11), 887. https://doi.org/10.1097/nmd.0000000000000387
Gordon, J. A., & Gordon, J. A. (2023, April 10). Quarterlife crisis among emerging Adults: a phenomenological study – the IAFOR Research Archive. The IAFOR Research Archive -https://papers.iafor.org/submission66173/
Medaris, A. (2023). Gen Z adults and younger millennials are “completely overwhelmed” by stress. In American Psychological Association. https://www.apa.org/topics/stress/generation-z-millennials-young-adults-worries
Munsey, C. (2006). Emerging adults: The in-between age. American Psychological Association, 37(7). https://www.apa.org/monitor/jun06/emerging
Morgan, M. (2024, October 15). Understanding time and energy management strategies for peak productivity. Herrmann Singapore. https://herrmann.com.sg/understanding-time-and-energy-management-strategies-for-peak-productivity/
Mozafaripour, S. (2025, May 16). Mental Health Statistics [2024]. University of St. Augustine for Health Sciences. https://www.usa.edu/blog/mental-health-statistics/#:~:text=Mental%20illness%20can%20affect%20anyone%2C,14%2C%20and%2075%20percent%20experienced
Parvin, M., Etienne, A., & Wagener, A. (2025). Investigating lifestyle risk and protective factors for depression in young Adults: Insights from a Large-Scale Cross-Sectional study. American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine, 15598276251347226. https://doi.org/10.1177/15598276251347226

Tags adulting stage, DBT, mental health, We Thrive Consultancy and Wellbeing Services, wellbeing, wellbeing practices, wellbeing resources, wethrivewellbeing

Blog Everyday Thriving Wellbeing Practices

Embracing Self-Love During Challenging Times

Post author By Erica Martin
Post date July 24, 2025
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During these past months, endless and unexpected challenges have been coming my way which have been leaving me feeling drained and helpless. As a result, I have been finding myself experiencing difficult times in reaching the different goals I have for myself. Through these feelings of heaviness and sadness that comes with it, I started to ask myself more often – “Why has it been so hard for myself to fully enjoy, be present, and show more love and compassion to others and to my different encounters in life?”

After much reflection, I’ve realized that the multiple hats that I’ve been having to wear have led to my personal or internal cup reaching its empty state. Feelings of overwhelm and helplessness have been consuming me due to not only my many hats of work tasks as a preschool teacher, fulfilling my numerous tasks as a Masters student, and adjusting to my long list of chores or tasks since I’ve recently shifted to a more independent living setup, but more importantly, through using my free time to empty my cup even more by engaging in unproductive thoughts, decisions, and encounters for myself. As a result, I’d find myself beginning my days with an even more drained state. With this, I started to ask myself another question of – “Why do I keep on feeling drained and helpless?”

Coincidentally, I’ve stumbled upon a simple saying online that goes, “You can’t pour from an empty”. After reading this saying, I immediately found myself resonating with it and the saying slowly opened my mind and heart to a more hopeful and promising path to embark on to finally recharge my cup for each day as I tread this challenging season of my life. This current path that I’ve discovered and am excited to tread on consists of embracing self-love more fully and intentionally. As I am currently walking on the earlier parts of this path of embracing self-love, I am glad to share that I have slowly been experiencing more personal improvements in dealing with my multiple hats this season of my life.

To hopefully inspire or also open more minds and hearts of people who are going through similar experiences in their journeys in life, here are 7 stepping stones that I’d love to share with all of you since they have not only helped me embrace self-love but have also been filling up my cup even more each day –

Seven stepping stones to fully embracing self-love:

1. Setting healthy boundaries

As the saying goes, “You can’t practice self- love properly if you are constantly giving to others and running on an empty cup.”, I am slowly learning to say no to the things that may eventually drain my cup at the end of the day, or any part of the day. Examples of this may look like saying no to an outing with friends after a day of heavy work tasks and class requirements. Easier said than done for me because I’d also find myself wanting to please others (as guilty of being a people pleaser) instead of disappointing them by saying no. However, I’ve learned that we can’t always control other people’s thoughts about us, and what we can only control are our own thoughts, and we should focus more on our own well-being, especially if we are already in a “low-battery” state. And again, how will we even be able to fully attune to others as we are at a current state where we can’t anymore attune to our own selves. Or again, as the saying goes, “How can you pour from an empty cup.” So in setting these healthy boundaries for myself, I have recently learned the impact of choosing ourselves AND sitting with the discomfort that may come with it afterwards, and surprisingly I’ve learned how it was all worth it as I am able to fully attend to myself more, to other people’s needs or to give them a more compassionate and genuine space to be in, and to also attend to my many tasks more fully and effectively.

2. Practicing Mindfulness

This second stone for me looks like engaging in different encounters that simply leads me back to my senses such as journaling, taking nature walks, and engaging in different breathing exercises. I have noticed how impactful these different practices of mindfulness have been for me in slowly choosing myself and embracing self- love, too. A helpful tip that I’d like to share is to include these different mindfulness experiences in your daily routines as often as possible. But also remember that each is to their own, as it truly depends on each one of you to find your own way of including these mindfulness practices in your own routines as often as possible. And find which way works best for you.

3. Getting any kind of physical exercise

In relation to mindfulness, I’ve realized how a simple task of completing my chores such as mopping the floor of my condominium can help me process my thoughts and personal obstacles more intentionally and effectively. A recent physical exercise I’ve also been trying out is taking a 30- or 15-minute walk around my neighborhood after my work to help me calm myself down after a long day of work and class in order to help me better prepare myself to plan more effectively and recharge for the next day. Doing this more often has helped me balance the many tasks on my plate more effectively as I am able to become more fully aware and give more attention to all the concerns and the different hats I play in a day. Another helpful tip would be to write all these new mental insights gained after a successful physical exercise or task on a paper or notebook so that you are hopefully able to become more proactive on these plans for your succeeding days.

4. Letting go of perfectionism

Growing up as a perfectionist, I would find myself being hard on myself after experiencing regrets or “should have” moments in my day. As a result, I would find myself draining my energy in negative thoughts. As a result of this, I’m slowly learning to choose to let go of my tendencies and thoughts of perfectionism to allow myself to slowly accept what has happened, move on from it, and look forward to new insights gained from the experience. Letting go of my perfectionism tendencies have positively impacted my mental health as it has slowly allowed me to become more patient and understanding of myself and others, too.

5. Watching my self-talk

After choosing to let go of my perfectionism tendencies, I have also learned the importance of consciously choosing positive self-talk, such as telling myself, “It’s okay to feel disappointed. These things happen…What can we do better next time?”, has been helping me feel heard, validated, and motivated to slowly move forward and learn from my experiences during the different and unexpected hurdles I would face each day.

6. Getting in touch with my interests and passions

As we are all faced with unexpected challenges each day, I’ve learned how helpful it has been for me to always go back to my “whys” or my passions in life that have been giving me purpose and strength to keep on moving forward. Going back to my interests, passions, or our sources of strengths has been a big help for me in effectively navigating my thoughts and actions in my daily encounters.

7. Seeking help

The seventh stepping stone is seeking help. It truly is a big help on our part to constantly remind ourselves that we can only take so much and that it is okay to ask or reach out for help, no matter what they are and in what way these acts of seeking help may be. These ways of seeking help may look like reaching out to a trusted friend or family member and opening up to them about our troubles. Or this may also look like seeking professional help to better help ourselves find more effective ways to navigate the different parts and experiences we experience each day. I’d like to end this seventh stepping stone with a saying from my current favorite book,

“What’s the bravest thing you’ve ever said?” asked the Boy, “Help. Asking for help isn’t giving up, it’s refusing to give up,” the Horse replied.
“The Boy, the Mole, the Fox, and the Horse” by Charlie Mackesy

With all these 7 stepping stones, I hope that in a way, these may help you slowly fill up your own internal cups and energize yourselves with more self-love practices and decisions more often during the various challenges we are all experiencing each day. But also, feel free to take baby steps in trying out these 7 stepping stones, and again, choose which way works best for you in easily bringing yourselves closer to decisions and actions of embracing self-love more fully, intentionally, and regularly.

References:

Beyondpress. (2024, June 28). The Power of Self-Love During Tough Times – PACIFIC MIND HEALTH. Pacific Mind Health. https://pacificmindhealth.com/the-power-of-self-love-during-tough-times/
Dillard-Wright, D. B., PhD. (2020, October 7). Caring for yourself can make the world a better place. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/boundless/202010/self-love-in-difficult-times

Tags Erica Martin, everyday thriving, international self-care day, self-care, self-compassion, self-love

Blog Everyday Thriving Wellbeing Practices

“Uy! Usap Tayo: How to Spot Healthy and Toxic Communication in Relationships”

Post author By Grace Catan
Post date July 18, 2025
No Comments on “Uy! Usap Tayo: How to Spot Healthy and Toxic Communication in Relationships”

Ever walked away from a conversation feeling lighter, heard, and understood—like the connection between you and the other person just clicked? On the flip side, have you ever left an interaction feeling drained, confused, or doubting yourself? Communication isn’t just about words; it shapes how we build (or break) trust, emotional safety, and connection.

In relationships, whether romantic, familial, or friendships—the way we communicate determines whether bonds deepen or fray. In Filipino culture, where pamilya first is the norm, values like pakikisama (getting along with others), respect for elders, and keeping the peace often dictate how we talk to each other. But what happens when these values lead to avoidance, where the “bahala na” (a “let it be” or “whatever”) attitude or the dreaded “Basta sundin mo na lang” (Just follow) mindset seeps in? it makes communication difficult, and toxic patterns—like passive-aggressiveness, guilt-tripping, or emotional suppression—take root.

So how do we tell if we’re engaging in healthy or toxic communication? Let’s decode it together.

What Healthy Communication Looks Like

Healthy relationships don’t mean zero conflicts—they mean handling disagreements in a way that strengthens the bond rather than eroding it. Think of Ethan and Joy in Hello, Love, Goodbye—they had honest conversations about personal dreams and compromise, rather than resorting to manipulation or avoidance. Healthy communication can also manifest in other ways:

1. Open & Honest Expression

In a healthy relationship, both people feel safe sharing their thoughts and emotions without fear of judgment or backlash. Transparency fosters trust. One way to do this? Use “I” statements instead of accusations. Saying, “I feel overwhelmed when responsibilities aren’t discussed beforehand” is much more productive than “You never help around the house.” The first invites a conversation, while the second invites defensiveness.

2. Active Listening & Validation

Feeling heard is one of the biggest indicators of a strong relationship. This means listening without interrupting, truly trying to understand the other person’s perspective, and showing that you care. Simple phrases like “I get why that upset you” or “That makes sense” go a long way. Plus, nonverbal cues—eye contact, nodding, mirroring body language—matter just as much as words. In fact, research suggests that 60-70% of our communication is nonverbal!

3. Conflict as opportunities for Collaboration

Arguments happen, but healthy couples see them as challenges to tackle together rather than battles to win. Some strategies they use:

Pausing before reacting – Taking a time-out when emotions run high to prevent saying something regrettable.
Focusing on solutions – Discussing behaviors instead of attacking character (e.g., “Can we split chores more evenly?” instead of “You’re so lazy.”)
Compromising – Finding a middle ground so that both people feel valued.

4. Emotional Support & Empathy

Empathy is the glue of strong relationships. Instead of dismissing feelings (“You’re overreacting”), validating them (“That sounds tough. How can I help?”) strengthens connection. Dr. Helen Riess, a renowned psychiatrist who has dedicated her life to understanding empathy, suggests using the E.M.P.A.T.H.Y. mnemonic to boost empathic capacity: Eye Contact, Muscles of Facial Expression, Posture, Affect, Tone of Voice, Hear the Whole Person, and Your Response—to deepen emotional understanding.

5. Actions Matching Words

In healthy relationships, verbal and nonverbal communication align. If someone says, “I love you,” but their actions consistently show indifference, the words lose meaning. Little things—like reaching for a partner’s hand during an apology—can reinforce sincerity and deepen trust. And touch, when consensual, also plays a role in healthy relationships, as it triggers the release of oxytocin, a hormone known to promote bonding and reduce stress hormones like cortisol.

So, what happens when things take a different turn? Sometimes, even with the best intentions, our conversations can slip into toxic patterns, gradually eroding trust and emotional safety. Recognizing these patterns help because what starts as minor miscommunication can build into long-term hurt.

What Toxic Communication Looks Like

It doesn’t always start with shouting or outright cruelty—it’s often subtle at first. Think about classic Filipino teleseryes where jealousy is mistaken for love, like when a character demands, “Bakit mo siya tinitingnan? Ako lang dapat!” (“Why are you looking at them? You should only look at me!”) or manipulate their partner by threatening to leave just to test their devotion. Over time, these patterns can create emotional wounds that are hard to heal. Here are some red flags to look out for:

1. Verbal Aggression & Contempt

Sarcasm, insults, and eye-rolling may seem minor, but they’re serious indicators of toxicity. Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman found that contempt—things like mockery or belittling—is the strongest predictor of divorce. Why? Because it conveys superiority rather than respect.

2. Gaslighting & Manipulation

Gaslighting is when someone distorts reality to make you doubt your own perceptions. If you often hear phrases like “You’re too sensitive” or “That never happened,” it might not just be a misunderstanding—it could be manipulation. Over time, this kind of behavior erodes confidence and can make a person feel like they’re losing their sense of self.

3. Stonewalling & Avoidance

Stonewalling—shutting down or withdrawing from conversations—is a common defense mechanism, but it’s also a relationship killer. While taking space to cool off is healthy, completely avoiding discussions creates an emotional void that leads to unresolved resentment.

4. Passive-Aggressive Behavior

Instead of openly addressing issues, toxic communication often involves backhanded comments, silent treatment, or subtle jabs. For example, “Nice of you to finally show up” instead of directly saying, “I was hurt when you were late.” These behaviors create tension and prevent honest dialogue.

5. Contradictory Nonverbal Cues

Mixed signals—like saying “I’m fine” while slamming doors—can be incredibly confusing. Aggressive gestures, turning away, or using a dismissive tone can speak louder than words and often indicate underlying hostility.

Having a hard time thinking about where your relationship stands? Here is a visual example that can help you determine the nature of how you communicate. Try to think about a pH Scale but for human communication.

First, let’s go way back—back to the basics of chemistry. One of the first things we learned was the pH scale, which measures how acidic or basic a substance is.

The more acidic something is, the more likely it is to burn. Strong acids can cause damage—it’s painful on the skin, stinging in the eyes.

But what does this have to do with the way we communicate?

People often talk about how conversations can be “too negative” or how we should be “more positive.” It sometimes feels like we measure communication on a scale like this:

More positive = better. But that’s not always true. If we go back to chemistry, highly basic substances can burn just as much as acids. In other words, if we only judge communication as either “positive” or “negative,” we miss the bigger picture.

But if we factor in HONESTY, the picture becomes clearer. Let’s use the following as examples:

Cruel lies – These are obviously harmful. Luckily, they don’t happen too often in direct conversations.
Toxic positivity – This one is trickier. It sounds nice, but it dismisses real struggles. Think of phrases like “Everything happens for a reason!” or “Bahala na!” While well-meaning, these statements can make people feel unheard rather than comforted.
Brutal honesty – This is another extreme. It values truth but at the cost of kindness. Sometimes, people justify hurtful words by saying, “I’m just being honest.” But honesty without compassion can be just as damaging as a lie.

Both toxic positivity and brutal honesty shut down meaningful conversations before they even begin. Hence, finding the Balanced pH is key!

In chemistry, a balanced pH would fall between 6 and 8—not too acidic, not too basic. In communication, we should aim for the same balance. It can manifest in these ways:

Be honest, but with empathy.
Be positive, but without dismissing reality.
Listen, not just speak.

In the end, balanced communication isn’t just about being positive or negative (healthy or toxic)—it’s about being real while still being kind. And being aware of these patterns are equally important because the way we communicate doesn’t only impact our relationships—it affects our mental well-being too. Remember, healthy communication strengthens emotional resilience, reduces stress, and boosts overall life satisfaction and well being. While toxic communication triggers chronic stress responses in the brain, increasing anxiety, depression, and even symptoms similar to PTSD.

So when we prioritize healthy dialogue, we foster deeper connections, trust, and emotional security. But when toxic communication takes hold, it creates cycles of harm that can be tough to break. To be honest, it does sound daunting and possibly exhausting to constantly keep this in check.The good news? Every conversation is a chance to do better.

Even Millennials and Gen Z-ers are growing with this mindset in hand—choosing open dialogue over the old “tiisin mo na lang” (just endure it) mentality. Whether that means pausing before reacting, listening more attentively, or setting firmer boundaries, small shifts in communication can lead to massive changes in our relationships. Because in the end, the quality of our conversations is the quality of our connections.

So, what kind of conversations do you want to have?

References:

Calm Editorial Team. (2024, February 8). 7 tips on how to communicate your needs in a relationship — Calm Blog. Calm Blog. https://www.calm.com/blog/how-to-communicate-your-needs-in-a-relationship
Dana, L. (2022, November 17). Understanding your partner’s communication style is key to strengthening your Relationship—Here’s where to start. Well+Good. https://www.wellandgood.com/communication-styles-relationships/
Dionysopoulos, C. (2023, July 20). Honest Communication: Finding balance between brutal honesty and toxic positivity. Joomla Community Magazine. https://magazine.joomla.org/all-issues/july-2023/honest-communication
Dolan, E. W. (2024, May 5). Decades of data show toxicity is a staple of online conversations. PsyPost – Psychology News. https://www.psypost.org/decades-of-data-show-toxicity-is-a-staple-of-online-conversations/
Donné, L., Jansen, C., & Hoeks, J. (2017). Uncovering factors influencing interpersonal health communication. Global Qualitative Nursing Research, 4, 233339361771160. https://doi.org/10.1177/2333393617711607
Helen Riess: Seven Keys to Increase Empathy – Sounds true. (2020, August 23). Sounds True. https://resources.soundstrue.com/transcript/helen-riess-seven-keys-to-increase-empathy/
Jessj. (2022, May 26). Mental health – What does healthy communication look like? All Points North. https://apn.com/resources/what-does-healthy-communication-look-like
Sly, C. T. (2024, April 17). Understanding and overcoming toxic communication styles in relationships after kids. Insight & Connection. https://insightconnection.uk/couples/toxic-communication-styles/
Warren, C. (2023, August 16). 10 Toxic communication patterns in highly dysfunctional romantic relationships. YourTango. https://www.yourtango.com/heartbreak/toxic-communication-patterns-relationships
Why Honesty is the Cornerstone of Healthy Relationships. (n.d.). Humans. https://vocal.media/humans/why-honesty-is-the-cornerstone-of-healthy-relationships

Tags friendships, Grace Catan, healthy communication, interpersonal relationships, social relationships, toxic communication, wellbeing tips, World Listening Day

Blog Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Everyday Thriving

How DEAR MAN Helps us Share our Feelings Effectively

Post author By Ryan Camacho
Post date June 7, 2025
No Comments on How DEAR MAN Helps us Share our Feelings Effectively

“Don’t rock the boat.”

Most of us at some point in our lives have likely heard such an idiom as this or similar to this. These sayings point to a warning against causing trouble, disturbing the harmony of a situation, or causing distress to people around you. It is certainly true that keeping harmonious relationships in this way helps people around you to stay calm and happy. However, this sometimes comes at the cost of us not being able to speak our truth, or even do what matters to us the most. With repeated interactions along these lines, where expectations of harmony and smooth relationships are prioritized over being able to express oneself and one’s needs, some of us simply forget to or even become afraid to express ourselves. This apprehension includes one where we end up not knowing how to share how we feel.

However, it is important to both our wellbeing and for forming strong, deep, and genuine relationships for us to be able to share our how we feel. Fortunately, there is a known way, backed by research and practice, to share how we feel that is effective and recommended. To jump right into what we can use, let’s consider the following template:

“A while I noticed that we were in a situation where (describe the situation). When this happens, I feel (say the word for the emotion that you felt, with additional detail to what applies to you). I want (share what you want to happen). When we do this, (share how what you want to happen will benefit you and the person/people involved).”

The above statement is grounded on the pillar of Interpersonal Effectiveness, which in turn is one of the four pillars forwarded by Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). Specifically, it is derived from the technique named “DEAR MAN”, which is an acronym that summarizes a structured method of speaking with others in a balanced manner. Keeping in mind the principles of DEAR MAN help you share your feelings with respect while maintaining as much as possible the good relationships you have with whom you are speaking to. Additionally, under these principles. Being effective with sharing your feelings also means that you get to share the needs behind these feelings in a manner that is actionable by the people involved. To understand the template above much better, let’s look into what principles the letters in DEAR MAN stand for!

DESCRIBE

This principle means starting by clearly describing the situation using facts and/or what can be seen mostly by the five senses. It’s important that you don’t place your opinions, evaluations, and especially accusations at this point. By sticking to just describing, you reduce possible defensiveness or escalating things into an argument. It’s important as well to lean more towards “I” statements, rather than “you” statements if possible, meaning that you focus more on what you perceived using your senses rather than what someone did.

TIP: “DEAR” portion of DEAR MAN pertains to what you say. While the “MAN” focuses more on the overall general stance (how you say it) when carrying out the “DEAR” portion of DEAR MAN.

EXPRESS

After describing the situation, this principle is where you share how you felt when the situation you describe unfolded. It is important to speak this part out because it is often the case that people actually often don’t know how you feel, but we just assume that they do because you feel these emotions so concretely. However, people are not always aware of how you feel. For example, you can say something along the lines of, “Whenever this happens, I feel sad, and I feel as if I’m not important.” Notice how the statement still sticks with “I” wordings, emphasizing your own experience.

ASSERT

After sharing how you feel, assert your needs by plainly stating what you want to happen. It is understandable that asserting your needs might feel uncomfortable for you. However, it is important to know that expressing emotions effectively and respectfully needs to come with a conviction that being assertive is not being demanding or egotistical. Asserting your needs simply means that you are giving respect to yourself and the fact that your needs are valid.

To make carrying out this principle more effective, ensure that you state your request in a manner that can be simply understood by the person you are talking to.

REINFORCE

Reinforcing here means explaining how the outcome of what you want to happen is beneficial for you and the person/people involved. This portion is relevant because it demonstrates that you are being balanced in sharing what you want to happen. It also shows that you have expressed your needs with their interests and your relationship in mind.

Carrying out this principle also means declaring how important your relationship is to you, showing appreciation, asking what they think about your proposal, and expressing gratitude.

stay MINDFUL

The first of this is staying mindful of the conversation, your feelings and values, your request, as well as your internal state. This principle is relevant because it is certainly possible that the ensuing conversations drifts away from how you felt and what you want to happen.

When you talk about emotions, it is possible that the person you are talking to also becomes emotional in their own way. They can clam up, try to change the topic, be defensive, or even engage in personal attacks. Anchoring to the principle of Mindfulness means that after acknowledging these, that you remain calm and focused on your request, continuing to return to it if the conversation drifts away. For example, one thing you can say is “I understand, and we can talk about that after. But it’s better if we focus on one thing at a time; I want to finish talking about this first.”

APPEAR CONFIDENT

It is understandable that you might feel nervous about sharing about how you feel and what your needs are; after all, it can be something that you are not used to doing. Despite this, appearing confident can help the person/people you are talking to take you seriously. Appearing confident can be as simple as maintaining an even tone of voice, a neutral posture, eye contact, as well as refraining from apologizing about your requests and how you feel or felt.

NEGOTIATE

Finally, part of carrying out the principles of DEAR MAN, means understanding that you cannot always get what you exactly want in life. The “Negotiate” principle means allowing some flexibility in your request. When adjusting your request, make sure that your adjustment still adequately responds to your needs and how you felt in a balanced manner. Being balanced here means finding ways that you can resolve the conversation in a manner that leaves you and the person/people involved satisfied. Negotiating can also mean asking the person for their input on how the situation can be improved.

In closing, sharing your emotions effectively is a skill that you can get better on with repeated practice. Grounding yourself in the DEAR MAN technique and its principles ensures that you share your emotions in a manner that is balanced and respectful. It is also an effective means of sharing your emotions about a situation, as it opens the possibility of improving the situations and the relationship(s) you have with the person/people involved.

Remember: your needs, your voice, and how you feel are important. When you learn how to express yourself effectively, your relationships grow to be deeper, stronger, and more authentic.

We Thrive offers Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) individual therapy and skills group training. The DBT clinicians at We Thrive trained under the Linehan Institute/Behavior Tech. Contact us to learn more about DBT at We Thrive or sign-up for DBT skills group using this form.

References:

Linehan, M. (2015). DBT skills training manual. The Guilford Press.
McKay, M., Wood, J. C., & Brantley, J. (2019). The dialectical behavior therapy skills workbook: Practical DBT exercises for learning mindfulness, interpersonal effectiveness, emotion regulation, and distress tolerance. New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
Pederson, L. (2017). The expanded dialectical behavior therapy skills training manual,2nd edition: DBT for self-help and individual & group treatment settings. Pesi Publishing & Media.

Tags DBT, DBT Philippines, DEARMAN, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, interpersonal effectiveness skills, Ryan Camacho, word caring day

Blog Everyday Thriving Wellbeing Practices

New Year, New Me: How to (Actually) Stick to Your New Year’s Resolutions!

Post author By Cathlyn Sarmenta
Post date December 26, 2024
No Comments on New Year, New Me: How to (Actually) Stick to Your New Year’s Resolutions!

As the holiday season approaches, many of us will start to reflect over the past 12 months and get excited about starting a new year. The start of a new year is a time filled with hope, optimism, and an eagerness to set new goals for ourselves. For many people, New Year’s resolutions symbolize a fresh start to be a better version of ourselves. Despite this being a longstanding tradition, as much as 80% of New Year’s resolutions fail or fall through after a few weeks into the year.

With 2025 just around the corner, understanding why some resolutions fail and what works can help you *actually* stick to your New Year’s resolutions.

But first, why do so many New Year’s resolutions FAIL?

As mentioned earlier, the New Year represents a fresh start for many people. It’s a time filled with aspirations to be better and do the thing they’ve been thinking about doing for so long. Starting fresh also means closing a chapter from our past, whether it was good or bad.

This ‘fresh start effect’ is actually a psychological phenomena that many people use to view new beginnings as motivation towards achieving their goals. It’s very similar to how we feel more motivated when we start a new job or how we would want to turn over a new leaf when entering a new school grade as kids.

While the concept of a fresh start is not a bad thing (it has its benefits!), it becomes a dangerous slope when we start to distance ourselves from our past failures and think that we can only improve when we start anew. It’s important to remind ourselves that this tradition of setting New Year’s resolutions is quite arbitrary. We can make goals and change at any point in our lives, and not just on January 1st. This thought is just one of a couple of reasons why people can quickly fall short on their New Year’s resolutions. Some others include:

1. Setting goals that are unrealistic or overly ambitious.

Something many people get wrong when setting goals for themselves is making them too big and unrealistic due to their eagerness to change. Making resolutions like “losing 15 kilograms in two months” or “working out everyday for a year” can set yourself up for failure. Rather than having goals that are achievable, the extensive effort needed to attain an overly ambitious goal may lead to demotivation and burnout.

2. Being driven exclusively by extrinsic motivations

While it’s common to have different motivations for a resolution, it’s important to realize the reasons behind these motivations. If our resolutions are driven by extrinsic or external motivations, such as societal expectations or peer pressure, rather than by a genuine desire to change for ourselves, then it’ll be more difficult to sustain the motivation as time passes.

3. Feeling limited by our cognitive distortions about ourselves

Sometimes, our biggest challenges when working towards goals are our own irrational or negative thoughts. Common cognitive distortions that get in the way of goal-directed behavior are when we engage in “all-or-nothing” thinking or make “should statements”. The rigidity in these cognitions makes it difficult for us to accept human error or mistakes. For instance, if your goal is to exercise daily and you miss one day, you might feel like you’ve failed and want to abandon the goal altogether. This mindset can undermine your progress and lead to lower self-esteem.

How to make better goals and stick to your resolutions:

While it may seem daunting to set resolutions and stick to them, approaching your goals with careful planning, self-awareness, and self-compassion may help you feel more supported and excited about them. As we prepare to make our New Year’s resolutions, try the following tips to help you create sustainable and attainable resolutions.

1. Understand your WHY

Before setting any goal, ask yourself why you want to make this change in the first place. Aligning the goals with your own personal values and priorities in life may help you to stay committed to them. It’s also important to evaluate if you are emotionally and mentally prepared to make these changes. Studies have shown that readiness to change and self-efficacy positively predict successful outcomes. Without the emotional readiness for these goals, change can be taxing and relapse is likely.

2. Set specific, measurable, and actionable goals

Vague resolutions like “lose weight” or “be happier” are hard to achieve because they lack clear direction. Instead, create specific and measurable goals that have a call to action. For example, instead of “lose weight,” you can aim to “go to yoga class once a week” or “run 10 kilometers in under an hour.” Rather than “be happy,” try reflecting on what contributes to your happiness, such as “have dinner with my parents twice a week” or “go on a date with myself once a month.” Specific goals take away from the ambiguity and make it easier to assess progress.

3. Be realistic about your limits

While it’s great to have grit and perseverance for growth, it’s equally important to be realistic about your time, energy, and limitations. Take into consideration your routine and other commitments, like work, school, or family and friends, and avoid spreading yourself too thin with too many goals or resolutions that are too big.

4. Be kind to yourself

Know that the process will not be easy. Being kind to yourself when you stumble is crucial. Try to engage in self-awareness when you are having irrational thoughts or cognitive distortions. Instead of thinking of success and failure, adopt a more flexible approach to any setbacks that come your way.

Self-compassion involves recognizing that everyone makes mistakes and that it’s okay to take a break and recalibrate yourself. Practicing self-compassion exercises can help reduce feelings of guilt or inadequacy, which in turn fosters resilience and encourages you to get back on track.

5. Check-in on yourself and reflect on the process

Regularly checking-in with yourself by incorporating mindfulness practices can help you stay attuned to your goals and aware of your own thoughts and feelings towards them. Mindfulness also encourages you to be patient with yourself and your journey. Reflect on the process and how far you’ve come with reflective questions like, “How do I feel about my progress so far and where I’m at right now?” and “What can I do to improve?”

6. Involve your support system

Having a support system can be a powerful tool when working toward your goals. Whether it’s a friend, family member, or therapist, having someone to hold you accountable and offer encouragement can make a significant difference. You might even consider having a “goal partner” who is working toward a similar resolution, providing mutual support and accountability.

What happens when things don’t go according to plan?

Despite your best efforts, things may not always go according to plan. Practicing radical acceptance, a distress tolerance skill, will be vital if this time comes. Radical acceptance involves accepting reality as it is without judgment. If you break your resolution, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed or that you can’t change. You can always return to your goal after a setback. Moreover, remember that we can make goals and change at any point in our lives and that resolutions are not tied to the beginning of the year. Every day that we get is an opportunity for our growth.

Setting and sticking to New Year’s resolutions can be tricky, but with the right mindset and approach, it’s within all of us to create lasting change. By setting realistic and meaningful goals and embracing flexible thinking, self-compassion, and self-awareness, you can fulfill that New Year’s resolution and prove that the new year can still be a time of hope and excitement.

References:

ABC News. (2024, January 9). Struggling to keep your New Year’s resolutions? Here’s how to keep yourself on track. https://abcnews.go.com/US/struggling-new-years-resolutions-track/story?id=96173041
Dai, H., Milkman, K., & Riis, J. (2014). The Fresh Start Effect: Temporal Landmarks Motivate Aspirational Behavior. Management Science 60(10), 2563-2582. https://doi.org/10.1287/mnsc.2014.1901
Norcross, J., Ratzin, A., & Payne, D. (1989). Ringing in the new year: The change processes and reported outcomes of resolutions. Addictive Behaviors, 14(2), 205-212. https://doi.org/10.1016/0306-4603(89)90050-6.
Verywell Mind. (2023, January 20). 10 Great Tips to Keep Your New Year’s Resolutions. https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-keep-your-new-years-resolutions-2795719