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Cultivating Mentoring Relationships for Psychotherapists

mentoring

“It’s important that you feel held.” These words of my clinical supervisor echo in my mind whenever I am in a helping process with someone in distress. And rightly so, for I received those words when I myself was going through distress – managing my first complex case as a starting psychotherapist. My client that time just experienced a terrible trauma and attempted suicide. They survived, thankfully, but I remember feeling overwhelmed, distressed over my client’s safety, and doubtful of my own efficacy. My clinical supervisor made space for me to share my inner process of working with this client; listening attentively, guiding with reflective questions, and, when necessary, sharing advice and her own experience as a beginning therapist. It was her generous sharing of both her technical expertise and compassionate presence that enabled me to replenish my reserves to support my client. Eventually, my client was able to find her path towards safety and thriving; and I also grew to be more competent and confident in my skills. That space became my concrete experience of the parallel process in therapy work; being made to feel held so that one can, in turn, also cultivate a safe holding space with clients and colleagues.

Beyond a space to experience the parallel process in therapy work, having mentoring relationships has been found to positively impact both the professional and personal life of a clinician. Mentoring is defined as “a personal and reciprocal relationship in which a more experienced professional acts as a guide, role model, teacher, and sponsor of a less experienced professional” (Johnson, 2017). Benefits of having a network of mentoring relationships include strengthening one’s clinical competence, self-confidence, and self-identity as a clinician, connections, and career opportunities. Studies show that those who receive mentoring tend to feel more committed to their profession, accelerate their professional development, access more opportunities, and may even earn more than those not receiving mentoring. In the sometimes isolating and emotionally taxing context of therapy work, being connected to a “constellation of mentors” can help nourish one’s socio-emotional well-being and replenish one’s compassion. And while getting a mentor can just happen organically, we can also be more intentional in cultivating our personal “board of mentors” with the following steps:

1. Reflecting on one’s development goals (professional and personal) and mentoring needs.

What is my personal and/or professional vision and mission? What are my values and goals? What skills, knowledge, or opportunities would support these? 

    Once these are clear, it’s easier to identify one’s mentoring needs. What kind of exposure, guidance, and role model would best support one’s goals? Mentoring relationships can range from more formal clinical supervision under structured training programs and academic mentoring, or more informal such as having coffee conversations with more proficient others. It can focus on seeking guidance regarding specific skills, current or future role, one’s profession. But it can also focus on non-work matters such as fitness, spirituality, financial proficiency, that support work-life balance and self-care. While early-career professionals profit the most from highly structured and technical supervision, mentoring relationships for mid-career professionals tend to grow less formal and more collegial peer coaching. These can be found in joining special interest organizations, networking with peers in events, or one’s informal network of professionals. Meanwhile, those in the advanced level of their career often take on the guiding role.

    2. Reaching out to a potential mentor

    While it may be daunting to proactively strike a relationship with a potential mentor, it can be affirming to know that mentoring relationships can also be rewarding for mentors. Evidence suggests that having mentees can feel fulfilling, generative, and re-energizing on the side of a more senior professional. Other challenges may be more logistical, such as challenges in availability, limited access to groups or programs providing mentoring, or limited local specialists in the area we would like to be mentored in. To these concerns, it may help to cast wide one’s net and list down all potential guides, as well as leveraging on technology and teleconferencing to access possible guides outside of one’s immediate location. Once the list is set, you can check out these tips and sample templates for reaching out to potential guides.

    3. Reciprocal relationship building

    Keeping the mentoring relationship warm and mutually rewarding is beneficial for all involved. In reality, many potential mentors already have busy schedules, so cultivating the attitude of a mentee that is a pleasure to guide and finding ways to contribute to a mentor’s goals can make the relationship more reciprocal. Mentors are found to gravitate towards a mentee who is proactive, strives for excellence, is open and responsive to feedback, collaborates with the mentor’s goals, and demonstrates commitment to growth.

    Concrete ways to keep the engagement productive and reciprocal may include preparing well for mentorship meetings, following through on one’s commitment, and determining what you can bring to the mentoring relationship. For more formal interactions, setting parameters on when to close the formal mentoring relationship (but keeping the connection open) would be helpful. The APA expounds more on guidelines for both mentors and mentees here. 

    To sum, cultivating mentoring relationships is beneficial across the arc of one’s professional development as a psychotherapist. To strengthen your constellation of guides, you can:

    • Reflect on your values and mentoring needs.
    • Reach out to potential guides.
    • Build a reciprocal relationship with them.

    If you’ve done all these and find yourself remembering a guide who made an impact on you in the past, this might be a good time to touch base with them again. Or perhaps consider paying it forward and becoming a mentor yourself.

    References:

    • American Psychological Association. (2012). Introduction to mentoring: A guide for mentors and mentees. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/education-career/grad/mentoring
    • Phan, J. (2021, March 10). What’s the right way to find a mentor? Harvard Business Review. Retrieved from https://hbr.org/2021/03/whats-the-right-way-to-find-a-mentor
    • Johnson, W. B. (2017). Mentorship in the life and work of the private practitioner. In Handbook of Private Practice: Keys to Success for Mental Health Practitioners (2017th ed., pp. 222-234). Oxford University Press.
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    Blog Everyday Thriving General Thrive at Work Thrive in School

    ADHD Diagnosis: Complexities and Caveats

    ADHD

    The Philippines has made significant strides in mental health awareness, thanks to professionals, advocates, and service users’ efforts. Initiatives such as the Philippine Mental Health Act (R.A. 11036) and the recognition of the rights of psychosocial disabilities under the Magna Carta for Disabled Persons (R.A. 7277) have played pivotal roles in this progress. Advocacy groups are also pushing for legislation like the Neurodivergent People’s Rights Act (H.B. 9787).

    Despite these advancements, stigma and misunderstanding surround neurodevelopmental disorders, particularly Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). This is a developmental disorder characterized by patterns of hyperactivity, inattention, or a combination of the two. A diagnosis is given based on the severity of symptoms, level of impairment, and the presence of symptoms since childhood. Globally, ADHD affects 5-7.2% of youth and 2.5-6.7% of adults ,,; but Philippine figures are unfortunately scarce and outdated.

    Consider a young boy in his Grade 1 classroom, labeled as “makulit,” “pasaway,” and even “bad,” while he struggles with symptoms of ADHD that go unrecognized. Similarly, imagine a woman in a bustling high-rise building, where her difficulties staying organized lead to exclusion from important email correspondences and social gatherings, all because her colleagues are unaware of her ADHD diagnosis.

    Unfortunately, ADHD is still so often shrouded in stigma. Those grappling with the disorder find themselves wrestling to keep pace with the demands of daily life, be it at school, work, or social settings.

    Recognizing ADHD as a genuine challenge and not a character flaw, is vital for supporting individuals and dispelling misconceptions.This condition, when properly diagnosed, can be life-saving, paving the way for individuals to alleviate suffering and reclaim their power. But however well-intentioned, there is still a risk of overdiagnosis- an issue that is particularly prevalent in the realm of ADHD, but also within the realm of mental health diagnoses at large. Overdiagnosis can occur due to various factors, ranging from clinician practices to caregiver influences, but this often looks like overprescription of medications and unnecessary interventions. In the case of ADHD, changes in criteria in the

    Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders between its fourth and fifth editions have contributed to this concern- it added examples of symptoms seen in adolescents and adults, lessened impairment criteria, and revised the age of onset.

    We must also remember that for children, a certain level of kulit is normal and developmentally appropriate. It is a quintessential part of childhood, after all — to dash around, create chaos, and indulge in one’s imagination. However, what distinguishes ADHD diagnosis is the severity and persistence of symptoms over time to the point that there is impairment.

    Context also may play a role in facilitating overdiagnoses and misdiagnoses. While legislative progress and heightened awareness have improved access to care, our “digital by default” age has introduced new challenges, further complicating the diagnostic process for mental health disorders. For example, during the pandemic, the proliferation of misleading TikTok videos about ADHD posed a significant risk, as many individuals were facing attention challenges. A study revealed that over half of these videos were misleading, with non-healthcare professionals being the primary uploaders, potentially leading to widespread misinformation and self-diagnosis among their viewers.

    On the other hand, many individuals may go undiagnosed until much later, their struggles well-masked by societal expectations and coping mechanisms. There exist gendered differences in the diagnosis of ADHD: boys are significantly more diagnosed with ADHD compared to girls due to differences in presentation. Girls with ADHD often exhibit the inattentive type, which may not manifest as disruptive behavior and consequently may be overlooked for treatment unless their symptoms significantly impact their daily functioning.

    And with any diagnosis, whether physical or not, early intervention is crucial. Effective treatment during childhood can significantly improve symptoms and overall functioning, leading to better outcomes. Unfortunately, if left untreated until adulthood, ADHD can result in chaotic lifestyles, other co-occurring mental disorders, and challenges in various aspects of life.

    The journey towards an ADHD diagnosis can be unexpectedly complex. For individuals who resonate with ADHD symptoms, every step of the way demands cautious decision-making. It is crucial to be discerning with the information you consume and the healthcare providers that you trust. Ensure that they are equally diligent.

    Self-reflection is also essential. Clarify your “why” behind seeking a diagnosis—It could be that receiving ADHD treatment might help you lead a much more fulfilling life. It could also be that you want relief from years of overcompensation. Whatever your “why” is, seeking a comprehensive assessment is essential in this process to tailor-fit treatment to your unique brain. It is not a one-size-fits-all diagnosis, however general the diagnostic manual may make it appear to be; a detailed picture of how your mind works, pinpointing your strengths and challenges, will help specify what you need.

    Seeking consultations from various professionals, such as clinical psychologists and psychiatrists, can offer valuable insights and interventions for managing ADHD. Therapy is a crucial component of tailored interventions—it provides individuals with a safe space to learn more about themselves, as well as equips them with essential skills and strategies to cope with their symptoms. Additionally, executive function coaching can further empower individuals with ADHD to navigate daily challenges effectively and achieve their goals. Executive function coaching focuses on enhancing skills like organization, time management, and task prioritization- these are skills that are often affected by ADHD symptoms. By addressing these areas, your quality of life may be significantly enhanced.

    Despite the leaps and bounds in mental health perceptions, access, and service delivery, there is still much work to be done. Whether for ourselves or others, there is no time like the present to advocate for better education on mental health concerns like ADHD. Indeed, it is an ongoing journey to challenge misconceptions, develop discernment, and embrace the complexities of these issues. However, it is essential to see the merit in all this effort, to recognize that finally receiving the proper help can save lives. By advocating for improved access to accurate diagnosis and comprehensive treatment, we can empower individuals with ADHD to finally thrive in their communities.

    For Executive Functioning (EF) coaching and other clinical services, contact us at clinic@wethriveinc.com.

    Sources:

    https://lawphil.net/statutes/repacts/ra2018/ra_11036_2018.html
    http://hrlibrary.umn.edu/research/Philippines/RA%207277%20-%20Magna%20Carta%20of%20Disabled%20Persons.pdf
    https://hrep-website.s3.ap-southeast-1.amazonaws.com/legisdocs/basic_19/HB09787.pdf
    Posner J, Polanczyk GV, Sonuga-Barke E. Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder. Lancet. 2020;395(10222):450–462. doi: 10.1016/S0140-6736(19)33004-1.
     Song P, Zha M, Yang Q, Zhang Y, Li X, Rudan I. The prevalence of adult attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder: A global systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of Global Health. 2021;11:04009. doi: 10.7189/jogh.11.04009.
    Thomas R, Sanders S, Doust J, Beller E, Glasziou P. Prevalence of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder: a systematic review and metaanalysis. Pediatrics. 2015;135(4):e994–e1001. doi: 10.1542/peds.2014-3482.
     Merten, E. C., Cwik, J. C., Margraf, J., & Schneider, S. (2017). Overdiagnosis of mental disorders in children and adolescents (in developed countries). Child and adolescent psychiatry and mental health, 11, 1-11.
    Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. DSM-5 Changes: Implications for Child Serious Emotional Disturbance [Internet]. Rockville (MD): Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (US); 2016 Jun. Table 7, DSM-IV to DSM-5 Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder Comparison. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK519712/table/ch3.t3/ 
    American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Neurodevelopmental disorders. In Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text rev.).
    Yeung, A., Ng, E., & Abi-Jaoude, E. (2022). TikTok and attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder: a cross-sectional study of social media content quality. The Canadian Journal of Psychiatry, 67(12), 899-906.
    Bruchmüller, K., Margraf, J., & Schneider, S. (2012). Is ADHD diagnosed in accord with diagnostic criteria? Overdiagnosis and influence of client gender on diagnosis. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 80(1), 128–138. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0026582 
     Ginsberg, Y., Quintero, J., Anand, E., Casillas, M., & Upadhyaya, H. P. (2014). Underdiagnosis of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder in adult patients: a review of the literature. The primary care companion for CNS disorders, 16(3), 23591.

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    Blog Everyday Thriving Thrive at Work

    Why Can’t We Be Friends?: Why it’s hard for adults to make friends and why we should do it anyway

    It was a love-hate relationship in a stressful, high-demand working environment.

    I met Gen, a highly regarded business partner in human resources while I was her new vendor relationship manager, eager to earn my stripes.  In the workplace, measuring each other up can be quite a common phenomenon, and we held each other with a ton of accountability.  A few months down the road and we were regularly going on coffee runs, having lunch dates and laughing about things work and non-work.

    This was several years ago and a few employers then after.  We’ve seen each other four times since. We are “friends”, but not quite.  We keep trying but life gets in the way. She would send me a voice message of her singing that 70’s punk song “Why can’t we be friends?” whenever our schedules to meet up don’t match.  Our story is not unusual. 

    Having recently encountered big life events, such as moving cities and getting married, I can’t help but realize how I’ve neglected to restock my circle of friends. In adulthood, plenty of people enter our lives, but to have actual close friends – the kind you can call in a crisis, those can come in shorter supply.  I got to wondering, what complicates adult friendships?

    Adult friendships can be more complex and challenging for several reasons:

    1. Time constraints: As adults, we often have numerous responsibilities such as work, family, and personal commitments. Finding time to nurture friendships can become increasingly difficult, especially if friends have conflicting schedules or live far apart.
    2. Life transitions and different life stages: Adults undergo various life transitions such as moving to new cities, changing jobs, getting married, or having children. These transitions can impact friendships as priorities shift and lifestyles diverge. Not all adults are at the same stage in life. Some may be focused on advancing their careers, while others may be starting families or exploring new interests. These differences can lead to disparities in values, priorities, and available time for socializing.
    3. Trust and vulnerability: Building deep, meaningful friendships requires trust and vulnerability. However, past experiences, disappointments, or betrayals may make adults more guarded and cautious about opening up to new friends or maintaining existing relationships.
    4. Limited social circles: Unlike childhood or adolescence, where social circles are often abundant and easily accessible, adults may find themselves with fewer opportunities to meet new people and expand their social networks, especially if they lead busy or isolated lives.

    Today, with hybrid online work spaces, freelancing and the gig economy on the rise, it’s becoming harder to recreate the structure and conditions that sociologists have considered as important ingredients to making close friends: repeated and unplanned interactions, proximity and an environment for people to confide in each other.  

    I wish it was easier like before, but if you are waiting for things to happen organically, then you may have to be ready to wait for a long while.

    I can understand why most people don’t find this as an urgent need or even a crisis – friendship.  There’s a certain hierarchy that culture puts on romantic love or familial love leaving platonic love and friendships at the bottom. Yet our bodies have always craved for a sense of resonance and communion with others. Recent studies on loneliness can certainly agree.

    A paper published in the Nature Human Behavior journal suggests people who dealt with social isolation had a 32% higher risk of dying early from any cause compared with individuals who weren’t socially isolated. The paper was a meta-analyses of 90 studies on the connection between loneliness, social isolation, and early death among over 2 million adults.  The World Health Organization has even launched a commission that would put loneliness at the top of its global public health priorities from 2024 to 2026.

    Now one might think loneliness would not be such a major concern for our country yet because our culture and values compel us to keep in constant touch with our social networks or take responsibility within our family systems. Besides, Filipinos are generally known to be friendly and cheerful, right? Surprisingly, a survey in October of 2023 by Meta and Gallup found that the Philippines is one of the countries with high levels of self-reported loneliness, with 57% of Filipinos saying they are feeling lonely compared to a worldwide average of 24%. 

    In general, adult friendship was found to predict or at least be positively correlated with wellbeing and its components (Pezirkianidis et al., 2023). In particular, the results showed that friendship quality and socializing with friends predict wellbeing levels.  

    If we all can be healthier individuals through friendships, and if we all can benefit from other people bringing out the full richness and complexity of who we are, why aren’t we all jumping into opportunities to make friends?

    Psychologist and author of the book Platonic, Dr. Marisa Franco suggests there are two main reasons why we likely devalue the need to make friends as adults.  First of all, she mentions the paradox of people.  While being around other people has all kinds of benefits, people can also be scary – they can be hurtful and they can reject us. Second of all, not many us know how to make friends!

    Making new friends and cultivating friendships as an adult can indeed be challenging, but it’s certainly possible with some effort and intentionality. So here are a few tips:

    1. Take initiative

    Don’t wait for others to initiate plans. Be proactive in reaching out to acquaintances or colleagues to suggest grabbing coffee, attending an event together, or simply catching up.

    2. Stay open-minded

      Be open to forming friendships with people from different backgrounds, ages, or walks of life. Diversity enriches our lives and provides opportunities for learning and growth.

      3. Be a good listener

        Cultivate active listening skills and show genuine interest in others. Ask open-ended questions, offer support and encouragement, and remember details from previous conversations to demonstrate that you value the relationship.

        4. Nurture your existing friendships

          Don’t neglect the friendships you already have. Make time to connect with existing friends, whether through regular meetups, phone calls, or virtual hangouts.

          5. Turn your hobbies and personal interests into a community.

            Attend classes, workshops, and join meet-ups with like-minded individuals. Enroll in classes related to your personal or professional development. These settings can provide opportunities for meaningful interactions.

            6. Be patient and persistent.

              Building genuine friendships takes time and effort. Don’t get discouraged if it doesn’t happen overnight. Keep putting yourself out there and be patient as you develop new connections.

              By incorporating these strategies in seeking out new connections, you may just increase your chances of making meaningful friendships as an adult.

              I am also keeping in mind that for friendship to happen, one needs to be brave. We have to believe we are likeable and lean into the parts of ourselves that simply want to connect.

                References:

                • Wang, F., Gao, Y., Han, Z. et al. A systematic review and meta-analysis of 90 cohort studies of social isolation, loneliness and mortality. Nat Hum Behav 7, 1307–1319 (2023). https://doi.org/10.1038/s41562-023-01617-6
                • https://www.who.int/news/item/15-11-2023-who-launches-commission-to-foster-social-connection
                • Pezirkianidis C, Christopoulou M, Galanaki E, Kounenou K, Karakasidou E, Lekka D, Kalamatianos A, Stalikas A. Exploring friendship quality and the practice of savoring in relation to the wellbeing of Greek adults. Front Psychol. 2023 Oct 6;14:1253352. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1253352. PMID: 37868602; PMCID: PMC10588444.
                • https://www.gmanetwork.com/news/lifestyle/content/887116/57-of-pinoys-self-reported-feeling-lonely-survey/story/
                • Marisa G. Franco, P. (2022). Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends. Unabridged Books on Tape.
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                Blog Everyday Thriving Thrive at Work

                I can HEAR you: Practicing Co-Regulation in the Workplace

                co-regulation

                Humans are social beings, and we are hardwired to connect. We intuitively scan our surroundings for cues of safety and danger. In order to survive, we observe, process, and respond to what is going on in our environment. Being aware of what makes our own nervous system responses, as well as those of others, kick in, can help us build healthier communities.

                -Sofie Malm

                I recently was involved in a difficult situation at work. The project lead had a lot of ideas that he wanted to implement without taking into consideration the amount of work and effort it would take to set these up. Apart from that, there were loose ends of the project that were not properly communicated leaving the team at a loss on how to navigate the completion of the project. I found myself very upset about this and instead of having a challenging conversation about how I felt about it, I made passive-aggressive comments and felt checked out about the whole project. Fortunately, one of our team members sensed the tension and encouraged us to take a deep breath in and out for a few minutes to practice mindfulness, to take things one task at a time, and offered support if anyone needed any. 

                Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation? Have you ever wondered why even though we know what we need to rationally do, we still end up doing the irrational one that could possibly hurt our relationships? Don’t fret because this is more normal than you thought and can be explained by how our brain circuitry works. 

                Our brain constantly scans for threats in our environment and this happens subconsciously or what we call neuroception. If it perceives a threat, our autonomic nervous system (ANS) gets activated and prepares our body (increases our heart rate, blood pressure, and breathing, and slows down digestion) to respond. According to the Polyvagal Theory (PVT) our body can respond in three ways. These are influenced by the evolutionary structures of the brain. The oldest structure, the reptilian brain, causes us to be immobilized. It’s when we tend to be frozen, numb, or shut down. The next structure or the mammalian brain moves us to mobilization. When this is activated, we feel the adrenaline rush that helps us either stay and fight or run away from the threat. The newest structure, or the neocortex, allows us to stay engaged, connected, safe, calm, and creative in the present moment. 

                Imagine these responses on a ladder with the immobilized state at the bottom rung and the engaged state at the highest rung. As we are presented with different experiences, we move up and down the ladder depending on how our brains interpret the situation at hand. Going back to our example, as more demands were given for the project that exceeded the resources available, I found myself moving up and down the mobilized and immobilized state unable to reach the socially engaged state. 

                At work, we are faced with different experiences such as an increase in work demand, unclear expectations, and implementation of new systems to name a few, which can be detected as a threat by our nervous system. These provoke different responses in individuals and can cause us to be emotionally dysregulated. This explains why some, me included, may respond in a manner that is not productive for the situation. If this is not managed, it can cause problems in the long run. It can impact productivity and even relationships in the workplace. What do we do now? 

                One pathway you can try is called co-regulation.

                Co-regulation is the “interactive and dynamic process of mutual emotional regulation, where two individuals seek to help each other actively in order to manage their emotional expression and states.” This is made possible by our mirror neurons. Mirror neurons are specialized brain cells that help us recognize the emotional state of another person. When we embody calmness, our mirror neurons show this message to another person’s mirror neurons which brings them from a state of dysregulation to regulation. 

                In the workplace, whenever you feel that there you or your teammates are in the immobilized or fight or flight state, you can practice co-regulation by following the acronym HEAR. As an example, I included what our teammate said to practice co-regulation. 

                Hold space

                When emotions are very high, we need to give ourselves and others an opportunity to step back, stop what we are doing, and hold space for the emotions that we are feeling. In this step, we want to avoid overidentifying and downplaying our emotions. It is a time to notice what we are feeling and where we are feeling it in our body. We want to pull ourselves in the present so that we can be attuned to our own and other’s emotions without judgement. 

                In this step, we can do grounding techniques such as a body scan and different breathing exercises. This can help us be aware of the physical and emotional warning signs of our body. 

                “Once you read this, I want everyone to breathe in and breathe out for a few minutes and practice a little bit of mindfulness. Close the tabs that are open if your windows are full.” 

                Empathize

                Once we have calmed down, we can proceed to the next step which is to empathize. Empathizing can be shown through establishing eye contact to make a person feel seen or creating physical contact if possible. This can be as simple as sitting near the distressed person or just being with them in a video call. In this step, we should also take into consideration the level of comfortability of the person. 

                Apart from establishing contact, this is where we can express our observations about the behaviors that we were seeing and the tension we were feeling. It is also helpful to ask for feedback if what you were observing and sensing were correct. 

                “I know things have been very busy and tense for the past couple of weeks especially now that our tasks and projects are piling up.” 

                Actively Listen

                When your teammates are giving feedback and expressing their emotions, thoughts, and concerns, practice active listening. Make sure that as you hear them out, there are no distractions present. To ensure that you understood them, try to use your own words to explain what they just shared. This gives them a signal that you are attuned to what they are feeling and saying. This gives them a sense of validation which increases their feelings of safety. 

                “I completely understand this and I appreciate you opening up to me. I also would love to comment this vulnerability. It’s been a very tough few weeks for everyone especially for your unit. I really understand where you are coming from. If I feel kept in the dark for tasks that I need to do, I would also feel the same way” 

                Reflect feelings and perspectives

                As the team enters the socially engaged state, it is important to remind each and everyone that it’s normal to feel upset, that things at work may sometimes feel like a threat to us. What’s important is that we are able to notice when our emotional states and resulting behaviors are going against our own values and hurting our relationships and productivity in the process. When we notice, we are able to pull one another into a regulated state. After all, we are working towards a common goal. 

                After our teammate practiced HEAR, I felt safe and more comfortable to have the challenging conversation I was avoiding. I was able to express where the pain point was coming from, what values were being violated that caused me to be uneasy about the progress of the project. To date, we are working on fixing the pain points that we are facing and are more open in airing out similar concerns in upcoming projects. 

                We spend a third of our lives at work and spend at least eight hours a day, five times a week with our workmates. We can leverage our collective power to rewire our brains so that despite challenges, we are able to maintain a regulated state that can enhance not only our own productivity but also develop positive and meaningful relationships with our colleagues as well. 

                References:

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                Creating workplaces where “care” matters

                culture of care

                The month of October is Mental Health Month, and this year we are focusing on how to build workplaces that embody wellbeing. To learn more about our ongoing work with organizations to create these cultures of care in their workplaces, stay tuned for our upcoming activity Leading with Care: The Neuroscience and Practice of Leading a Culture of Care in the Workplace on 07 November 2023.

                In We Thrive, we look at mental health as the coming together of many different factors which determine the capacity of a person to live in a way that allows them to reach their fullest potentials. Of course, our individual exercise of our faculties is critical: how we cope with difficult experiences and savor positive ones; how we pay attention to how we feel and think about ourselves and the world; how we interact with others and take part in their lives; and so on. Nowadays, we refer to things like this using the umbrella term “self-care” (ISF, 2023). But as we probably already know, individual efforts are sometimes not enough to reach. We don’t always cope particularly well; we aren’t always able to stop and smell the roses; we aren’t always able to pay attention to what’s happening; and our ability to be part of other people’s lives, or let them be part of ours, is not always at its best. Sometimes, you need help. “The ability to ask for and obtain help is a valuable life skill,” as psychologist Debbie Sorensen puts it, partly as a comment to our culturally-ingrained hyper-focus on independence (Sorensen, 2022). So besides “self-care”, realizing our potentials includes the essential component of togetherness, where interdependence is just as prized as independence, and where reaching one’s potentials is not simply an individual effort. We can call this “community care”: as author and psychotherapist Minaa B. defines as “[using] our power, privilege, and resources to better the people who are both in and out of our scope of reach” (Minaa B., 2021). 

                The idea that “our wellbeing is contagious” gives us a sense of how embedded the impulses of community care actually is in our human makeup, and how our own health and flourishing depends as much on others as it does on our own efforts in ways that sometimes surprises us (Suttie, 2020). And in relation to workplace stress and one of the primary mental health challenges of “[managing] the pressures so that life is productive and enjoyable” (Teasedale, 2006), the idea of community care can provide a more integrative approach to ensuring the wellbeing of people in the context of groups and institutions. We know for example the consequences of a lack of consideration of wellbeing can be, with losses in the millions whether we’re referring to potential profits or working days lost to attrition or sick leaves (Graveling et al., 2008). Conversely, we know about the even greater benefits taking wellbeing seriously has to all kinds of organizational and business outcomes (Sears, Shi, Coberley, & Pope, 2013). But where do you begin? In this article, we want to share some advice about how to apply the concept of “community care” to thinking about how organizations can build up its practices towards creating workplaces where “care” is integral rather than supplemental to the overall business strategy.

                Community care in three categories

                Thanks to some clever analysis of the literature, researchers were able to offer a more condensed definition of this widely and wildly defined idea of self-care: “The ability to care for oneself through awareness, self-control, and self-reliance in order to achieve, maintain, or promote optimal health and well-being” (Martínez, Connelly, Pérez, & Calero, 2021). Using these three concepts, we can organize our thinking about wellbeing along these lines and how they might apply to community care. How can workplaces create spaces and relationships where people can support each-other’s capacities for awareness, self-control, and self-reliance?

                1. Awareness. This is about the ability to monitor, measure, and interpret one’s experiences (or “symptoms”, as used in their paper). This awareness is the natural first step to achieving wellbeing: after all, you cannot act wisely without the appropriate information. Applied to community care, this means helping each-other bring attention to our concerns, whether this means identifying specific forms of support or simply articulating some difficulty in or out of work in order to have some much-needed emotional release. Besides this, it also means helping each-other bring attention to our wins, allowing us to become more present to moments worth celebrating and appreciating. And building on the idea of interpretation, awareness is about bringing attention to the “meaning” of experiences, and helping each-other discern how our experiences at work match up with our values, beliefs, goals, and how we want life to be in general.

                Reflection: Are employees afforded the necessary resources, opportunities, and structures to cultivate greater awareness? Do the relationships between peers and between team members and team leaders foster a sense of safety and security where people are not only able but encouraged to work together to identify, articulate, and respond to their experiences as a community?

                1. Self-control. In the words of Martínez and colleagues, self-control is the “product of a person acting as a unitary being and engaging in regulation and control of their self and emotions”. Achieving wellbeing, whether we like it or not, requires perseverance, sustained effort, and more than a little strategizing. Applied to community care, this means helping each-other initiate and build on the habits necessary for regulation, maximizing our individual abilities to contain and ground ourselves. It also means creating relationships and systems within the workplace that don’t unnecessarily tax these abilities. Borrowing the researchers’ use of the term, self-control in the context of community care means thinking of the community as a “unitary being”, where each person must in some ways exercise responsibility for another’s capacity to recover and return to states of calm and ease.

                Reflection: Are employees afforded the necessary resources, opportunities, and structures to cultivate greater self-control? Do the relationships between peers and between team members and team leaders foster that sense of trust that, to the extent possible, we can rely on one-another as a means of regulating when things get tough? 

                1. Self-reliance. Though not defined directly in the study, the researchers offered a case study about a man who “sustained a wound to his right leg when he slipped in a canyon” but that, while he “was aware of the injury”, the man “did not treat the wound, and his entire leg became swollen, red, and hot”. So while taking consideration of the case study’s particular context, we can think of self-reliance as our ability to initiate the appropriate actions by ourselves, which requires a level of self-efficacy, self-trust, and a general belief that we can do something with our circumstances. Applied to community care, this means helping each-other create the necessary cognitive and behavioral scaffolding in our work to both have the appropriate level of trust in our own abilities (remember: asking for help is an important skill) and the necessary skills for acting on that self-confidence in productive and meaningful ways. Using the case study, self-reliance is both about trusting that your team will help you with the wound and also about your team trusting you enough to at least clean and dress the wound first.

                Reflection: Are employees afforded the necessary resources, opportunities, and structures to cultivate greater self-reliance? Do the relationships between peers and between team members and team leaders create an environment that is not only challenging but also encouraging? 

                For mental health support services, email us at resilientteams@wethrivewellbeing.com or contact us to sign-up for sessions with our mental health clinicians.

                References (in order of appearance)

                1. https://isfglobal.org/what-is-self-care/ 
                2. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8488814/ 
                3. https://psyche.co/guides/how-to-ask-for-help-without-discomfort-or-apology 
                4. https://www.wellandgood.com/what-is-community-care/ 
                5. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why_taking_care_of_your_own_well_being_helps_others 
                6. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1476179306000188 
                7. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK75294/ 
                https://www.liebertpub.com/doi/full/10.1089/pop.2012.0114
                Categories
                Blog Everyday Thriving Thrive at Work Thrive in School Wellbeing Practices

                To hear and be heard: ideas for meaningful conversations for nurturing life

                The month of September is celebrated globally as Suicide Prevention and Awareness Month. To learn more about suicide and how we can support each-other, see this article. If you need to talk to someone or if you are in need of urgent help, please proceed to the nearest hospital emergency room, or proceed to the end of this article for the contact numbers of various local 24/7 crisis lines.

                Stereotypes aside, as an organization providing psychological care, We Thrive’s work admittedly has a lot to do with conversations. It is something we take for granted, not always realizing that this very peculiar human capacity is one of the building blocks of human civilization (Crystal et al., 2023). Conversations are also one of the building blocks of human life: as psychologist Lucy Foulkes puts it, when conversations “allow us to learn something important about ourselves, about the other person, or about the world” (Foulkes, 2021), truly remarkable things happen. Such conversations, when they are “meaningful”, can turn even otherwise mundane chatter (what we label “small talk”) into subtle gateways for deeper interactions (Macquire, 2023). They make possible the flourishing of all those aspects of being human: sensing and holding our emotions (Lieberman et al., 2007), articulating the various aspects of the self (McLean and Morrison-Cohen, 2013), developing new behaviors and perspectives (Albright et al., 2016), relieving and easing painful experiences (Kardas, Kumar, and Epley, 2021), making sense of life as a whole (Tarbi et al., 2021), and much more. Speech of this kind has a literal healing effect, hence the well-earned stereotypical predominance of “talk therapy” methods in clinical psychological practice (Lindberg, 2023).  As social beings, as author Arthur Dobrin puts it: “With conversation, we find a place where we belong” (Dobrin, 2011).

                In our ongoing observance of Suicide Prevention and Awareness Month, we want to offer some practical points for reflection for having meaningful conversations, particularly those you want to check in on and support through difficult experiences.

                The look and feel of a meaningful conversation

                The main feature of a meaningful conversation is the experience of being “heard” — an experience which is, without exaggeration, “one of the most basic, yet potent needs we have as social beings” (Fowler, 2022). Most of us know from personal experience how painful not being heard can be, and how influential it can affect our own ability to hear others. Not being heard can have many precipitating factors: maybe there are basic differences in communication style (Khiron Clinic, 2021); or maybe the capacities of one or both people in the conversation to hold big or uncomfortable feelings are limited (Brosch, 2015). It could be some other factor, like adverse childhood experiences (Zlate, 2020), which are not within our present control. Whatever the case, when we are not heard, some of our most fundamental needs — the needs to feel that “we are taken seriously, that our ideas and feelings are acknowledged, and that we have something to share” (Nichols, 1995) — cannot be met.

                So how do we get to meaningful conversations where we feel taken seriously, acknowledged, and feel that what we share has value? We may be tempted to offer advice right away or resort to offering affirmation.

                But “problem-solving” is not the same as “hearing”, and our impulse to give instructions or shoo away difficult feelings with aspirations of pleasantness, while usually very well-intentioned, may not reflect the other person’s true needs. This is what is often meant by “toxic positivity”: when the resolution to be quote-unquote “happy” is not grounded in the present reality which might demand more emotional complexity.

                So having said that, what does “hearing” actually look like? Thankfully, a few scholars have looked into this. In a series of studies, the concept of being “heard” — described by the authors succinctly as “a key variable of our time”, given our modern propensities for distractions — was operationalized according to five components (Roos, Postmes, and Koudenburg, 2021). Here, we will present how these were understood and some points for reflection to guide how we apply these to making our conversations truly meaningful. 

                1. Recognizing our “voice”. This is about “being able to express myself freely, that is, being able to say what I want to say.” In meaningful conversations, there must be that sense that, while some social filters might be appropriate in any given situation, we are able to say what we think or feel without fear of being criticized, demeaned, or thought poorly of. It is the sense that, right or wrong aside, what we say is welcomed.

                Reflection: In our conversations, do we offer a sense of security that allows the other person to say what they need to say, and that we are willing and able to welcome what they say — even if they’re about something difficult and uncertain?

                1. Receiving “attention”. This is about feeling that the other person “focused their attention on what I said”. In meaningful conversations, there is a conscious effort to home in on the details, verbal or otherwise. It is the sense that what we say merits curiosity, and that there is a richness in what is being said that is worth patiently drawing out.

                Reflection: In our conversations, do we offer expressions of interest that communicate to the other person that what they have to say is important, and that we really want to understand them?

                1. Receiving “empathy”. This is the perception that “the other tried to take my perspective and emotionally understand me.” In meaningful conversations, the affective contents of what we say — not just the words, but the conditions that led us to say what we say — are appreciated. It is the sense that the other person is resonating with us at a level that is deeper than the dictionary definitions of our statements, and that we are allowed to speak with more vulnerability, confident that, at the minimum, our vulnerability will be cared for.

                Reflection: In our conversations, does our presence invite the other person to let their guard down, even a little, so that what they say communicates more truthfully what their hearts dictate? (At least to the extent possible, given the circumstance. Emotions are complex, after all!)

                1. Receiving “respect”. This is the feeling that the other person “valued what I said (my voice) and me as a person”. In meaningful conversations, while all human activity is prone to human errors of misunderstanding, we are taken and honored as we are. It is the sense that whatever prejudices there may be are set aside — or at least owned up to, honestly — and that the interaction is grounded in a commitment to the fact that we are human beings deserving of compassion.

                Reflection: In our conversations, does our approach show the other person that we accept and honor them as they are, however and whatever they may be?

                1. Experiencing “common ground”. This is the perception that we can “understand each other’s point of view”. In meaningful conversations, there is a kind of exchange that allows both people’s perspectives to be influenced in a constructive way, allowing not just greater understanding of the nuances of these differences, but a greater appreciation of how such differences can lead to the same goals of cultivating a more meaningful life. While there may be significant divergences in the way we come to our conclusions, these conclusions are ultimately grounded on a desire for the greatest good — and that our conception of the “good” can be deepened and strengthened by one-another.

                Reflection: In our conversations, do we communicate an openness to hearing the other person’s views, and an openness for our own views to be positively influenced by them?

                Being able to initiate and sustain such a potent human activity is one of our best means for promoting healing for ourselves and one-another. By cultivating these five components, we can be better placed to leverage the power of conversations to cultivate human flourishing both within and beyond our difficult experiences.

                For mental health support services, email us at resilientteams@wethrivewellbeing.com or contact us to sign-up for sessions with our mental health clinicians.

                If you need to talk to someone or if you are in need of urgent help, please proceed to the nearest hospital emergency room, or call these 24/7 crisis lines:

                DOH-NCMH Hotline

                0917-899-USAP (8727)

                0966-351-4518

                0908-639-2672

                (02) 7-989-USAP (8727)

                1553

                Hopeline PH

                0917-558-HOPE (4673)

                0918-873-4673 (HOPE)

                (02) 8-804-HOPE (4673)

                2919

                In Touch Crisis Line

                0917-800-1123

                0922-893-8944

                (02) 8-8937603

                References (in order of appearance):

                1. https://wethrivewellbeing.com/world-suicide-prevention-day-responding-to-suicide-with-resilience-and-compassion/ 
                2. https://www.britannica.com/topic/language 
                3. https://psyche.co/guides/how-to-have-more-meaningful-conversations 
                4. https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-make-small-talk/ 
                5. https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/talk-therapy#how-effective 
                6. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17576282/ 
                7. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15283488.2013.776498 
                8. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5344154/ 
                9. https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/psp-pspa0000281.pdf 
                10. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0738399121003335 
                11. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/am-i-right/201112/conversation-makes-us-human 
                12. https://thedmcclinic.ie/blog-the-importance-of-being-heard/ 
                13. https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/listen-up-why-you-dont-feel-heard-in-your-relationship-0810154  
                14. https://www.pacesconnection.com/blog/adverse-childhood-experiences-and-interpersonal-relationships 
                15. https://www.compassionate.center/docs/Why-listening-is-so-important.pdf 
                https://psyarxiv.com/73jgn
                Categories
                Blog Everyday Thriving Thrive at Work

                Celebrating Pride Month with PwC

                Photo credit: PwC

                It has been such a delight to take part in the #PwCACManila‘s Pride Month celebration!

                We Thrive consultants Jan Castañeda and Mike Shimamoto sat down with KC Cadiz (PwC Talent Development for Emotional Intelligence Leader) and Ronnel Franco (Shine member) for a wellness session entitled Cultivating a Culture of Care for LGBTQ+ People in our Families.

                It was a meaningful session with some psychoeducation, sharing of insights and communal singing.

                Take a look at some of the event photos below:

                Photo credits: PwC Acceleration Center Manila and We Thrive Team
                Categories
                Blog Thrive at Work Wellbeing Practices

                Help at Work: Identifying workplace stress and the support you need

                workplace stress

                In We Thrive, we understand work as vital to the whole person. In the course of work, we learn to “regulate” by meeting challenges and its accompanying pressures head-on; to “relate” by working together with different people with different histories and perspectives; and to “reflect towards wise action” by considering how our work aligns with what is truly important to us. When pursued with mindfulness and compassion, work helps us grow not just in our careers but in our ability to live out lives as well-rounded human beings.

                But of course, work has its issues.

                Despite the lessons which the COVID-19 pandemic should have taught us about self-care and self-compassion, we remain tangled with a work ethic that prioritizes “productivity” at the expense of everything else. Unfortunately, this work ethic also bred a resistance to, and even fear of, seeking help, so used are we to the idea of “toughing it out”.

                Despite increasing visibility of the importance of mental health, we are still uncertain about how this might play out within companies and industries. And on the level of the individual, we are still working  out, in the aftermath of a global health crisis, something as basic as what constitutes a legitimate need for assistance.

                Here, we will look at one way to think about the kind of pressure you experience in the workplace, and the kind of help that you (and your workplace) may consider. Throughout this discussion, we will also be directed by this question: “Is my work nurturing my growth, or impeding it?”

                Defining the pressure you need help for

                There are sources of pressure, or “stress”, that are common across organizations and industries. The finer details may differ across fields, but these can be categorized into two broad categories:

                1. Work content, which are the various tasks involved and its accompanying costs in time, effort, and expertise. Some potential stressors under this category can include inappropriate workloads, where there may be too much or too little demands; the meaningfulness of the work, or the extent to which the job is aligned with the person’s values or sense of purpose; and autonomy, or the extent to which a person can exercise control over the work they do.
                2. Work context, which are the environmental and socio-cultural aspects of the job. These can include thing like the nature of relationships between colleagues, which can vary in levels of support, transparency, and general good humor; organizational culture, which can refer to policy structures and management styles that buttress the organization; and the sense of belonging within the larger work community, which refers to the extent to which a person might feel included or excluded from one’s peers or the extent to which one feels that their presence and contributions are actually valued. (WHO, 2020; Mental Help, 2015)

                The response to these stressors is unique to each person, dependent not just on how intense or persistent the stressful experience is, but also on a person’s particular condition. A stressful event that might be considered “mild” for one person, which may improve functioning, might be “severe” to another, and disrupt functioning (Yaribeygi et al., 2017). But how do we tell the difference? We can do this by using two distinct categories of stress: “eustress” and “distress”.

                Working with “eu-stress”

                The first category of stress is eustress: the kind of stress which motivates us to face challenges successfully, learn new skills and perspectives, and provides opportunities to direct their actions towards our goals and our values. (Albort-Morant et al., 2020).

                Broadly speaking, while there is definitely pressure, there is vitality. This can look like the following:

                • You feel energized;
                • You feel more focused;
                • You feel confident you know what you’re doing (or at least you’re confident you can learn);
                • You are excited by what you do; and
                • You sense your productivity increasing (Shafir, 2020; Tocino-Smith, 2019).

                The work may be more difficult, but the movement towards accomplishing the task elicits feelings of pleasure and a sense that one is both working well and working towards something worthwhile for themselves and for the organization.

                In a phrase: eustress nurtures growth.

                The help we might need here would be less about relieving pressure and more about maximizing it: how can we maximize this opportunity for growth?

                In the workplace, this might mean strengthening the following areas:

                • Ensuring access to mentors or peers who can offer emotional support or concrete advice for effectively addressing a challenge;
                • Providing appropriate flexibility to accommodate people’s particular work needs, such as work schedules, deadlines, or work spaces;
                • Building relationships between employees that ensure that people are not afraid of making mistakes or speaking up about their needs;
                • Setting clear work expectations so people know exactly what they’re working towards; and so on (Peart, 2019).

                Working with “di-stress”

                The second general category of stress that you may (unfortunately) be more familiar with is called distress. This is the opposite of eustress: instead of motivation, energy, and a sense of purpose, there may instead be dissatisfaction, fatigue, and a lack of direction. In this situation, the strain has either fallen too short of, or more often has far surpassed, the person’s threshold. Too little stress leads to boredom, lethargy, and a propensity for catastrophizing challenges faced because there has been inadequate opportunity to learn ways to cope with and savor challenges (Szalavitz, 2011). Too much stress though and the system can be overwhelmed, unable to effectively keep up, leading to disruptions in basic life functions such as sleep and a whole host of diseases (LeBlanc and Marques, 2019).

                Again speaking broadly, in contrast to eustress, distress can be understood as being sapped of vitality. This can look like the following:

                In this scenario, greater attention needs to be placed on relieving the pressure and addressing the manifestations of the distress: how do we return to a condition conducive for growth?

                Going back to the workplace, this might mean the following:

                • Ensure that any changes to job demands are made to ensure employees actually have the time and the opportunity to practice self-care; 
                • Address the actual sources of the distress at work, including but not limited to lack of career advancement, conflicting work demands, workloads and timelines that force employees to go over and beyond their supposed job schedules, inadequate salaries and benefits, and so on;
                • Provide mental health support is both available and accessible to employees; and
                • Ensure adequate support from mentors, management, and other peers (APA, 2018; CCOHS, 2023).

                When do I (and my workplace) need more help?

                Returning to our first question, we understand that growth is nurtured when there is both adequate pressure (“eustress”) and adequate rest. Considering the latter, we can ask ourselves whether we are getting the rest we need — and whether our workplaces allow us to engage in such without reprisal or penalty. One useful model for understanding “rest” comprehensively, in its active and passive forms, looks at seven different kinds:

                1. Physical Rest, such as sleep, good eating habits, and exercise;
                2. Mental Rest, such as engagement with non-work-related intellectually-stimulating activities such as reading and games;
                3. Spiritual Rest, such as activities which respond to your religious callings or other callings to a higher purpose, including prayer, charitable works, and so on;
                4. Emotional Rest, such as being able to express our emotions authentically in safe and compassionate environments;
                5. Sensory Rest, such as relieving ourselves from over-stimulation by keeping away our mobile and other computer devices;
                6. Social Rest, such as by engaging in pleasurable social activities or in pleasurable solitude; and
                7. Creative Rest, such as through different artistic endeavors (Skowron, 2022).

                A rule of thumb is to check in with ourselves and if in the past two weeks that if we are either a) we are unable to get adequate rest or b) if our best efforts at getting adequate rest is insufficient to relieve our present experience of distress, then this would be a signal to start seeking help. Similarly, if an organization finds itself unable to adequately and promptly support their employees’ wellbeing needs needs for rest, then the organization itself may want to consider getting help as well.

                As a final point, despite what our present culture of work tells us, seeking professional help is not a sign of weakness. Speaking to organizations, to seek help rather than to just allow our employees to “tough it out” is a sign not only of courage and strength, but a sign that we are truly taking mental health seriously — and that despite the pressures, our workplaces are places where people’s growth can be nurtured.

                For mental health support services for organizations, email us at resilientteams@wethrivewellbeing.com or contact us to sign-up for sessions with our mental health clinicians. 

                References:

                1. https://www.who.int/news-room/questions-and-answers/item/ccupational-health-stress-at-the-workplace 
                2. https://www.mentalhelp.net/stress/types-of-stressors-eustress-vs-distress/ 
                3. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7013452/ 
                4. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5579396/
                5. https://www.choosingtherapy.com/eustress-vs-distress/ 
                6. https://positivepsychology.com/what-is-eustress/ 
                7. https://hbr.org/2019/11/making-work-less-stressful-and-more-engaging-for-your-employees
                8. https://healthland.time.com/2011/12/20/the-goldilocks-principle-of-stress-too-little-is-almost-as-bad-as-too-much/ 
                9. https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/how-to-handle-stress-at-work-2019041716436
                10. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/effects-of-working-too-much/
                11. https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/work-related-stress#rpl-skip-link  
                12. https://www.apa.org/topics/healthy-workplaces/work-stress 
                13. https://www.ccohs.ca/oshanswers/psychosocial/stress.html 
                14. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/a-different-kind-of-therapy/202212/the-7-kinds-of-rest-you-need-to-actually-feel-rejuvenated
                Categories
                Blog News & Events Thrive at Work

                We Thrive x Trend Micro for Women’s Month 2023

                In the last week of #WomensMonth2023 we were so thrilled to have partnered with Trend Micro for an incredible talk! It was an honor to share insights and connect with such a passionate audience for Women’s Month. Thank you for having us Trend Micro Careers Philippines !

                Here are some photos from the event:

                Photo credits: Trend Micro Careers Philippines Facebook Page
                Categories
                Blog Everyday Thriving Thrive at Work Thrive in School

                Helping Out a Friend Through a Mental Crisis Using ALGEE

                Have you ever heard of the statement “That’s what friends are for”? It implies the role of a friend as someone you can count on to help you out. So when a friend reaches out and opens up about a problem, it seems natural to listen, comfort, and support them as best as you can. But there are times when you may not feel confident enough to help them. You may feel like you don’t understand the problem very well because you have not experienced it, or you have probably dealt with a similar problem before but could not understand why your friend is struggling with it. Sometimes, the idea of saying something wrong and making things worse for your friend is daunting in and of itself. Fortunately, there is one way for you to help your friend in times of mental distress.

                So how can I help my friend out?

                Like with medical concerns, you can provide first aid for mental health concerns.

                Mental Health First Aid (MHFA) is done to help someone experiencing a mental health crisis when professional help is not yet available. ALGEE is a tool that is used to provide MHFA. It won’t teach you how to become your friend’s personal therapist, but it will help you provide them with the support they need to cope with what they are going through in that moment of crisis.

                ALGEE is an acronym that stands for the following: Assess for risks of suicide or harm; Listen without judgment; Give reassurance and information; Encourage appropriate professional help; and Encourage self-help and other support strategies.

                How do you use ALGEE?

                ALGEE can be done in any order, depending on what you think your friend needs at the moment. Below is an overview of how you can approach and what you can expect to happen in each step. 

                1. ASSESS for risk of suicide and harm

                This step involves observing for any signs that would tell that a person is in distress. Such signs can be a sudden change in behavior or an unusual reaction to a particular topic or situation. You should also be alert to mentions or jokes of your friend contemplating suicide, as well as self-harm behaviors such as cutting, engaging in excessive substance use (such as alcohol, cigarettes, or drugs), or doing risky activities that can harm them physically.

                If you find out that your friend is actively hurting themself or has plans to commit suicide, then it is important to persuade them to get help as soon as possible.

                2. LISTEN without judgment

                People who are in distress want to be heard. That’s why it is important to give them the opportunity to say what they want to say uninterrupted. Keep an open mind about what they are saying, even when you do not agree with them. Avoid making speculations or giving advice, unless your friend specifically asks for your opinion on the matter.

                Show that you are actively listening by keeping an open and receptive body posture (that is, arms and legs uncrossed and palms resting comfortably on the lap or desk) and maintaining eye contact. You can also make appropriate verbal responses to show that you understand and follow what they are saying. Responses may be in the form of reinforcements (“I see.” or “Uh-huh.”), acknowledgements (“That’s tough.” or “I can imagine how confusing it is to be in that situation.”), questions (“What did you do to cope with that situation?”), and reflections (“This is what I heard from you. Am I understanding it correctly?”). If you’re talking with your friend through text or chat, you may need to rely more on verbal responses to better understand each other.

                3. GIVE reassurance and information

                In an effort to cheer your friend, you may sometimes find yourself telling them that everything will be okay or that they can do things if they only believe in themselves. However, people in distress may feel so overwhelmed and hopeless that they cannot see their situation improving or believe that they can act on their problems. To give reassurance, you need to make them see the possibility. You can do this by providing evidence and information. Are there ways to deal with their problem that they may not have thought of? Have there been situations that contradict a negative thought that’s been running through their mind? Helping them find evidence that there are things that can be done is an effective way of instilling hope in them.

                There may be times when your friend thinks that undesired feelings or behaviors, such as lashing out at other people or being too afraid to speak in public, are their fault. However, such feelings or behaviors may actually be symptoms of a particular mental illness or of significant distress that could lead to a mental illness if untreated. Thus, it is important to emphasize that mental illness is real and the symptoms they are experiencing can be treated with the right help.

                4. ENCOURAGE appropriate professional help

                The earlier your friend gets help, the more likely they can recover. Find out what kind of support your friend needs at the moment and help them find professionals, agencies, organizations, or institutions that can make things a little easier for them.

                If they need psychological help, there are various mental health services and programs available. Some universities and organizations offer free therapy sessions, although they may be limited in terms of slots or the number of sessions that can be availed. For long-term and more intensive help, paid therapy sessions in clinics and hospitals may be necessary. You can check out the directory of mental health facilities in the country created by #MentalHealthPH here. Additionally, 24/7 crisis lines come in handy whenever there is a need to overcome a mental crisis or to prevent a suicide attempt. A list of these hotlines can be found here. Regardless of whether payment is involved, simply being able to attend therapy is already a huge step towards healing.

                5. ENCOURAGE self-help and other support strategies

                Mental health services aren’t always available, and this can be a problem when your friend experiences a panic attack or suddenly feels overwhelmed by suicidal thoughts. Knowing how to deal with these emergencies helps them develop the skills to cope with crises on their own. Coping strategies such as breathing, grounding, and self-soothing techniques are useful during panic attacks. Utilizing tools for mindfulness and emotion regulation also helps practice control and lessen chaotic situations caused by outbursts. Exercising, spending time with friends and families, and engaging in hobbies and other recreational activities can help improve one’s quality of life. For some mindfulness breathing exercises, you can check out Circle of Hope’s Hingalangin videos on their Facebook page.

                To see a demonstration of ALGEE, you can watch this roleplay video on YouTube.

                Are there things I should consider when using ALGEE?

                As a mental health first aid tool, the main purpose of ALGEE is not to diagnose your friend or solve their problem, but to help determine their needs and provide appropriate support. While your closeness can help your friend be more comfortable opening up to you, it is important to always be objective, express empathy, and abide by the principle of “Do no harm.”

                Here are ways that you can do this.

                1. Keep what is said confidential, unless help from other people is necessary.

                It takes courage for a person to open up about their struggles. Some people refuse to share what they are going through for fear of exposing themselves to the wrong people. Reaching out to you means that they trust you to keep what they have said only to yourself. Before going through ALGEE, it is best to set up a time and a place to talk to your friend privately. This will give your friend a chance to be vulnerable in a safe space. However, keep in mind that if there is a high risk that your friend would commit suicide, ensuring their safety by asking for help from other people and authorities is necessary.

                1. Do not force your friend to share their problems with you.

                Sometimes, people are just not ready to talk about their problems. If your friend outright tells you that they do not want to talk, do not force them to. Instead, encourage them to talk to someone that they trust or assure them that you are available to listen to them whenever they are ready. You can also simply ask them what they need at the moment. Show them that there is someone who is willing to listen and help, and they have the option to choose who or when they seek help.

                1. Refrain from invalidating them or trivializing what your friend is going through.

                Some people keep their worries to themselves because they believe that no one would hear them out or make the effort to understand them. When your friend opens up to you, listen well and try to see the situation from their perspective. If there are things they said that you do not agree with, do not reject or dismiss what they are feeling or thinking about. If you think that their problems are too simple, remember that every person is affected by situations differently. What may be easy for you may be too much for them. Likewise, if you have experienced a similar problem and have resolved it successfully, take note that what may have worked for you may not work for them. Thus, when providing help and support, consider their strengths and weaknesses.

                1. Give your friend the control that they need through options.

                One of the reasons why people usually feel distressed is because they feel that they cannot control their situation. Thus, if solutions are imposed on them, the feeling of having a lack of control will increase. If you have a solution in mind, ask first if they are open to hear advice. If they are, assure them that your advice is simply a suggestion and is open to modifications until they find one that they are comfortable with.

                1. Improvise, adapt, and overcome.

                There are times when it can’t be helped to expect something from your friend or from the situation. However, it is important to be open to the possibility that things may not go your way. Something may keep your friend from getting help despite your agreement or keep the situation from improving as you both hope. Identify the challenges, seek alternatives, and try again. And remember, it’s okay to make mistakes!

                1. Watch out and prepare yourself for compassion fatigue.

                While being there for a friend during their toughest times is admirable, there are times when their problems, emotions, and negative thoughts can get to you too. When you feel overwhelmed with helping your friend or are starting to feel affected by what they’re going through, you may be experiencing compassion fatigue. It is important to be mindful of the symptoms of compassion fatigue and to prepare yourself to prevent it or address it when it comes. Remember to take a break if you have to and to take care of yourself first every once in a while. It’s also important to not be too hard on yourself if things don’t go as well as you hope. If your friend deserves compassion, then don’t you deserve some as well? You can practice some self-compassion exercises to help you combat compassion fatigue.

                Using ALGEE is a great way to create a mental checklist of what you can do to help out a friend during a mental crisis. However, this does not mean that you have to strictly abide by it or be overly concerned if you skip a step. The most important thing about helping a friend is being there for them and showing them that you care.

                References:

                Altta Wellbeing. (2019, September 30). ALGEE – 5 letters, 1 life saved every time. https://wellbeing.altta.co.uk/algee/

                Jorm, A. (2016). Key Elements of Mental Health First Aid. Alan J Fisher Centre for Public Mental Health. http://cpmh.org.za/wmhd/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Key-Elements.pdf

                Martinelli, K. (2023, February 20). How to Support a Friend With Mental Health Challenges. Child Mind Institute. https://childmind.org/article/support-friend-with-mental-health-challenges/

                Mental Health Foundation. (n.d.). How to support someone with a mental health problem. https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/explore-mental-health/articles/how-support-someone-mental-health-problem

                Thurrott, S. (2021, June 11). Watch for These Key Warning Signs of Compassion Fatigue. Banner Health. https://www.bannerhealth.com/healthcareblog/teach-me/watch-for-these-key-warning-signs-of-compassion-fatigue