Login

Tag: emotion regulation

Categories
Blog Everyday Thriving General Wellbeing Practices

That’s Cringe! What It Means, Why We Feel It, and How to Deal With It

cringe

Have you ever been hit by a sudden wave of secondhand embarrassment? That gut-wrenching

feeling that makes you squirm, shift uncomfortably, or even physically recoil, all because you just saw someone do something painfully awkward? Or maybe you remembered something embarrassing you did years ago, and suddenly you’re blushing all over again? That feeling is what we call “cringe.”

But what exactly is cringe?

It’s a unique emotional response we get when we witness someone make a social blunder or a faux pas that jeopardizes their social image or even ours, even if it’s not happening to us directly or right now (Escoe et al., 2024). It also happens when someone tries to make a good impression but completely messes it up in a way that’s hard to ignore.

According to research, cringe is a vicarious emotional reaction. That means it happens when we witness someone break social norms or mess up their social “integrity” (Mayer et al., 2021). The interesting part is that these social transgressions are usually trivial and pretty harmless. They don’t have serious moral consequences, and sometimes they even make us laugh.

Physically, cringe can show up in a bunch of different ways. Maybe you flush or scrunch up your face. You might squirm in your seat, cover your mouth, or even shout “eww!” Some people break into a sweat or get goosebumps. Your face might feel hot, and your whole body reacts, even when your brain logically knows it’s not you in that awkward moment. 

That reaction? That’s cringe.

Cringe vs Embarassment

Now, to make it clear, cringe isn’t quite the same as embarrassment. Embarrassment is something we feel about ourselves when we mess up socially, especially if others see it. Think about waving back at someone who wasn’t waving at you, or accidentally calling your teacher “mom.” It’s sort of like an instant feeling of awkwardness that is personal.

Cringe, on the other hand, is more like secondhand embarrassment. It’s what we feel when someone else does something awkward or socially uncomfortable. Like watching a person try way too hard to seem cool in front of new people, or the classic example of someone pulling out a wedgie in public. It’s awkward, it’s uncomfortable, and it makes you squirm just watching it. What’s even funnier (or more painful) is that we can also cringe at ourselves, like remembering something cringey we did years ago and feeling all those feelings all over again.

So why do we feel cringe in the first place?

Well, humans are inherently social creatures. We share emotions, we try to figure out what others are thinking, and we quickly learn what kind of behavior leads to embarrassment or shame. Since belonging is a basic survival instinct, we naturally avoid things that might make us look weird, awkward, or unacceptable to others.

When we see someone break a social rule, or suddenly remember an embarrassing moment of our own, our brain treats it like a social threat. That’s why we squirm, look away, or get that full-body “eugh” feeling. It’s basically our brain trying to protect us from experiencing the same awkwardness firsthand.

A more neurological explanation could be that certain parts of the brain, like the anterior insula, which helps us process self-conscious emotions like embarrassment, are closely connected to the amygdala, our brain’s “emotion center”. When these two areas work together, they help explain pain empathy, or that feeling we get when we experience someone else’s pain or embarrassment, almost as if it were our own (Paulus et al., 2014).

Cringe ~kind of~ has a social power.

Surprisingly, cringe doesn’t just make us uncomfortable, it also makes us want to talk about it.  Sharing cringeworthy moments can actually make us feel better, because it gives us a chance to compare ourselves to the person who messed up… and feel a little more socially competent in the process (Escoe et al., 2024).

It’s like saying, “At least I’m not that awkward!” and that makes us feel better about ourselves.

With that said, how do we handle cringe:

Although cringe is not the most comfortable feeling, it is a normal reaction that we all experience. It is unavoidable, but what we can do is to handle it with grace, or even a little humor.

Here are some ways to handle that awkward feeling:

  1. Pause, breathe: When you witness something awkward that catches you off-guard. Pause, let yourself be shocked or embarrassed, but don’t forget to breathe and let the awkwardness float away.
  2. Shift your focus: Instead of dwelling on the cringe, check your phone, chat with a friend, or think about something else. 
  3. Remember, it’s not always serious. Everyone’s got a “wait, did I really just do that?” moment, and most cringeworthy moments are harmless. But it’s honestly funny looking back, and can even turn into funny stories later.
  4. Practice empathy. Put yourself in their shoes. Think about how the other person might be feeling. Chances are, the person who made the cringe move feels just as awkward. Cut them some slack– we all mess up sometimes, or even give them a mental high-five for bravery.
  5. Find the humor (but keep it kind). Sometimes the best cure is a little giggle. Like when someone pulls a wedgie in public… Yeah, awkward, but hey, life’s too short not to laugh a little.

EMBRACE YOUR INNER CRINGE!

At the end of the day, cringe is part of being human. Awkward moments happen to the rest of us, but they do not last forever. The key is to be kind and not to take these moments too seriously– sometimes, they even make life more interesting.

References:

  • Escoe, B., Martin, N. S., & Salerno, A. (2024). EXPRESS: That’s So Cringeworthy! Understanding What Cringe Is and Why We Want to Share It. Journal of Marketing Research. https://doi.org/10.1177/00222437241305104
  • Mayer, A. V., Paulus, F. M., & Krach, S. (2021). A Psychological Perspective on Vicarious Embarrassment and Shame in the Context of Cringe Humor. Humanities, 10(4), 110. https://doi.org/10.3390/h10040110
  • Paulus, F. M., Müller-Pinzler, L., Jansen, A., Gazzola, V., & Krach, S. (2014). Mentalizing and the Role of the Posterior Superior Temporal Sulcus in Sharing Others Embarrassment. Cerebral Cortex, 25(8), 2065– 2075. doi: 10.1093/cercor/bhu011
Categories
Blog Everyday Thriving General

Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve

regret

Everyday we make choices—from the most mundane to possibly life changing. While some decisions are easier to make than others, some require that we take time and consider all of our options. When things don’t turn out the way we want them, we sometimes get this sinking feeling when thinking of what we could’ve done differently or the opportunity that may have been lost because of our decision. When things don’t go as we expected we may feel disappointed and even regret.

While regret and disappointment at times can look the same, we experience them differently. Regret is this feeling of “I should’ve known better”. It makes us think of what we could’ve done to prevent the outcome. Disappointment is when the outcome is less favorable than what we had originally thought.

Unlike regret, disappointment is a more general emotion as we can still feel disappointed of outcomes that are outside of our control. To give an example:


Disappointment: I was disappointed when the film I wanted to see didn’t live up to my expectations.
Regret: I regret spending so much money on meaningless things.

With regret, we are focused on our role in the decision making process whereas in disappointment we can feel disappointed in the outcome regardless of our role in the situation. Feelings of regret and disappointment can be overwhelming. The following
are some ways that we can do to handle these emotions:

1. Acknowledge that you are feeling these emotions.

Think of your emotions as a compass to how you feel in a given situation. Regret and disappointment are uncomfortable emotions, but they are not bad. It’s easy for us to get stuck in our head thinking of what could’ve been or just ignore these emotions altogether. But, ignoring these emotions can make us feel lost and it leaves us not knowing what to do next.

In contrast, acknowledging our emotions can give us a clearer
picture of the situation. As uncomfortable as it may be, it’s our body
communicating to us how we feel at that moment. By acknowledging
these emotions without judgment, we allow ourselves to view things more objectively. Not only will it help us in the decision making process, but it also gives information on what we can do when we are faced with a similar situation.

2. Forgive yourself for your decisions when things don’t go as expected.

We make choices based on what we know at a given time. Nobody
is perfect — we make mistakes, we fall, we have shortcomings. It may be difficult to forgive yourself when things don’t turn out as you expected, but just as you had a choice in the past, you can still make better choices moving forward.

3. Apologize to other people who may be affected.

Sometimes the consequences of our decisions not only affect us, but
it also affects other people. Making amends with other people can be
difficult at times, but we can start with acknowledging that we have
caused pain to someone because of our actions, and letting them know
that we feel remorse about what happened.

4. Take it as an opportunity to learn

It’s easy to fall into the “would’ve, could’ve, should’ve’s” knowing
what we know now. Instead of ruminating on what we could’ve done
differently, we can use the knowledge that we know now and make
different choices when we are faced with a similar situation in the future.

It’s a daunting realization to have that in every decision we make, we somehow let go of all the other possibilities that may happen. It’s even more daunting when we think about what could’ve happened if we chose differently — especially when the outcome isn’t what we wanted. Our reality may be different than what we had hoped
but we can make better choices moving forward.

References:

  • Cherry, K. (2022, February 14). How to cope with regret. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-cope-with-regret-5218665
  • Neff, K. (2015, February 21). Embracing our common humanity with self-compassion. Self-Compassion. https://self-compassion.org/embracing-our-common-humanit
    y-with-self-compassion/
  • What self-compassion is not: Self-esteem, self-pity, indulgence. (2021, July 26). Self-Compassion. https://self-compassion.org/what-self-compassion-is-not-2/
  • Roese, N. J., & Vohs, K. D. (2012). Hindsight bias. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 7(5), 411-426. https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691612454303
  • Zeelenberg, M., van Dijk, W. W., S.R.Manstead, A., & Der Pligt, J. (1998). The experience of regret and disappointment. Cognition and Emotion, 12(2), 221-230.https://doi.org/10.1080/026999398379727