It’s International Dance Day and we’re turning the spotlight on Laya Alampay as she shares her insights on dance and wellbeing.
Laya is a We Thrive clinician, Ateneo MA student and part time lecturer, UP Streetdance alum and member of The Crew
Here’s a bonus video!
Everyday we make choices—from the most mundane to possibly life changing. While some decisions are easier to make than others, some require that we take time and consider all of our options. When things don’t turn out the way we want them, we sometimes get this sinking feeling when thinking of what we could’ve done differently or the opportunity that may have been lost because of our decision. When things don’t go as we expected we may feel disappointed and even regret.
While regret and disappointment at times can look the same, we experience them differently. Regret is this feeling of “I should’ve known better”. It makes us think of what we could’ve done to prevent the outcome. Disappointment is when the outcome is less favorable than what we had originally thought.
Unlike regret, disappointment is a more general emotion as we can still feel disappointed of outcomes that are outside of our control. To give an example:
Disappointment: I was disappointed when the film I wanted to see didn’t live up to my expectations.
Regret: I regret spending so much money on meaningless things.
With regret, we are focused on our role in the decision making process whereas in disappointment we can feel disappointed in the outcome regardless of our role in the situation. Feelings of regret and disappointment can be overwhelming. The following
are some ways that we can do to handle these emotions:
Think of your emotions as a compass to how you feel in a given situation. Regret and disappointment are uncomfortable emotions, but they are not bad. It’s easy for us to get stuck in our head thinking of what could’ve been or just ignore these emotions altogether. But, ignoring these emotions can make us feel lost and it leaves us not knowing what to do next.
In contrast, acknowledging our emotions can give us a clearer
picture of the situation. As uncomfortable as it may be, it’s our body
communicating to us how we feel at that moment. By acknowledging
these emotions without judgment, we allow ourselves to view things more objectively. Not only will it help us in the decision making process, but it also gives information on what we can do when we are faced with a similar situation.
We make choices based on what we know at a given time. Nobody
is perfect — we make mistakes, we fall, we have shortcomings. It may be difficult to forgive yourself when things don’t turn out as you expected, but just as you had a choice in the past, you can still make better choices moving forward.
Sometimes the consequences of our decisions not only affect us, but
it also affects other people. Making amends with other people can be
difficult at times, but we can start with acknowledging that we have
caused pain to someone because of our actions, and letting them know
that we feel remorse about what happened.
It’s easy to fall into the “would’ve, could’ve, should’ve’s” knowing
what we know now. Instead of ruminating on what we could’ve done
differently, we can use the knowledge that we know now and make
different choices when we are faced with a similar situation in the future.
It’s a daunting realization to have that in every decision we make, we somehow let go of all the other possibilities that may happen. It’s even more daunting when we think about what could’ve happened if we chose differently — especially when the outcome isn’t what we wanted. Our reality may be different than what we had hoped
but we can make better choices moving forward.
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