This holiday season is like no other, marking the closing of an indescribable year, for which hyperbole falls short. We were in a collective roller coaster of emotions. Most certainly, we’ve had our share of shock, disbelief, confusion, sadness, grief, anger, fear, panic, exhaustion, numbness…Although perhaps just as real and present were moments of relief, calmness, openness, hope, warmth, kinship, and even gratitude. We’ve played host to this psychedelic rainbow of feelings. Being hospitable to how we feel is not always easy. Many times, we don’t even want to pay attention to its knocking, until it forcefully barges right in!
We are not wired to welcome our difficult feelings, of which we’ve all had a great deal of in this time of planetary crisis. It’s a self-protective mechanism we’ve inherited from our ancestors to keep ourselves at a distance from danger. However, unfortunately, this inherent threat response can tag our own emotions as unsafe. The unhealthy consequence of keeping the door shut to our emotional experiences is that we become estranged to ourselves. We lose the opportunity to accept, understand, and love ourselves more deeply. More often than not, our feelings are not asking more than simply to be validated, that is to acknowledge their presence without being judged or dismissed. They just need a place to lay down and rest for a while.
The holidays can be a time of busyness, stress, and distraction. Giving in to these “holiday demands” could lead to even more emotional distress and shortchange us from the true gifts this season has to offer.
This year of radical change and disruption gives us a most compelling invitation to practice the warmest hospitality to our inner lives. We can choose to open the door into moments of silence and solitude, creating a manger for the wisdom and growth that can bud within us, when we choose to pause and look inside, see how we really are, appreciate who and what we have, ask what truly matters to us, and allow our experiences to be our teachers. Research on wellbeing tells us that cultivating wellbeing rests on our practice of awareness, connection, insight, and purpose. It all begins with opening the door and being hospitable to ourselves. Karl Rahner, a Jesuit theological scholar, said about Christmas,
“This feast takes place within you, even within your very self. It takes place within you when you are silent…”
We can make wellbeing the centerpiece of our feasting in these most extraordinary times. Find quiet moments, read a book that makes you happy, make an inventory of what you’re grateful for, put your planning mind on pause, flow into moments of connection with loved ones, meditate and pray, write on your journal, spend time enjoying the living world. There are varied and creative ways to experience being present to ourselves. Open the door and let yourself in.
We Thrive’s Suggested Resources for Wellbeing During the Holidays:
Almost eight months into this Coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic and without a vaccine available, many of us remain cautious and stay home to prevent the transmission of the virus. With this massive health crisis continuing to disrupt systems big and small, uncertainty and anxiety continue to be present in our day to day lives.
It is exhausting. It really is.
And yet, we continue to take the challenge head on. We try our best and show our resilience, every single day no matter how tiring or stressful it might be. Still, we do not definitively know how much longer this is going to drag on. How are we going to keep ourselves from burning out?
Science clearly tells us that taking care of oneself is the most essential thing we can do in order to properly care for someone else. We therefore wish to emphasize that in order to be more effective, more resilient and have more impact, it is essential to take proactive steps to manage stress and recharge body and mind. Taking any small step to bolster personal well-being, is not just an investment for oneself, but also in one’s ability to make a difference in the lives of others. (thriveglobal.com)
Self-care does not have to entail long stretches of time and big effort. And realistically speaking, with everything on our plate on a daily basis, we don’t really have the time or brain space for massive changes. Micro-practices can make a huge difference—it’s the small actionable steps, those mini-pauses, that matter more in the long run. All it takes is just a few minutes, and sometimes even just one mindful breath.
6 Micro-practices of Self-Care for Thriving:
1. Deep Breathing/Paced Breathing
SCIENCE: Shallow breathing is part of the fight-or-flight response that causes secretion of stress hormones, eventually making the body more vulnerable to inflammation and disease. Breathing at a more calmed pace helps dial down the fight-or-flight response so the body can stop pumping unnecessary cortisol and adrenaline. (health.harvard.edu)
PRACTICE:
Find a quiet, comfortable place to sit or lie down.
First, take a normal breath.
Then try a deep breath: Breathe in slowly through your nose, allowing your chest and lower belly to rise as you fill your lungs (e.g. 4 counts). Let your abdomen expand fully.
Now breathe out slowly through your mouth or your nose, whatever feels more natural (e.g. 6 counts).
Repeat this breathing cycle for 10 times.
Once you’ve taken the steps above, you can move on to regular practice of controlled breathing. As you sit comfortably with your eyes closed, blend deep breathing with guided imagery, focusing on a word or phrase, or counting your breaths on the exhales.
You can use this breathing practice any time you feel stressed or tense.
2. Yoga Stretches
SCIENCE: The meditative quality of yoga triggers a well-studied physiological change known as the relaxation response.
This relaxation response has the following benefits:
lowers blood pressure, heart rate, breathing rate and oxygen consumption
decreases levels of adrenaline the stress hormone cortisol
boosts mood, decreases anxiety and depression
improves sleep
PRACTICE: Seated Sun Salutation (Images taken from Tummee.com)
3. S.T.O.P. – Shift from Reactive to Responsive
SCIENCE: In high-stress/high-emotion situations, our fight-or-flight tends to cause tunnel vision that leads us to interpret events or situations negatively. Sometimes causing us to act impulsively, say or do things we later regret.
PRACTICE: STOP
When you are feeling alarmed, stressed, or reactive:
Stop what you’re doing. Put things down for a minute.
Take a few deep breaths. Breathe normally and naturally, following the flow of air in and out of your nose.
Observe your experience as is. Notice bodily sensations, thoughts, and emotions with curiosity—no judgements.
Proceed with what feels like a wise next step. Ask yourself “What feels supportive in this moment?”
4. Shifting from Harsh Inner Critic to Self-Compassionate Talk
SCIENCE: Self-compassion is a practice that involves directing compassion for oneself during a time of suffering. It consists of three elements— mindfulness (present-focused awareness), common humanity (the understanding that one’s experience is similar to others, thus potentially reducing one’s sense of alienation), and self-kindness (using kind gestures or phrases toward oneself to support oneself). Self-compassion practices have been shown to have the following benefits:
improve positive affect, social connection, and self- and other-focused affect
espouses growth mindset and helps maintain peace of mind
increases productivity and performance even after failure
activates nurturance and soothing system that leads to greater feelings of wellbeing
PRACTICE: If you tend to struggle with negative self-talk whenever you make a mistake or feel like you could have done more, try these:
Write down the self-critical words that come to your mind, and ask yourself “Would I say these to a friend who is struggling?”
Develop a list of easy-to-remember self-compassionate statements such as:
I am trying my best. That is enough.
It’s understandable that I feel this way.
I am not perfect. No one is.
I know I didn’t mean for things to turn out this way.
5. Connecting to Purpose
SCIENCE: A sense of purpose appears to have evolved in humans so that we can accomplish big things together—which may be why it’s associated with better physical and mental health. Purpose is adaptive, in an evolutionary sense. It helps both individuals and the species to survive.
PRACTICE:
Sit quietly with your feet in contact with the floor.
Take a few moments to settle down, breathing in deeply, inhaling and exhaling comfortably.
Feeling the contact of your feet on the solid ground beneath, gently and kindly ask yourself, “What values do I want to hold on to as I do my work and face this challenging situation?”
Feeling into the heart or chest area, gently and kindly ask yourself, “What do I wish to give or offer?”
Stretching the spine upward and reaching out to the sky, gently and kindly ask yourself, “What accomplishment would mean most to me in this work I’m doing?”
6. Gratitude
SCIENCE: In a study at UC Davis, subjects who wrote down one thing for which they were grateful every day reported being 25% happier for a full six months after following this practice for just three weeks. A gratitude practice has been associated with increased vitality, improved kidney function, reduced blood pressure and stress hormone levels, and a stronger heart. (Mindfulness: The New Science of Health and Happiness, Time Special Edition)
“Gratitude blocks toxic emotions, such as envy, resentment, regret and depression, which can destroy our happiness. It’s impossible to feel envious and grateful at the same time.”
At the end of each day, think about three things that went well that day, large or small, and describe why you think that happened. Remember the 4Ws (what went well why) as you write these.
This simple practice can be really powerful because it contributes to the past (remembering and appreciating what happened), present (noticing and savoring the positive feeling as you recall each good thing) and future (trains your mind to balance out negativity bias). By reflecting on the sources of these good things, the idea is that you start to see a broader ecosystem of goodness around you.
We hope that you get to try at least one of these micro-practices. And remember Richard Davidson’s words“Happiness and wellbeing are best regarded as skills” so let’s all practice, practice, practice.
