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Wellbeing Begins with Pausing

Pause

Many of us have been running all our lives. Practice stopping. 

Thich Nhat Hanh, Zen Master 

I find myself writing this article at the end of a five-day total voice rest, part of my physician’s prescription to address throat problems which have been affecting me lately. Although the prescription came along with some medication, my wise doctor cautioned, it will not work without resting. That conversation landed on me with a very mixed bag of thoughts and feelings. There was worry, “Will I be ok? Will this treatment work? How will I do this when I’m scheduled for at least a couple of months ahead?” I remember shame and self-judgment being present too, “How could I have let this happen to myself? The inner self-talk jumped in on the chatter with self-blame, “I’m a mental health professional, I should have known how to take better care of myself. I should be better at practicing what I teach.” And yet, on the other side of the worry and self-criticism, I felt relief and freedom, even joy, at the thought of an unplanned rest. This is what’s in my heart that I’ve really wanted but have not had enough courage to do without “justification.” As I let the inner whirling slow down and the sediments of my thoughts and emotions gradually settled, I started to feel a sense of gratitude that life is patiently and lovingly teaching me once again–pausing is a pre-condition for healing and wellbeing.

I love long breaks. I’ve always cherished being able to take two to three weeks off from work and getting a deep system reset. But while these have worked very well for me, I’m learning more and more that cultivating wellbeing is really about embracing the habit of pausing and slowing down in our everyday life, mindfully weaving it into the fiber of our moment-to-moment existence. Pausing and resting are not supposed to be merely an appendix to our busy and over-scheduled lives. We know from how the human nervous system functions that having the discipline to pause is necessary in sustaining a generative and meaningful life.

Without pausing, our stress levels rise, we start living on survival mode and stray away from living in our zone of resilience where we can be our wisest and most skillful self.

Ultimately, cumulative micro-pauses, can do more for our wellbeing than sporadic long breaks. The essential turning point in establishing the pause practice is being able to transform our way of seeing and understanding—that making space for being is not separate from our doing. Our actions, projects, and goals are enhanced, not threatened, by pausing. 

“Design your life so you have time to wake up.”

Dr. Larry Ward, Spiritual Teacher

Waking-up means being able to pay attention, be present, think clearly and creatively, and live from our place of deepest potential. This is opposed to being on auto-pilot mode, in which we are stuck in a habit loop of constant doing, activity, and distraction.  We can re-design our life to embrace micro-pauses and be more intentional in stopping for simple moments of rest. Stop, take a moment to review your day from the moment you awaken in the morning to the time you go to bed, what micro-pauses can you begin to incorporate throughout the day? Start with a few pause practices, particularly those that you can do consistently (you may try the ones below) and observe how it makes a difference in your life.

Ten Micro-Pauses for Everyday Life

  1. Instead of rushing out of bed in the morning, practice one minute of mindful breathing to start the day. This can be a powerful reminder that you always have a choice not to be carried away by habits of mindlessness.
  2. Pause for an intention. Before getting out of bed, ask yourself, what is one thing that can make this day truly worthwhile?
  3. Take your morning shower without running the day’s agenda through your head. Make this a moment to refresh your body and mind. 
  4. Take a few seconds to savor the taste and aroma of your first sip of coffee in the morning or simple open your senses to that first sip of water and how it nourishes your body.    
  5. Before opening your email or checking messages on your phone, stop, remind yourself that you control these devices and not the other way around. Throughout the day, practice pausing before reaching out for your phone to recognize that we don’t always have to fill our quiet moments by seeking for distraction. 
  6. Pause and stretch your body every couple of hours at work. Stretching gives your body the space to be acknowledged and relieved of tension, tightness, and pain that comes from sitting and working continuously. 
  7. Give yourself a sufficient lunch break so that you can eat mindfully, not rushing into a meeting or task. Mindful eating aids in healthy digestion and absorption of nutrients for your body and mind. 
  8. Stop to connect. Connect with yourself though a 3-center check in (What’s going on in my body? My emotions? My thoughts?). Connect with a co-worker by checking-in or talking about a non-work topic. Enjoy brief spontaneous moments of connection with family members.   
  9. Have a playful and relaxing moment. At the end of the workday, plug into a short activity that gives you joy—cook leisurely, do some artwork, play a game with your kids, take an evening walk, write on your journal, read a book. 
  10.   End the day with a moment to contemplate on gratitude. Ask yourself, what worked well for me today and why? By pausing to redirect our attention to positive events and experiences, we balance our perspective to see the wonder of our life. 

Which of these would you be willing to practice today?

Learn more about wellbeing practices through any of our webinars. Contact us today to learn more.

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Blog Everyday Thriving Thrive at Work Wellbeing Practices

Teaming to Thrive

Teaming to Thrive

By now it has become quite evident that the only way forward is to adapt to

a new reality where there is no “normal.” We have been turbulently oscillating like particles in a snow globe, adjusting to change and disruption at every turn. This is felt by organizations and workplaces everywhere. We are facing a massive evolution and we need to pay attention to what it’s teaching us that will enable us to survive and even thrive. One of the most important learnings has been that we cannot afford to sacrifice human wellbeing, particularly in the workplace where chronic stress has been at a crisis level even prior to the pandemic (World Health Organization, 2019). The pandemic has amplified this crisis to a tipping point that can no longer be ignored. Harvard Business Review (What Covid Has Done to Our Well-being, February 2021) reports from a worldwide survey conducted in 46 countries that 85% of respondents (mostly knowledge workers) said their general wellbeing has declined since the start of the pandemic while 89% indicated a decline in their workplace wellbeing. 

Many workplaces worldwide have been realizing the value of taking action on the mental health and wellbeing needs of their employees. We can see this shifting consciousness as a positive transformation that can emerge from this crisis. However, deep change requires commitment to culture-building initiatives that foster workplace conditions where people can feel safe, supported, and inspired to grow. An important aspect of cultivating a wellbeing culture is by being intentional about teaming practices.

Being part of a caring and supportive team buffers employees from chronic stress and burnout by making people feel safe to connect, contribute, be creative, and even to be challenged.

When Google conducted Project Aristotle in 2016, a research on what makes a sustainable high performing team, they found that the most critical factor in determining team success was psychological safety (The New York Times, February 2016).

Harvard organizational scientist Amy Edmondson describes psychological safety as “a shared belief held by members of a team that the team is safe for interpersonal risk taking.”

Administrative Science Quarterly, 1999

Safety in our social environment primes our nervous system to be calm, open, and receptive to others as opposed to being defensive, rigid, and hostile. 

Team leaders and managers play an essential role in modeling and initiating skillful teaming practices. However, each team member has the opportunity to effect change toward building a safe and compassionate team culture. We cannot leave successful teaming to chance, especially in these times of remote work when so many are feeling the strain of social isolation. Having meaningful connections, feeling that you matter, and participating in shared goals can nurture our wellbeing. What is good for our wellbeing also translates into productivity with less “efforting” and struggle.  It’s about harnessing the power of human interconnection and it’s what has enabled the human race to survive and continue to thrive as a species.               

Effective teaming needs consistency and doesn’t happen overnight. But the yields far outweigh the investment. Whether your team is just taking first steps or farther along in the journey, we encourage you to try these teaming practices as a way of fortifying individual and collective wellbeing.  

1. Integrate Mindfulness to Strengthen Self-Awareness and Self-Regulation

Building psychologically safe teams requires that each member learns to take responsibility for managing their feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. Trust and healthy risk-taking can only flourish if we know that people around us have the ability to interact skillfully and compassionately. Mindfulness creates the space, the pause, so that we can step back and become aware of what is happening within and outside of us. By practicing mindfulness we empower ourselves to engage in a wise response instead of giving in to an urge that might hurt others and ourselves. 

  • Minute to Arrive- Give a minute of silence at the start of each meeting for everyone to take a few breaths and be fully present. This helps calm the mind and set the atmosphere for mindful communication. (Source: SIYLY Adaptive Resilience Team Practices)
  • Midpoint Check-In- A mid-point check-in introduces a pause in the middle of a meeting to reflect on how the conversation is going. It can be guided by questions such as, “How am I feeling about this?”, “Are we listening to everyone?”, “What perspective are we missing?”, “What’s getting in the way of us moving forward?” (Source: SIYLY Adaptive Resilience Team Practices)
  • Set team norms for being present by closing emails and chats, silencing phones/notifications, making eye contact and listening actively during meetings. 

2. Building Empathy 

Empathy enables us to connect with and respect the feelings and perspectives of others. Having differences and misunderstandings will always be part of our team experience. Empathy gives us the capacity to bridge these differences by understanding and validating where the other person is coming from. 

  • Appreciations and Acknowledgements- Set aside a few minutes during a meeting during which team members are invited to acknowledge or appreciate someone in the team.
  • Opening Check-In- Do a round to check-in at the beginning of each meeting by having each person share responses to prompts such as, “How are you arriving to this meeting?” “What is something that gives you hope/strength?”, “How do you need to feel supported right now?” 
  • Check Assumptions- Remote work settings can present challenges in communication because we have less information to accurately perceive each other’s tone, emotions, and intentions. When a text message or e-mail makes you feel uncomfortable or agitated, suspend judgment, and take a moment to directly connect with the person through a quick call or video chat.

3. Strengthen Team Bonds

By taking time to share moments of connection, we build the trust and belief that team members have each other’s best interests in mind. With this comes honesty and vulnerability. As ropes of connection become stronger, people gradually become more willing to lower their waterlines.  Remote work does not have to hinder teams from experiencing creative and enjoyable ways to connect online. 

  • Wellbeing Buddy- Team members can pair-up to support each other on their wellbeing aspirations by checking-in with each other on their self-care practices, sharing resources, and simply providing space for compassionate listening. Buddies can be rotated every couple of months.  
  • Hang-outs- Create spaces for team members to interact without an agenda. This can be through a 15-minute hang-out time before a meeting, a virtual group lunch, or coffee break. Hang-outs could also be a time to share hobbies and recreational interests.

4. Getting Better at Having Difficult Conversations

Effective teaming requires honesty and courage to have difficult conversations. When team members experience positive outcomes from approaching instead of avoiding difficult conversations, psychological safety is reinforced and team members become more confident in their ability to manage these situations in the future.  

  • Rehearse Difficult Conversations- Teams can proactively discuss and establish a skillful process for having difficult conversations without waiting for problems to occur. Create a mock scenario and have team members contribute to the team’s “best practices” for managing a difficult conversation. These best practices can then become the team’s ground rules for when actual situations arise.    
  • Anchor on Common Ground- Help team members work through disagreements by shifting the perspective to what they have in common, what their best intentions are, and what they both want to achieve.  

Cultivating a workplace culture that is psychologically safe is nuanced–it isn’t as simple as it sounds. There are existing workplace structures, hierarchies, personalities and other factors to consider. And it is also not an impossible goal.

Contact us to get started on cultivating psychological safety in your workplace.

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Blog Everyday Thriving Wellbeing Practices

Answering Your Questions on Mental Health (Part 2)

mental health

Last February, during the We Thrive launch (Route 2.1), we received so many questions
during the open forum. Since then, we’ve gotten even more questions through our social media and during the corporate webinars we conduct. Here are 5 more answers to frequently asked questions:

Q: What are examples of situations that cause mental health issues such as depression and anxiety in the workplace and how should this be addressed by the employee or the company?

In 2019, even prior to the pandemic, the WHO already called attention to burnout as a workplace crisis around the world. Burnout is a syndrome that is specifically attributed to unmanaged work-related stress. It is characterized by energy depletion or exhaustion, disconnection or feelings of negativity related to one’s job, and reduced work efficacy or productivity. Burnout increases the risk of developing mental health problems, most common of which are depression and anxiety disorders. There are a combination of individual and job-related factors that could affect one’s risk for burnout. Individual factors include your biological sensitivity or reactivity to stress, unmet psychological needs, the lack of coping and stress management skills, and a problem-focused mindset or negativity bias. On the other hand, job-related triggers to burnout include problems with job design, lack of support from teammates and managers, not having enough opportunities for career development, emotionally unsafe workplace culture, and absence of work-life balance. 

Mental health and wellbeing in the workplace are best addressed through prevention efforts in order to mitigate stress injuries that can cause more damage. Examples of prevention activities are having open and honest discussions about mental health, promoting self-care and team-care practices, strengthening peer support, cultivating a compassionate culture, training managers in the interpersonal aspects of their role in order to support their team members more effectively, and carefully examining systems and practices that make it more difficult for employees to experience work-life balance. The availability of individual consultations with mental health professionals also enables employees to have a safe space not just in addressing problems or challenges but also in proactively developing a wellbeing plan.  

Q: What’s the simplest thing we could do whenever we feel overwhelmed?

We need to understand how stress and anxiety reactions are triggered in order to manage them effectively. Our nervous system has evolved through millions of years with safety and protection as a priority. It is constantly scanning for possible danger—real or imagined, and activates a response to keep us safe. In our present situation with the pandemic, cumulative fears and stressors can cause our threat response to become over-activated. This has become a very common experience among many people all over the world.  The key to managing feelings of overwhelm and anxiety is to be aware and intentional so that we can stay in the driver’s seat of our mind, responding instead of reacting. 

When feeling overwhelmed, it is important to pause. In a state of overwhelm, we do not think clearly,  we’re likely to pay more attention to negative or problematic aspects of a situation, and we tend to give in to urges or impulses that don’t lead to skillful or effective coping. Pausing could mean taking a break from thinking, going out for a walk, taking a moment to calm your mind through breathing or engaging in a recreational activity, perhaps talking to a trusted friend. Pausing doesn’t mean you’re not going to address the problem. It means slowing down to prevent hydroplaning. When we pause, we help deactivate our threat response and put ourselves in an internal state that can empower us to deal with the situation in a constructive way. And when you’re ready to re-engage with the problem, ask yourself, what is within my control? Focusing on what we can versus what we can’t control decreases our helplessness.     

Q: How can we avoid or fight the negative thoughts that trigger anxiety and depression?

Resilience does not mean always feeling or thinking positive. Resilience involves being able to face down reality, not denying the challenges that we need to confront and manage in order to successfully adapt to reality. We can develop a curious and observing mind towards our thoughts. Often times we assume our thoughts to be truths, when actually, many times they are just projections of our fears, traumas, and judgments. When negative thoughts arise, observe it with curiosity and practice “checking the facts.” How do we “check the facts”? Pay attention to the thought, how am I interpreting this situation? Practice looking at all sides of a situation. Are there possible alternative interpretations or explanations? Does my assumption fit the facts? If there’s a realistic danger, ask yourself, what’s the worst that can happen? Imagine how you can cope well with the worst-case scenario and plan a constructive response.   

Q: Can you provide us some tips on how to manage our stress as it affects my physical and mental health. I feel tired despite having enough hours of sleep.

Sleep is a fundamental aspect of wellbeing. Studies show getting enough high-quality sleep can positively affect your energy, activity, mood, weight, and more. It’s possible for us to sleep long hours but not feel restored if we spend a lot of time being restless and not getting enough deep sleep. The following practices could help improve the quality of our sleep:

  1. exercising earlier in the day or at least 3 to 4 hours before you go to sleep
  2. maintaining consistent sleep schedule
  3. doing deep breathing exercises to shift your body and mind into a more relaxed state as you prepare for sleep,  and
  4. cutting back on caffeine and sugar especially after 3:00 pm.

Aside from getting good sleep, we can reduce our vulnerability to stress with these practices: 

  • Moving regularly breaks up sedentary time and can help improve our wellbeing. For example, you can set a goal of moving 250 steps every hour, which would roughly equal a few minutes of walking. The WHO recommends 150 minutes of moderate or 75 minutes of vigorous activity weekly. 
  • According to UCSF Health Psychologist, Dr. Elissa Epel, dietary patterns emphasizing whole foods (i.e., foods that have not been processed or refined) were associated with lower depression, anxiety and stress, whereas a Western dietary pattern (i.e., high intake of sugar, fat, red meat, processed food, refined grains, high-fat dairy) was associated with a higher risk of poor mental health. 
  • The practice of mindfulness has been shown in numerous studies to decrease stress and improve our general wellbeing. Mindfulness is the practice of slowing down to pay attention to the present moment as it unfolds with curiosity and non-judgment. You can take your first steps with mindfulness by stopping for a minute or two to breathe, simply paying attention to the in-breath and the out-breath. Mindfulness is an anchor to the present moment that helps us not get carried away by busyness, worrying, or strong emotions. If you want to develop and deepen your mindfulness practice, try using an app such as Insight Timer, Healthy Minds, Headspace, or Calm.  
Q: How do we know that it’s time to check with a professional?

In general, professional help might be needed if you experience the following (www.mayoclinic.org):

  • Marked changes in personality, eating or sleeping patterns
  • An inability to cope with problems or daily activities
  • Feeling of disconnection or withdrawal from normal activities
  • Unusual or bizarre thinking
  • Excessive anxiety
  • Prolonged sadness, depression or apathy
  • Thoughts or statements about suicide or harming others
  • Substance misuse
  • Extreme mood swings
  • Excessive anger, hostility or violent behavior

Many people experience mental health problems but avoid seeking help out of shame or fear. If you are concerned about your mental health, don’t hesitate to seek professional support because addressing mental health problems in its early phase will make it easier for you to recover. It’s also a big misconception to think that you have to be “crazy,” desperate, or on the brink of a meltdown to see a mental health professional. Most people can benefit from talking to a nonbiased professional without fear of judgment to deal with life issues, make important decisions, or to simply learn how to get better at self-care.    

Have more questions or interested in mental health and wellbeing programs for your company? Contact us and we’ll help you get started.

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Blog Wellbeing Practices

The Six P’s of Thriving through Turbulence

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

-Dr. Viktor Frankl (Austrian Neuropsychiatrist, Author, and Holocaust Survivor)

Over the past year that we have been continuing to face the demands of severe disruption and ongoing threats to our health and safety, it is inevitable (even if only at times) to find ourselves feeling battered by the winds and the waves of this pandemic storm. These turbulent times have brought the conversation about resilience to the forefront,  becoming a buzzword, with its accompanying misconceptions. Some common inaccurate notions of resilience are that it means “being ok all the time,” “toughening up in the face of adversity,” and “powering through.” These misconceptions can lead to an unhealthy relationship with our emotions and inner experiences, as we might push away or resist  connecting with our moments of vulnerability. As most theories on resilience would posit, acceptance of reality is key to resilience (On Emotional Intelligence, Harvard Business Review, 2015). Rose-colored thinking and sweeping emotions under the rug in order to “stay optimistic” does not amount to resilience. In fact, at times, it can actually lead to danger when we avoid facing down reality.  

Resilience is a practice of awareness, connection, and wise action. Instead of being mindlessly dragged by external and internal forces into habits of reactivity that undermine our ability to thrive, we stop to create what Dr. Frankl describes as “the space” from which we can become mindful and look deeper into the choices we make.

Resilience involves the intention and practice of putting ourselves in the zone of thriving where we can be our best self.

In essence, it involves learning to understand and befriend our nervous system so that we don’t unconsciously linger in our fight-flight-freeze zones, which then compromises our physical and mental health, as well as our relationships.

We cannot fight or avoid the storm, but we can develop the capability to inhabit a sense of calm and groundedness that protects us from giving in to impulsive and short-sighted actions. Reaching in to our true strength and deeper wisdom enables us to come out of the storm having evolved for the better.

We offer you these six P’s of thriving as a guide to neuro-scientifically informed practices that we can cultivate in our everyday lives. Most of these practices consist of micro-steps that are meant to build habits of conscious living.  We don’t rise to the level of our aspirations, we drop down to the level of our actions–that is how we embody our commitment to live our best life in whatever circumstances we find ourselves in.  

The Six P’s of Thriving through Turbulence

1. PAUSE

The ability to pause, step back, and reflect, enables us to shift perspectives, create options and choose wisely (Linda Graham, Bouncing Back: Re-Wiring Your Brain for Maximum Resilience and Wellbeing). Practice pausing by creating a routine that includes time for unplugging and relaxation. Taking mini-breaks during the work day help us restore and replenish our mental energy, thereby making us more productive than if we were to work non-stop. We can also pause through the practice of mindful breathing. Whenever your mind becomes scattered, use your breath as the means to take hold of your mind again.

2. PERSPECTIVE

The perspective we choose to take defines how we experience reality. Nothing exists outside of how we interpret or perceive what is happening around us. When our stress response is activated, the brain leans toward a negativity bias that shifts our focus on what’s not working well, thereby constricting our sense of possibility. We can practice perspective by asking ourselves What else is true? What reality am I taking for granted? Am I looking at the whole picture? How can I widen my perspective? What can I do right now? Among the things I can control, what can I take action on in the present?

3. PRESENCE

Presence means being open and kind toward ourselves and others. Establishing a compassionate internal connection with ourselves activates a self-soothing response that regulates us back into safety. Self-validation is a practice of presence that involves turning to our feelings and internal experiences with understanding and compassion. We can also be more intentional in giving our genuine presence to others through supportive listening, which means making space for others to feel held in our presence. It’s listening to understand instead of trying to fix what’s wrong. 

4. PURPOSE

According to Victor Stretcher, behavioral scientist and author of Life on Purpose,

“The strength of one’s life purpose—which involves a combination of living according to your values and goals, and striving to make a positive difference in the world—can be measured, and it correlates highly with psychological wellness and even markers of physical health and longevity.”

Crisis points can become turning points when we dare to look within, grounding our choices and actions in what truly matters to us. Instead of merely reacting to external circumstances, consciously connect with your intention and deeper purpose. A micro-practice in directing attention to purpose is through intention-setting, pausing to set an intention at the beginning of each day and returning to that intention again and again as we engage in our daily activities. 

5. PARTICIPATE

Research suggests that when we recognize our common humanity and show compassion, we are more likely to pull together and to solve issues that may be complex in nature. 

Helping or assisting others can empower us to overcome the gravity of helplessness and hopelessness. Practice participate through everyday acts of kindness. Research shows that when we practice kindness and generosity toward others, our brains light up in areas associated with pleasure and reward. Kindness is an act that benefits both the giver and receiver. 

6. POSSIBILITY

We can only fuel our efforts if we have the faith, vision, and imagination to get to our desired destination. While the temptation might be to focus on fear and everything going wrong, we can redirect our attention to cultivating a mindset that sees growth and possibilities beyond problems.

Resistance can block possibility.

When we resist reality, whether it’s an external situation  or the reality of our own feelings, our struggle increases. It’s important to gently and compassionately  observe our resistance, what are we resisting and how does the resistance affect us?

To the extent that we can, practice turning the mind towards acceptance and notice what opens up. We can also embody acceptance by smiling to what we are resisting or opening our palms as a gesture of willingness. 

The 6P’s of Thriving Through Turbulence has been an anchor for us at We Thrive—as a wellbeing guide we started to share even at the start of the pandemic last year (when we first started with 5P’s). We even talked about it in Bianca Gonzalez‘s Paano Ba ‘To series:

The 6P’s of Thriving through Turbulence is part of what we teach in our webinars and training sessions for organizations. You may download the free infographic here or contact us to learn more about We Thrive’s mental health and wellbeing services.

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General

PEACE Be With You: How to Skillfully Navigate Through the Pandemic

Calm

With the onslaught of mostly distressing news about the COVID-19 pandemic,

it is natural to find it challenging to relax and keep calm. Fear and anxiety can get overwhelming amidst the uncertainty and disruption of normal life. To cope, we sometimes tell others and ourselves to “stay calm”. But in times like these, it is understandably easier said than done. This is because calming down takes skills.

The good news is that with practice, skills can be developed and nurtured. The more we use a skill, the more we can master it.

In Space Calm, a mindfulness-based group program for children and teens, participants learn specific life skills they can use to cope with strong emotions such as anxiety, fear, anger, sadness, and loneliness. These are the PEACE skills: Presence, Emotional awareness and understanding, Acceptance, Compassion, and Engagement with others.

Adults and youth alike can benefit from practicing these skills during this challenging time. This could even prove to be the best time to build a skill or two, as you would have even more motivation to manage unpleasant emotions. So, take a look and invite your loved ones – both young and old – to join you in practicing and cultivating these skills.

P – Presence

This is the skill of bringing one’s full attention to what is in the moment. This is a key aspect of mindfulness practice. There’s extensive research evidence in the past 40 years of the many benefits of mindfulness on health and wellbeing. For one, mindfulness practice has been shown to increase resilience to stress and burnout. There have also been significant reductions in attention, behavioral, and anger problems, as well as decreased symptoms of depression and anxiety among youth who practiced mindfulness.

Cultivate the skill:

  1. Five senses – Our senses are the entry point to the present moment. Pause and, without judgment or evaluation, simply notice: 5 things you see; 4 things you can feel on your skin; 3 things you can hear; 2 things you can smell; and 1 thing you can taste at this precise moment in time. (This can be fun to do with others. Take turns in sharing what you’ve become aware of through your senses.)
  2. Mindful activity of daily living – Choose one daily activity that you intend to do mindfully everyday during the week (e.g., brushing your teeth, eating breakfast, combing your hair, taking a shower, etc.). Every time you do this routine activity, focus your full attention on it. If you get distracted, notice what distracted you and then gently bring your attention back to what you are doing. Notice the body sensations and emotions you feel during this “simple awareness” exercise.
  3. Mindful eating – Choose a small piece of food to eat mindfully (examples: a raisin, a bite-sized chocolate, or a small piece of cookie) and place it on your palm. Focus on it and observe its shape, color/s, and other details you can see. Pay attention to how it feels on your skin; turn it over or around slowly and notice its texture. Slowly put it close to your nose and savor its smell. Place it gently inside your mouth and let it sit on your tongue for a while. Notice what’s happening inside your mouth. Savor the taste that’s coming out from this small piece of food. Then, move it with your tongue and slowly bite it with your teeth. Notice the flavors oozing from it. As you swallow slowly, let your attention dwell on your throat and the sensations you feel there. Once you’re done, take a few moments to observe how you feel.
    (You may also check out this video of children demonstrating how to eat more mindfully)

E – Emotional awareness and understanding

This is the capacity to be aware of emotions and be comfortable with any emotion without needing to avoid it or indulge it. This skill allows individuals to calmly recognize emotions with openness and curiosity, with the wise understanding that emotions come and go. 

Cultivate the skill:

  1. Name the emotion – Take several pauses a day to check what emotions are there in the moment. Recognize each one. Still yourself when you feel the need to push a feeling away. Allow yourself to sit with the emotions for a minute or two.
  2. Feel the emotion – Check where in your body you feel the emotion. For instance, where do you feel the anxiety – your head, chest, or tummy? Focus on the body sensation for a minute.
  3. Draw the emotion – Draw an image to represent what you are currently feeling. For those of you who have kids, invite them to do this with you. Then, take turns in talking about the emotion. You can even make it a game and guess what emotion each image represents! (Just one rule: No one makes a judgment about the person or the emotion being felt.)

A – Acceptance

This is the skill of being at peace with what is being experienced in the moment. When we resist what is (e.g., fear, sickness, boredom, etc.), we create more suffering because fighting what is in the here and now is a losing battle. (It is already here!)

“Suffering equals pain times resistance.”

Shinzen Young, a mindfulness teacher and neuroscience research consultant

What creates the suffering is the thought that the pain, discomfort, or unpleasant emotion shouldn’t be here (i.e., non-acceptance of what’s here). 

Cultivate the skill:

  1. Smile at it – List down 5 things you’re struggling to be at peace with. Rank them from smallest to biggest struggle. Starting with your smallest struggle, experience the pain or discomfort, feel it in your body as much as you can, but this time, imagine yourself smiling at it. Then, let your lips curve into an actual smile. Smile at the pain or discomfort like it’s your friend. Repeat this exercise, over a few days if needed, until you feel you’ve fully accepted and befriended it. Then, move to the 2nd smallest struggle and so on.
  2. Accepting hands – When you catch yourself resisting what’s in the moment, take time to pause for 1-2 minutes and sit in a comfortable position. You may close your eyes or lower your gaze. Put your hands on your lap with the palms up and fingers relaxed. Feel your body accepting what’s in the moment through your hands. (For instance, if you find yourself worrying and wanting to push away the worry, practice accepting the reality that you feel worried with accepting hands.)

** These exercises make use of the body-mind connection by having your body communicate to your brain.

C – Compassion

This is the capacity of sensing others’ and our own pain and suffering and taking an action to ease away this suffering. Scientific evidence has shown that feeling loved (in contrast to feeling unloved) and being loving (in contrast to being indifferent) helps develop optimal human functioning in relation to stress hormones, immune system functioning, frontal cortical processing, creativity, and the capacity for happiness

Paul Gilbert, Chapter 7, Compassion: Bridging Practice and Science 

Cultivate the skill:

  1. Compassion in action for self – Purposefully and mindfully do one kind thing for yourself each day. Examples: eat a healthy snack, do yoga, or have a relaxing bath. You probably do such things already but the key here is being intentional in giving love and being kind to you.
  2. Compassion in action for others – Purposefully and mindfully do one kind thing for another person each day. Examples: send a sweet note to a family member or a friend, share your food to someone who’s hungry, or massage your mom’s back.
  3. Loving-kindness meditation – This meditation aims to foster feelings of goodwill, kindness, and warmth towards others and self. Here are a few suggested resources:

E – Engagement with others

The skill of engagement refers to one’s ability to relate and interact with others effectively by being curious, attuned, respectful, and empathic (CARE). Social connection is a basic human need. Our brains are wired to connect with one another.

Our capacity to reach out, connect, and interact with others ensures the survival and reproduction of our specie. Social isolation, or lack of social connectedness, has been linked to health risks.

Matthew D. Lieberman (author of Social: Why Our Brains are Wired to Connect)

Thus, effective engagement with others is an essential skill to learn. With this skill, you can make more meaningful relationships with others, lessen conflicts and misunderstandings, and work with others in a peaceful way.

Cultivate the skill:

Choose a person you haven’t paid much attention to or you find difficult to relate with. Practice the skill of engagement by demonstrating CARE every time you talk to him or her. Notice what’s different this time in your engagement compared to before.

  1. Curiosity – Take a not-knowing stance and an active interest in the other person.
  2. Attuned communication – As you talk, listen deeply to yourself and the other (What do I feel and want? What does he/she feel and want?). Communicate clearly and kindly (How can I be kind to myself and the other person while I communicate what I feel and want?).
  3. Respect – Mindfully act in a way that shows the other you care about his/her feelings and wellbeing.
  4. Empathy – Open your heart and mind to sense and understand what the other is experiencing.

Here’s a summary of the PEACE skills and ways to cultivate them:

Practice Exercises
P
Presence		Paying attention to what’s in the moment1. Five senses
2. Mindful activity of daily living
3. Mindful eating
E
Emotional awareness and understanding		Being aware of emotions as they arise and understanding that emotions come and go1. Name the emotion
2. Feel the emotion
3. Draw the emotion
A
Acceptance		Being at peace with what is here and now1. Smile at it
2. Accepting hands
C
Compassion		Sensing and easing away the suffering of self and others1. Compassion in action for self
2. Compassion in action for others
3. Loving-kindness meditation
E
Engagement		Engaging with others in a curious, attuned, respectful, and empathic way (CARE)1. Curiosity
2. Attuned communication
3. Respect
4. Empathy

With practice, we can become skillful in coping with uncertainties and difficulties. We can become PEACEful.

May PEACE be with you!

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Happiness is in Our Hands

happiness

Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, positive psychology researcher and professor
whose career has been devoted to the study of human happiness identifies these factors as having the greatest influence on our capacity to be happy (The How of Happiness, 2007):

  1. Our ability to take a constructive perspective toward life or to reframe our situation more positively,
  2. Our capacity to experience gratitude, and
  3. Our choice to be kind and generous.

We often think of happiness as being largely dependent on our life circumstances—
If I  just got that promotion,
if only I can earn more,
if I could take that dream vacation.
Yet, much of the research on happiness, as shared by Dr. Lyubomirsky and her colleagues, suggests that
what happens to us matters much less to our happiness than our actions and mindsets.

In other words, we have more control on our happiness than we might normally think. 

This is good news. In the midst of the prolonged crisis and uncertainties we face in our world today, we can take action and orient our minds toward happiness. As Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh has said,

“There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.”

We can welcome 2021 with a more genuine and sturdier hope, not anchored on wishing away our difficulties, but instead living from a deeper wisdom that every moment carries a happiness potential which we have the power to turn on. What’s even more compelling about turning on happiness is that there is research evidence which shows that happiness can spread from person to person and that the relationship between people’s happiness extends up to three degrees of separation, as revealed in the 20-year longitudinal study by social scientists James Fowler (UC San Diego) and Nicholas Christakis (Harvard University) on the dynamic spread of happiness over a large social network (2008). 

The question now is, how do we practice happiness? The behaviors and habits we engage in do matter. Here are some of the keys to happiness that Dr. Lyubomirsky and other researchers have identified:

Build relationships

Perhaps the dominant finding from happiness research is that social connections are key to happiness. Studies show that close relationships, including romantic relationships, are especially important, suggesting we should make time for those closest to us—people in whom we can confide and who’ll support us when we’re down.

Give thanks

Research by Michael McCullough, Robert Emmons, Lyubomirsky, and others has revealed the power of simply counting our blessings on a regular basis. People who keep “gratitude journals” feel more optimism and greater satisfaction with their lives. And research shows that writing a “gratitude letter” to someone you’ve never properly thanked brings a major boost of happiness.

Practice kindness

Research by Elizabeth Dunn and her colleagues finds that people report greater happiness when they spend money on others than when they spend it on themselves, even though they initially think the opposite would be true. Similarly, neuroscience research shows that when we do nice things for others, our brains light up in areas associated with pleasure and reward.

Give up grudges

Groundbreaking studies by Everett Worthington, Michael McCullough, and their colleagues show that when we forgive those who have wronged us, we feel better about ourselves, experience more positive emotions, and feel closer to others.

Get physical

Exercise isn’t just good for our bodies, it’s good for our minds. Studies show that regular physical activity increases happiness and self-esteem, reduces anxiety and stress, and can even lift symptoms of depression. “Exercise may very well be the most effective instant happiness booster of all activities,” writes Lyubomirsky in The How of Happiness.

Get rest

Research has consistently linked lower sleep to lower happiness. What’s more, a study of more than 900 women, led by Nobel Prize-winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman, found that getting just one more hour of sleep each night might have a greater effect on happiness than a $60,000 raise.

Pay attention

Studies show that people who practice mindfulness—the moment-by-moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, and external circumstances—not only have stronger immune systems but are more likely to be happy and enjoy greater life satisfaction, and they are less likely to be hostile or anxious. Pioneering research by Richard Davidson, Jon Kabat-Zinn, and others has found that a basic eight-week mindfulness training program can significantly improve our physical and psychological well-being.

In the end, it’s important to keep finding and developing the right fit. The practice of cultivating happiness is not “one size fits all.” Understanding ourselves better can help us choose habits that align with our personality, situation, and goals. 

Let’s all walk together into a happier 2021. It is in our hands.  

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Welcoming Ourselves Home

This holiday season is like no other, marking the closing of an indescribable
year, for which hyperbole falls short.  We were in a collective roller coaster of emotions.
Most certainly, we’ve had our share of shock, disbelief, confusion, sadness, grief, anger, fear, panic, exhaustion, numbness…Although perhaps just as real and present were moments of relief, calmness, openness, hope, warmth, kinship, and even gratitude. We’ve played host to this psychedelic rainbow of feelings. Being hospitable to how we feel is not always easy.
Many times, we don’t even want to pay attention to its knocking, until it forcefully barges right in!

We are not wired to welcome our difficult feelings, of which we’ve all had a great deal of in this time of planetary crisis.  It’s a self-protective mechanism we’ve inherited from our ancestors to keep ourselves at a distance from danger. However, unfortunately, this inherent threat response can tag our own emotions as unsafe. The unhealthy consequence of keeping the door shut to our emotional experiences is that we become estranged to ourselves. We lose the opportunity to accept, understand, and love ourselves more deeply. More often than not, our feelings are not asking more than simply to be validated, that is to acknowledge their presence without being judged or dismissed. They just need a place to lay down and rest for a while.

            The holidays can be a time of busyness, stress, and distraction.
Giving in to these “holiday demands” could lead to even more emotional distress and shortchange us from the true gifts this season has to offer.

This year of radical change and disruption gives us a most compelling invitation to practice the warmest hospitality to our inner lives. We can choose to open the door into moments of silence and solitude, creating a manger for the wisdom and growth that can bud within us, when we choose to pause and look inside, see how we really are, appreciate who and what we have, ask what truly matters to us, and allow our experiences to be our teachers. Research on wellbeing tells us that cultivating wellbeing rests on our practice of awareness, connection, insight, and purpose. It all begins with opening the door and being hospitable to ourselves. Karl Rahner, a Jesuit theological scholar, said about Christmas,

“This feast takes place within you, even within your very self. It takes place within you when you are silent…”

We can make wellbeing the centerpiece of our feasting in these most extraordinary times. Find quiet moments, read a book that makes you happy,  make an inventory of what you’re grateful for, put your planning mind on pause, flow into moments of connection with loved ones, meditate and pray, write on your journal, spend time enjoying the living world. There are varied and creative ways to experience being present to ourselves. Open the door and let yourself in.

We Thrive’s Suggested Resources for Wellbeing During the Holidays:

www.gratefulness.org

www.selfcompassion.org

https://centerhealthyminds.org/about/why-well-being

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Self-Compassion Practice: The Benefits of Dialing Down Our Critical Self-Talk

critical self-talk

“Self-compassion-being supportive and kind to yourself, especially in the face of stress and failure-is associated with more motivation and better self-control.”

— Kelly McGonigal, Health Psychologist at Stanford University

The human brain is naturally equipped to respond to threat. This is an important mechanism that allows us to detect when there are situations that pose danger to our survival, and consequently to respond in ways that ensure our safety. When human beings used to live in primitive and harsh conditions, survival mostly meant being able to protect oneself and one’s tribe from physical danger, such as being attacked by predatory animals. Now in our modern life, we no longer have to fight or flee from tigers and bears. But we deal with new forms of threat, which trigger the same stress response in our brain and nervous system.

One of the most pressing and prevalent threat triggers we experience is our own harsh and critical self-talk, that voice inside our head that is so quick to call out on our mistakes and imperfections—“You should have known better,” “Could you not have anticipated that?” “Someone else would have been able to figure it out.” This harsh self-critic could be our internal mechanism for avoiding the emotional dangers of rejection and social disapproval. But when we engage in self-judgmental talk, it’s like we’re letting out the old tigers and bears to roam our minds and prey on our own emotional wellbeing. Critical self-talk heightens our stress arousal, which undermines our mental and physical resilience and blocks our personal growth. 

There is a different way that we could relate and speak to ourselves.

Self-compassion is a practice that has been shown in many studies to have beneficial effects on our mental health and wellbeing. These include:

  • less self-evaluative anxiety and rumination
  • deactivation of threat system and defensiveness
  • activation of self-soothing response in the nervous system
  • decreased effect of negative life events
  • increased happiness levels.

Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneering researcher on self-compassion explains

“Self-compassion involves acting the same way towards yourself as you would towards a good friend when you are having a difficult time, fail, or notice something you don’t like about yourself. Instead of just ignoring your pain with a ‘stiff upper lip’ mentality, you stop to tell yourself “this is really difficult right now,” how can I comfort and care for myself in this moment? Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings – after all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect?”

Self-compassion is hands-down a better option for our mental health and productivity than feeding into self-criticism. But our inner self-talk is a product of habit and the modeling we received in our life. We sometimes falsely assume that success requires us to be hard on ourselves in order to get better at what we do. It takes awareness and intentional practice to free ourselves from our false assumptions and to shift our default inner dialogue into one that is kinder, more compassionate, and ultimately more effective in bringing out the best in who we are. How then can we dial down on self-criticism and turn up the dial on self-compassion?

We invite you to try these self-compassion practices to begin taking more control of the programming that goes on in your internal broadcast system. Experience the positive transformation that happens when you can turn to yourself with love, understanding, and compassion.  As we practice self-compassion, Dr. Neff reminds us that, “it is a practice of goodwill, not good feelings.” In other words, while self-compassion is aimed at alleviating our internal suffering, we can’t always control the way things are.

Self-compassion is not about making our pain go away by suppressing it or fighting against it.

“With self-compassion we mindfully accept when we have difficult or painful moments, and embrace ourselves with kindness and care in response, remembering that imperfection is part of the shared human experience. This allows us to hold ourselves in love and connection, giving ourselves the support and comfort needed to bear the pain, while providing the optimal conditions for growth and transformation.”

SELF-COMPASSION PRACTICES

(adapted from www.selfcompassion.org)

1. How would I treat a friend?

When you find yourself struggling in some way, ask yourself, how would I treat a good friend or someone I care about if that person were in a similar situation? Turn to yourself in this moment of difficulty in the same way you would towards a friend.

2. Be mindful of self-critical talk.

Notice when you are being self-critical. Think about what you’ve just said to yourself and maybe ask if this voice reminds you of anyone in the past who was critical of you? Make a conscious effort to soften the self-critical voice. Perhaps say something like, “I know you’re worried about me and feel unsafe, but you are causing me unnecessary pain. Could you let my inner compassionate self say a few words now?”

3. Use self-compassionate motivation.

If you observe something in yourself that needs to change, see if you can think of a kinder, more caring way to motivate yourself to make that change. Reframe your inner dialogue so that it is more encouraging and supportive. Remember that if you really want to motivate yourself, love is more powerful than fear.

4. Care for the caregiver in you.

If you’re someone who is always in the position of caring for others, try caring for the caregiver in you. Give yourself permission to meet your own needs, recognizing that this will not only enhance your quality of life, it will also enhance your ability to be there for those that rely on you.

Which self-compassion practice have you tried? Which one are you willing to start today?

Contact us to learn more about how to practice self-compassion and wellbeing practices we teach at We Thrive.

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4 Ways to Calm and Ease Anxiety

The coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic has disrupted all of our lives–worldwide.
This global public health crisis is so stressful that in May 2020, the United Nations (UN) released a policy brief emphasizing the need for action on mental health.1 And just this month, the World Health Organization (WHO) released a survey of 130 countries that highlighted the massive impact of the pandemic on access to mental health services and called attention to the urgent need to invest more in mental health services.2

These are truly exceptionally challenging times, yet the possibility remains open for us to live our best life now regardless of the external circumstances, as long as we make the internal choice to awaken to what is possible, right in this moment.

Dealing with anxiety has been the top-most problem reported by those who have sought one-on-one consultation sessions in our corporate programs, and for perfectly understandable reasons. Globally, a good majority of us are feeling more anxious and stressed since the pandemic started. Because of this, it has become all the more important to focus on accessing tools for calming and easing anxiety. 

Anxiety is a natural response to the threats we are currently experiencing and we shouldn’t blame or judge ourselves for feeling worried or anxious. But we also don’t want to get stuck in the loop of anxiety because it can cause our mental energy and efficiency to suffer. Additionally, it can  lead to medical issues like hyperacidity/ Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease (GERD) and increased risks for high blood pressure and heart disease.

To manage anxiety effectively, it is important that we intentionally activate our nervous system’s relaxation response in order to counteract the fear or threat reactivity in our brain that leads into a constellation of anxiety-driven thoughts, emotions, and physiological reactions. 

Here are some brain-wise anxiety regulation practices that you can try:

1. Pause and breathe

Engage in conscious or mindful breathing for about 1-3 minutes.
Conscious breathing practice can reduce stress and anxiety, soothe the mind, and lower your heart rate. The elongated exhale used in this exercise activates your parasympathetic nervous system to stimulate a relaxation response in your body and mind.3

  1. Find a comfortable position with a relatively straight spine. You can sit up in a chair or lie down on your back.
  2. Place one hand on your belly and one hand on your chest, while you breathe, see that each hand moves as you inhale and exhale to access your full respiratory capacity. 
  3. Inhale to the count of 4 through the nose.
  4. Exhale to the count of 6 through the mouth.
  5. Continue this breath pattern, 4 seconds in and 6 seconds out, for 1-3 minutes or until you feel a sense of ‘Calm’ wash over you.
2. Self-soothe

Do a pleasant or self-soothing activity, like listening to soothing or invigorating music, looking at nature around you, or playing with a pet.

3. Get moving!

Expend your body’s stored up physical energy by doing yoga, lifting weights (or whatever you have at home), dancing, walking fast, running, or jumping.

4. Connect

Spend time with someone in your life whose presence gives you comfort and joy.

Sources:
1https://www.un.org/sites/un2.un.org/files/un_policy_brief-covid_and_mental_health_final.pdf
2https://www.who.int/news/item/05-10-2020-covid-19-disrupting-mental-health-services-in-most-countries-who-survey
3Breathwrk App, CALM Practice