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PEACE Be With You: How to Skillfully Navigate Through the Pandemic

Calm

With the onslaught of mostly distressing news about the COVID-19 pandemic,

it is natural to find it challenging to relax and keep calm. Fear and anxiety can get overwhelming amidst the uncertainty and disruption of normal life. To cope, we sometimes tell others and ourselves to “stay calm”. But in times like these, it is understandably easier said than done. This is because calming down takes skills.

The good news is that with practice, skills can be developed and nurtured. The more we use a skill, the more we can master it.

In Space Calm, a mindfulness-based group program for children and teens, participants learn specific life skills they can use to cope with strong emotions such as anxiety, fear, anger, sadness, and loneliness. These are the PEACE skills: Presence, Emotional awareness and understanding, Acceptance, Compassion, and Engagement with others.

Adults and youth alike can benefit from practicing these skills during this challenging time. This could even prove to be the best time to build a skill or two, as you would have even more motivation to manage unpleasant emotions. So, take a look and invite your loved ones – both young and old – to join you in practicing and cultivating these skills.

P – Presence

This is the skill of bringing one’s full attention to what is in the moment. This is a key aspect of mindfulness practice. There’s extensive research evidence in the past 40 years of the many benefits of mindfulness on health and wellbeing. For one, mindfulness practice has been shown to increase resilience to stress and burnout. There have also been significant reductions in attention, behavioral, and anger problems, as well as decreased symptoms of depression and anxiety among youth who practiced mindfulness.

Cultivate the skill:

  1. Five senses – Our senses are the entry point to the present moment. Pause and, without judgment or evaluation, simply notice: 5 things you see; 4 things you can feel on your skin; 3 things you can hear; 2 things you can smell; and 1 thing you can taste at this precise moment in time. (This can be fun to do with others. Take turns in sharing what you’ve become aware of through your senses.)
  2. Mindful activity of daily living – Choose one daily activity that you intend to do mindfully everyday during the week (e.g., brushing your teeth, eating breakfast, combing your hair, taking a shower, etc.). Every time you do this routine activity, focus your full attention on it. If you get distracted, notice what distracted you and then gently bring your attention back to what you are doing. Notice the body sensations and emotions you feel during this “simple awareness” exercise.
  3. Mindful eating – Choose a small piece of food to eat mindfully (examples: a raisin, a bite-sized chocolate, or a small piece of cookie) and place it on your palm. Focus on it and observe its shape, color/s, and other details you can see. Pay attention to how it feels on your skin; turn it over or around slowly and notice its texture. Slowly put it close to your nose and savor its smell. Place it gently inside your mouth and let it sit on your tongue for a while. Notice what’s happening inside your mouth. Savor the taste that’s coming out from this small piece of food. Then, move it with your tongue and slowly bite it with your teeth. Notice the flavors oozing from it. As you swallow slowly, let your attention dwell on your throat and the sensations you feel there. Once you’re done, take a few moments to observe how you feel.
    (You may also check out this video of children demonstrating how to eat more mindfully)

E – Emotional awareness and understanding

This is the capacity to be aware of emotions and be comfortable with any emotion without needing to avoid it or indulge it. This skill allows individuals to calmly recognize emotions with openness and curiosity, with the wise understanding that emotions come and go. 

Cultivate the skill:

  1. Name the emotion – Take several pauses a day to check what emotions are there in the moment. Recognize each one. Still yourself when you feel the need to push a feeling away. Allow yourself to sit with the emotions for a minute or two.
  2. Feel the emotion – Check where in your body you feel the emotion. For instance, where do you feel the anxiety – your head, chest, or tummy? Focus on the body sensation for a minute.
  3. Draw the emotion – Draw an image to represent what you are currently feeling. For those of you who have kids, invite them to do this with you. Then, take turns in talking about the emotion. You can even make it a game and guess what emotion each image represents! (Just one rule: No one makes a judgment about the person or the emotion being felt.)

A – Acceptance

This is the skill of being at peace with what is being experienced in the moment. When we resist what is (e.g., fear, sickness, boredom, etc.), we create more suffering because fighting what is in the here and now is a losing battle. (It is already here!)

“Suffering equals pain times resistance.”

Shinzen Young, a mindfulness teacher and neuroscience research consultant

What creates the suffering is the thought that the pain, discomfort, or unpleasant emotion shouldn’t be here (i.e., non-acceptance of what’s here). 

Cultivate the skill:

  1. Smile at it – List down 5 things you’re struggling to be at peace with. Rank them from smallest to biggest struggle. Starting with your smallest struggle, experience the pain or discomfort, feel it in your body as much as you can, but this time, imagine yourself smiling at it. Then, let your lips curve into an actual smile. Smile at the pain or discomfort like it’s your friend. Repeat this exercise, over a few days if needed, until you feel you’ve fully accepted and befriended it. Then, move to the 2nd smallest struggle and so on.
  2. Accepting hands – When you catch yourself resisting what’s in the moment, take time to pause for 1-2 minutes and sit in a comfortable position. You may close your eyes or lower your gaze. Put your hands on your lap with the palms up and fingers relaxed. Feel your body accepting what’s in the moment through your hands. (For instance, if you find yourself worrying and wanting to push away the worry, practice accepting the reality that you feel worried with accepting hands.)

** These exercises make use of the body-mind connection by having your body communicate to your brain.

C – Compassion

This is the capacity of sensing others’ and our own pain and suffering and taking an action to ease away this suffering. Scientific evidence has shown that feeling loved (in contrast to feeling unloved) and being loving (in contrast to being indifferent) helps develop optimal human functioning in relation to stress hormones, immune system functioning, frontal cortical processing, creativity, and the capacity for happiness

Paul Gilbert, Chapter 7, Compassion: Bridging Practice and Science 

Cultivate the skill:

  1. Compassion in action for self – Purposefully and mindfully do one kind thing for yourself each day. Examples: eat a healthy snack, do yoga, or have a relaxing bath. You probably do such things already but the key here is being intentional in giving love and being kind to you.
  2. Compassion in action for others – Purposefully and mindfully do one kind thing for another person each day. Examples: send a sweet note to a family member or a friend, share your food to someone who’s hungry, or massage your mom’s back.
  3. Loving-kindness meditation – This meditation aims to foster feelings of goodwill, kindness, and warmth towards others and self. Here are a few suggested resources:

E – Engagement with others

The skill of engagement refers to one’s ability to relate and interact with others effectively by being curious, attuned, respectful, and empathic (CARE). Social connection is a basic human need. Our brains are wired to connect with one another.

Our capacity to reach out, connect, and interact with others ensures the survival and reproduction of our specie. Social isolation, or lack of social connectedness, has been linked to health risks.

Matthew D. Lieberman (author of Social: Why Our Brains are Wired to Connect)

Thus, effective engagement with others is an essential skill to learn. With this skill, you can make more meaningful relationships with others, lessen conflicts and misunderstandings, and work with others in a peaceful way.

Cultivate the skill:

Choose a person you haven’t paid much attention to or you find difficult to relate with. Practice the skill of engagement by demonstrating CARE every time you talk to him or her. Notice what’s different this time in your engagement compared to before.

  1. Curiosity – Take a not-knowing stance and an active interest in the other person.
  2. Attuned communication – As you talk, listen deeply to yourself and the other (What do I feel and want? What does he/she feel and want?). Communicate clearly and kindly (How can I be kind to myself and the other person while I communicate what I feel and want?).
  3. Respect – Mindfully act in a way that shows the other you care about his/her feelings and wellbeing.
  4. Empathy – Open your heart and mind to sense and understand what the other is experiencing.

Here’s a summary of the PEACE skills and ways to cultivate them:

Practice Exercises
P
Presence		Paying attention to what’s in the moment1. Five senses
2. Mindful activity of daily living
3. Mindful eating
E
Emotional awareness and understanding		Being aware of emotions as they arise and understanding that emotions come and go1. Name the emotion
2. Feel the emotion
3. Draw the emotion
A
Acceptance		Being at peace with what is here and now1. Smile at it
2. Accepting hands
C
Compassion		Sensing and easing away the suffering of self and others1. Compassion in action for self
2. Compassion in action for others
3. Loving-kindness meditation
E
Engagement		Engaging with others in a curious, attuned, respectful, and empathic way (CARE)1. Curiosity
2. Attuned communication
3. Respect
4. Empathy

With practice, we can become skillful in coping with uncertainties and difficulties. We can become PEACEful.

May PEACE be with you!

Categories
Blog Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC)

How does operational air traffic control relate to mindfulness?

mindfulness

The majority of you are most likely thinking “not at all.”

Having worked as an operational air traffic controller at a high-density facility for 40 years+ I’ll nevertheless reveal there is most likely a relationship if you are willing to cut mindfulness down to, for example “focus and concentration”.

Being an outspoken advocate for mindfulness and self-compassion, I decided to discover if a program targeted at this specific audience would have an effect on dropouts. In particular I was curious if trainees within this domain might benefit from training focused at lowering their self- criticism.

I left the operational environment a couple of years ago. Teaching mindfulness of various kinds to operational air traffic control personnel, health care staff as well as to those suffering from chronic pain is what I now focus on.

For quite some time during the 40 years+ in air traffic control I was part of the team recruiting trainees, later I became Head of Training.
So, I have insight to what is required from the trainees and what the typical obstacles are while going through training.

I was fortunate to start collaboration with a private training institute which offers ab initio as well as refresher and continuation training to national and international customers, GATE Aviation Training, in Copenhagen.

The signature of all training at GATE is first and foremost devoted to excellence within training. But it struck me to realize they in fact dare to challenge the educational culture in their form of training methods.

Having known the industry for as long as I have, I knew a door might open for me to try out a program targeted at what I know is of utmost relevance; focus and concentration.

Thanks to Dr. Steve Hickman, Executive Director, The Center for Mindful Self-Compassion, for granting me the permission to deviate from a standard SC-MSC. With Steve’s encouragement the door became open for me to write the curriculum. “FoCon – The Resilient Personnel” became the program’s title.

Session 1 was 90 min., the remaining 6 sessions were all 75 min.

From the onset it was my intention to follow the SC-MSC curriculum with only a few variations of which one would be a body scan as an add on to each session. Along the way real life for “FoCon” turned out to be a lot more than only a few variations.

I started off with what is in fact comparable to an introductory session of the 8-week MSC. I.e., general “house rules & guidelines” for our next many hours together, “How do I treat a friend-exercise,” the felt experience of mindfulness, common humanity and kindness and “Self- Compassion in Daily Life.”

But my point of departure for the unusual training became the UN 17 Goals for Sustainable Development, more specifically goal no. 3 about good health and wellbeing.

Way down in that paragraph it’s mentioned that before 2030 well-being must be promoted.

They just don’t come up with any definitions of what’s included in mental well-being, let alone methods of measuring improvements.

So, with what I took as a free ticket to elaborate further, I included how the mindfulness movement, and later the compassion movement too, for more than 30 years has proven to:

  • enhance general well-being
  • lower blood pressure
  • improve quality of sleep
  • lessen chronic pain, anxiety and stress and more
  • overall increase life satisfaction through fostering happiness

I mentioned a few of the scientific studies to back up the statements.

This is undoubtedly the first time ever any Air Traffic Control Training facility has had mindfulness and compassion training on the agenda with the sole purpose of enhancing focus and concentration.

By including the UN 17 Goals for Sustainable Development, everyone, including management who were present at the intro session, appeared to realize “Ah ha, we’re really among the forerunners for doing something big here!”

So, from there on the path of the course really turned into Hanne paving the road ahead of each session, looking at what do the students really need right now?

I started off with the “Compassionate Body Scan” but after just 2 sessions, I shifted to the body scan we use in the MBSR program.

Some other exercises I included were “Soothing Touch,” “Self-Compassion Break,” “The STOP-Practice,” “Soles of the Feet,” “Soften – Soothe – Allow,” “Compassionate Friend,” “Self-Compassion Stone,” and finally “Setting an Intention”.

All in all, “FoCon” has been a valuable process for trainees as well as for me being the facilitator.

I do think it’s very noteworthy that by the time they received their first progress report, i.e., after “FoCon” Session 4, one third of the trainees said they experienced enhanced concentration capabilities when studying for their exams.

After “FoCon” Session 6 half of the trainees said they felt generally lighter, less stressed when they were in the simulator and felt more overall happiness.

A formal feedback survey was carried out by completion of the “FoCon” program.

That gave me insight to what the trainees actually felt they benefited from most. It didn’t come in as a surprise the body scan was their high time favorite.

“Is “FoCon” something you’ll recommend GATE to have as part of our future training programs?”

On a scale 1 – 5, 5 being the best, the question scored 4.8.

So yes, I firmly believe GATE is among the forerunners offering “FoCon – The Resilient Personnel” as part of their training.

The course has proven to induce trainees with a dose of confidence: YES, I can complete my simulator and on the job training because I have learned I don’t need to bully myself with self- criticism.

For the first time ever, we will be fostering a new generation of personnel for the aviation industry who are being trained to motivate themselves with encouragement rather than criticism and to tackle stressful situations with greater ease.

When a student learns how to soften the inner critic, a successful outcome of training is more likely to become the result.

Learn more about mindfulness and register for our upcoming eight-week Mindful Self-Compassion online course here.

Resources:

Hanne Vedsted-Hansen: info@hannevedsted.dk www.hannevedsted.dk GATE Aviation Training, Copenhagen, Denmark
The Center for Mindful Self-Compassion:

Categories
Blog

Happiness is in Our Hands

happiness

Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, positive psychology researcher and professor
whose career has been devoted to the study of human happiness identifies these factors as having the greatest influence on our capacity to be happy (The How of Happiness, 2007):

  1. Our ability to take a constructive perspective toward life or to reframe our situation more positively,
  2. Our capacity to experience gratitude, and
  3. Our choice to be kind and generous.

We often think of happiness as being largely dependent on our life circumstances—
If I  just got that promotion,
if only I can earn more,
if I could take that dream vacation.
Yet, much of the research on happiness, as shared by Dr. Lyubomirsky and her colleagues, suggests that
what happens to us matters much less to our happiness than our actions and mindsets.

In other words, we have more control on our happiness than we might normally think. 

This is good news. In the midst of the prolonged crisis and uncertainties we face in our world today, we can take action and orient our minds toward happiness. As Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh has said,

“There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.”

We can welcome 2021 with a more genuine and sturdier hope, not anchored on wishing away our difficulties, but instead living from a deeper wisdom that every moment carries a happiness potential which we have the power to turn on. What’s even more compelling about turning on happiness is that there is research evidence which shows that happiness can spread from person to person and that the relationship between people’s happiness extends up to three degrees of separation, as revealed in the 20-year longitudinal study by social scientists James Fowler (UC San Diego) and Nicholas Christakis (Harvard University) on the dynamic spread of happiness over a large social network (2008). 

The question now is, how do we practice happiness? The behaviors and habits we engage in do matter. Here are some of the keys to happiness that Dr. Lyubomirsky and other researchers have identified:

Build relationships

Perhaps the dominant finding from happiness research is that social connections are key to happiness. Studies show that close relationships, including romantic relationships, are especially important, suggesting we should make time for those closest to us—people in whom we can confide and who’ll support us when we’re down.

Give thanks

Research by Michael McCullough, Robert Emmons, Lyubomirsky, and others has revealed the power of simply counting our blessings on a regular basis. People who keep “gratitude journals” feel more optimism and greater satisfaction with their lives. And research shows that writing a “gratitude letter” to someone you’ve never properly thanked brings a major boost of happiness.

Practice kindness

Research by Elizabeth Dunn and her colleagues finds that people report greater happiness when they spend money on others than when they spend it on themselves, even though they initially think the opposite would be true. Similarly, neuroscience research shows that when we do nice things for others, our brains light up in areas associated with pleasure and reward.

Give up grudges

Groundbreaking studies by Everett Worthington, Michael McCullough, and their colleagues show that when we forgive those who have wronged us, we feel better about ourselves, experience more positive emotions, and feel closer to others.

Get physical

Exercise isn’t just good for our bodies, it’s good for our minds. Studies show that regular physical activity increases happiness and self-esteem, reduces anxiety and stress, and can even lift symptoms of depression. “Exercise may very well be the most effective instant happiness booster of all activities,” writes Lyubomirsky in The How of Happiness.

Get rest

Research has consistently linked lower sleep to lower happiness. What’s more, a study of more than 900 women, led by Nobel Prize-winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman, found that getting just one more hour of sleep each night might have a greater effect on happiness than a $60,000 raise.

Pay attention

Studies show that people who practice mindfulness—the moment-by-moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, and external circumstances—not only have stronger immune systems but are more likely to be happy and enjoy greater life satisfaction, and they are less likely to be hostile or anxious. Pioneering research by Richard Davidson, Jon Kabat-Zinn, and others has found that a basic eight-week mindfulness training program can significantly improve our physical and psychological well-being.

In the end, it’s important to keep finding and developing the right fit. The practice of cultivating happiness is not “one size fits all.” Understanding ourselves better can help us choose habits that align with our personality, situation, and goals. 

Let’s all walk together into a happier 2021. It is in our hands.  

Categories
Blog

Self-Compassion Practice: The Benefits of Dialing Down Our Critical Self-Talk

critical self-talk

“Self-compassion-being supportive and kind to yourself, especially in the face of stress and failure-is associated with more motivation and better self-control.”

— Kelly McGonigal, Health Psychologist at Stanford University

The human brain is naturally equipped to respond to threat. This is an important mechanism that allows us to detect when there are situations that pose danger to our survival, and consequently to respond in ways that ensure our safety. When human beings used to live in primitive and harsh conditions, survival mostly meant being able to protect oneself and one’s tribe from physical danger, such as being attacked by predatory animals. Now in our modern life, we no longer have to fight or flee from tigers and bears. But we deal with new forms of threat, which trigger the same stress response in our brain and nervous system.

One of the most pressing and prevalent threat triggers we experience is our own harsh and critical self-talk, that voice inside our head that is so quick to call out on our mistakes and imperfections—“You should have known better,” “Could you not have anticipated that?” “Someone else would have been able to figure it out.” This harsh self-critic could be our internal mechanism for avoiding the emotional dangers of rejection and social disapproval. But when we engage in self-judgmental talk, it’s like we’re letting out the old tigers and bears to roam our minds and prey on our own emotional wellbeing. Critical self-talk heightens our stress arousal, which undermines our mental and physical resilience and blocks our personal growth. 

There is a different way that we could relate and speak to ourselves.

Self-compassion is a practice that has been shown in many studies to have beneficial effects on our mental health and wellbeing. These include:

  • less self-evaluative anxiety and rumination
  • deactivation of threat system and defensiveness
  • activation of self-soothing response in the nervous system
  • decreased effect of negative life events
  • increased happiness levels.

Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneering researcher on self-compassion explains

“Self-compassion involves acting the same way towards yourself as you would towards a good friend when you are having a difficult time, fail, or notice something you don’t like about yourself. Instead of just ignoring your pain with a ‘stiff upper lip’ mentality, you stop to tell yourself “this is really difficult right now,” how can I comfort and care for myself in this moment? Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings – after all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect?”

Self-compassion is hands-down a better option for our mental health and productivity than feeding into self-criticism. But our inner self-talk is a product of habit and the modeling we received in our life. We sometimes falsely assume that success requires us to be hard on ourselves in order to get better at what we do. It takes awareness and intentional practice to free ourselves from our false assumptions and to shift our default inner dialogue into one that is kinder, more compassionate, and ultimately more effective in bringing out the best in who we are. How then can we dial down on self-criticism and turn up the dial on self-compassion?

We invite you to try these self-compassion practices to begin taking more control of the programming that goes on in your internal broadcast system. Experience the positive transformation that happens when you can turn to yourself with love, understanding, and compassion.  As we practice self-compassion, Dr. Neff reminds us that, “it is a practice of goodwill, not good feelings.” In other words, while self-compassion is aimed at alleviating our internal suffering, we can’t always control the way things are.

Self-compassion is not about making our pain go away by suppressing it or fighting against it.

“With self-compassion we mindfully accept when we have difficult or painful moments, and embrace ourselves with kindness and care in response, remembering that imperfection is part of the shared human experience. This allows us to hold ourselves in love and connection, giving ourselves the support and comfort needed to bear the pain, while providing the optimal conditions for growth and transformation.”

SELF-COMPASSION PRACTICES

(adapted from www.selfcompassion.org)

1. How would I treat a friend?

When you find yourself struggling in some way, ask yourself, how would I treat a good friend or someone I care about if that person were in a similar situation? Turn to yourself in this moment of difficulty in the same way you would towards a friend.

2. Be mindful of self-critical talk.

Notice when you are being self-critical. Think about what you’ve just said to yourself and maybe ask if this voice reminds you of anyone in the past who was critical of you? Make a conscious effort to soften the self-critical voice. Perhaps say something like, “I know you’re worried about me and feel unsafe, but you are causing me unnecessary pain. Could you let my inner compassionate self say a few words now?”

3. Use self-compassionate motivation.

If you observe something in yourself that needs to change, see if you can think of a kinder, more caring way to motivate yourself to make that change. Reframe your inner dialogue so that it is more encouraging and supportive. Remember that if you really want to motivate yourself, love is more powerful than fear.

4. Care for the caregiver in you.

If you’re someone who is always in the position of caring for others, try caring for the caregiver in you. Give yourself permission to meet your own needs, recognizing that this will not only enhance your quality of life, it will also enhance your ability to be there for those that rely on you.

Which self-compassion practice have you tried? Which one are you willing to start today?

Contact us to learn more about how to practice self-compassion and wellbeing practices we teach at We Thrive.