Category: Everyday Thriving

ADHD Diagnosis: Complexities and Caveats

Post author By Rissa Coronel
Post date September 30, 2024
No Comments on ADHD Diagnosis: Complexities and Caveats

The Philippines has made significant strides in mental health awareness, thanks to professionals, advocates, and service users’ efforts. Initiatives such as the Philippine Mental Health Act (R.A. 11036) and the recognition of the rights of psychosocial disabilities under the Magna Carta for Disabled Persons (R.A. 7277) have played pivotal roles in this progress. Advocacy groups are also pushing for legislation like the Neurodivergent People’s Rights Act (H.B. 9787).

Despite these advancements, stigma and misunderstanding surround neurodevelopmental disorders, particularly Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). This is a developmental disorder characterized by patterns of hyperactivity, inattention, or a combination of the two. A diagnosis is given based on the severity of symptoms, level of impairment, and the presence of symptoms since childhood. Globally, ADHD affects 5-7.2% of youth and 2.5-6.7% of adults ^,^,^; but Philippine figures are unfortunately scarce and outdated.

Consider a young boy in his Grade 1 classroom, labeled as “makulit,” “pasaway,” and even “bad,” while he struggles with symptoms of ADHD that go unrecognized. Similarly, imagine a woman in a bustling high-rise building, where her difficulties staying organized lead to exclusion from important email correspondences and social gatherings, all because her colleagues are unaware of her ADHD diagnosis.

Unfortunately, ADHD is still so often shrouded in stigma. Those grappling with the disorder find themselves wrestling to keep pace with the demands of daily life, be it at school, work, or social settings.

Recognizing ADHD as a genuine challenge and not a character flaw, is vital for supporting individuals and dispelling misconceptions.This condition, when properly diagnosed, can be life-saving, paving the way for individuals to alleviate suffering and reclaim their power. But however well-intentioned, there is still a risk of overdiagnosis- an issue that is particularly prevalent in the realm of ADHD, but also within the realm of mental health diagnoses at large. Overdiagnosis can occur due to various factors, ranging from clinician practices to caregiver influences, but this often looks like overprescription of medications and unnecessary interventions. In the case of ADHD, changes in criteria in the

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders between its fourth and fifth editions have contributed to this concern- it added examples of symptoms seen in adolescents and adults, lessened impairment criteria, and revised the age of onset.

We must also remember that for children, a certain level of kulit is normal and developmentally appropriate. It is a quintessential part of childhood, after all — to dash around, create chaos, and indulge in one’s imagination. However, what distinguishes ADHD diagnosis is the severity and persistence of symptoms over time to the point that there is impairment.

Context also may play a role in facilitating overdiagnoses and misdiagnoses. While legislative progress and heightened awareness have improved access to care, our “digital by default” age has introduced new challenges, further complicating the diagnostic process for mental health disorders. For example, during the pandemic, the proliferation of misleading TikTok videos about ADHD posed a significant risk, as many individuals were facing attention challenges. A study revealed that over half of these videos were misleading, with non-healthcare professionals being the primary uploaders, potentially leading to widespread misinformation and self-diagnosis among their viewers.

On the other hand, many individuals may go undiagnosed until much later, their struggles well-masked by societal expectations and coping mechanisms. There exist gendered differences in the diagnosis of ADHD: boys are significantly more diagnosed with ADHD compared to girls due to differences in presentation. Girls with ADHD often exhibit the inattentive type, which may not manifest as disruptive behavior and consequently may be overlooked for treatment unless their symptoms significantly impact their daily functioning.

And with any diagnosis, whether physical or not, early intervention is crucial. Effective treatment during childhood can significantly improve symptoms and overall functioning, leading to better outcomes. Unfortunately, if left untreated until adulthood, ADHD can result in chaotic lifestyles, other co-occurring mental disorders, and challenges in various aspects of life.

The journey towards an ADHD diagnosis can be unexpectedly complex. For individuals who resonate with ADHD symptoms, every step of the way demands cautious decision-making. It is crucial to be discerning with the information you consume and the healthcare providers that you trust. Ensure that they are equally diligent.

Self-reflection is also essential. Clarify your “why” behind seeking a diagnosis—It could be that receiving ADHD treatment might help you lead a much more fulfilling life. It could also be that you want relief from years of overcompensation. Whatever your “why” is, seeking a comprehensive assessment is essential in this process to tailor-fit treatment to your unique brain. It is not a one-size-fits-all diagnosis, however general the diagnostic manual may make it appear to be; a detailed picture of how your mind works, pinpointing your strengths and challenges, will help specify what you need.

Seeking consultations from various professionals, such as clinical psychologists and psychiatrists, can offer valuable insights and interventions for managing ADHD. Therapy is a crucial component of tailored interventions—it provides individuals with a safe space to learn more about themselves, as well as equips them with essential skills and strategies to cope with their symptoms. Additionally, executive function coaching can further empower individuals with ADHD to navigate daily challenges effectively and achieve their goals. Executive function coaching focuses on enhancing skills like organization, time management, and task prioritization- these are skills that are often affected by ADHD symptoms. By addressing these areas, your quality of life may be significantly enhanced.

Despite the leaps and bounds in mental health perceptions, access, and service delivery, there is still much work to be done. Whether for ourselves or others, there is no time like the present to advocate for better education on mental health concerns like ADHD. Indeed, it is an ongoing journey to challenge misconceptions, develop discernment, and embrace the complexities of these issues. However, it is essential to see the merit in all this effort, to recognize that finally receiving the proper help can save lives. By advocating for improved access to accurate diagnosis and comprehensive treatment, we can empower individuals with ADHD to finally thrive in their communities.

For Executive Functioning (EF) coaching and other clinical services, contact us at clinic@wethriveinc.com.

Sources:

https://lawphil.net/statutes/repacts/ra2018/ra_11036_2018.html
http://hrlibrary.umn.edu/research/Philippines/RA%207277%20-%20Magna%20Carta%20of%20Disabled%20Persons.pdf
https://hrep-website.s3.ap-southeast-1.amazonaws.com/legisdocs/basic_19/HB09787.pdf
Posner J, Polanczyk GV, Sonuga-Barke E. Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder. Lancet. 2020;395(10222):450–462. doi: 10.1016/S0140-6736(19)33004-1.
Song P, Zha M, Yang Q, Zhang Y, Li X, Rudan I. The prevalence of adult attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder: A global systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of Global Health. 2021;11:04009. doi: 10.7189/jogh.11.04009.
Thomas R, Sanders S, Doust J, Beller E, Glasziou P. Prevalence of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder: a systematic review and metaanalysis. Pediatrics. 2015;135(4):e994–e1001. doi: 10.1542/peds.2014-3482.
Merten, E. C., Cwik, J. C., Margraf, J., & Schneider, S. (2017). Overdiagnosis of mental disorders in children and adolescents (in developed countries). Child and adolescent psychiatry and mental health, 11, 1-11.
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. DSM-5 Changes: Implications for Child Serious Emotional Disturbance [Internet]. Rockville (MD): Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (US); 2016 Jun. Table 7, DSM-IV to DSM-5 Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder Comparison. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK519712/table/ch3.t3/
American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Neurodevelopmental disorders. In Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text rev.).
Yeung, A., Ng, E., & Abi-Jaoude, E. (2022). TikTok and attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder: a cross-sectional study of social media content quality. The Canadian Journal of Psychiatry, 67(12), 899-906.
Bruchmüller, K., Margraf, J., & Schneider, S. (2012). Is ADHD diagnosed in accord with diagnostic criteria? Overdiagnosis and influence of client gender on diagnosis. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 80(1), 128–138. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0026582
Ginsberg, Y., Quintero, J., Anand, E., Casillas, M., & Upadhyaya, H. P. (2014). Underdiagnosis of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder in adult patients: a review of the literature. The primary care companion for CNS disorders, 16(3), 23591.

Tags ADHD, mental health, mental health Philippines, We Thrive Consultancy and Wellbeing Services, wellbeing, wellbeing practices, wethrivewellbeing

Blog Everyday Thriving General Wellbeing Practices

Eco-diving, Mindfulness, and the Art of Buoyancy in Daily Living

Post author By Rhoanne Ramas
Post date June 7, 2024
No Comments on Eco-diving, Mindfulness, and the Art of Buoyancy in Daily Living

As a diver, I am captivated by the underwater world’s wonder, beauty, and diverse range of life. However, with this fascination comes the responsibility to experience the underwater realm in a way that respects and preserves its delicate ecosystems. This has led me to adopt the principles of eco-diving, mindfulness, and buoyancy, which have not only transformed my diving experiences but also profoundly impacted my daily life.

I now view everyday life as a journey filled with challenges, choices, and opportunities for growth. Amidst the hustle and bustle, I have found unexpected inspiration and guidance. The principles of eco-diving, which focus on minimizing our impact on the environment, have taught me to be more mindful of my actions and their consequences. Mindfulness, which involves being present at the moment and observing my thoughts and emotions without judgment, has helped me develop a greater sense of self-awareness and emotional regulation. The concept of buoyancy, which refers to the ability to control one’s depth and movement underwater, has taught me the importance of balance and adaptability in all aspects of life.

Here are some nuggets of wisdom I have learned along the way that I feel are worth sharing:

1. Making Sustainable Choices

As I navigate the aisles of grocery stores or scroll through online shopping platforms, I am often reminded of the impact of my choices on the environment. Inspired by eco-diving, I have begun to prioritize sustainability in my purchases. Opting for reusable products over single-use plastics, choosing items with minimal packaging, and supporting eco-conscious brands have become small yet meaningful steps toward reducing my ecological footprint. While seemingly insignificant, these choices collectively contribute to a more sustainable lifestyle that aligns with my values and commitment to protecting the planet.

2. Embracing Mindfulness

Amid busy schedules and never-ending to-do lists, it has become crucial to have moments of mindfulness to maintain my mental well-being. Drawing inspiration from my experiences underwater, where every breath serves as a reminder to stay present in the moment, I am trying to incorporate mindfulness practices into my daily routine. Whether it is taking a moment to fully appreciate the aroma of my morning coffee, enjoying a brief walk to appreciate the beauty of nature, or doing breathing exercises before bed, these moments of stillness help me to stay grounded in the present and provide a sense of tranquility amidst the chaos of life.

3. Engaging in Active Conservation Efforts

Although I do not get to go diving very often, my passion for marine conservation goes beyond just exploring the ocean’s depths. After seeing the positive impact of community-driven initiatives while eco-diving, I have actively sought opportunities to contribute to local conservation efforts. This has included participating in beach clean-ups, volunteering with environmental organizations, and promoting sustainable practices within my community as much as possible. Through these experiences, I have realized the power of collective action in preserving our planet. They have allowed me to make a more significant impact and given me a sense of connection and purpose that goes beyond myself.

4. Finding Balance Amidst Chaos

In a world that can often feel chaotic and overwhelming, it has become a constant pursuit to master the art of buoyancy, both underwater and in daily life. As I adjust my buoyancy to maintain stability in the water, I have learned to navigate life’s ups and downs with resilience and adaptability. Trying to prioritize self-care, setting boundaries, and embracing imperfection have become invaluable tools to maintain balance amidst life’s challenges. While the journey towards equilibrium may be ongoing, each moment of grace and resilience serves as a reminder of the inherent strength within myself.

5. Cultivating Connections with Nature

Despite the demands of modern life, I have made a conscious effort to reconnect with nature in meaningful ways. I take leisurely walks and pause to admire the beauty of the sky. These moments of communion with the natural world nourish my soul and replenish my spirit. The awe inspires me, and the wonder I experience underwater has helped me appreciate the intricate beauty of the world around me and the profound interconnectedness of all living beings.

6. Mindful Consumption

As I continue to learn and navigate the complexities of consumer culture, I have become increasingly mindful of my consumption habits and their impact on the planet. Drawing from the principles of buoyancy control, which emphasize awareness of one’s surroundings, I have cultivated a more conscious approach to shopping and consumption. Whether reducing waste, opting for sustainable alternatives, or supporting local artisans and businesses, each choice reflects my commitment to being a responsible steward of the Earth’s resources.

7. Embracing Community and Collaboration

One of the most important lessons I learned from my experiences underwater is the power of community and collaboration in bringing about positive change. Last year, I went on a solo dive trip with the Coral Reef & Rainforest Conservation Project (CRCP). I witnessed firsthand how eco-divers work together to protect vulnerable marine ecosystems. Since then, I have been actively seeking opportunities to collaborate with like-minded individuals and organizations in my community. Whether joining forces for environmental advocacy, volunteering for conservation projects, or simply sharing ideas and resources, these collaborative efforts remind me of our collective strength in shaping a more sustainable future.

The principles of eco-diving, mindfulness, and buoyancy can guide us toward a more conscious, connected, and compassionate existence in our daily lives. These timeless truths can help us navigate the complexities of modern living and find solace and inspiration. Embracing the journey with an open heart and a sense of wonder can lead us to a more fulfilling life. As a diver, I have learned valuable lessons by adopting these principles, becoming a more responsible and balanced individual who strives to positively impact the environment and the people around me.

References:

https://biologicaldiversity.org/programs/population_and_sustainability/sustainability/live_more_sustainably.html
https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2022/10/3-ways-help-consumers-make-more-sustainable-choices
https://www.greenmatch.co.uk/blog/how-to-be-more-eco-friendly
https://www.unep.org/explore-topics/resource-efficiency/what-we-do/sustainable-lifestyles
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/power-mindful-consumption-why-cultivate-restful-world-khan-bhaduri
https://coralreefandrainforestconservationproject.org/
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0969698923002783
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1877042815020200

Tags eco-diving, mindfulness, restorative practices, Rhoanne Ramas, wellbeing, wellbeing practices

Blog Everyday Thriving Thrive at Work

Creating workplaces where “care” matters

Post author By Jan Gabriel Castaneda
Post date October 31, 2023
No Comments on Creating workplaces where “care” matters

The month of October is Mental Health Month, and this year we are focusing on how to build workplaces that embody wellbeing. To learn more about our ongoing work with organizations to create these cultures of care in their workplaces, stay tuned for our upcoming activity Leading with Care: The Neuroscience and Practice of Leading a Culture of Care in the Workplace on 07 November 2023.

In We Thrive, we look at mental health as the coming together of many different factors which determine the capacity of a person to live in a way that allows them to reach their fullest potentials. Of course, our individual exercise of our faculties is critical: how we cope with difficult experiences and savor positive ones; how we pay attention to how we feel and think about ourselves and the world; how we interact with others and take part in their lives; and so on. Nowadays, we refer to things like this using the umbrella term “self-care” (ISF, 2023). But as we probably already know, individual efforts are sometimes not enough to reach. We don’t always cope particularly well; we aren’t always able to stop and smell the roses; we aren’t always able to pay attention to what’s happening; and our ability to be part of other people’s lives, or let them be part of ours, is not always at its best. Sometimes, you need help. “The ability to ask for and obtain help is a valuable life skill,” as psychologist Debbie Sorensen puts it, partly as a comment to our culturally-ingrained hyper-focus on independence (Sorensen, 2022). So besides “self-care”, realizing our potentials includes the essential component of togetherness, where interdependence is just as prized as independence, and where reaching one’s potentials is not simply an individual effort. We can call this “community care”: as author and psychotherapist Minaa B. defines as “[using] our power, privilege, and resources to better the people who are both in and out of our scope of reach” (Minaa B., 2021).

The idea that “our wellbeing is contagious” gives us a sense of how embedded the impulses of community care actually is in our human makeup, and how our own health and flourishing depends as much on others as it does on our own efforts in ways that sometimes surprises us (Suttie, 2020). And in relation to workplace stress and one of the primary mental health challenges of “[managing] the pressures so that life is productive and enjoyable” (Teasedale, 2006), the idea of community care can provide a more integrative approach to ensuring the wellbeing of people in the context of groups and institutions. We know for example the consequences of a lack of consideration of wellbeing can be, with losses in the millions whether we’re referring to potential profits or working days lost to attrition or sick leaves (Graveling et al., 2008). Conversely, we know about the even greater benefits taking wellbeing seriously has to all kinds of organizational and business outcomes (Sears, Shi, Coberley, & Pope, 2013). But where do you begin? In this article, we want to share some advice about how to apply the concept of “community care” to thinking about how organizations can build up its practices towards creating workplaces where “care” is integral rather than supplemental to the overall business strategy.

Community care in three categories

Thanks to some clever analysis of the literature, researchers were able to offer a more condensed definition of this widely and wildly defined idea of self-care: “The ability to care for oneself through awareness, self-control, and self-reliance in order to achieve, maintain, or promote optimal health and well-being” (Martínez, Connelly, Pérez, & Calero, 2021). Using these three concepts, we can organize our thinking about wellbeing along these lines and how they might apply to community care. How can workplaces create spaces and relationships where people can support each-other’s capacities for awareness, self-control, and self-reliance?

Awareness. This is about the ability to monitor, measure, and interpret one’s experiences (or “symptoms”, as used in their paper). This awareness is the natural first step to achieving wellbeing: after all, you cannot act wisely without the appropriate information. Applied to community care, this means helping each-other bring attention to our concerns, whether this means identifying specific forms of support or simply articulating some difficulty in or out of work in order to have some much-needed emotional release. Besides this, it also means helping each-other bring attention to our wins, allowing us to become more present to moments worth celebrating and appreciating. And building on the idea of interpretation, awareness is about bringing attention to the “meaning” of experiences, and helping each-other discern how our experiences at work match up with our values, beliefs, goals, and how we want life to be in general.

Reflection: Are employees afforded the necessary resources, opportunities, and structures to cultivate greater awareness? Do the relationships between peers and between team members and team leaders foster a sense of safety and security where people are not only able but encouraged to work together to identify, articulate, and respond to their experiences as a community?

Self-control. In the words of Martínez and colleagues, self-control is the “product of a person acting as a unitary being and engaging in regulation and control of their self and emotions”. Achieving wellbeing, whether we like it or not, requires perseverance, sustained effort, and more than a little strategizing. Applied to community care, this means helping each-other initiate and build on the habits necessary for regulation, maximizing our individual abilities to contain and ground ourselves. It also means creating relationships and systems within the workplace that don’t unnecessarily tax these abilities. Borrowing the researchers’ use of the term, self-control in the context of community care means thinking of the community as a “unitary being”, where each person must in some ways exercise responsibility for another’s capacity to recover and return to states of calm and ease.

Reflection: Are employees afforded the necessary resources, opportunities, and structures to cultivate greater self-control? Do the relationships between peers and between team members and team leaders foster that sense of trust that, to the extent possible, we can rely on one-another as a means of regulating when things get tough?

Self-reliance. Though not defined directly in the study, the researchers offered a case study about a man who “sustained a wound to his right leg when he slipped in a canyon” but that, while he “was aware of the injury”, the man “did not treat the wound, and his entire leg became swollen, red, and hot”. So while taking consideration of the case study’s particular context, we can think of self-reliance as our ability to initiate the appropriate actions by ourselves, which requires a level of self-efficacy, self-trust, and a general belief that we can do something with our circumstances. Applied to community care, this means helping each-other create the necessary cognitive and behavioral scaffolding in our work to both have the appropriate level of trust in our own abilities (remember: asking for help is an important skill) and the necessary skills for acting on that self-confidence in productive and meaningful ways. Using the case study, self-reliance is both about trusting that your team will help you with the wound and also about your team trusting you enough to at least clean and dress the wound first.

Reflection: Are employees afforded the necessary resources, opportunities, and structures to cultivate greater self-reliance? Do the relationships between peers and between team members and team leaders create an environment that is not only challenging but also encouraging?

For mental health support services, email us at resilientteams@wethrivewellbeing.com or contact us to sign-up for sessions with our mental health clinicians.

References (in order of appearance)

https://www.liebertpub.com/doi/full/10.1089/pop.2012.0114

Tags culture of care, everyday thriving, mental health, We Thrive Consultancy and Wellbeing Services, wellbeing, wellbeing practices, wellbeing resources, wethrivewellbeing, workplace wellbeing

Blog Everyday Thriving Thrive at Work Thrive in School Wellbeing Practices

To hear and be heard: ideas for meaningful conversations for nurturing life

Post author By Jan Gabriel Castaneda
Post date September 29, 2023
No Comments on To hear and be heard: ideas for meaningful conversations for nurturing life

The month of September is celebrated globally as Suicide Prevention and Awareness Month. To learn more about suicide and how we can support each-other, see this article. If you need to talk to someone or if you are in need of urgent help, please proceed to the nearest hospital emergency room, or proceed to the end of this article for the contact numbers of various local 24/7 crisis lines.

Stereotypes aside, as an organization providing psychological care, We Thrive’s work admittedly has a lot to do with conversations. It is something we take for granted, not always realizing that this very peculiar human capacity is one of the building blocks of human civilization (Crystal et al., 2023). Conversations are also one of the building blocks of human life: as psychologist Lucy Foulkes puts it, when conversations “allow us to learn something important about ourselves, about the other person, or about the world” (Foulkes, 2021), truly remarkable things happen. Such conversations, when they are “meaningful”, can turn even otherwise mundane chatter (what we label “small talk”) into subtle gateways for deeper interactions (Macquire, 2023). They make possible the flourishing of all those aspects of being human: sensing and holding our emotions (Lieberman et al., 2007), articulating the various aspects of the self (McLean and Morrison-Cohen, 2013), developing new behaviors and perspectives (Albright et al., 2016), relieving and easing painful experiences (Kardas, Kumar, and Epley, 2021), making sense of life as a whole (Tarbi et al., 2021), and much more. Speech of this kind has a literal healing effect, hence the well-earned stereotypical predominance of “talk therapy” methods in clinical psychological practice (Lindberg, 2023). As social beings, as author Arthur Dobrin puts it: “With conversation, we find a place where we belong” (Dobrin, 2011).

In our ongoing observance of Suicide Prevention and Awareness Month, we want to offer some practical points for reflection for having meaningful conversations, particularly those you want to check in on and support through difficult experiences.

The look and feel of a meaningful conversation

The main feature of a meaningful conversation is the experience of being “heard” — an experience which is, without exaggeration, “one of the most basic, yet potent needs we have as social beings” (Fowler, 2022). Most of us know from personal experience how painful not being heard can be, and how influential it can affect our own ability to hear others. Not being heard can have many precipitating factors: maybe there are basic differences in communication style (Khiron Clinic, 2021); or maybe the capacities of one or both people in the conversation to hold big or uncomfortable feelings are limited (Brosch, 2015). It could be some other factor, like adverse childhood experiences (Zlate, 2020), which are not within our present control. Whatever the case, when we are not heard, some of our most fundamental needs — the needs to feel that “we are taken seriously, that our ideas and feelings are acknowledged, and that we have something to share” (Nichols, 1995) — cannot be met.

So how do we get to meaningful conversations where we feel taken seriously, acknowledged, and feel that what we share has value? We may be tempted to offer advice right away or resort to offering affirmation.

But “problem-solving” is not the same as “hearing”, and our impulse to give instructions or shoo away difficult feelings with aspirations of pleasantness, while usually very well-intentioned, may not reflect the other person’s true needs. This is what is often meant by “toxic positivity”: when the resolution to be quote-unquote “happy” is not grounded in the present reality which might demand more emotional complexity.

So having said that, what does “hearing” actually look like? Thankfully, a few scholars have looked into this. In a series of studies, the concept of being “heard” — described by the authors succinctly as “a key variable of our time”, given our modern propensities for distractions — was operationalized according to five components (Roos, Postmes, and Koudenburg, 2021). Here, we will present how these were understood and some points for reflection to guide how we apply these to making our conversations truly meaningful.

Recognizing our “voice”. This is about “being able to express myself freely, that is, being able to say what I want to say.” In meaningful conversations, there must be that sense that, while some social filters might be appropriate in any given situation, we are able to say what we think or feel without fear of being criticized, demeaned, or thought poorly of. It is the sense that, right or wrong aside, what we say is welcomed.

Reflection: In our conversations, do we offer a sense of security that allows the other person to say what they need to say, and that we are willing and able to welcome what they say — even if they’re about something difficult and uncertain?

Receiving “attention”. This is about feeling that the other person “focused their attention on what I said”. In meaningful conversations, there is a conscious effort to home in on the details, verbal or otherwise. It is the sense that what we say merits curiosity, and that there is a richness in what is being said that is worth patiently drawing out.

Reflection: In our conversations, do we offer expressions of interest that communicate to the other person that what they have to say is important, and that we really want to understand them?

Receiving “empathy”. This is the perception that “the other tried to take my perspective and emotionally understand me.” In meaningful conversations, the affective contents of what we say — not just the words, but the conditions that led us to say what we say — are appreciated. It is the sense that the other person is resonating with us at a level that is deeper than the dictionary definitions of our statements, and that we are allowed to speak with more vulnerability, confident that, at the minimum, our vulnerability will be cared for.

Reflection: In our conversations, does our presence invite the other person to let their guard down, even a little, so that what they say communicates more truthfully what their hearts dictate? (At least to the extent possible, given the circumstance. Emotions are complex, after all!)

Receiving “respect”. This is the feeling that the other person “valued what I said (my voice) and me as a person”. In meaningful conversations, while all human activity is prone to human errors of misunderstanding, we are taken and honored as we are. It is the sense that whatever prejudices there may be are set aside — or at least owned up to, honestly — and that the interaction is grounded in a commitment to the fact that we are human beings deserving of compassion.

Reflection: In our conversations, does our approach show the other person that we accept and honor them as they are, however and whatever they may be?

Experiencing “common ground”. This is the perception that we can “understand each other’s point of view”. In meaningful conversations, there is a kind of exchange that allows both people’s perspectives to be influenced in a constructive way, allowing not just greater understanding of the nuances of these differences, but a greater appreciation of how such differences can lead to the same goals of cultivating a more meaningful life. While there may be significant divergences in the way we come to our conclusions, these conclusions are ultimately grounded on a desire for the greatest good — and that our conception of the “good” can be deepened and strengthened by one-another.

Reflection: In our conversations, do we communicate an openness to hearing the other person’s views, and an openness for our own views to be positively influenced by them?

Being able to initiate and sustain such a potent human activity is one of our best means for promoting healing for ourselves and one-another. By cultivating these five components, we can be better placed to leverage the power of conversations to cultivate human flourishing both within and beyond our difficult experiences.

For mental health support services, email us at resilientteams@wethrivewellbeing.com or contact us to sign-up for sessions with our mental health clinicians.

If you need to talk to someone or if you are in need of urgent help, please proceed to the nearest hospital emergency room, or call these 24/7 crisis lines:

DOH-NCMH Hotline

0917-899-USAP (8727)

0966-351-4518

0908-639-2672

(02) 7-989-USAP (8727)

1553

Hopeline PH

0917-558-HOPE (4673)

0918-873-4673 (HOPE)

(02) 8-804-HOPE (4673)

2919

In Touch Crisis Line

0917-800-1123

0922-893-8944

(02) 8-8937603

References (in order of appearance):

https://psyarxiv.com/73jgn/

Tags listening skills, mental health, validation, We Thrive Consultancy and Wellbeing Services, wellbeing practices, wethrivewellbeing, World Suicide Prevention and Awareness Month

Blog Everyday Thriving

Pag-unawa sa ating layunin: mga ideya mula sa Sikolohiyang Pilipino

Post author By Jan Gabriel Castaneda
Post date August 25, 2023
No Comments on Pag-unawa sa ating layunin: mga ideya mula sa Sikolohiyang Pilipino

Isa sa mga pinakaimportanteng aspeto ng trabaho namin sa We Thrive ay ang

pagsuporta sa sa mga indibidwal at mga organisasyon para mas mabuo ang kanilang kakayahang intindihin, himayin, at isakatuparan ang kanilang mga layunin.

Lahat tayo ay may sarili nating layunin, at lahat tayo ay may sarili nating paglalakbay patungo kung saan-man tayo pinapadala ng layunin na ‘to. Ang pagtuklas nito ay pwedeng mangyayari sa pagsusuri sa kung ano ba talaga ang mahalaga sa sarili nating buhay; sa pag-unawa ng ating mga kakayahan natin, at kung para saan ba talaga yung mga nasasabing “skills” and “talents” na ‘yon; at sa pagbibigay ng oras at lakas sa serbisyo ng tinatawag na “greater cause”, katulad ng relihyon, kabansaan, at iba pa (Suttie, 2020). Kung anuman yan, alam natin na yung pagkilala ng ating layunin sa buhay — or sa ibang salita, “sense of purpose” — ay nakabuti sa ating kabuoang kalusugan (Whitbourne, 2023). Sa sarili nating salita: ang “sense of purpose” ay nakakabuti sa ating “pagkatao”, o ang pagkakila at pag-isabuhay ng ating “shared humanity”; at ang ating “pakikipagkapwatao”, o ang pagpapakita ng ating pag-unawa ng pagkatao ng iba sa ating pakikipag-ugnayan sa kanila (Lagdameo-Santillan, 2018). Sa ating kultura, importante ang dalawang aspeto na ito sa ating pang-araw-araw na pagbubunyag ng ating layunin sa buhay.

Ang kagandahan sa ating wika ay pwede pa nating mas laliman ang ideya na ito. Sa mga pag-aaral sa Sikolohiyang Pilipino, isa sa mga natunan natin ay kayang ibuod ang usapan tungkol sa layunin sa buhay sa ating karanasan ng pagkatao at pakikipagkapwatao. Sa kulturang Pilipino, ang “shared humanity” — ang ideya na nakasalalay ang ating karanasan bilang indibidwal sa konsepto na tayo ay isang bahagi na bumubuo sa isang mas malaking nilalang — ay hindi lamang natutunan pero sinasabuhay. Isa pang tawag sa oryentasyon ng isang kultura tungo sa pangkalahatan ay “collectivist” (Suh and Lee, 2020). At kitang-kita ito sa wika natin mismo. Sa isang pag-aaral na sinulat ng propesor ng pilosopiya na si Jacklyn Cleofas: “The focus on kápuwâ is so important that it is a central feature of the language; the prefix ka- specifically derives from kápuwâ and is used to form nouns that denote companion or fellow in some specific domain or activity” (Cleofas, 2016). Ka-patid, ka-klase, ka-biyak, ka-irog, — ang aspeto ng “kapwa” o “kapuwa” ay isa sa mga nagbubuo ng konsepto natin ng ating mga kaugnayan sa iba at sa ating sarili. Karagdagan sa puntong ito, sinipi ni propesor Jacklyn Cleofas sa kanyang pag-aral ang iba pang mga sikolohista na umakda sa librong “Social Psychology in the Philippine Context”, kung saan sinabi na: “the core descriptive concept for Filipino psychology is relational rather than personality or value-laden” (Macapagal et al. 2013, 13). Sa ibang salita: ang puso ng sikolohiya ng Pilipino ay nasa ating pakikipag-ugnayan sa iba.

Maliban sa paghatid at pagtanggap ng impormasyon, isa sa mga pinakaimportanteng tungkulin ng wika ay bilang instrumento sa pagkikilala sa ating sarili at sa ibang tao — sa ating pagkatao at sa pagkatao ng iba (Britannica, 2023). Kung makikinig tayo sa bigat na binibigay nito sa konsepto at karanasan ng “kapwa”, ano kaya ang pwede natin matunan sa sarili nating wika tungkol sa ating layunin sa buhay at yung bumubuo sa ating “pagkatao”? Para sa Buwan ng Wika, magbibigay tayo ng tatlong maiikling pagninilayan ukol sa ating mga “paninindigan” o “convictions” na inilista ng tinatawag na “Father of Filipino Psychology” na si Dr. Virgilio Enriquez sa isang papel na pinamagatan “Filipino Psychology in the Third World” na inilathala nuong 1977 (Enriquez, 1977):

“Paggalang” o respect

Sa pang-araw-araw, tayo ay nagbibigay-galang sa mga iba’t ibang mga tao (katulad sa mga mas nakakatanda sa atin sa pamilya), mga bagay (katulad ng mga mana’t manang gamit o “heirloom”), at mga pinaniniwalaan (katulad ng relihiyon). Ginagalang natin ang mga ito kasi, sa iba’t ibang paraan, importante sila. Kaya gusto natin siyang ingatan, ayaw natin siyang sayangin, at iba pa. Pwede natin tanungin ang ating mga sarili kung bakit nga ba natin ginagalang ang mga ito. Bakit nga ba sila importante? Paano ba natin ito ginagalang? At ang paggalang ba natin sa mga ito ay nakakabuti sa ating buhay, o kaya’y ang ating paggalang ay posibleng humahadlang sa ating tunay na layunin sa buhay?

“Pagdamay” o helping

Sa orihinal na papel ni Enriquez, ang pagsasalin sa “pagdamay” ay “helping”. At totoo naman na ang pagtulong ay isang aspeto ng pakikiramay. Pero sa ating wika, pag sinasabi na “damay” tayo sa isang tao o sitwasyon, hindi lang ibig-sabihin na nagbibigay tayo ng suporta sa usapan ng pera o gamit lamang. Ang pagdamay ay mas malalim pa dun, sapagkat ang binibigay natin ay ang ating oras at lakas — ang ating pagkatao. Pwede natin tanungin ang ating mga sarili kung paano ba tayo nakikiramay. Bakit ba tayo nakikiramay, at paano ba natin pinagdedesisyunan kung kanino tayo makikiramay? At anong mga aspeto ng ating pagkatao ba yung ating inaalok pag tayo ay nakikiramay?

“Pagpuno sa kakulangan” o understanding limitations

Isa sa mga punto ng ating pagkatao ay meron tayong mga limitasyon. May mga limitasyon tayo sa ating mga kakayahan, kaalaman, at kagalawan. Meron din tayong mga limitasyon sa atin kaisipan, karamdaman, at kiling. At siguro ang pinakaimportanteng limitasyon: balang araw, magtatapos ang ating buhay. May hangganan hindi lamang ang mga bagay na kaya nating baguhin o likhain, pero pati na rin ang ating oras mismo sa mundo. Pwede natin tanungin ang ating mga sarili kung paano ba natin nauunawan ang ating mga kakulangan. Ano ang mga kakulangan sa ating buhay na pwede nating asikasuhin tungo sa ating layunin? Paano natin malalaman kung anong mga kakulangan sa atin ay dapat sikapin nating ibago, o dapat sikapin nating tanggapin? At ano nga ba ang kailangan nating maranasan at matupad sa buhay nating may hangganan?

Para sa mga serbisyo ukol sa ating mental health at pangkabuoang kalusugan, mag-email sa resilientteams@wethrivewellbeing.com at kausapin para makilahok sa aming mga aktibidad kasama ang aming mga mental health clinicians.

References (in order of appearance)

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/seven_ways_to_find_your_purpose_in_life
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/fulfillment-at-any-age/202305/what-gives-your-life-a-sense-of-purpose
https://www.pressenza.com/2018/07/roots-of-filipino-humanism-1kapwa/
https://archium.ateneo.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1012&context=philo-faculty-pubs
https://link.springer.com/referenceworkentry/10.1007/978-3-319-24612-3_2017
https://www.britannica.com/topic/language
https://www.pssc.org.ph/wp-content/pssc-archives/Philippine%20Journal%20of%20Psychology/2002/07_Filipino%20Psychology%20in%20the%20Third%20World.pdf

Tags Buwan ng Wika, Filipino Psychology, Jan Gabriel Castaneda, kapwa, lahing Pilipino, Sikolohiyang Pilipino, We Thrive Consultancy and Wellbeing Services, wethrivewellbeing

Blog Everyday Thriving

Lolo’t Lola, Pasensya na po!: Becoming a mindful caregiver for your elderly loved ones

Post author By Josh Cabalquinto
Post date July 26, 2023
No Comments on Lolo’t Lola, Pasensya na po!: Becoming a mindful caregiver for your elderly loved ones

“Itao mo nga ‘ka ko ro tubig, Mi– ayy… Joshua!” [in Kinaray-a]
(“Can you please pass the water, Mi- ayyy… Joshua!?”)

“Ayy, pasensya na nakalimutan kong idaan yung tubig kanina.”(“Ayy, apologies, I forgot to [have the store refill the water] earlier.”)

I’ve heard my grandparents say these things in different variations and in many situations. In my experience thus far, my grandparents tend to forget about what to say next, where they placed their own belongings, or even remembering a conversation that ended just hours before. The funniest thing I’ve encountered is when my lola would mistake my name for a different family member’s. I’ve been called “Miggy” (my older brother), “Gaby” (my female cousin), “Jojo” (my uncle) or some other name. Others may find this annoying, but I fully understand.

At a certain age, it is no surprise that there are things that the elderly in our families can no longer do, at least the way they used to when they were younger. We can easily overlook this fact because we may have our own things going on for us – work, school, personal lives, stress, responsibilities, goals, you name it. But for most, if not all, of us, we may be placed in the position or an expectation to provide support and care for our elderly loved ones at home.

How does aging affect us in late adulthood?

Aging is a natural process in our lives. It involves a considerable amount of changes that occur in ourselves in different aspects such as: changes in the body, our cognitive abilities, our emotional experiences, our social life, and our overall lifestyle.

Particularly, for our lolos, lolas, and all our other elderly loved ones – like, partners, relatives, friends, peers, and colleagues – these changes can look like (DiLonardo, 2023):

Cognitive functions are not as sharp as before. You may notice that lolo and lola may sometimes have bouts of forgetfulness, like where they put their belongings or what day of the week it is. They may also have moments when they have tip-of-the-tongue instances as they talk. Perhaps, they may have trouble learning or remembering pieces of information, like what was said in a conversation or what they heard from the TV. Whatever the case, their abilities to process, store, and retrieve information may be impaired or declined compared to their younger selves. However, while memory and cognitive abilities may not be as sharp, it is not to say that we cannot provide them with tools to optimize and mitigate the decline of these functions.
Their physical health may be more prone to illness. Because our bodily and organ functions naturally change over time, there is an increased tendency for sickness and other medical conditions. For example, the common health concerns among the elderly include cardiovascular concerns, like changes in blood pressure or in blood sugar levels. We may even notice that they might need to have more check-ups with their doctors, or have medications that they regularly intake, especially when it comes to maintaining their health optimally.
Their bodily functions and movements may be different than before. Some bodily movements may not be the same as they were. They may have trouble maintaining their balance and gait, or carrying heavier objects is much more difficult. Perhaps, their eyesight and hearing is much weaker. Or that once active lifestyle, like working, traveling, or playing sports, may not be so active anymore. Whatever the case, the body tends to gradually slow down into lesser intensities or frequencies of activity at an old age.
Maintaining relationships with their loved ones, friends, and peers. At late adulthood, we can expect that there will be changes to how their social spheres are like. They may have maintained some connections with lifelong friends and peers, while other connections may have been cut off or inactive. They may also experience frequent losses, like death of a loved one or friend, but perhaps some gains are there too. At late adulthood, we tend to seek value in the relationships we have maintained, as well as the emotional experiences that come along with it.
And lastly, they focus on embracing and appreciating what time they perceive to have left. It may not be expressed explicitly for some, but late adulthood often entails a change in priorities of what experiences we prefer to go through and how we make sense of them. Longstanding research works have shown that as we age, our goals and priorities shift from wanting to explore, gain knowledge, and grow to wanting to find emotional meaning behind our experiences.

We may not notice these changes right away, but there will be certain points that become critical for us to mindfully pay attention to when and how they unfold. Some impacts of these changes could be negative, some positive, and even some neutral. But, the next step to noticing these changes is to maintain whatever positive aspects in an elderly’s life and, more importantly, manage the negative ones.

What challenges does aging bring to the elderly and their families?

Because of these multifactorial changes in the lives of the elderly, we can keep in mind that there are things that challenge our elderly loved ones in this stage of their lives. Some common examples of these are (Rodriguez, 2022):

Basic tasks and activities for daily living become much more difficult to do independently.
Taking care of one’s health and wellbeing can become challenging, overwhelming, or stressful.
Managing one’s own responsibilities, roles, and contributions to the family is a lot more exhausting or difficult than before.
Not being able to do any pleasurable activities as frequently or intensely as they were once were engaged in.
Becoming easily irritable, agitated, or worried, perhaps with the smallest of things (e.g., having a clean house) or bigger ones (e.g., their health or illness).
Having tendencies to feel left out, misunderstood, lonely, isolated, or a “burden” to others, which may cause tensions and rifts in their relationships (i.e., in the family).

This is why it is important to provide them with support and care in dealing with these challenges and difficulties. Whether or not we are motivated by our values, culture, and our familial roles, it is important for us to recognize what influences us to care for our elderly. We can keep in mind that these values could help us understand and appreciate the changes and the lived experiences of our elderly loved ones – which is an essential step to providing genuine care.

What gets in the way of caring for my elderly loved one?

Caring for an elderly loved one can be challenging for the caregivers at times. You may notice that there were moments that your lolo or lola asked for something from you suddenly, especially when you’re not prepared for it. Or perhaps you also found it difficult to fulfill that request because it was too difficult or was not possible at the moment.

It is helpful to acknowledge that, in these situations, there are factors that are within your control that can help facilitate providing care more effectively for your elderly loved ones. But there are also barriers that may get in the way of these. And so, what are these?

We don’t have enough resources, skills, and support to provide care for the elderly. (e.g., not knowing what to say or do in return when they’re unexpectedly upset, etc.)
We have negative biases and assumptions about the elderly. (e.g., “Kapag matanda, mahirap umintindi.”, feelings of helplessness, etc.)
We’re unaware of how our emotional responses to the elderly affect us and them altogether. (e.g., lashing out instead of calmly responding to their requests, etc.)
We have unmet needs that get in the way of attending to another’s needs. (e.g., needing rest after a long day of work, etc.)
We do not remind ourselves of our own limits and boundaries as a person. (e.g., giving all our time and energy to providing care to them; not allowing time for self-care and recreation, etc.)

When these barriers are present, it becomes more difficult for us to attune and respond to our elderly loved one’s needs. Sometimes it can cause a strain into our relationship with them, which can perpetuate tension and emotional distress (Perez et al., 2022). This is what we call compassion fatigue. When we don’t pay attention to these barriers, compassion fatigue can show up as:

Having frequent arguments or disagreements with our elderly loved ones;
Become less patient or unforgiving towards their behaviors and attitudes;
Neglect roles or responsibilities we committed to them and ourselves as a family member;
Automatically labeling their needs as a burden rather than seeing something valid in them;
Being critical about ourselves and who we are as caregivers or family members;
Becoming tired or burned out, or even neglecting our own personal needs.

Pause, step back, and observe

How can we manage and remove these barriers towards caring for our elderly? One of the best ways we can explore and answer these questions is to apply a bit of mindfulness – which is the capacity to notice our thoughts and feelings without judgment – in our approach. Try this out:

Pay attention to your emotional and bodily response. Notice what parts of you feel tense and relaxed.
Take a deep breath, and mentally step back from the situation. Notice what thoughts were factual (ex. “Lola, needs me to lift up the laundry basket.”) and what were judgments (ex. “Lola is being loud and annoying.”).
For the factual thoughts, ask and briefly answer: “What is being asked of me? And how can I provide that with the resources and energy I have right now?”
For the judgments, ask and briefly answer: “Where is this coming from? What barriers are up right now and what can I do about them?”
After reflecting on these questions, apply mindfulness – which is just noticing your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Then, decide on the best course of action to respond to your lolo or lola’s needs, ex. “Which actions will make it better or worse?”: “What actions can improve or worsen the situation?”

You may not get the hang of it right away – and that’s okay! Constantly and mindfully practicing this skill can help you navigate through caregiving decisions, especially when they become immediate, unexpected, or stressful (Perez et al., 2022). What’s just as important is that you remind yourself why you care for your lolo and lola and help yourself find a way to take down your barriers.

Adopting a lovingkindness approach to our elderly loved ones

In many studies, it has proven mindfulness has improved outcomes for both the elderly, who receive care, and the caregiver. Constant practice of mindfulness that incorporates a sense of compassion, kindness, and gratitude has shown to reduce compassion fatigue and create a nonjudgmental space for us to explore our own emotional and behavioral responses towards our elderly loved ones. In this way, we can cultivate within ourselves a sense of lovingkindness, or the feeling of tenderness and consideration towards other people – not just towards our lolos and lolas – but to ourselves as well (Hoffman, Grossman, & Hinton, 2011). We can learn to validate that our relationship with our elderly loved ones holds space for all of our needs – because, as caregivers, we have them too.

So try this. Whenever you are in a tough situation or having difficulties attuning to your elderly’s needs, say these to yourself as a reminder:

May I be safe.

May I be well.

May I be happy.

May I be loved.

Likewise, we can remind ourselves about the care we are capable of giving to our lolos and lolas:

May they be safe.

May they be well.

May they be happy.

May they be loved.

Ultimately, the best kind of care we can give to them is a sense that, despite the imperfections and challenges of caregiving, we can look towards ourselves and to them as humans who deserve safety, wellness, and compassion.

—

References

Carstensen, L. & Hershfield, H. (2021). Beyond stereotypes: Using socioemotional selectivity theory to improve messaging to older adults. Current Direction in Psychological Science, 30(4), 327-334. doi:10.1177/09637214211011468. [Retrieved from
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8340497/]
DiLornado, M. (2023). Caregiving for older adults. WebMD. Retrieved from https://www.webmd.com/healthy-aging/aging-caregiving-older-adults.
Hofmann, S. G., Grossman, P., & Hinton, D. E. (2011). Loving-kindness and compassion meditation: Potential for psychological interventions. Clinical Psychology Review, 31(7), 1126-1132. doi: 10.1016/j.cpr.2011.07.003
Pérez, V., Menéndez-Crispín, E. J., Sarabia-Cobo, C., de Lorena, P., Fernández-Rodríguez, A., & González-Vaca, J. (2022). Mindfulness-based intervention for the reduction of compassion fatigue and burnout in nurse caregivers of institutionalized older persons with dementia: a randomized controlled trial. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 19(18), 11441. 1441. doi:10.3390/ijerph191811441
Rodriguez, J. (2022). What are the problems faced by elderly in our society?. GrisWorld. Retrieved from https://www.griswoldhomecare.com/blog/2022/december/what-are-the-problems-faced-by-elderly-in-our-so/

Tags family wellbeing, mindfulness, wellbeing for the elderly

Blog Everyday Thriving Wellbeing Practices

Eating to enrich life: understanding and responding to emotional eating

Post author By Jan Gabriel Castaneda
Post date July 22, 2023
No Comments on Eating to enrich life: understanding and responding to emotional eating

In We Thrive, we work with people becoming their best selves by working with different aspects of who they are. There are the big-picture things: our sense of purpose, for example, which in Dr. Gabrielle Pfund’s research is composed of things such as how our future plans match our interests, how engaging we feel life is as a whole, and so on (Psychology Today, 2023). But there are also the big things when you zoom into that picture: the finer details of life, emerging from moment to moment, which compose the movements towards what we want life to be. These include the patterns of our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, but also the things which give us the energy to, well, move. Specifically, we get this energy through food, “a fundamental human need that influences both physiological and emotional states” (Hamburg, Finkenauer, & Schuengel, 2014). Nutrition looks different from person to person, but generally speaking, the task of ascertaining life’s movement can be more difficult than it has to be when our bodies aren’t getting the food and drink it needs (MSD Manual, 2023). And as we’ve probably all experienced, those aforementioned patterns of thought, emotion, and behavior can lead us into patterns of eating that can deprive rather than enrich us. In this article, we will talk a bit about what such a pattern of eating is; how we might end up moving in this direction; and what we can do to direct, rather than be directed by, our eating habits.

What is “emotional eating”?

Eating is, as nutritionist Amelia R. Sherry puts it, “an intrinsically emotional experience” (Psychology Today, 2022). Hamburg, Finkenauer, & Schuengel expressed this intuition in concrete terms: “eating behavior goes beyond nutrition and alleviating hunger; family, friends, and cultural heritage shape individual food preferences” (Hamburg, Finkenauer, & Schuengel, 2014). All of life, both the pleasant and the unpleasant, is threaded with the experience of eating. So the term “emotional eating”, while widely used, does not necessarily give us the clearest idea, and might also give the wrong impression that eating in response to our feelings is necessarily a bad thing. Choosing to eat can be a perfectly reasonable way of grounding us, whether by supplementing our present positive emotional states, reliving a positive memory associated with certain foods, or dealing with the occasional difficulty (Rachael Hartley Nutrition, 2016).

The difference between “good” or “bad” emotional eating is in the word “choice”. Whether responding to our emotions by eating deprives or nourishes us depends on the intentions we have (or haven’t) set when we eat. Besides determining how nutrient-dense our diets are, how do we clarify our intentions with eating? Here are some helpful guide questions:

How aware are we of the reasons why we choose a particular food at a particular time?
Are we eating in a way that aligns with a particular goal we have, such as a health goal?
When faced with stressful situations, have we considered whether there may be better ways of coping or resolving these situations other than with food?
To what extent do we actually savor or enjoy the food we are eating, when we do choose to eat at that moment?
As a whole, does our experience of eating delight us, or leave us with a lingering sense that something is not quite right?

What moves us towards “eating emotionally”?

“Emotional eating” is also known by at least two other names: “stress eating”, and “comfort eating”. These terms might be preferable, because it gives a better sense of the context in which these patterns of eating emerge. At the minimum, when people use the term “emotional eating”, they are generally referring to food intake as a means of grounding us when we feel overwhelmed, disrupted, or out-of-balance — in other words, eating as self-soothing (Psychology Today, 2023). If, while going through the guide questions, you realize that the intent of your emotional eating appears to be mostly about self-soothing, then you may be emotional eating in a way that might not be serving your best interests long-term. But this happens to almost everyone, and it is not necessarily about willpower. The research of Dr. Tatjana Van Strien found at least three determinants for emotional eating (van Strien, 2018):

Poor interoceptive awareness. This means a person has difficulty distinguishing feelings of hunger and satiety, which can lead to difficulties with determining whether one has eaten too little or too much. For example, this can be due to dietary factors such as regularly eating foods that are high in sugar, which can exacerbate hunger because of the rapid increases in blood glucose (Penaforte et al., 2013).
Poor emotion regulation strategies. This means, for example, that a person becomes over-reliant on a particular coping mechanism (in this case, food) to deal with stressful situations. It can also mean that emotional eating becomes the result of an inappropriate coping mechanism, such as when avoidance of stressful situations ultimately leads to more of the stress occurring later on, making one more likely to rely on emotional eating.
Disruption of the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis. Among other things, the HPA axis is responsible for regulating appetite. Under normal circumstances, the stress response would be a loss of appetite, but due to various factors (e.g. incredibly stressful experiences, childhood trauma, abuse, or other underlying health conditions affecting the HPA axis), this is reversed and the stress response instead leads to increased appetite.

Keeping these three in mind, we can reflect on a few more questions:

What might be causing your urge to eat at a particular time? Is it because of what or how you may be used to eating?
What difficult or stressful situations are you currently experiencing that may be better served by something other than food?
Aside from providing nutrition or sustenance, in what ways has food been present in your life growing up? Did you have an abundance of food or a scarcity of it?
When you think of food, what memories are usually associated with it? Were there certain negative and possibly intense experiences in your life which food used to help you get through?

How do we direct our eating?

Eating plays a vital role, not just in the maintenance of regular bodily functioning, but in our journey towards living a purpose-driven life. But eating can either deprive us or enrich us with the energies, both physiological and psychological, necessary to live out such a life. So how do we eat in a way that is more enriching? Depending on your answers to the questions mentioned earlier, co-authors Dr. Gia Marson and Dr. Danielle Keenan-Miller offers some ideas for how best you can set the direction for the way food moves your life (Psychology Today, 2023):

Acceptance. This means becoming more accepting of your body and how it reacts to food. This means less judgment, which often leads to guilt and shame, and more kindness, which can lead you to a better sense of how the food actually feels for you.
Awareness. This means tuning into the emotional nature of eating and noticing what kinds of emotions emerge alongside the desire to eat.
Avoid reacting impulsively. This means when difficult and negative emotions emerge, as they do in emotional eating, we take a pause rather than immediately reaching out to food as we have habituated ourselves. This will give you some room to consider how else you might be able to respond to these emotions.

For mental health support services, email us at resilientteams@wethrivewellbeing.com or sign-up for sessions with our mental health clinicians.

References:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3627933/

Tags emotional eating, mental health, nutrition month, stress eating, We Thrive Consultancy and Wellbeing Services, wellbeing practices, wellbeing resources, wethrivewellbeing

Blog Everyday Thriving General Wellbeing Practices

Social Emotional Parenting for the Next Normal

Post author By Tiffany Lim-To
Post date June 1, 2023
No Comments on Social Emotional Parenting for the Next Normal

Pandemic Parenting

The past three years of pandemic have been quite challenging for children and adults alike. As students adjusted to online classes and distance learning modalities, parents adjusted to work from home settings where the lines between work and home were blurred in a sea of online meetings in shared spaces at home, while juggling work, parenting and multiple responsibilities. Many parents were thrust into an extra role of being their children’s “home schooling teacher” – supervising their children’s learning, troubleshooting tech issues during online classes, being the videographer + editor for their children’s video recorded homework, picking up and submitting modules from school, on top of the stress of working from home, and coping with their own personal concerns – health, uncertainties in the midst of a pandemic. Parents had to grapple with their overwhelming worries and fluctuating emotions, as they tried to support their children’s academic and socio-emotional needs.

This is to acknowledge that parents pour out their time and effort, their heart, mind and soul into raising their children: It is never easy – during pre-pandemic, pandemic, and “next normal” times – the range of emotions both parents and children face in these disruptions and transitions shifts from day to day, sometimes hour to hour.

Next Normal Parenting

After these past three years of lockdowns, quarantines and limited movements, we are all finally taking steps forward in this “next normal”. Students are returning to full face to face or hybrid (face to face + online) learning modes. Parents can breathe a bit easier with our “homeschooling” load lightened, although we may have some concerns or fears about the adjustments our children have to go through – “This will increase my child’s exposure to Covid and other viruses.”; “After these years of being stuck at home, will my child be able to re-adjust to interacting with other kids again?”; “After all these years of online classes, are there learning gaps in my child’s education? Can they readapt again to regular in-person classes?” These fears are valid and understandable. As parents, you can process these fears when you tap into your social and emotional skills, and you can also model these skills for your children to use as they navigate this transition.

SEL approach – Practicing SEL Parenting Skills

According to the Collaborative for Academic, Social and Emotional Learning (CASEL), “social and emotional learning (SEL) is an integral part of education and human development. SEL is the process through which all young people and adults acquire and apply the knowledge, skills, and attitudes to develop healthy identities, manage emotions and achieve personal and collective goals, feel and show empathy for others, establish and maintain supportive relationships, and make responsible and caring decisions.”

We can learn, and practice social emotional knowledge, attitudes, skills and strategies together with our children. This can pave the way for positive life experiences, with many benefits to practicing social emotional learning (SEL) – improved performance in school and work, better management of emotional distress, fostering healthy relationships with one’s self and others.

FOSTERING SELF AWARENESS

Being a parent is a journey of self-discovery – we come face to face with our own emotions, beliefs, strengths and weaknesses as we raise our children. By recognizing and acknowledging how thoughts, feelings and actions are interconnected in a healthy way, within ourselves, and within our own children – – this guides us in the way we make decisions, and helps our children to develop more insights into their internal experiences and external actions. When we encourage our children to share about their day, and actively listen to them, children will open up to share their feelings and thoughts. When they encounter some awkwardness as they move from online interactions with friends to face-to-face interactions, we can support them by teaching them to use “I” statements as they identify feelings (“I felt shy when I met my classmates again.” ; “I felt weird seeing a big classroom filled with people again, I miss being by myself in a quiet room” ; “I felt happy to see all my friends and to talk with them after these years of just chatting or video calls online.”).

You can encourage them to share about their feelings by opening up the conversations with some “kumustahan” questions: “Would you like to share about how school has been today?”; “Would you like to talk about how your day went today?”. This approach will help them to understand and unpack what feeling excited, happy, worried or sad is about, and they are better able to manage their emotions. We can also encourage them to engage in activities that promote self-reflection – such as journaling or sharing the highs and lows of their day – “What is one thing you are thankful for today? What is one thing that you felt could have been better today?”. The more our children discover their sense of self, the more this nurtures their self-esteem.

ENHANCING SELF-MANAGEMENT

Understanding the interrelations of feelings, thoughts and actions can lead parents and children to regulating these through self-management. During changes and transitions, there will be a lot of mixed emotions that our children may go through. When our children are feeling overwhelmed and emotionally upset (dysregulated), we can try practicing co-regulation with them. Co-regulation, sometimes called mutual regulation, involves a parent or caregiver stepping in to help a child to identify, manage and process their intense emotions. When a child’s emotions are fueled by high energies, we avoid matching their high energy, and try to do emotional modeling – we model the calm behavior we would like to see in our child, by using a warm, soothing tone of voice, instead of mirroring their upset emotions.

We can share emotional regulation strategies with them – such as relaxation breathing exercises, mindfulness exercises – quiet time, focusing on the present moment, muscle relaxation, body scan, five senses exercise, using the “feelings wheel” (a tool used to help us define specific emotions we are feeling – for kids age 4-11), and for teens and adults). We can also use mobile apps: Headspace and Insight Timer have a number of tracks that can help you and your child practice mindful breathing. These emotional regulation strategies help children and adults regain control when they’re feeling upset or overwhelmed.

We take note that what works for us as adults may not always work for our children. We need to match the emotional regulation strategy with the needs and developmental age and stage of our child. It might be hard to get a 2-3 year old toddler to do meditation, but maybe we can try practicing mindfulness of the 5 senses with them: “What do you see? What do you hear? What do you smell? What do you taste? What do you feel in your hands? in your feet? How does your body feel right now?”. By understanding one’s emotional triggers, more impulse control can be practiced. Practicing these self-management skills can help us and our children to evaluate our decisions and actions in challenging situations. We can ask our children to share about their concerns, or problems they may be experiencing – we can also encourage them to think of possible solutions to their problems, the pros and cons, as well as the impact of these on people they deal with day to day.

MAKING RESPONSIBLE CHOICES

When parents assess their goals, social situation, and foster understanding of self, they are able to develop responsible decision making skills, which leads to positive choices. Our actions as parents have an impact on our children; children are very observant and they can pick up on our behavior. When we are mindful of the modeling they see in us, and in our pro-active choices, our children develop an innate sense of taking ownership of choices they make. Sometimes, our children may approach us and ask us – “Mom / Ma / Dad / Pa, what would you do in this situation?” While our tendency as parents oftentimes is to give them advice on what to do, we can consider pausing for a while and giving them the space to come up with their own decision.

The “stop light approach” can be helpful here – Red = stop and pause, Yellow = take a breath, Green = think through the options and make your decision. “I hear you have this situation right now – what are the things that need to be worked out? What options or choices do you have right now? How do you think you can help in this situation?”. This nurtures in them the ability to take some time to slow down, think through different options, consider the consequences of their actions, and make decisions based on positive values, empathy and fairness. This empowers our children to make responsible choices that consider their well-being and the well-being of others.

DEVELOPING SOCIAL AWARENESS

We live in communities, cultures, and societies, and we share this social setting with our children. With a return to in-person school settings, they develop a keen awareness of the need to build relationships and strong friendships. Part of our community fabric includes weaving an understanding of various races, genders, cultures, ages, religions – cultivating in our children a respectful approach towards differences, and empathic understanding of the world we live in today. When students return to in-person classes, they will be sharing stories of their pandemic experiences with their classmates, and while there are many common experiences, they may have to confront different realities and socio-economic difficulties that many people endured.

As your child shares with you these stories, this can be a conversation prompt to promote perspective taking: “How do you think that felt like for your friend?”, to promote showing concern for others’ feelings: “You sound happy to know your friend felt excited to be with classmates again.”, to promote empathy and compassion: “You feel sad when you heard about your friend’s troubles.”. This can also open exploration of opportunities for serving the community in their own small ways, and doing their part in creating healthy, safe and positive spaces in the community.

NAVIGATING RELATIONSHIPS

As we build relationships in our families and communities, our children are learning from us, and along with us, how to act in varying social situations.

Seclusion from their friends and classmates during the pandemic can take its toll on our children, as they ease back into being with friends, we can support them by checking-in daily on how they are coping with this resumption of in-person interactions, and actively listening to their concerns, worries and feelings.

We can nurture open communication by being fully present and paying full attention to our children when they are talking with us – this will help them feel that we care about what they have to say, and make them feel heard and understood. “I hear that you enjoyed school time today.” or “I hear that you felt sad today.” are some sample responses of how to apply listening skills that encourage our children to share more openly with us. This helps us to better understand their thoughts, feelings and experiences. Nurturing this open communication with our children can create that space where they are able to process relationships and friendships – enhance cooperation, fairness, kindness, and helpfulness towards others, develop empathic listening, manage opposing views and conflicts, and recognize and regulate emotions. This strengthens our relationships in the family, maintains healthy friendships in the school, and deepens their sense of community.

Although this “next normal” is still full of uncertainty – and we can expect that there will be bumps, twists and turns this transition brings, we can lean on these social emotional skills to help us respond to the call of these ever-changing times. By opening up our emotions, thoughts, and incorporating social emotional learning into our daily practice, with intentionality, we model these skills that our children will gain through observation and active engagement; this empowers them to establish self-awareness, emotional regulation, empathy, positive communication in their interactions with others. We continue to build their resilience, and to create a nurturing environment that supports their growth, development, and well-being throughout the different stages and challenges that life brings.

SOURCES:

Agaton, C. B., & Cueto, L. J. (2021). Learning at home: Parents’ lived experiences on distance learning during COVID-19 pandemic in the Philippines. International Journal of Evaluation and Research in Education (IJERE), 10(3), 901-911. https://doi.org/ 10.11591/ijere.v10i3.21136
Collaborative for Academic Social and Emotional Learning (n.d.). Collaborative for Academic Social and Emotional Learning. Https://CASEL.org. Retrieved July 5, 2023, from https://CASEL.org/
Headspace (n.d.). Headspace. Headspace.com. Retrieved August 16, 2023, from https://www.headspace.com/
Insight Timer (n.d.). Insight Timer. Retrieved August 16, 2023, from https://insighttimer.com/
Mentally Healthy Schools – Anna Freud National Centre for Children and Families (n.d.). Emotion Wheel for Children. Retrieved August 15, 2023, from https://mentallyhealthyschools.org.uk/resources/emotion-wheel-for-children/
Parent Cue (n.d.). Feelings Wheel. Retrieved August 15, 2023, from https://theparentcue.org/resources/feelings-wheel/
Pathways Pediatric Clinic (n.d.). What are Social Emotional Skills. Https://Pathways.org. Retrieved July 8, 2023, from https://pathways.org/topics-of-development/social-emotional/
Stoian, C. E., Fărcașiu, M. A., Dragomir, G.-M., & Gherheș, V. (2022). Transition from Online to Face-to-Face Education after COVID-19: The Benefits of Online Education from Students’ Perspective. Sustainability, 14(19), 12812. MDPI AG. Retrieved from http://dx.doi.org/10.3390/su141912812
UC Berkeley Greater Good Science Center (n.d.). Body Scan Meditation. Greater Good in Action. Retrieved August 15, 2023, from https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/body_scan_meditation
ZERO TO THREE (2020, April 24). Five Senses Exercise. Retrieved August 15, 2023, from https://www.zerotothree.org/resource/five-senses-exercise/
Zolten, K., MA, & Long, N., PhD (n.d.). Parent Child Communication. Parenting Ed. Retrieved August 15, 2023, from https://parenting-ed.org/wp-content/themes/parenting-ed/files/handouts/communication-parent-to-child.pdf

Tags everyday thriving, Global Day of Parents, parenting, We Thrive Philippines, wethriveinc, wethrivewellbeing

Blog Everyday Thriving General

Words of wisdom from the moms at We Thrive

Post author By We Thrive Staff
Post date May 8, 2023
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Mother’s Day is right around the corner so we rounded up the best advice that the moms from our We Thrive team could share and here’s what they had to say:

Raise the child you have, not the child you or others think you should have.

See your children for who they are and for their strengths, gifts and capabilities. See the best things about and make them feel really seen and heard. Rather than looking at what they are not doing, or are doing wrong, or belaboring who they are not, the invitation is to accept and celebrate our children for who they are. In so doing, hopefully our children learn to appreciate and value themselves the way we as loving parents, try to see them.
Ninin Sumpaico-Jose

As a first time mom, it helps me to remember that just like my baby, I am growing and learning too. It makes sense that I’m still figuring things out. Acknowledging my own development as a mother gives me more self compassion and gratitude for the gift of growing with my baby everyday.
Triza Guerrero-Cheng

There’s a lot of unsolicited advice, but the best I got were random advice after I gave birth to my first child – Sleep while your baby sleeps; At night, breastfeed in side-lying position, roll your baby to your other side when changing sides; and other breastfeeding-related concerns.

Most moms would say that the first months are the hardest, but going through it all with 3 kids, I must say that the hardest is keeping your identity in place while finding the balance between being a mother, wife, a house manager, and a career woman all at the same time. Most will ask how to balance time from all the responsibilities, but what I usually say is, you can’t. You can’t do all things in one sitting, some things just have to wait. And as much as possible, ask for help. Other responsiblities such as housework and teaching the kids can be better done by other people, like a househelp and a tutor. What matters most is the quality of time you give to your kids.

I only have 2 simple advice – enjoy the mealtimes with your family, and sleep well.
Dr. Janice A. Camarillo

A dear friend once told me “Remember to give yourself as much love and compassion as you give your child.”

I’ve had to keep this advice in mind everyday especially knowing that moms (actually women in general), have a greater tendency to put the needs of others ahead of themselves. In order for me to show up at my best and be truly present as a mom, I have to ensure that I take care of myself too. That means being okay with taking breaks, making room for mistakes, asking for help, saying ‘no’ to a lot of things, sitting with a lot of discomfort and trusting that it’ll be okay despite the uncertainties.
Paula Garcia-Ramos

Best advice I got in my later years as a mom: 😂
If you hate yourself, you probably need rest.❤️
If you hate everyone else, you probably need a snack.🥰

Advise i can give to other moms:
“Ni calvo, ni con dos pelucas.”
( Not bald, no wigs)
Which means balance, equanimity, equilibrium and not to sweat the small stuff.❤️
Margarita “Tucci” Reyes

And here’s a look back at the interview we did with Techie Duran-Dy on everyday thriving as a mom.

Tags everyday thriving, maternal mental health, mother's day, mother's wellbeing, motherhood advice, we thrive clinicians, We Thrive Consultancy and Wellbeing Services

Blog Everyday Thriving General

Happy International Dance Day!

Post author By We Thrive Staff
Post date April 29, 2023
No Comments on Happy International Dance Day!

It’s International Dance Day and we’re turning the spotlight on Laya Alampay as she shares her insights on dance and wellbeing.

Laya is a We Thrive clinician, Ateneo MA student and part time lecturer, UP Streetdance alum and member of The Crew

Here’s a bonus video!

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CiCwR_ErH7q/?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet

Tags dance and wellbeing, dance is self-care, Laya Alampay, The Crew PH, UP Street Dance Club, We Thrive Consultancy and Wellbeing Services