Login

Tag: We Thrive

Categories
Blog Everyday Thriving Thrive at Work Thrive in School

Helping Out a Friend Through a Mental Crisis Using ALGEE

Have you ever heard of the statement “That’s what friends are for”? It implies the role of a friend as someone you can count on to help you out. So when a friend reaches out and opens up about a problem, it seems natural to listen, comfort, and support them as best as you can. But there are times when you may not feel confident enough to help them. You may feel like you don’t understand the problem very well because you have not experienced it, or you have probably dealt with a similar problem before but could not understand why your friend is struggling with it. Sometimes, the idea of saying something wrong and making things worse for your friend is daunting in and of itself. Fortunately, there is one way for you to help your friend in times of mental distress.

So how can I help my friend out?

Like with medical concerns, you can provide first aid for mental health concerns.

Mental Health First Aid (MHFA) is done to help someone experiencing a mental health crisis when professional help is not yet available. ALGEE is a tool that is used to provide MHFA. It won’t teach you how to become your friend’s personal therapist, but it will help you provide them with the support they need to cope with what they are going through in that moment of crisis.

ALGEE is an acronym that stands for the following: Assess for risks of suicide or harm; Listen without judgment; Give reassurance and information; Encourage appropriate professional help; and Encourage self-help and other support strategies.

How do you use ALGEE?

ALGEE can be done in any order, depending on what you think your friend needs at the moment. Below is an overview of how you can approach and what you can expect to happen in each step. 

1. ASSESS for risk of suicide and harm

This step involves observing for any signs that would tell that a person is in distress. Such signs can be a sudden change in behavior or an unusual reaction to a particular topic or situation. You should also be alert to mentions or jokes of your friend contemplating suicide, as well as self-harm behaviors such as cutting, engaging in excessive substance use (such as alcohol, cigarettes, or drugs), or doing risky activities that can harm them physically.

If you find out that your friend is actively hurting themself or has plans to commit suicide, then it is important to persuade them to get help as soon as possible.

2. LISTEN without judgment

People who are in distress want to be heard. That’s why it is important to give them the opportunity to say what they want to say uninterrupted. Keep an open mind about what they are saying, even when you do not agree with them. Avoid making speculations or giving advice, unless your friend specifically asks for your opinion on the matter.

Show that you are actively listening by keeping an open and receptive body posture (that is, arms and legs uncrossed and palms resting comfortably on the lap or desk) and maintaining eye contact. You can also make appropriate verbal responses to show that you understand and follow what they are saying. Responses may be in the form of reinforcements (“I see.” or “Uh-huh.”), acknowledgements (“That’s tough.” or “I can imagine how confusing it is to be in that situation.”), questions (“What did you do to cope with that situation?”), and reflections (“This is what I heard from you. Am I understanding it correctly?”). If you’re talking with your friend through text or chat, you may need to rely more on verbal responses to better understand each other.

3. GIVE reassurance and information

In an effort to cheer your friend, you may sometimes find yourself telling them that everything will be okay or that they can do things if they only believe in themselves. However, people in distress may feel so overwhelmed and hopeless that they cannot see their situation improving or believe that they can act on their problems. To give reassurance, you need to make them see the possibility. You can do this by providing evidence and information. Are there ways to deal with their problem that they may not have thought of? Have there been situations that contradict a negative thought that’s been running through their mind? Helping them find evidence that there are things that can be done is an effective way of instilling hope in them.

There may be times when your friend thinks that undesired feelings or behaviors, such as lashing out at other people or being too afraid to speak in public, are their fault. However, such feelings or behaviors may actually be symptoms of a particular mental illness or of significant distress that could lead to a mental illness if untreated. Thus, it is important to emphasize that mental illness is real and the symptoms they are experiencing can be treated with the right help.

4. ENCOURAGE appropriate professional help

The earlier your friend gets help, the more likely they can recover. Find out what kind of support your friend needs at the moment and help them find professionals, agencies, organizations, or institutions that can make things a little easier for them.

If they need psychological help, there are various mental health services and programs available. Some universities and organizations offer free therapy sessions, although they may be limited in terms of slots or the number of sessions that can be availed. For long-term and more intensive help, paid therapy sessions in clinics and hospitals may be necessary. You can check out the directory of mental health facilities in the country created by #MentalHealthPH here. Additionally, 24/7 crisis lines come in handy whenever there is a need to overcome a mental crisis or to prevent a suicide attempt. A list of these hotlines can be found here. Regardless of whether payment is involved, simply being able to attend therapy is already a huge step towards healing.

5. ENCOURAGE self-help and other support strategies

Mental health services aren’t always available, and this can be a problem when your friend experiences a panic attack or suddenly feels overwhelmed by suicidal thoughts. Knowing how to deal with these emergencies helps them develop the skills to cope with crises on their own. Coping strategies such as breathing, grounding, and self-soothing techniques are useful during panic attacks. Utilizing tools for mindfulness and emotion regulation also helps practice control and lessen chaotic situations caused by outbursts. Exercising, spending time with friends and families, and engaging in hobbies and other recreational activities can help improve one’s quality of life. For some mindfulness breathing exercises, you can check out Circle of Hope’s Hingalangin videos on their Facebook page.

To see a demonstration of ALGEE, you can watch this roleplay video on YouTube.

Are there things I should consider when using ALGEE?

As a mental health first aid tool, the main purpose of ALGEE is not to diagnose your friend or solve their problem, but to help determine their needs and provide appropriate support. While your closeness can help your friend be more comfortable opening up to you, it is important to always be objective, express empathy, and abide by the principle of “Do no harm.”

Here are ways that you can do this.

  1. Keep what is said confidential, unless help from other people is necessary.

It takes courage for a person to open up about their struggles. Some people refuse to share what they are going through for fear of exposing themselves to the wrong people. Reaching out to you means that they trust you to keep what they have said only to yourself. Before going through ALGEE, it is best to set up a time and a place to talk to your friend privately. This will give your friend a chance to be vulnerable in a safe space. However, keep in mind that if there is a high risk that your friend would commit suicide, ensuring their safety by asking for help from other people and authorities is necessary.

  1. Do not force your friend to share their problems with you.

Sometimes, people are just not ready to talk about their problems. If your friend outright tells you that they do not want to talk, do not force them to. Instead, encourage them to talk to someone that they trust or assure them that you are available to listen to them whenever they are ready. You can also simply ask them what they need at the moment. Show them that there is someone who is willing to listen and help, and they have the option to choose who or when they seek help.

  1. Refrain from invalidating them or trivializing what your friend is going through.

Some people keep their worries to themselves because they believe that no one would hear them out or make the effort to understand them. When your friend opens up to you, listen well and try to see the situation from their perspective. If there are things they said that you do not agree with, do not reject or dismiss what they are feeling or thinking about. If you think that their problems are too simple, remember that every person is affected by situations differently. What may be easy for you may be too much for them. Likewise, if you have experienced a similar problem and have resolved it successfully, take note that what may have worked for you may not work for them. Thus, when providing help and support, consider their strengths and weaknesses.

  1. Give your friend the control that they need through options.

One of the reasons why people usually feel distressed is because they feel that they cannot control their situation. Thus, if solutions are imposed on them, the feeling of having a lack of control will increase. If you have a solution in mind, ask first if they are open to hear advice. If they are, assure them that your advice is simply a suggestion and is open to modifications until they find one that they are comfortable with.

  1. Improvise, adapt, and overcome.

There are times when it can’t be helped to expect something from your friend or from the situation. However, it is important to be open to the possibility that things may not go your way. Something may keep your friend from getting help despite your agreement or keep the situation from improving as you both hope. Identify the challenges, seek alternatives, and try again. And remember, it’s okay to make mistakes!

  1. Watch out and prepare yourself for compassion fatigue.

While being there for a friend during their toughest times is admirable, there are times when their problems, emotions, and negative thoughts can get to you too. When you feel overwhelmed with helping your friend or are starting to feel affected by what they’re going through, you may be experiencing compassion fatigue. It is important to be mindful of the symptoms of compassion fatigue and to prepare yourself to prevent it or address it when it comes. Remember to take a break if you have to and to take care of yourself first every once in a while. It’s also important to not be too hard on yourself if things don’t go as well as you hope. If your friend deserves compassion, then don’t you deserve some as well? You can practice some self-compassion exercises to help you combat compassion fatigue.

Using ALGEE is a great way to create a mental checklist of what you can do to help out a friend during a mental crisis. However, this does not mean that you have to strictly abide by it or be overly concerned if you skip a step. The most important thing about helping a friend is being there for them and showing them that you care.

References:

Altta Wellbeing. (2019, September 30). ALGEE – 5 letters, 1 life saved every time. https://wellbeing.altta.co.uk/algee/

Jorm, A. (2016). Key Elements of Mental Health First Aid. Alan J Fisher Centre for Public Mental Health. http://cpmh.org.za/wmhd/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Key-Elements.pdf

Martinelli, K. (2023, February 20). How to Support a Friend With Mental Health Challenges. Child Mind Institute. https://childmind.org/article/support-friend-with-mental-health-challenges/

Mental Health Foundation. (n.d.). How to support someone with a mental health problem. https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/explore-mental-health/articles/how-support-someone-mental-health-problem

Thurrott, S. (2021, June 11). Watch for These Key Warning Signs of Compassion Fatigue. Banner Health. https://www.bannerhealth.com/healthcareblog/teach-me/watch-for-these-key-warning-signs-of-compassion-fatigue

Categories
Blog Everyday Thriving General Restorative Practices

4 Simple Expressive Arts and Mindfulness Activities to Improve Your Well-Being

expressive arts

Growing up, I have had a love-hate relationship with arts. Back in pre-school, I remembered how my classmates and teacher laughed at my artwork during a show and tell. I no longer wanted to do art since then. I thought, maybe, art was not for me. In my teen years, I rekindled my relationship with arts. At this time, it was arts that helped me cope with my personal challenges as an adolescent. I kept a journal with poems and drawings to express the feelings I cannot express with my friends and loved ones. I also got into theater and felt a cathartic experience as I released my emotions through the characters I portray. Visual arts, poetry and theater became my best friend who listen without judgment.

My first encounter with a mindfulness practice was through Inner Dance Conscious Meditation. Inner Dance is a spiritual healing modality rooted in ancient Filipino Shamanic “Babaylan” tradition. Inner Dance infuses meditation, intuitive free flowing movement, and energy healing to connect with inner awareness of body, mind, and emotion. Through Inner Dance, I was able to connect with my body and learned to be more compassionate with myself.

With these experiences, came my desire to dive deep into learning more about the fusion of expressive arts and mindfulness. With that said, I would like to share 4 simple ways on how to use expressive arts and mindfulness to improve our well-being. But before that, let us enumerate the definitions of these two concepts.

Mindfulness is “moment-to-moment, non-judgmental awareness, cultivated by paying attention in a specific way, that is, in the present moment and as non-reactively, as non-judgmentally, and as openheartedly as possible.”

Jon Kabat-Zinn

Expressive arts as defined by International Expressive Arts Therapy Association® (IEATA®) as, “combination of visual arts, movement, drama, music, writing and other creative processes to foster deep personal growth and community development.”

Reading through these technical definitions, we can say that these two concepts fits well together. Why? When we think of doing any form of art expression, whether it is drawing, writing, music making or movement, our first thought or reaction might be, “Do I have the ability to make this art expression appear pleasant to other people?”. We already come up with judgement, a resistance, a reaction because we grew up in an environment where art has standard.

While expressive arts invite us to use different modalities without focus on the aesthetics; mindfulness can help us participate in expressive arts activities, by being fully present, moment to moment, non judgmentally and with openness.

Mindfulness and expressive arts have been integrated in different practices such as Focusing-Oriented Expressive Arts (FOAT) and Mindfulness-Based Art Therapy (MBAT). These approaches were
discussed by the psychologist, Dr. Laury Rappaport in her book “Mindfulness and the Arts Therapies.” These approaches are widely used in different settings and population. According to Dr. Rappaport, we can trace back the roots of mindfulness and expressive arts in ancient rituals, religious and indigenous practices and these has brought community healing and transformation. The experience of doing any form of art expression gives us access to witness our inner experience and become absorbed in a state of flow. Mindfulness complements this experience by bringing self-compassion, non-judgmental, openness and being in the present moment.

Alright! Enough with the definitions! Let us now try some simple mindfulness and expressive arts activities you can do on your own at your most convenient time.

Mindful breathing with vocal toning

Do you notice that you unconsciously sigh with sound when you’re feeling exasperated or feeling a sense of relief? It’s because your body regulates itself through rhythm and sound. According to Peter Levine, making any sound stimulate the ventral vagal nerve and calm your body. Let’s try combining mindful breathing and sound making. Here are the steps:

  1. Find a place where you can’t be disturbed. It’s best that you do this gentle movements in bare foot so you can feel the ground.
  2. Stand straight, your feet slightly apart. Make sure your weight is evenly distributed on the soles of your feet.
  3. Notice the sensation of your feet touching the ground. Is the ground cold or warm? Rough or smooth? Notice the feeling of support of the ground where your feet touch.
  4. Bring gentle attention to your breathing. Notice the sensation of the air coming in and out of your nose, and the rising and falling of your chest and stomach. Also, notice the pace of your breathing. There’s nothing to change. Just notice your breathing with curiosity, gentleness, compassion and non-judgement.
  5. Follow the pace of your breathing together with gentle movements. Raise your arms as you inhale. Move your arms downwards as you exhale.
  6. Notice the sensation in your body as you repeatedly do this movement. Are there any thoughts, feelings, emotions coming up Be kind, gentle, welcoming, compassionate and curious towards any feeling or thought that may come.

Mindful breathing with movements

In Cathy Malchiodi’s book entitled, Trauma and Expressive Arts Therapy, she combined grounding and anchoring together with some gentle body movements to help the client focus or attention to the here and now. Let’s try some gentle movements combined with our breathing. Here are the steps:

  1. Find a place where you can’t be disturbed. It’s best that you do this gentle movements in barefoot so you can feel the ground.
  2. Stand straight, your feet slightly apart. Make sure your weight is evenly distributed on the soles of your feet.
  3. Notice the sensation of your feet touching the ground. Is the ground cold or warm? Rough or smooth? Notice the feeling of support of the ground where your feet touch.
  4. Bring gentle attention to your breathing. Notice the sensation of the air coming in and out of your nose, and the rising and falling of your chest and stomach. Also, notice the pace of your breathing. There’s nothing to change. Just notice your breathing with curiosity, gentleness, compassion and non-judgement.
  5. Follow the pace of your breathing together with gentle movements. Raise your arms as you inhale. Move your arms downwards as you exhale.
  6. Notice the sensation in your body as you repeatedly do this movement. Are there any thoughts, feelings, emotions coming up? Be kind, gentle, welcoming, compassionate and curious to any feeling or thought that may come.

Mindful breathing while doodling

Another way to anchor our attention to the here and now is called drawing the breath. For Cathy Malchiodi, this is a non-threatening way to combine mindfulness and self-regulation. Now, let’s try this simple mindful breathing with doodling exercise. Here are the steps:

  1. Prepare any kind of paper or writing instrument for this exercise. Find a comfortable place where you cannot be disturbed.
  2. Bring gentle attention to your breathing. Notice the sensation of the air coming in and out of your nose, and the rising and falling of your chest and stomach. Also, notice the pace of your breathing. There’s nothing to change. Just notice your breathing with curiosity, gentleness, compassion and non-judgement.
  3. Following the pace and depth of your breath, make any line stroke on your paper that represents your inhale and exhale. It could be an upstroke for every inhale or downstroke with every exhale. Explore different line strokes, there is no right or wrong way of expressing it.
  4. Notice the sensation in your body as you repeatedly doodle together with your breathing. Are there any thoughts, feelings, emotions coming up? Be kind, gentle, welcoming, compassionate or curious to any feeling or thought that may come.

Reflective free-flowing

Shaun McNiff has suggested the process of conscious reflection of what is happening in the present moment. In the last three activities that we did, we tried to be kind, gentle, welcoming, compassionate and curious to the different sensations, thoughts and feelings that arise. In this last activity, let us try to do contemplative writing by expressing our experience in a free-flowing writing. Here are some guidelines when doing reflective free flow writing exercise.

  • Just let the words flow.
  • Do not try to sensor what you write.
  • Do not mind the grammar, language, or form.
  • Feel free to write it in the language you are comfortable expressing.
  • Just continuously write until you have exhausted all the feelings or thoughts you have experienced whether it is a pleasant or unpleasant.
  • When you are done, read what you wrote and sense inside how does this experience feel inside your body.

As Pablo Picasso once said, “Art washes from the soul the dust of everyday life.” We hope that these simple mindfulness and expressive arts exercises were able to help you dust off the everyday stress you
are experiencing.

References:

  • About Us. ieata. (n.d.). Retrieved April 21, 2022, from https://www.ieata.org/
  • Art Of Healing Dr Amir Farid Isahak. (2019, July 29). Inner dance of healing qi. The Star. Retrieved April 21, 2022, from https://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/viewpoints/art-of-healing/2008/06/22/inner-dance-of-healing-qi
  • Kabat-Zinn, J. (2018). Meditation is not what you think. Piatkus.
  • Malchiodi, C. A. (2020). Trauma and expressive arts therapy: Brain, body, and imagination in the healing process. NY: Guilford Publications
  • Rappaport, L. (2009). Focusing-oriented art therapy: Accessing the body’s wisdom and creative intelligence. London and Philadelphia: Jessica Kingsley Publishers
  • Rappaport, L. (2014). Mindfulness and the arts therapies: Theory and practice. Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

Categories
Blog Everyday Thriving Wellbeing Practices

Calm, Connect and Cultivate towards More Effective Parenting

parenting

As parents, we are fueled by what is best for our children. We want our children to
grow stable, well-adjusted and equipped with skills to survive, as well as thrive in life.

These lofty goals make parenting fulfilling and meaningful, and it is also no easy feat. There is the constant pressure to know how to provide and respond to the needs of our child at any given moment.
But let’s face it, we have moments when we wonder if what we’re doing is really what’s best for our children. We question our capacity to parent our children.

I can’t seem to pacify my child during a meltdown.

My child refuses to listen and follow what I say.

My teen doesn’t want to talk to me about anything.

I get so upset and angry with my child, it’s so frustrating.

In these situations, we usually try to manage our children’s behavior by using strong, hurtful words and punitive action.

If you don’t pack away your toys, no You Tube time this afternoon.

You’re going to get into a lot of trouble if you don’t finish your homework.

Stop acting like a baby, it’s not a big deal.

Because I said so.

We threaten, we bribe, we punish, we withdraw certain privileges in the hopes of getting our children to behave and comply. We become dismissive of our children. We take control of the situation with little
consideration or understanding what our kids might be going through.
Let’s take a moment to notice, if any of the scripts and strategies above have been effective or helpful in the long run? Most likely, no.
These may even serve to escalate the situation, to provide quick fixes until the unwanted behavior happens again, and to rupture relationships instead of our original parenting intention of long-lasting caring and raising our children well.

What can we as parents do?

What are more effective ways of dealing with children, especially during difficult and upsetting situations? What will work, what can be more helpful for parents and children to overcome tough moments

Dr. Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson’s Whole Brain (2014) approach to parenting, offers a place to start. This perspective places emphasis on understanding the way the brain works and develops. The brain
shapes who we are and what we do. It has various components and functions that need to work together for us to achieve balance and integration.

Emphasis is further placed on how the brain’s capacity for integration is significantly shaped by experience.

The experiences and responses parents provide, lay the foundation for children’s development towards stability, independence and resilience. With appropriate supports, we help our children improve decision-making and problem-solving, have better control of their body and emotions and strengthen themselves and their relationships.

Are these not some of the very things we want for our children, to find success in various aspects of life and development?

The 3 C’s towards Effective Parenting

How can this be achieved?

The 3 C’s of Calm, Connect and Cultivate can serve as a quick guide.

Developing the skill and practice to Calm, Connect and Cultivate, underscore the importance of being attuned to our child in the middle of chaos and conflict. Developing regulation and co-regulation skills
can help improve the ways we relate with our children, especially during tough situations –when your child kicks, screams, refuses to listen, refuses to respond, when your child is inconsolable.

1. CALM

We cannot calm our child when we are not calm ourselves.

It truly is easier said than done, but it can be done with practice, patience and intention! Self-regulation can become our parent superpower when we are mindful of our current feelings and reactions during stressful situations, and aware of our own thoughts and beliefs about the behavior of our children.

When we learn how to self-soothe and bring about a state of calm, we create a space to recognize that difficult behaviors are cues which tell us that children are having a tough time. Children may experience
big feelings which they may not necessarily recognize or have the skills yet to deal with more effectively. So they act up and act all sorts of out of control. If we meet their frustration with our own, the situation escalates as emotions go unchecked and unvalidated, and behaviors become more difficult to manage.

Pause and take a breath

Taking a few moments to pause, breathing in and out allows us to calm
feelings and to step back from a triggering situation and potentially intense emotions. It also models behavior that we can cultivate in children when they are going through a tough time.

Self-affirming statements

Self-soothing statements can also be effective as it builds an awareness to one’s current state. Words of affirmation such as, “My feelings are valid,” or “I can’t control how I feel, and I can control how I respond,” or “I am doing my best at this moment,” convey messages that build
self-compassion and self-kindness. It affirms the intentionality of supporting and connecting with our children. There are a myriad of statements, and it is about choosing powerful statements that calms and build toughness too.

Self-soothing activities

There are many other ways to pause and self-soothe to prepare yourself to connect with your child. These depend on what works and what is available to you. Simple activities like taking a short walk, listening to music, playing with a pet, writing or drawing in a journal are some examples.

Think before you speak

Training oneself to take pause and being mindful of the words we say builds a practice of regulating the self and controlling impulses. Take pause to think if your words are helpful and supportive of your child, or if it conveys validation and support. Thinking before speaking implies taking pause and bring the calm in to make better decisions about what and how to communicate and connect.

Practicing these regularly not only during stressful times, strengthen the mind and the body to respond to difficult situations in a more mindful way. We become less reactive when we are calm. The ability to
self-regulate builds our patience to take pause and wait for our children to be ready to engage. Being calm and staying calm then allows us to connect.

2. CONNECT

The warm and responsive interactions between parents and children especially during moments of stress and chaos and conflict, are opportunities for children to learn to understand and modulate their thoughts, feelings and behavior. When a parent feels calm, connection with their children can follow as both parent and child strive to reach states of calm. A child learns to respond instead of react when the parent models this and teaches the child regulation skills, when the child is good and ready.

A parent who takes a non-reactive, non-threatening stance allows the child to feel seen and heard, to regain a sense of control to listen and to make more thoughtful decisions of responding and behaving more effectively.

Give affection

During a meltdown, a child is so overcome with emotion and can feel threatened and unsafe with the intensity of their feelings. A warm hug, gentle stroking of the hair or a soft back rub can give children a sensory experience to ground them in the present, a space to recognize difficulties currently encountered. This allows discovery of their ability to recover. A parent’s calm supportive presence even without words sends the message that you are there for your child when he or she needs you most.

Speak in a soothing, calm voice

Speaking in a low and slow voice similarly helps soothe a child, allowing the child to feel intense negative emotions, and to sit with the discomfort as you the parent hold a space of trust and comfort.

HALT

Staying with your child (while in a Calm state) allows you to assess the function of the behavior. Some of these functions include Hunger, Anger, Loneliness and Tiredness. Decoding the particular trigger and function of behavior facilitates a more appropriate response thereby building skills and character.

Actively listen to your child

This strategy involves mirroring what a child tells you and conveying back to your child the meaning as well as the content of what was said. This gives a child the sense that his or her feelings and thoughts are valid and that you the parent recognize these.

Validate and emphatize

Statements like, “Don’t worry about it,” or “Just relax,” or “You’re just tired,” may seem harmless but they are actually dismissive and serve to invalidate and minimize the experience and feelings of the child, without us noticing it. Similarly, statements like “Just do it again,” or “Just stop crying, it’s not a big deal” gloss over the challenges that children are facing, indirectly telling them that it’s not okay to feel the way that they do in that moment.

Statements of validation and empathy that reflect what the child is feeling and going through, are empowering for a child and helps them be ready and open to engage and communicate further. When done successfully, this can open more spaces to connect and cultivate ways to teach and support children to respond to feelings and situations more mindfully.

There are many different ways of connecting with the child in times of chaos and distress, and it’s about finding which are most helpful for you as a parent, for your particular child and what response or strategy would be appropriate at the given moment.

3. CULTIVATE

The suggested strategies for calming and connecting outlined above can be helpful if it is cultivated. It is discovering and building practices to nurture and protect the parent-child relationship. Learning how to calm and connect will help ease the process of teaching children to be reflective, to learn skills and gain insight on themselves in relation to others, and to figure out how they can respond better to those around them. We cultivate practice to become more intentional in responding to our children – building nurturing relationships with them, inspired by connection and teaching with care and compassion.

It is also important to remember to cultivate practice in the everyday moments. Our lives are filled with the small day to day moments, that provide rich ground to parent our children most effectively. A gentle word, a comforting hug, and the many other ways we choose to nurture and connect with our children are opportunities to shape our relationship with them, and to equip them with skills that will help them live with kindness, intention and resilience.

References:

Rosanbalm, K. D., & Murray, D. W. (2018). Co-regulation from birth through young adulthood: A practice brief. Duke University, 1-10.

Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2014). No-drama discipline: The whole brain way to calm the chaos and nurture your child’s developing mind. Bantam Dell Publishing Group.

Siegel, E. D., & Bryson, T. P. (2011). The whole brain child: 12 revolutionary strategies to nurture your child’s developing mind. Scribe Publications Pty Ltd.

Categories
General

One Treasure

“You are the One treasure, so you need to come to know who you really are.” 

-Sr. Rosario Battung, RGS,  Zen Teacher and Social Activist

In a few days, we will be pausing in observance of the culmination of the Lenten season. Although a Catholic tradition, the Holy Week holiday can provide everyone, even those not religiously affiliated, a much-needed opportunity to take a step back and gain a grounding perspective in life.

Spirituality is one of the key dimensions to holistic wellbeing, and one’s spiritual experience does not have to be tied up with organized religion.

In a broader sense, as defined in the Wheel of Wellbeing  (Sadigh & Sadigh, 2008),  spirituality can be understood as “a sense of connection to something bigger than ourselves, and a source greater than the material world.  It means discovering the essence of our being and our deepest values by which we live by. It is the quest for finding the meaning of life and our life purpose.”  Living with a deeper why is vital to our resilience. It gives us the courage, clarity, and determination to withstand the turbulent forces of change and adversity which will always be part of human life. 

As we enter this period of sacred pause and reflection, allow me to share a deeply inspiring teaching from my Zen teacher, Sr. Rosario Battung. Sr. Rosario (Chayong as she was fondly called) lived an extraordinary life as a Catholic nun, a Zen practitioner for over four decades, and a social activist whose life became the inspiration for the critically-acclaimed Filipino film Sister Stella L. We had a private interview a few months before she passed away as is customary for teacher and student in Zen practice. At that moment, I knew that I was receiving an exquisite and very profound teaching, which I immediately transcribed in my journal. Little did I know that these were to be her “final instructions.”  Her message has become more and more special each time I came home to it– alive and constantly reaching into my soul.  It is my honor and joy to share with you the words of Sr. Rosario. I am sure you will find that it speaks to each and every human heart.

It is essential to know the art of paying full attention to yourself because it is this Self that reaches out to others. No one benefits when you put yourself aside. Instead, you need to be your full Self. The one responding needs to be full. We’re always on-the-go helping others, but we’re not doing justice to others and to ourselves unless we’re paying full attention to ourselves. 

The bell of the present moment calls your name. Hold the horses and ask yourself, what is the main thing? Who is holding the reins of this present moment? What is at the heart of now? Face yourself and know what it is you need to be attending to.   

Make space in your life to experience your True Self. It will tell you who you really are. You are distracted by helping others and set aside your innate Self. You think something else is more important other than your True Self.    

There is one treasure hidden in one body. You are the One Treasure, so you need to come to know  who you really are. Give your full attention to that One Treasure. Celebrate it with joy, your True Self is present. 

One Treasure: An Invitation to Pause and Reflect

  1. When have I experienced myself as the One Treasure? What did these moments feel like? What conditions made it possible for me to experience myself in this way?
  2. In my everyday life, what gets in the way of experiencing the One Treasure, my full Self? What “horses” are preventing me from coming home to the present moment with my full Self?
  3. What is one commitment that I could make to honor and discover this One Treasure?
Categories
Blog Everyday Thriving

Making Space for Me: Gifting Ourselves with a Deep Reset this Holiday Season

reset

We bade 2020 with a jubilant good-bye perhaps not realizing how 2021 would present even greater challenges and disruptions in our fight against Covid-19. Those of us who continued to work from home have struggled with blurred work-life boundaries, leading to stress and exhaustion, for some even burnout. We had to endure another year of limited face-to-face contact with our friends and co-workers, which has led to deeper feelings of isolation and loneliness. Parents working from home have to make it through the daily hurdles of managing family life along with increased work demands.  A Harvard Business Review survey among 1500 workers in 46 countries found that 85% reported a decline in their general wellbeing since the start of Covid-19. Survey respondents cited mental health decline, increased job demands, basic physical needs, home-life struggles, and isolation, and disengagement from work as some of the top contributors to this drop in wellbeing. In light of these pressing realities, self-care practice has become a daily necessity in order to facilitate stress recovery and prevent physical and mental illness.  

As the year ends and we begin to down-shift  into the holiday season, we should not lose sight of the opportunity we have to pause and provide ourselves the space and time for a deep reset. Many of us have probably become all too familiar with living on overdrive and powering through to get things done. We want to be a person that others can rely on, to be seen as competent,  and make a significant contribution to the endeavors we are a part of. However, neglecting our need for replenishment, not taking our wellbeing seriously, can work against our aspirations to grow and thrive. We can ask ourselves, do I just want to keep my motor going frantically on high speed until my tank runs empty and breaks down, or can I drive at a safe speed and allow myself moments of stopping and filling-up so that I can enjoy the ride? The choice is ours to make. And as we contemplate on  this question, we can take inspiration from beloved poet, Mary Oliver, reminding us of what it means “to go easy” on ourselves.     

When I am Among the Trees

Mary Oliver

When I am among the trees,
especially the willows and the honey locust,
equally the beech, the oaks and the pines,
they give off such hints of gladness.
I would almost say that they save me, and daily.

I am so distant from the hope of myself,
in which I have goodness, and discernment,
and never hurry through the world
but walk slowly, and bow often.

Around me the trees stir in their leaves
and call out, “Stay awhile.”
The light flows from their branches.

And they call again, “It’s simple,” they say,
“and you too have come
into the world to do this, to go easy, to be filled
with light, and to shine.”

Going easy on ourselves does not mean complacency and not taking responsibility. It means making space for Me to connect with my best self, with the goodness and light that allows us to give from the wise and compassionate center that is in each one of us. It is not only for ourselves that we need to go easy. It is also for the people we love and care about because constantly hurrying through the world makes it impossible for us to truly pay attention and be present.  

Author and meditation teacher, Larry Ward, said, “We need to design our life so we can wake-up.” Making space for Me this holiday break and beyond means making time in our life to “walk among trees”—that is, to experience the voluntary simplicity of slow and quiet moments that are so essential to the process of growing and becoming whole. We can design our life so that we can wake up from the trance of getting stuck with mindless doing. This holiday season, we can give ourselves the gift of a deep reset, fostering recovery and healing for our mind, body, and spirit so that we can step into the next year feeling renewed from the inside out.

Ways to Get Into a Deep Reset this Holiday Break

1. Unplug

Give yourself at least a few days to completely unplug from work. Stow-away your laptop, turn off notifications on your devices, and give yourself a break from incessantly checking text messages. Our habits of constant busyness and stimulation can tax our nervous systems, leading to chronic stress. Unplugging means stepping out of the stress reactivity cycle, giving ourselves room to rest and restore our energy.

2. Play

According to Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw, “We don’t stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing.”  Play is a very rejuvenating experience that needs to be part of our life regardless of age. Being in play mode fosters the nervous system’s relaxation response and allows us to release emotional and physical tension. Engaging in play cultivates our creativity, which includes the ability to see new perspectives or approach problems from a unique angle. We can play by making time to fully enjoy a hobby, doing something that doesn’t require “efforting”, or jumping into having fun with others and letting go of worries even for a moment. 

3. Connect

Human beings are hard-wired for connection. Experiencing positive and meaningful connection both with ourselves and others is deeply restorative. This holiday break, make time for attentive and warm conversations, plan to have ample time to be with a loved one or someone whose presence gives you joy, connect with nature by taking a quiet walk or hike in a place where you can enjoy nature views. 

4. Reflect

The practice of reflecting is a way of looking into ourselves and our experiences from a place of genuine curiosity, openness, and kindness. It’s not about picking on our mistakes or hyper-focusing on our weaknesses. Reflecting can be our way of inviting ourselves into a space of gratefulness, stopping to appreciate all the conditions of happiness that are in our life that we tend to lose sight of when we are too busy. It can also mean allowing ourselves to quiet our minds to be clearer about what truly matters to us. We can reflect by journaling, reading books or listening to podcasts that inspire and deepen our hope, and by participating in online retreats.

Categories
Blog Everyday Thriving Thrive at Work Wellbeing Practices

Teaming to Thrive

Teaming to Thrive

By now it has become quite evident that the only way forward is to adapt to

a new reality where there is no “normal.” We have been turbulently oscillating like particles in a snow globe, adjusting to change and disruption at every turn. This is felt by organizations and workplaces everywhere. We are facing a massive evolution and we need to pay attention to what it’s teaching us that will enable us to survive and even thrive. One of the most important learnings has been that we cannot afford to sacrifice human wellbeing, particularly in the workplace where chronic stress has been at a crisis level even prior to the pandemic (World Health Organization, 2019). The pandemic has amplified this crisis to a tipping point that can no longer be ignored. Harvard Business Review (What Covid Has Done to Our Well-being, February 2021) reports from a worldwide survey conducted in 46 countries that 85% of respondents (mostly knowledge workers) said their general wellbeing has declined since the start of the pandemic while 89% indicated a decline in their workplace wellbeing. 

Many workplaces worldwide have been realizing the value of taking action on the mental health and wellbeing needs of their employees. We can see this shifting consciousness as a positive transformation that can emerge from this crisis. However, deep change requires commitment to culture-building initiatives that foster workplace conditions where people can feel safe, supported, and inspired to grow. An important aspect of cultivating a wellbeing culture is by being intentional about teaming practices.

Being part of a caring and supportive team buffers employees from chronic stress and burnout by making people feel safe to connect, contribute, be creative, and even to be challenged.

When Google conducted Project Aristotle in 2016, a research on what makes a sustainable high performing team, they found that the most critical factor in determining team success was psychological safety (The New York Times, February 2016).

Harvard organizational scientist Amy Edmondson describes psychological safety as “a shared belief held by members of a team that the team is safe for interpersonal risk taking.”

Administrative Science Quarterly, 1999

Safety in our social environment primes our nervous system to be calm, open, and receptive to others as opposed to being defensive, rigid, and hostile. 

Team leaders and managers play an essential role in modeling and initiating skillful teaming practices. However, each team member has the opportunity to effect change toward building a safe and compassionate team culture. We cannot leave successful teaming to chance, especially in these times of remote work when so many are feeling the strain of social isolation. Having meaningful connections, feeling that you matter, and participating in shared goals can nurture our wellbeing. What is good for our wellbeing also translates into productivity with less “efforting” and struggle.  It’s about harnessing the power of human interconnection and it’s what has enabled the human race to survive and continue to thrive as a species.               

Effective teaming needs consistency and doesn’t happen overnight. But the yields far outweigh the investment. Whether your team is just taking first steps or farther along in the journey, we encourage you to try these teaming practices as a way of fortifying individual and collective wellbeing.  

1. Integrate Mindfulness to Strengthen Self-Awareness and Self-Regulation

Building psychologically safe teams requires that each member learns to take responsibility for managing their feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. Trust and healthy risk-taking can only flourish if we know that people around us have the ability to interact skillfully and compassionately. Mindfulness creates the space, the pause, so that we can step back and become aware of what is happening within and outside of us. By practicing mindfulness we empower ourselves to engage in a wise response instead of giving in to an urge that might hurt others and ourselves. 

  • Minute to Arrive- Give a minute of silence at the start of each meeting for everyone to take a few breaths and be fully present. This helps calm the mind and set the atmosphere for mindful communication. (Source: SIYLY Adaptive Resilience Team Practices)
  • Midpoint Check-In- A mid-point check-in introduces a pause in the middle of a meeting to reflect on how the conversation is going. It can be guided by questions such as, “How am I feeling about this?”, “Are we listening to everyone?”, “What perspective are we missing?”, “What’s getting in the way of us moving forward?” (Source: SIYLY Adaptive Resilience Team Practices)
  • Set team norms for being present by closing emails and chats, silencing phones/notifications, making eye contact and listening actively during meetings. 

2. Building Empathy 

Empathy enables us to connect with and respect the feelings and perspectives of others. Having differences and misunderstandings will always be part of our team experience. Empathy gives us the capacity to bridge these differences by understanding and validating where the other person is coming from. 

  • Appreciations and Acknowledgements- Set aside a few minutes during a meeting during which team members are invited to acknowledge or appreciate someone in the team.
  • Opening Check-In- Do a round to check-in at the beginning of each meeting by having each person share responses to prompts such as, “How are you arriving to this meeting?” “What is something that gives you hope/strength?”, “How do you need to feel supported right now?” 
  • Check Assumptions- Remote work settings can present challenges in communication because we have less information to accurately perceive each other’s tone, emotions, and intentions. When a text message or e-mail makes you feel uncomfortable or agitated, suspend judgment, and take a moment to directly connect with the person through a quick call or video chat.

3. Strengthen Team Bonds

By taking time to share moments of connection, we build the trust and belief that team members have each other’s best interests in mind. With this comes honesty and vulnerability. As ropes of connection become stronger, people gradually become more willing to lower their waterlines.  Remote work does not have to hinder teams from experiencing creative and enjoyable ways to connect online. 

  • Wellbeing Buddy- Team members can pair-up to support each other on their wellbeing aspirations by checking-in with each other on their self-care practices, sharing resources, and simply providing space for compassionate listening. Buddies can be rotated every couple of months.  
  • Hang-outs- Create spaces for team members to interact without an agenda. This can be through a 15-minute hang-out time before a meeting, a virtual group lunch, or coffee break. Hang-outs could also be a time to share hobbies and recreational interests.

4. Getting Better at Having Difficult Conversations

Effective teaming requires honesty and courage to have difficult conversations. When team members experience positive outcomes from approaching instead of avoiding difficult conversations, psychological safety is reinforced and team members become more confident in their ability to manage these situations in the future.  

  • Rehearse Difficult Conversations- Teams can proactively discuss and establish a skillful process for having difficult conversations without waiting for problems to occur. Create a mock scenario and have team members contribute to the team’s “best practices” for managing a difficult conversation. These best practices can then become the team’s ground rules for when actual situations arise.    
  • Anchor on Common Ground- Help team members work through disagreements by shifting the perspective to what they have in common, what their best intentions are, and what they both want to achieve.  

Cultivating a workplace culture that is psychologically safe is nuanced–it isn’t as simple as it sounds. There are existing workplace structures, hierarchies, personalities and other factors to consider. And it is also not an impossible goal.

Contact us to get started on cultivating psychological safety in your workplace.

Categories
General

PEACE Be With You: How to Skillfully Navigate Through the Pandemic

Calm

With the onslaught of mostly distressing news about the COVID-19 pandemic,

it is natural to find it challenging to relax and keep calm. Fear and anxiety can get overwhelming amidst the uncertainty and disruption of normal life. To cope, we sometimes tell others and ourselves to “stay calm”. But in times like these, it is understandably easier said than done. This is because calming down takes skills.

The good news is that with practice, skills can be developed and nurtured. The more we use a skill, the more we can master it.

In Space Calm, a mindfulness-based group program for children and teens, participants learn specific life skills they can use to cope with strong emotions such as anxiety, fear, anger, sadness, and loneliness. These are the PEACE skills: Presence, Emotional awareness and understanding, Acceptance, Compassion, and Engagement with others.

Adults and youth alike can benefit from practicing these skills during this challenging time. This could even prove to be the best time to build a skill or two, as you would have even more motivation to manage unpleasant emotions. So, take a look and invite your loved ones – both young and old – to join you in practicing and cultivating these skills.

P – Presence

This is the skill of bringing one’s full attention to what is in the moment. This is a key aspect of mindfulness practice. There’s extensive research evidence in the past 40 years of the many benefits of mindfulness on health and wellbeing. For one, mindfulness practice has been shown to increase resilience to stress and burnout. There have also been significant reductions in attention, behavioral, and anger problems, as well as decreased symptoms of depression and anxiety among youth who practiced mindfulness.

Cultivate the skill:

  1. Five senses – Our senses are the entry point to the present moment. Pause and, without judgment or evaluation, simply notice: 5 things you see; 4 things you can feel on your skin; 3 things you can hear; 2 things you can smell; and 1 thing you can taste at this precise moment in time. (This can be fun to do with others. Take turns in sharing what you’ve become aware of through your senses.)
  2. Mindful activity of daily living – Choose one daily activity that you intend to do mindfully everyday during the week (e.g., brushing your teeth, eating breakfast, combing your hair, taking a shower, etc.). Every time you do this routine activity, focus your full attention on it. If you get distracted, notice what distracted you and then gently bring your attention back to what you are doing. Notice the body sensations and emotions you feel during this “simple awareness” exercise.
  3. Mindful eating – Choose a small piece of food to eat mindfully (examples: a raisin, a bite-sized chocolate, or a small piece of cookie) and place it on your palm. Focus on it and observe its shape, color/s, and other details you can see. Pay attention to how it feels on your skin; turn it over or around slowly and notice its texture. Slowly put it close to your nose and savor its smell. Place it gently inside your mouth and let it sit on your tongue for a while. Notice what’s happening inside your mouth. Savor the taste that’s coming out from this small piece of food. Then, move it with your tongue and slowly bite it with your teeth. Notice the flavors oozing from it. As you swallow slowly, let your attention dwell on your throat and the sensations you feel there. Once you’re done, take a few moments to observe how you feel.
    (You may also check out this video of children demonstrating how to eat more mindfully)

E – Emotional awareness and understanding

This is the capacity to be aware of emotions and be comfortable with any emotion without needing to avoid it or indulge it. This skill allows individuals to calmly recognize emotions with openness and curiosity, with the wise understanding that emotions come and go. 

Cultivate the skill:

  1. Name the emotion – Take several pauses a day to check what emotions are there in the moment. Recognize each one. Still yourself when you feel the need to push a feeling away. Allow yourself to sit with the emotions for a minute or two.
  2. Feel the emotion – Check where in your body you feel the emotion. For instance, where do you feel the anxiety – your head, chest, or tummy? Focus on the body sensation for a minute.
  3. Draw the emotion – Draw an image to represent what you are currently feeling. For those of you who have kids, invite them to do this with you. Then, take turns in talking about the emotion. You can even make it a game and guess what emotion each image represents! (Just one rule: No one makes a judgment about the person or the emotion being felt.)

A – Acceptance

This is the skill of being at peace with what is being experienced in the moment. When we resist what is (e.g., fear, sickness, boredom, etc.), we create more suffering because fighting what is in the here and now is a losing battle. (It is already here!)

“Suffering equals pain times resistance.”

Shinzen Young, a mindfulness teacher and neuroscience research consultant

What creates the suffering is the thought that the pain, discomfort, or unpleasant emotion shouldn’t be here (i.e., non-acceptance of what’s here). 

Cultivate the skill:

  1. Smile at it – List down 5 things you’re struggling to be at peace with. Rank them from smallest to biggest struggle. Starting with your smallest struggle, experience the pain or discomfort, feel it in your body as much as you can, but this time, imagine yourself smiling at it. Then, let your lips curve into an actual smile. Smile at the pain or discomfort like it’s your friend. Repeat this exercise, over a few days if needed, until you feel you’ve fully accepted and befriended it. Then, move to the 2nd smallest struggle and so on.
  2. Accepting hands – When you catch yourself resisting what’s in the moment, take time to pause for 1-2 minutes and sit in a comfortable position. You may close your eyes or lower your gaze. Put your hands on your lap with the palms up and fingers relaxed. Feel your body accepting what’s in the moment through your hands. (For instance, if you find yourself worrying and wanting to push away the worry, practice accepting the reality that you feel worried with accepting hands.)

** These exercises make use of the body-mind connection by having your body communicate to your brain.

C – Compassion

This is the capacity of sensing others’ and our own pain and suffering and taking an action to ease away this suffering. Scientific evidence has shown that feeling loved (in contrast to feeling unloved) and being loving (in contrast to being indifferent) helps develop optimal human functioning in relation to stress hormones, immune system functioning, frontal cortical processing, creativity, and the capacity for happiness

Paul Gilbert, Chapter 7, Compassion: Bridging Practice and Science 

Cultivate the skill:

  1. Compassion in action for self – Purposefully and mindfully do one kind thing for yourself each day. Examples: eat a healthy snack, do yoga, or have a relaxing bath. You probably do such things already but the key here is being intentional in giving love and being kind to you.
  2. Compassion in action for others – Purposefully and mindfully do one kind thing for another person each day. Examples: send a sweet note to a family member or a friend, share your food to someone who’s hungry, or massage your mom’s back.
  3. Loving-kindness meditation – This meditation aims to foster feelings of goodwill, kindness, and warmth towards others and self. Here are a few suggested resources:

E – Engagement with others

The skill of engagement refers to one’s ability to relate and interact with others effectively by being curious, attuned, respectful, and empathic (CARE). Social connection is a basic human need. Our brains are wired to connect with one another.

Our capacity to reach out, connect, and interact with others ensures the survival and reproduction of our specie. Social isolation, or lack of social connectedness, has been linked to health risks.

Matthew D. Lieberman (author of Social: Why Our Brains are Wired to Connect)

Thus, effective engagement with others is an essential skill to learn. With this skill, you can make more meaningful relationships with others, lessen conflicts and misunderstandings, and work with others in a peaceful way.

Cultivate the skill:

Choose a person you haven’t paid much attention to or you find difficult to relate with. Practice the skill of engagement by demonstrating CARE every time you talk to him or her. Notice what’s different this time in your engagement compared to before.

  1. Curiosity – Take a not-knowing stance and an active interest in the other person.
  2. Attuned communication – As you talk, listen deeply to yourself and the other (What do I feel and want? What does he/she feel and want?). Communicate clearly and kindly (How can I be kind to myself and the other person while I communicate what I feel and want?).
  3. Respect – Mindfully act in a way that shows the other you care about his/her feelings and wellbeing.
  4. Empathy – Open your heart and mind to sense and understand what the other is experiencing.

Here’s a summary of the PEACE skills and ways to cultivate them:

Practice Exercises
P
Presence		Paying attention to what’s in the moment1. Five senses
2. Mindful activity of daily living
3. Mindful eating
E
Emotional awareness and understanding		Being aware of emotions as they arise and understanding that emotions come and go1. Name the emotion
2. Feel the emotion
3. Draw the emotion
A
Acceptance		Being at peace with what is here and now1. Smile at it
2. Accepting hands
C
Compassion		Sensing and easing away the suffering of self and others1. Compassion in action for self
2. Compassion in action for others
3. Loving-kindness meditation
E
Engagement		Engaging with others in a curious, attuned, respectful, and empathic way (CARE)1. Curiosity
2. Attuned communication
3. Respect
4. Empathy

With practice, we can become skillful in coping with uncertainties and difficulties. We can become PEACEful.

May PEACE be with you!

Categories
Blog News & Events

Dr. Jabby Herrera spoke at She Talks Asia Summit 2021

It was such an honor for us at We Thrive to have one of our founders,
Dr. Jabby Herrera invited as a speaker to #REFRAME: The #SheTalksAsiaSummit 2021!

Last March 27, 2021, Dr. Jabby Herrera sat down for a virtual panel discussion with She Talks Asia co-founders Lynn Pinugu and Iza Calzado for the segment “Reframe Your Life”.

The panel discussion focused on revisiting messages sold to women, how these messages contribute to shaping what we know of the world and how we make decisions.

It was a very lively and fruitful discussion that included topics such as happiness, unconscious biases, relationships and falling in love with ourselves and our lives.

Take a look at some of the event photos below:

Dr. Jabby Herrera
Image credit: She Talks Asia Facebook Page
  • Dr. Jabby Herrera
  • Dr. Jabby Herrera
Photo credit: She Talks Asia Instagram

Thank you to the all the participants and organizers who made the event meaningful and very successful!

Contact us if you would like to invite Dr. Jabby Herrera or any of our We Thrive consultants to speak about mental health and wellbeing.

Categories
Blog

Welcoming Ourselves Home

This holiday season is like no other, marking the closing of an indescribable
year, for which hyperbole falls short.  We were in a collective roller coaster of emotions.
Most certainly, we’ve had our share of shock, disbelief, confusion, sadness, grief, anger, fear, panic, exhaustion, numbness…Although perhaps just as real and present were moments of relief, calmness, openness, hope, warmth, kinship, and even gratitude. We’ve played host to this psychedelic rainbow of feelings. Being hospitable to how we feel is not always easy.
Many times, we don’t even want to pay attention to its knocking, until it forcefully barges right in!

We are not wired to welcome our difficult feelings, of which we’ve all had a great deal of in this time of planetary crisis.  It’s a self-protective mechanism we’ve inherited from our ancestors to keep ourselves at a distance from danger. However, unfortunately, this inherent threat response can tag our own emotions as unsafe. The unhealthy consequence of keeping the door shut to our emotional experiences is that we become estranged to ourselves. We lose the opportunity to accept, understand, and love ourselves more deeply. More often than not, our feelings are not asking more than simply to be validated, that is to acknowledge their presence without being judged or dismissed. They just need a place to lay down and rest for a while.

            The holidays can be a time of busyness, stress, and distraction.
Giving in to these “holiday demands” could lead to even more emotional distress and shortchange us from the true gifts this season has to offer.

This year of radical change and disruption gives us a most compelling invitation to practice the warmest hospitality to our inner lives. We can choose to open the door into moments of silence and solitude, creating a manger for the wisdom and growth that can bud within us, when we choose to pause and look inside, see how we really are, appreciate who and what we have, ask what truly matters to us, and allow our experiences to be our teachers. Research on wellbeing tells us that cultivating wellbeing rests on our practice of awareness, connection, insight, and purpose. It all begins with opening the door and being hospitable to ourselves. Karl Rahner, a Jesuit theological scholar, said about Christmas,

“This feast takes place within you, even within your very self. It takes place within you when you are silent…”

We can make wellbeing the centerpiece of our feasting in these most extraordinary times. Find quiet moments, read a book that makes you happy,  make an inventory of what you’re grateful for, put your planning mind on pause, flow into moments of connection with loved ones, meditate and pray, write on your journal, spend time enjoying the living world. There are varied and creative ways to experience being present to ourselves. Open the door and let yourself in.

We Thrive’s Suggested Resources for Wellbeing During the Holidays:

www.gratefulness.org

www.selfcompassion.org

https://centerhealthyminds.org/about/why-well-being

Categories
Blog

Small Steps, Big Impact: 6 Micro-practices for Thriving Amidst the Pandemic

Almost eight months into this Coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic and without a vaccine available, many of us remain cautious and stay home to prevent the transmission of the virus. With this massive health crisis continuing to disrupt systems big and small, uncertainty and anxiety continue to be present in our day to day lives.

It is exhausting. It really is.

And yet, we continue to take the challenge head on. We try our best and show our resilience, every single day no matter how tiring or stressful it might be. Still, we do not definitively know how much longer this is going to drag on. How are we going to keep ourselves from burning out?

Science clearly tells us that taking care of oneself is the most essential thing we can do in order to properly care for someone else. We therefore wish to emphasize that in order to be more effective, more resilient and have more impact, it is essential to take proactive steps to manage stress and recharge body and mind. Taking any small step to bolster personal well-being, is not just an investment for oneself, but also in one’s ability to make a difference in the lives of others. (thriveglobal.com)

Self-care does not have to entail long stretches of time and big effort. And realistically speaking, with everything on our plate on a daily basis, we don’t really have the time or brain space for massive changes. Micro-practices can make a huge difference—it’s the small actionable steps, those mini-pauses, that matter more in the long run. All it takes is just a few minutes, and sometimes even just one mindful breath.

6 Micro-practices of Self-Care for Thriving: 

1. Deep Breathing/Paced Breathing

SCIENCE: Shallow breathing is part of the fight-or-flight response that causes secretion of stress hormones, eventually making the body more vulnerable to inflammation and disease. Breathing at a more calmed pace helps dial down the fight-or-flight response so the body can stop pumping unnecessary cortisol and adrenaline. (health.harvard.edu)

PRACTICE:

  • Find a quiet, comfortable place to sit or lie down.
    • First, take a normal breath.
    • Then try a deep breath: Breathe in slowly through your nose, allowing your chest and lower belly to rise as you fill your lungs (e.g. 4 counts). Let your abdomen expand fully.
    • Now breathe out slowly through your mouth or your nose, whatever feels more natural (e.g. 6 counts).
    • Repeat this breathing cycle for 10 times.
  • Once you’ve taken the steps above, you can move on to regular practice of controlled breathing. As you sit comfortably with your eyes closed, blend deep breathing with guided imagery, focusing on a word or phrase, or counting your breaths on the exhales.
  • You can use this breathing practice any time you feel stressed or tense.
2. Yoga Stretches

SCIENCE: The meditative quality of yoga triggers a well-studied physiological change known as the relaxation response.

Sun Salutation Variation Sitting On Chair Yoga (Surya Namaskar ...

This relaxation response has the following benefits:

  • lowers blood pressure, heart rate, breathing rate and oxygen consumption
  • decreases levels of adrenaline the stress hormone cortisol
  • boosts mood, decreases anxiety and depression
  • improves sleep

PRACTICE: Seated Sun Salutation (Images taken from Tummee.com)

3. S.T.O.P. – Shift from Reactive to Responsive

SCIENCE: In high-stress/high-emotion situations, our fight-or-flight tends to cause tunnel vision that leads us to interpret events or situations negatively. Sometimes causing us to act impulsively, say or do things we later regret.

PRACTICE: STOP

When you are feeling alarmed, stressed, or reactive:

  • Stop what you’re doing. Put things down for a minute.
  • Take a few deep breaths. Breathe normally and naturally, following the flow of air in and out of your nose.
  • Observe your experience as is. Notice bodily sensations, thoughts, and emotions with curiosity—no judgements.
  • Proceed with what feels like a wise next step. Ask yourself “What feels supportive in this moment?”
4. Shifting from Harsh Inner Critic to Self-Compassionate Talk

SCIENCE: Self-compassion is a practice that involves directing compassion for oneself during a time of suffering. It consists of three elements— mindfulness (present-focused awareness), common humanity (the understanding that one’s experience is similar to others, thus potentially reducing one’s sense of alienation), and self-kindness (using kind gestures or phrases toward oneself to support oneself). Self-compassion practices have been shown to have the following benefits:

  • improve positive affect, social connection, and self- and other-focused affect
  • espouses growth mindset and helps maintain peace of mind
  • increases productivity and performance even after failure
  • activates nurturance and soothing system that leads to greater feelings of wellbeing

PRACTICE: If you tend to struggle with negative self-talk whenever you make a mistake or feel like you could have done more, try these:

  • Write down the self-critical words that come to your mind, and ask yourself “Would I say these to a friend who is struggling?”
  • Develop a list of easy-to-remember self-compassionate statements such as:
    • I am trying my best. That is enough.
    • It’s understandable that I feel this way.
    • I am not perfect. No one is.
    • I know I didn’t mean for things to turn out this way.
5.  Connecting to Purpose

SCIENCE: A sense of purpose appears to have evolved in humans so that we can accomplish big things together—which may be why it’s associated with better physical and mental health. Purpose is adaptive, in an evolutionary sense. It helps both individuals and the species to survive.

PRACTICE:

  • Sit quietly with your feet in contact with the floor.
  • Take a few moments to settle down, breathing in deeply, inhaling and exhaling comfortably.
  • Feeling the contact of your feet on the solid ground beneath, gently and kindly ask yourself, “What values do I want to hold on to as I do my work and face this challenging situation?”
  • Feeling into the heart or chest area, gently and kindly ask yourself, “What do I wish to give or offer?”
  • Stretching the spine upward and reaching out to the sky, gently and kindly ask yourself, “What accomplishment would mean most to me in this work I’m doing?”  
6. Gratitude

SCIENCE: In a study at UC Davis, subjects who wrote down one thing for which they were grateful every day reported being 25% happier for a full six months after following this practice for just three weeks. A gratitude practice has been associated with increased vitality, improved kidney function, reduced blood pressure and stress hormone levels, and a stronger heart. (Mindfulness: The New Science of Health and Happiness, Time Special Edition)  

“Gratitude blocks toxic emotions, such as envy, resentment, regret and depression, which can destroy our happiness. It’s impossible to feel envious and grateful at the same time.”

Dr. Robert Emmons

PRACTICE: Three Good Things

At the end of each day, think about three things that went well that day, large or small, and describe why you think that happened. Remember the 4Ws (what went well why) as you write these.

This simple practice can be really powerful because it contributes to the past (remembering and appreciating what happened), present (noticing and savoring the positive feeling as you recall each good thing) and future (trains your mind to balance out negativity bias). By reflecting on the sources of these good things, the idea is that you start to see a broader ecosystem of goodness around you.

We hope that you get to try at least one of these micro-practices. And remember Richard Davidson’s words “Happiness and wellbeing are best regarded as skills” so let’s all practice, practice, practice.