Category: Wellbeing Practices

Eating to enrich life: understanding and responding to emotional eating

Post author By Jan Gabriel Castaneda
Post date July 22, 2023
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In We Thrive, we work with people becoming their best selves by working with different aspects of who they are. There are the big-picture things: our sense of purpose, for example, which in Dr. Gabrielle Pfund’s research is composed of things such as how our future plans match our interests, how engaging we feel life is as a whole, and so on (Psychology Today, 2023). But there are also the big things when you zoom into that picture: the finer details of life, emerging from moment to moment, which compose the movements towards what we want life to be. These include the patterns of our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, but also the things which give us the energy to, well, move. Specifically, we get this energy through food, “a fundamental human need that influences both physiological and emotional states” (Hamburg, Finkenauer, & Schuengel, 2014). Nutrition looks different from person to person, but generally speaking, the task of ascertaining life’s movement can be more difficult than it has to be when our bodies aren’t getting the food and drink it needs (MSD Manual, 2023). And as we’ve probably all experienced, those aforementioned patterns of thought, emotion, and behavior can lead us into patterns of eating that can deprive rather than enrich us. In this article, we will talk a bit about what such a pattern of eating is; how we might end up moving in this direction; and what we can do to direct, rather than be directed by, our eating habits.

What is “emotional eating”?

Eating is, as nutritionist Amelia R. Sherry puts it, “an intrinsically emotional experience” (Psychology Today, 2022). Hamburg, Finkenauer, & Schuengel expressed this intuition in concrete terms: “eating behavior goes beyond nutrition and alleviating hunger; family, friends, and cultural heritage shape individual food preferences” (Hamburg, Finkenauer, & Schuengel, 2014). All of life, both the pleasant and the unpleasant, is threaded with the experience of eating. So the term “emotional eating”, while widely used, does not necessarily give us the clearest idea, and might also give the wrong impression that eating in response to our feelings is necessarily a bad thing. Choosing to eat can be a perfectly reasonable way of grounding us, whether by supplementing our present positive emotional states, reliving a positive memory associated with certain foods, or dealing with the occasional difficulty (Rachael Hartley Nutrition, 2016).

The difference between “good” or “bad” emotional eating is in the word “choice”. Whether responding to our emotions by eating deprives or nourishes us depends on the intentions we have (or haven’t) set when we eat. Besides determining how nutrient-dense our diets are, how do we clarify our intentions with eating? Here are some helpful guide questions:

How aware are we of the reasons why we choose a particular food at a particular time?
Are we eating in a way that aligns with a particular goal we have, such as a health goal?
When faced with stressful situations, have we considered whether there may be better ways of coping or resolving these situations other than with food?
To what extent do we actually savor or enjoy the food we are eating, when we do choose to eat at that moment?
As a whole, does our experience of eating delight us, or leave us with a lingering sense that something is not quite right?

What moves us towards “eating emotionally”?

“Emotional eating” is also known by at least two other names: “stress eating”, and “comfort eating”. These terms might be preferable, because it gives a better sense of the context in which these patterns of eating emerge. At the minimum, when people use the term “emotional eating”, they are generally referring to food intake as a means of grounding us when we feel overwhelmed, disrupted, or out-of-balance — in other words, eating as self-soothing (Psychology Today, 2023). If, while going through the guide questions, you realize that the intent of your emotional eating appears to be mostly about self-soothing, then you may be emotional eating in a way that might not be serving your best interests long-term. But this happens to almost everyone, and it is not necessarily about willpower. The research of Dr. Tatjana Van Strien found at least three determinants for emotional eating (van Strien, 2018):

Poor interoceptive awareness. This means a person has difficulty distinguishing feelings of hunger and satiety, which can lead to difficulties with determining whether one has eaten too little or too much. For example, this can be due to dietary factors such as regularly eating foods that are high in sugar, which can exacerbate hunger because of the rapid increases in blood glucose (Penaforte et al., 2013).
Poor emotion regulation strategies. This means, for example, that a person becomes over-reliant on a particular coping mechanism (in this case, food) to deal with stressful situations. It can also mean that emotional eating becomes the result of an inappropriate coping mechanism, such as when avoidance of stressful situations ultimately leads to more of the stress occurring later on, making one more likely to rely on emotional eating.
Disruption of the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis. Among other things, the HPA axis is responsible for regulating appetite. Under normal circumstances, the stress response would be a loss of appetite, but due to various factors (e.g. incredibly stressful experiences, childhood trauma, abuse, or other underlying health conditions affecting the HPA axis), this is reversed and the stress response instead leads to increased appetite.

Keeping these three in mind, we can reflect on a few more questions:

What might be causing your urge to eat at a particular time? Is it because of what or how you may be used to eating?
What difficult or stressful situations are you currently experiencing that may be better served by something other than food?
Aside from providing nutrition or sustenance, in what ways has food been present in your life growing up? Did you have an abundance of food or a scarcity of it?
When you think of food, what memories are usually associated with it? Were there certain negative and possibly intense experiences in your life which food used to help you get through?

How do we direct our eating?

Eating plays a vital role, not just in the maintenance of regular bodily functioning, but in our journey towards living a purpose-driven life. But eating can either deprive us or enrich us with the energies, both physiological and psychological, necessary to live out such a life. So how do we eat in a way that is more enriching? Depending on your answers to the questions mentioned earlier, co-authors Dr. Gia Marson and Dr. Danielle Keenan-Miller offers some ideas for how best you can set the direction for the way food moves your life (Psychology Today, 2023):

Acceptance. This means becoming more accepting of your body and how it reacts to food. This means less judgment, which often leads to guilt and shame, and more kindness, which can lead you to a better sense of how the food actually feels for you.
Awareness. This means tuning into the emotional nature of eating and noticing what kinds of emotions emerge alongside the desire to eat.
Avoid reacting impulsively. This means when difficult and negative emotions emerge, as they do in emotional eating, we take a pause rather than immediately reaching out to food as we have habituated ourselves. This will give you some room to consider how else you might be able to respond to these emotions.

For mental health support services, email us at resilientteams@wethrivewellbeing.com or sign-up for sessions with our mental health clinicians.

References:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3627933/

Tags emotional eating, mental health, nutrition month, stress eating, We Thrive Consultancy and Wellbeing Services, wellbeing practices, wellbeing resources, wethrivewellbeing

Blog Everyday Thriving General Wellbeing Practices

Social Emotional Parenting for the Next Normal

Post author By Tiffany Lim-To
Post date June 1, 2023
No Comments on Social Emotional Parenting for the Next Normal

Pandemic Parenting

The past three years of pandemic have been quite challenging for children and adults alike. As students adjusted to online classes and distance learning modalities, parents adjusted to work from home settings where the lines between work and home were blurred in a sea of online meetings in shared spaces at home, while juggling work, parenting and multiple responsibilities. Many parents were thrust into an extra role of being their children’s “home schooling teacher” – supervising their children’s learning, troubleshooting tech issues during online classes, being the videographer + editor for their children’s video recorded homework, picking up and submitting modules from school, on top of the stress of working from home, and coping with their own personal concerns – health, uncertainties in the midst of a pandemic. Parents had to grapple with their overwhelming worries and fluctuating emotions, as they tried to support their children’s academic and socio-emotional needs.

This is to acknowledge that parents pour out their time and effort, their heart, mind and soul into raising their children: It is never easy – during pre-pandemic, pandemic, and “next normal” times – the range of emotions both parents and children face in these disruptions and transitions shifts from day to day, sometimes hour to hour.

Next Normal Parenting

After these past three years of lockdowns, quarantines and limited movements, we are all finally taking steps forward in this “next normal”. Students are returning to full face to face or hybrid (face to face + online) learning modes. Parents can breathe a bit easier with our “homeschooling” load lightened, although we may have some concerns or fears about the adjustments our children have to go through – “This will increase my child’s exposure to Covid and other viruses.”; “After these years of being stuck at home, will my child be able to re-adjust to interacting with other kids again?”; “After all these years of online classes, are there learning gaps in my child’s education? Can they readapt again to regular in-person classes?” These fears are valid and understandable. As parents, you can process these fears when you tap into your social and emotional skills, and you can also model these skills for your children to use as they navigate this transition.

SEL approach – Practicing SEL Parenting Skills

According to the Collaborative for Academic, Social and Emotional Learning (CASEL), “social and emotional learning (SEL) is an integral part of education and human development. SEL is the process through which all young people and adults acquire and apply the knowledge, skills, and attitudes to develop healthy identities, manage emotions and achieve personal and collective goals, feel and show empathy for others, establish and maintain supportive relationships, and make responsible and caring decisions.”

We can learn, and practice social emotional knowledge, attitudes, skills and strategies together with our children. This can pave the way for positive life experiences, with many benefits to practicing social emotional learning (SEL) – improved performance in school and work, better management of emotional distress, fostering healthy relationships with one’s self and others.

FOSTERING SELF AWARENESS

Being a parent is a journey of self-discovery – we come face to face with our own emotions, beliefs, strengths and weaknesses as we raise our children. By recognizing and acknowledging how thoughts, feelings and actions are interconnected in a healthy way, within ourselves, and within our own children – – this guides us in the way we make decisions, and helps our children to develop more insights into their internal experiences and external actions. When we encourage our children to share about their day, and actively listen to them, children will open up to share their feelings and thoughts. When they encounter some awkwardness as they move from online interactions with friends to face-to-face interactions, we can support them by teaching them to use “I” statements as they identify feelings (“I felt shy when I met my classmates again.” ; “I felt weird seeing a big classroom filled with people again, I miss being by myself in a quiet room” ; “I felt happy to see all my friends and to talk with them after these years of just chatting or video calls online.”).

You can encourage them to share about their feelings by opening up the conversations with some “kumustahan” questions: “Would you like to share about how school has been today?”; “Would you like to talk about how your day went today?”. This approach will help them to understand and unpack what feeling excited, happy, worried or sad is about, and they are better able to manage their emotions. We can also encourage them to engage in activities that promote self-reflection – such as journaling or sharing the highs and lows of their day – “What is one thing you are thankful for today? What is one thing that you felt could have been better today?”. The more our children discover their sense of self, the more this nurtures their self-esteem.

ENHANCING SELF-MANAGEMENT

Understanding the interrelations of feelings, thoughts and actions can lead parents and children to regulating these through self-management. During changes and transitions, there will be a lot of mixed emotions that our children may go through. When our children are feeling overwhelmed and emotionally upset (dysregulated), we can try practicing co-regulation with them. Co-regulation, sometimes called mutual regulation, involves a parent or caregiver stepping in to help a child to identify, manage and process their intense emotions. When a child’s emotions are fueled by high energies, we avoid matching their high energy, and try to do emotional modeling – we model the calm behavior we would like to see in our child, by using a warm, soothing tone of voice, instead of mirroring their upset emotions.

We can share emotional regulation strategies with them – such as relaxation breathing exercises, mindfulness exercises – quiet time, focusing on the present moment, muscle relaxation, body scan, five senses exercise, using the “feelings wheel” (a tool used to help us define specific emotions we are feeling – for kids age 4-11), and for teens and adults). We can also use mobile apps: Headspace and Insight Timer have a number of tracks that can help you and your child practice mindful breathing. These emotional regulation strategies help children and adults regain control when they’re feeling upset or overwhelmed.

We take note that what works for us as adults may not always work for our children. We need to match the emotional regulation strategy with the needs and developmental age and stage of our child. It might be hard to get a 2-3 year old toddler to do meditation, but maybe we can try practicing mindfulness of the 5 senses with them: “What do you see? What do you hear? What do you smell? What do you taste? What do you feel in your hands? in your feet? How does your body feel right now?”. By understanding one’s emotional triggers, more impulse control can be practiced. Practicing these self-management skills can help us and our children to evaluate our decisions and actions in challenging situations. We can ask our children to share about their concerns, or problems they may be experiencing – we can also encourage them to think of possible solutions to their problems, the pros and cons, as well as the impact of these on people they deal with day to day.

MAKING RESPONSIBLE CHOICES

When parents assess their goals, social situation, and foster understanding of self, they are able to develop responsible decision making skills, which leads to positive choices. Our actions as parents have an impact on our children; children are very observant and they can pick up on our behavior. When we are mindful of the modeling they see in us, and in our pro-active choices, our children develop an innate sense of taking ownership of choices they make. Sometimes, our children may approach us and ask us – “Mom / Ma / Dad / Pa, what would you do in this situation?” While our tendency as parents oftentimes is to give them advice on what to do, we can consider pausing for a while and giving them the space to come up with their own decision.

The “stop light approach” can be helpful here – Red = stop and pause, Yellow = take a breath, Green = think through the options and make your decision. “I hear you have this situation right now – what are the things that need to be worked out? What options or choices do you have right now? How do you think you can help in this situation?”. This nurtures in them the ability to take some time to slow down, think through different options, consider the consequences of their actions, and make decisions based on positive values, empathy and fairness. This empowers our children to make responsible choices that consider their well-being and the well-being of others.

DEVELOPING SOCIAL AWARENESS

We live in communities, cultures, and societies, and we share this social setting with our children. With a return to in-person school settings, they develop a keen awareness of the need to build relationships and strong friendships. Part of our community fabric includes weaving an understanding of various races, genders, cultures, ages, religions – cultivating in our children a respectful approach towards differences, and empathic understanding of the world we live in today. When students return to in-person classes, they will be sharing stories of their pandemic experiences with their classmates, and while there are many common experiences, they may have to confront different realities and socio-economic difficulties that many people endured.

As your child shares with you these stories, this can be a conversation prompt to promote perspective taking: “How do you think that felt like for your friend?”, to promote showing concern for others’ feelings: “You sound happy to know your friend felt excited to be with classmates again.”, to promote empathy and compassion: “You feel sad when you heard about your friend’s troubles.”. This can also open exploration of opportunities for serving the community in their own small ways, and doing their part in creating healthy, safe and positive spaces in the community.

NAVIGATING RELATIONSHIPS

As we build relationships in our families and communities, our children are learning from us, and along with us, how to act in varying social situations.

Seclusion from their friends and classmates during the pandemic can take its toll on our children, as they ease back into being with friends, we can support them by checking-in daily on how they are coping with this resumption of in-person interactions, and actively listening to their concerns, worries and feelings.

We can nurture open communication by being fully present and paying full attention to our children when they are talking with us – this will help them feel that we care about what they have to say, and make them feel heard and understood. “I hear that you enjoyed school time today.” or “I hear that you felt sad today.” are some sample responses of how to apply listening skills that encourage our children to share more openly with us. This helps us to better understand their thoughts, feelings and experiences. Nurturing this open communication with our children can create that space where they are able to process relationships and friendships – enhance cooperation, fairness, kindness, and helpfulness towards others, develop empathic listening, manage opposing views and conflicts, and recognize and regulate emotions. This strengthens our relationships in the family, maintains healthy friendships in the school, and deepens their sense of community.

Although this “next normal” is still full of uncertainty – and we can expect that there will be bumps, twists and turns this transition brings, we can lean on these social emotional skills to help us respond to the call of these ever-changing times. By opening up our emotions, thoughts, and incorporating social emotional learning into our daily practice, with intentionality, we model these skills that our children will gain through observation and active engagement; this empowers them to establish self-awareness, emotional regulation, empathy, positive communication in their interactions with others. We continue to build their resilience, and to create a nurturing environment that supports their growth, development, and well-being throughout the different stages and challenges that life brings.

SOURCES:

Agaton, C. B., & Cueto, L. J. (2021). Learning at home: Parents’ lived experiences on distance learning during COVID-19 pandemic in the Philippines. International Journal of Evaluation and Research in Education (IJERE), 10(3), 901-911. https://doi.org/ 10.11591/ijere.v10i3.21136
Collaborative for Academic Social and Emotional Learning (n.d.). Collaborative for Academic Social and Emotional Learning. Https://CASEL.org. Retrieved July 5, 2023, from https://CASEL.org/
Headspace (n.d.). Headspace. Headspace.com. Retrieved August 16, 2023, from https://www.headspace.com/
Insight Timer (n.d.). Insight Timer. Retrieved August 16, 2023, from https://insighttimer.com/
Mentally Healthy Schools – Anna Freud National Centre for Children and Families (n.d.). Emotion Wheel for Children. Retrieved August 15, 2023, from https://mentallyhealthyschools.org.uk/resources/emotion-wheel-for-children/
Parent Cue (n.d.). Feelings Wheel. Retrieved August 15, 2023, from https://theparentcue.org/resources/feelings-wheel/
Pathways Pediatric Clinic (n.d.). What are Social Emotional Skills. Https://Pathways.org. Retrieved July 8, 2023, from https://pathways.org/topics-of-development/social-emotional/
Stoian, C. E., Fărcașiu, M. A., Dragomir, G.-M., & Gherheș, V. (2022). Transition from Online to Face-to-Face Education after COVID-19: The Benefits of Online Education from Students’ Perspective. Sustainability, 14(19), 12812. MDPI AG. Retrieved from http://dx.doi.org/10.3390/su141912812
UC Berkeley Greater Good Science Center (n.d.). Body Scan Meditation. Greater Good in Action. Retrieved August 15, 2023, from https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/body_scan_meditation
ZERO TO THREE (2020, April 24). Five Senses Exercise. Retrieved August 15, 2023, from https://www.zerotothree.org/resource/five-senses-exercise/
Zolten, K., MA, & Long, N., PhD (n.d.). Parent Child Communication. Parenting Ed. Retrieved August 15, 2023, from https://parenting-ed.org/wp-content/themes/parenting-ed/files/handouts/communication-parent-to-child.pdf

Tags everyday thriving, Global Day of Parents, parenting, We Thrive Philippines, wethriveinc, wethrivewellbeing

Blog Thrive at Work Wellbeing Practices

Help at Work: Identifying workplace stress and the support you need

Post author By Jan Gabriel Castaneda
Post date May 22, 2023
No Comments on Help at Work: Identifying workplace stress and the support you need

In We Thrive, we understand work as vital to the whole person. In the course of work, we learn to “regulate” by meeting challenges and its accompanying pressures head-on; to “relate” by working together with different people with different histories and perspectives; and to “reflect towards wise action” by considering how our work aligns with what is truly important to us. When pursued with mindfulness and compassion, work helps us grow not just in our careers but in our ability to live out lives as well-rounded human beings.

But of course, work has its issues.

Despite the lessons which the COVID-19 pandemic should have taught us about self-care and self-compassion, we remain tangled with a work ethic that prioritizes “productivity” at the expense of everything else. Unfortunately, this work ethic also bred a resistance to, and even fear of, seeking help, so used are we to the idea of “toughing it out”.

Despite increasing visibility of the importance of mental health, we are still uncertain about how this might play out within companies and industries. And on the level of the individual, we are still working out, in the aftermath of a global health crisis, something as basic as what constitutes a legitimate need for assistance.

Here, we will look at one way to think about the kind of pressure you experience in the workplace, and the kind of help that you (and your workplace) may consider. Throughout this discussion, we will also be directed by this question: “Is my work nurturing my growth, or impeding it?”

Defining the pressure you need help for

There are sources of pressure, or “stress”, that are common across organizations and industries. The finer details may differ across fields, but these can be categorized into two broad categories:

Work content, which are the various tasks involved and its accompanying costs in time, effort, and expertise. Some potential stressors under this category can include inappropriate workloads, where there may be too much or too little demands; the meaningfulness of the work, or the extent to which the job is aligned with the person’s values or sense of purpose; and autonomy, or the extent to which a person can exercise control over the work they do.
Work context, which are the environmental and socio-cultural aspects of the job. These can include thing like the nature of relationships between colleagues, which can vary in levels of support, transparency, and general good humor; organizational culture, which can refer to policy structures and management styles that buttress the organization; and the sense of belonging within the larger work community, which refers to the extent to which a person might feel included or excluded from one’s peers or the extent to which one feels that their presence and contributions are actually valued. (WHO, 2020; Mental Help, 2015)

The response to these stressors is unique to each person, dependent not just on how intense or persistent the stressful experience is, but also on a person’s particular condition. A stressful event that might be considered “mild” for one person, which may improve functioning, might be “severe” to another, and disrupt functioning (Yaribeygi et al., 2017). But how do we tell the difference? We can do this by using two distinct categories of stress: “eustress” and “distress”.

Working with “eu-stress”

The first category of stress is eustress: the kind of stress which motivates us to face challenges successfully, learn new skills and perspectives, and provides opportunities to direct their actions towards our goals and our values. (Albort-Morant et al., 2020).

Broadly speaking, while there is definitely pressure, there is vitality. This can look like the following:

You feel energized;
You feel more focused;
You feel confident you know what you’re doing (or at least you’re confident you can learn);
You are excited by what you do; and
You sense your productivity increasing (Shafir, 2020; Tocino-Smith, 2019).

The work may be more difficult, but the movement towards accomplishing the task elicits feelings of pleasure and a sense that one is both working well and working towards something worthwhile for themselves and for the organization.

In a phrase: eustress nurtures growth.

The help we might need here would be less about relieving pressure and more about maximizing it: how can we maximize this opportunity for growth?

In the workplace, this might mean strengthening the following areas:

Ensuring access to mentors or peers who can offer emotional support or concrete advice for effectively addressing a challenge;
Providing appropriate flexibility to accommodate people’s particular work needs, such as work schedules, deadlines, or work spaces;
Building relationships between employees that ensure that people are not afraid of making mistakes or speaking up about their needs;
Setting clear work expectations so people know exactly what they’re working towards; and so on (Peart, 2019).

Working with “di-stress”

The second general category of stress that you may (unfortunately) be more familiar with is called distress. This is the opposite of eustress: instead of motivation, energy, and a sense of purpose, there may instead be dissatisfaction, fatigue, and a lack of direction. In this situation, the strain has either fallen too short of, or more often has far surpassed, the person’s threshold. Too little stress leads to boredom, lethargy, and a propensity for catastrophizing challenges faced because there has been inadequate opportunity to learn ways to cope with and savor challenges (Szalavitz, 2011). Too much stress though and the system can be overwhelmed, unable to effectively keep up, leading to disruptions in basic life functions such as sleep and a whole host of diseases (LeBlanc and Marques, 2019).

Again speaking broadly, in contrast to eustress, distress can be understood as being sapped of vitality. This can look like the following:

Neglecting, or feeling that you have no time or energy for, other important relationships in your life;
Feeling unable to engage in life’s other pleasures such as exercise or rest;
Significant physical discomfort such as stomach pains, headaches, muscle tensions — or even full-blown sickness;
Your cognitive abilities, such as focus and judgment, are noticeably reduced; and
Your mood is more erratic, and you have become prone to irritation, anxiety, and even sadness (Cleveland Clinic, 2021; Better Health Channel, 2012).

In this scenario, greater attention needs to be placed on relieving the pressure and addressing the manifestations of the distress: how do we return to a condition conducive for growth?

Going back to the workplace, this might mean the following:

Ensure that any changes to job demands are made to ensure employees actually have the time and the opportunity to practice self-care;
Address the actual sources of the distress at work, including but not limited to lack of career advancement, conflicting work demands, workloads and timelines that force employees to go over and beyond their supposed job schedules, inadequate salaries and benefits, and so on;
Provide mental health support is both available and accessible to employees; and
Ensure adequate support from mentors, management, and other peers (APA, 2018; CCOHS, 2023).

When do I (and my workplace) need more help?

Returning to our first question, we understand that growth is nurtured when there is both adequate pressure (“eustress”) and adequate rest. Considering the latter, we can ask ourselves whether we are getting the rest we need — and whether our workplaces allow us to engage in such without reprisal or penalty. One useful model for understanding “rest” comprehensively, in its active and passive forms, looks at seven different kinds:

Physical Rest, such as sleep, good eating habits, and exercise;
Mental Rest, such as engagement with non-work-related intellectually-stimulating activities such as reading and games;
Spiritual Rest, such as activities which respond to your religious callings or other callings to a higher purpose, including prayer, charitable works, and so on;
Emotional Rest, such as being able to express our emotions authentically in safe and compassionate environments;
Sensory Rest, such as relieving ourselves from over-stimulation by keeping away our mobile and other computer devices;
Social Rest, such as by engaging in pleasurable social activities or in pleasurable solitude; and
Creative Rest, such as through different artistic endeavors (Skowron, 2022).

A rule of thumb is to check in with ourselves and if in the past two weeks that if we are either a) we are unable to get adequate rest or b) if our best efforts at getting adequate rest is insufficient to relieve our present experience of distress, then this would be a signal to start seeking help. Similarly, if an organization finds itself unable to adequately and promptly support their employees’ wellbeing needs needs for rest, then the organization itself may want to consider getting help as well.

As a final point, despite what our present culture of work tells us, seeking professional help is not a sign of weakness. Speaking to organizations, to seek help rather than to just allow our employees to “tough it out” is a sign not only of courage and strength, but a sign that we are truly taking mental health seriously — and that despite the pressures, our workplaces are places where people’s growth can be nurtured.

For mental health support services for organizations, email us at resilientteams@wethrivewellbeing.com or contact us to sign-up for sessions with our mental health clinicians.

References:

Blog Everyday Thriving General Thrive at Work Thrive in School Wellbeing Practices

Navigating the Road to Healthy Boundaries

Post author By Carmella Mergenio
Post date December 1, 2022
No Comments on Navigating the Road to Healthy Boundaries

Have you ever driven a car? Driving is a useful yet rigorous skill to learn.

Similar to driving, setting healthy boundaries is a rewarding skill that can help us go places. We are the driver navigating our way through the busy district of interpersonal relationships. Learning to set healthy boundaries needs conscious effort, and it can make us feel a mixture of excitement and fear – like driving for the first time.

Following the rules

Since childhood, we have been taught to follow the rules: obey the elders, be agreeable to our peers, consider others’ feelings, and be mindful of how others view us. These rules usually remain with us until adulthood as we continue to defer to our parents, comply with our supervisors, and yield to our partners. More so, these rules help us maintain harmonious relationships with others.

The downside of rigidly following these rules is developing our fear of interpersonal conflicts. The need for belongingness and acceptance drives us to indulge others even with a heavy heart. Some demands
can make us feel uncomfortable, but we do them anyway to avoid the guilt and anxiety of saying no.

Sometimes people misinterpret the rules of social relationships. We become compliant instead of compromising to maintain “conflict-free” relationships. Giving in to the backseat drivers can be exhausting; we have to take the wheel ourselves.

Keeping safe distance

Being too close to other cars raises the chance of collision. The same goes with having little to no personal space. It may appear counterintuitive, but saying no to others can improve our relationships.

Boundaries are the limits we establish for ourselves on our participation in social activities to preserve our integrity. They make us feel comfortable genuinely expressing ourselves and still safe around others. They are not meant to keep people away but to provide us enough space to assert our needs, wants, and expectations of others.

Dr. Sheri Jacobson, a retired senior therapist and founder of Harley Therapy in the United Kingdom, listed the adverse effects of having poor boundaries. We become vulnerable to stress, anxiety, depression, and burnout. While we try to avoid interpersonal conflicts, we may still have bad relationships. Others can take advantage of us even unintentionally at times. Our frustration, resentment, and anger will eventually accumulate, and passive aggression may seem like the only way to stand up for ourselves. The worst case is losing our own identity as we prioritize others more than
ourselves.

Paying attention to the signs

As you journey through setting healthy boundaries, you need to look out for the signs of being a people pleaser. According to Nedra Glover Tawwab, a therapist and author of Set Boundaries, Find Peace, poor
boundaries manifest in four ways:

1. Neglecting self-care

Whenever you accommodate others’ wishes, you give a part of yourself to them – your time, energy, and resources. A telltale sign of having poor boundaries is not having enough of these for your own. It is neither selfish nor inconsiderate to give yourself some space. Remember, you cannot run with your gas tank empty or battery drained. You have to take care of yourself first to take care of others.

2. Overwhelmed

People with poor boundaries feel overwhelmed most of the time as they tend to accept more tasks than they can manage. They constantly worry about fitting everything into their schedule. You need to know your limits and work only within your limits. Going beyond them results in exhaustion and burnout.

3. Resentment

People who are compelled to do something may feel annoyed. Worse, those taken for granted feel hurt, bitter, and angry. Resentment will pile up and negatively affects your relationships in the long run. The little things we used to enjoy doing for and with others start to feel like duties – boring and tiring. Note that relationships should not be a burden; instead, they should be one of your sources of happiness, hope, and support.

4. Avoidance

When you cannot assert yourself, you will likely respond to resentment by avoiding others. It is passive aggression to ignore or cut off people. Delaying responses and bailing out of trips are some avoidant strategies that can isolate you. These are not helpful because they do not convey to others why you evade them; hence, they will continue to ask you favors.

Map to healthy boundaries

When you recognize the warning signs, hit the break and take the route to setting healthy boundaries. Adapted from Tawwab, you can follow this roadmap:

1. Identify your boundaries

The first step in setting healthy boundaries is to know your wants, needs, and expectations. Observe yourself and reflect on your emotions and thoughts.

Do you want to do this?
Are youcomfortable doing that?
What do you need?
What do you expect others to do to you or for you?

Ask these questions to know more about yourself and your limits. Honesty is crucial in this step.

2. Communicate

People are not mind readers; you have to tell them our boundaries. More importantly, you must state them clearly and directly – not just signals of maybe’s or I-don’t-know’s. In doing so, others become aware of how you want to be treated. You may beat around the bush because you find confrontations agonizing, but indirectly communicating our boundaries can only be confusing.

3. Deal with the discomfort

Setting boundaries can initially elicit some discomfort. You may feel guilt for being “selfish” or “mean.” You may feel fear that your future interactions will be awkward. You may also worry about saying the right words in the right tone at the right time. However, practice can make it feel easy and natural. Remind yourself that you are setting boundaries for your wellbeing. Engage in other self-care activities as well to improve your mood while learning how to say no.

4. Follow through

Despite feeling some degree of discomfort, you have to commit to honoring your boundaries. Consistency is key. Show people that you take your boundaries seriously, and they should, too. Immediately speak up when others go overboard. Tell them how you feel about it and what you prefer them to do. Do not let anyone slide, as it only encourages others to continue disregarding your boundaries.

The roadmap may appear short and straightforward, but it can be a long and winding road. You may find yourself going in circles, and it is definitely okay. When this happens, pull up and refer to the map to find your way again. You can also ask a reliable friend to hop in for a while and help you stay on track.

Establishing healthy boundaries leads to an enjoyable life. You become true to yourself, and others learn to honor your decisions. You get the most out of your relationships because you are respected – by yourself and others.

Now that you know the rules, the signs, and the map, may you continue to share your adventures with others while enjoying some healthy space for yourself.

References:

American Psychological Association (n.d.) Boundary. APA Dictionary of Psychology.
https://dictionary.apa.org/boundary
Jacobson, S. (2015, March 24). The Psychological Cost of Never Saying No. Harley Therapy.
https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/saying-no.htm
Tawwab, N. G. (2021). What the Heck are Boundaries?. Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself. Penguin Random House LLC

Tags boundaries, limits, mental health, setting boundaries, wellbeing

Blog Everyday Thriving General Thrive at Work Thrive in School Wellbeing Practices

Feeling ‘Sabaw’? Here’s the Science Behind it & 5Ways to Overcome it

Post author By Luke Yap
Post date November 24, 2022
No Comments on Feeling ‘Sabaw’? Here’s the Science Behind it & 5Ways to Overcome it

If you’re a student or young adult, you must have reached a point of disorientation
from having too much schoolwork to do or too many work engagements to finish. If you’re a parent, you may have either heard your child saying “Sabaw na ‘ko,” as if they could no longer listen to whatever you were about to say, or you may have felt “sabaw” yourself with all the things that need to get done around the house. Thing is, all of us must have experienced being sabaw at least once in our lives, and probably multiple times when we stay in an environment where there is too much going on.

So, why does being sabaw happen?

Being sabaw, or what we call a ‘cognitive overload’, happens when our brain cannot adapt to the amount of information given (often an amount that is too much), or to the too many tasks that need to be done at once. As a result, processing information and performing tasks becomes more difficult, and at worst, not even possible.

No matter how keen a person may be, they have a limit to how much they can process in a given amount of time. Even the most intelligent of people can process only so much.

When it comes to being sabaw, some respond with frustration while some may even respond to it lightly with humor (e.g., Nako, sabaw ka na naman, friend!). Regardless of what you feel about being sabaw, it can be reassuring to know that you don’t always have to be held back by it. So, here are five ways to overcome it:

Five ways to overcome being sabaw:

1. Try to stay away from distractions.

In the time of social media, it is so easy to be swept by the urge to check your phone, go to social media and check out what is interesting to see. Chances are, you may not immediately feel sabaw after browsing through your phone but you may feel it as soon as you get back to your important task, especially if what you had just consumed was heavy or engaging information. Eliminate other sources of distracting information by going to a peaceful environment, whether it’s a specific room in the house or a coffee shop with few to no distractions, and turn off/ silence your phone. Lastly, bring your phone back as a reward for completing a task.

2. Do one thing at a time.

Contrary to popular opinion, multiple studies have shown that multitasking is not very beneficial—it actually makes us less efficient and more prone to errors. The negative impact of multitasking to folding laundry while watching TV or listening to music may not be as felt as when you write an email while listening to a meeting. The disadvantage of multitasking is more clearly seen when tasks become more complex. One study had found that heavy multitaskers (those who believe that multitasking helps them with their performance) actually performed worse in the activity of multitasking than those who like doing one thing at a time. This is because the multitaskers had more difficulty organizing their thoughts and were slower in switching from one task to another—essentially, multitaskers are more highly like get into a state of sabaw in the midst of accomplishing tasks. So, learn to set other things aside and try to focus your energy and effort on one thing at a time.

3. Take breaks and don’t do other work in those breaks.

If you have freed yourself from distractions and learned how to do things one at a time, you may still find yourself feeling sabaw if you overuse your brain for a prolonged amount of time. Hence, taking a break is helpful regardless of how simple or how complex a task is. It’s just that you’re more likely to get sabaw sooner when you solve a series of calculus equations within an hour as compared to reading a light novel within the same duration. You can do anything during your break as long as it is not work. Meanwhile, the length of breaks that you need may depend on various factors such as your current health state (e.g. whether or not you’ve had enough rest, sleep, and energy), the complexity of the task, and the urgency of finishing the task. But if everything is kept constant, taking a break of 15-20 minutes every after 50-90 minutes is considered beneficial and can keep you from being
sabaw. Going beyond 20 minutes, of course, will not make you even more sabaw although it may affect other important priorities in your activity such as momentum and productivity.

4. Plot a schedule and write notes for reminders of activities that you need to get back to.

Sometimes the list of things that you have to accomplish can get very overwhelming. Even if you try to take breaks, you still get overwhelmed and fear that you’d hit that state of sabaw soon. If that does happen, then that is likely a result of too much mental activity consumed by the worrying of other activities that haven’t even started yet. To help bring you at peace and certainty, try to plot a schedule for the set of activities that you need to get done and put them on paper or in a digital note. Relying too much on our working memory for reminders and specific details can sometimes be disadvantageous given that our brain can only take in information at a certain capacity. Unnecessary worry and stress may ease when you have realistic schedules and plans in place.

5. Withdraw from other commitments or other activities.

There are many aspects in our lives that demand our attention, may it be school, work, family, community, and relationships. But sometimes, they can lead us to overcommitment. The initial consequence of overcommitting can be feeling sabaw at first, then burnout after. If you have done tip #4 and still find yourself overwhelmed, it may be possible that your schedule of activities and/ or commitments may be unrealistic and too tiring for you. In that case, learn how to let go by saying no, turning over the responsibility to someone else, ask for help to relieve the responsibility from you, or a combination of all of those. Our brains can only handle so much that when we force things, we may end up accomplishing less commitments than what we had initially expected because of too many sabaw moments and burnout.

References:

Supertaskers: Profiles in extraordinary multitasking ability
Executive control of cognitive processes in task switching
Give me a break

Tags cognitive overload, everyday thriving, Luke Yap, mental health tips, overwhelm, science behind sabaw, supertaskers, wellbeing tips, wethriveinc, wethrivewellbeing

Blog Everyday Thriving General Restorative Practices Wellbeing Practices

Tune In: How Music Fosters Wellbeing

Post author By Jirah Gealon
Post date October 1, 2022
No Comments on Tune In: How Music Fosters Wellbeing

“‘Cause when you get older, life gets colder
Sometimes I just wanna hit pause, but I’m afraid I’ll never press play again…”
Clara Benin

When was the last time you checked in with yourself and asked how you’re truly doing?

With all the demands that life throws at us, we may easily fall into the trap of mindlessness, juggling many things all at once without examining ourselves in the process; thereby, running the risk of wearing ourselves out in the long run. Add to it the culture we live in where busyness, overproductivity, and urgency are being glorified. Who has the luxury to be still a few minutes in a day when work pressures you to submit it now? Who even cares about how you feel when outputs have become implied measures of one’s worth? If we won’t make deliberate choices for our wellbeing, these can be detrimental to our health and our ability to flourish as we live this one precious life we’re gifted with.

Press Pause and Tune In

Think of the self like a musical instrument, say, for example, a guitar. It would be pointless to sing and be accompanied by it if the instrument is out of tune. In order to maximize the value and function of a guitar (and this goes with most instruments), it has to be set in proper tuning. Too much tightness could cause the strings to break. On the other end, when you don’t plan to use the guitar for quite some time, it’s best to loosen up the strings in order to prevent them from possibly breaking.

The same goes for us, human beings. When we’re constantly exposed to stress and we’re unable to release the tension, it affects how we think, feel and relate with others in negative ways. Moreover, our bodies will eventually suffer and it may manifest as physical illnesses. In order to be at our optimal selves, we need to pause, tune ourselves, and acknowledge where we are at the moment with gentleness and self-compassion.

Tuning ourselves may look different for each of us, just like getting quality sleep, eating healthy foods, ensuring that we’re regularly connected with the people we love and who support us, having a me-time, creating space to feel both pleasant and unpleasant emotions, being mindfully aware as thoughts and feelings come and go in the present moment. The last two may take time some practice in order to cultivate such awareness, but one tool has been helpful in making it happen— music.

Permission to feel

Who gave you permission to feel?

Music.

What seemed to be just a moment of mindless scrolling on Twitter ended up as an “aha!” moment that eventually led me to reflective mode, just like how you listen to a song for the first time, and it suddenly hits right in the feels. Familiar, isn’t it?

Whether as a listener or creator, one cannot deny the power of music in evoking emotions. We know from experience how music gives us the comfort we need when going through difficult times, the focus and energy boost in completing tasks, and even transporting us back into key events in our lives where we try to make meaning and reconstruct our own narrative. It serves a myriad of functions, most especially in enhancing our wellbeing.

Music and wellbeing

1. Music as a safe space for feelings

“Perhaps the therapeutic use of music allows people to
experience emotions safely… (Wilkinson, 2018).” Remember the moments you listened to music when you needed a good cry or you need to feel calm. Maybe the lyrics resonated with what you’re currently going through, which gives you a sense of comfort, the feeling of being held, and the validation that you’re not alone. Or, if you’re a musician and you’re trying to capture your feelings into melodies, the act of playing your instrument becomes cathartic for
you. A song is like a friend who provides that safe, grounding, and non-judgmental space that gives you permission to feel in that present moment. Joy, sadness, fear, anger, hope, love, awe— all emotions are welcome here. These “permission to feel” moments are important in maintaining our wellbeing since it allows us to acknowledge the complexities of our emotions which is key to emotion regulation, instead of running away or numbing them.

A qualitative study by Saarikallio (2010) explored music-related strategies of emotional self-regulation during adulthood and found that participants turn to music for:

happy mood maintenance
revival and relaxation especially when tired
strong sensations and powerful emotional experiences such as intense enjoyment, deep concentration and emotional involvement in music (e.g. being part of an opera production or watching a live concert)
diversion or distraction from unwanted thoughts and feelings
discharge and disclosure—that is, releasing and venting anger or sadness through music that expressed these emotions
mental work such as being able to face, contemplate and work through unsettling emotional experiences,
solace— acting like a comforting friend who understands and accepts you when you feel sad, melancholic or hopeless; and
‘psyching up’— uplifting one’s mood and raisingone’s energy levels for an activity.

2. Music helps us get “in the zone”

Being completely absorbed in an activity that you lose track of time is known as flow or commonly known as “in the zone”. This intense and focused concentration on the present moment can be achieved through the help of music. You may recall a time that listening to an ambient or instrumental music helped you stay focused in finishing a task such as writing or studying for an exam. According to Mihály Csíkszentmihályi (2014), the main proponent of the concept of flow:

“merely having music playing in the background does not evoke flow, but listening to music as the main activity so that attention can be focused on the music is an important precondition for getting into and staying in flow.”
Mihály Csíkszentmihályi (2014)

The key then is to listen mindfully to the music. To practice, set aside at least five minutes to listen mindfully to a song of your choice (one that doesn’t have lyrics), sit with it and listen to all the elements used in the song, from the instruments used to how it’s arranged. As you cultivate mindful listening to the music, it increases your likelihood of getting into flow.

3. Music as a tool for enhancing social connections

There is no doubt that music is best enjoyed when it is experienced and shared with others— whether that could take in a form of singing together in a group (karaoke sessions), teaching another person on how to play an instrument, meeting strangers who have turned into friends in a concert of your favorite band, curating a playlist for your loved one and sharing it to them ‘cause that’s your love language, or being part of a fan group and interacting with the artist. Sometimes, when we’re having difficulty in articulating our thoughts and feelings to our friends, it helps to share instead a song that relates to our experience so that our friend would understand where we are. Koelsch (2013) reviews the social functions of music such as being able to increase contact, coordination and cooperation with others, engage in social cognition wherein the listener tries to understand the intent and message of the artist expressed in the song, participate in co-pathy (a social function of empathy), which all leads to social cohesion— satisfying our human need to belong.

Truly, music allows us to feel connected to all of humanity. Music indeed is a gift to us, especially as we continue to take care of our wellbeing. May we practice tuning in to ourselves with the help of music, allowing it to take us to places of our souls that need some tending. And just “be”.

Sources:

Csikszentmihalyi, M. (2014). Flow and the foundations of positive psychology: The collected works of Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.1007/978-94-017-9088-8
Koelsch, S. (2013). From Social Contact to Social Cohesion—The 7 Cs. Music and Medicine, 5, 204-209. Retrieved from https://stefan koelsch.de/papers/koelsch_2013_from_social_contact_to_social_cohesion_the_7_cs.pdf
Saarikallio, S. (2010). Music as emotional self-regulation throughout adulthood. Psychology of Music, 39(3), 307–327. doi:10.1177/0305735610374894
Wilkinson, R. (2018). Foreword. In N. Sunderland, N. Lewandowski, D. Bendrups, B.L. Bartleet, Music, Health and Wellbeing Exploring Music for Health Equity and Social Justice. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.1057/978-1-349-95284-7

Tags mental health, music, music and wellbeing, We Thrive Consultancy and Wellbeing Services, wellbeing, wellbeing practices, wellbeing resources, wethrivewellbeing

Blog Everyday Thriving Wellbeing Practices

Calm, Connect and Cultivate towards More Effective Parenting

Post author By Ninin Sumpaico-Jose
Post date June 1, 2022
No Comments on Calm, Connect and Cultivate towards More Effective Parenting

As parents, we are fueled by what is best for our children. We want our children to
grow stable, well-adjusted and equipped with skills to survive, as well as thrive in life.

These lofty goals make parenting fulfilling and meaningful, and it is also no easy feat. There is the constant pressure to know how to provide and respond to the needs of our child at any given moment.
But let’s face it, we have moments when we wonder if what we’re doing is really what’s best for our children. We question our capacity to parent our children.

I can’t seem to pacify my child during a meltdown.

My child refuses to listen and follow what I say.

My teen doesn’t want to talk to me about anything.

I get so upset and angry with my child, it’s so frustrating.

In these situations, we usually try to manage our children’s behavior by using strong, hurtful words and punitive action.

If you don’t pack away your toys, no You Tube time this afternoon.

You’re going to get into a lot of trouble if you don’t finish your homework.

Stop acting like a baby, it’s not a big deal.

Because I said so.

We threaten, we bribe, we punish, we withdraw certain privileges in the hopes of getting our children to behave and comply. We become dismissive of our children. We take control of the situation with little
consideration or understanding what our kids might be going through.
Let’s take a moment to notice, if any of the scripts and strategies above have been effective or helpful in the long run? Most likely, no.
These may even serve to escalate the situation, to provide quick fixes until the unwanted behavior happens again, and to rupture relationships instead of our original parenting intention of long-lasting caring and raising our children well.

What can we as parents do?

What are more effective ways of dealing with children, especially during difficult and upsetting situations? What will work, what can be more helpful for parents and children to overcome tough moments

Dr. Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson’s Whole Brain (2014) approach to parenting, offers a place to start. This perspective places emphasis on understanding the way the brain works and develops. The brain
shapes who we are and what we do. It has various components and functions that need to work together for us to achieve balance and integration.

Emphasis is further placed on how the brain’s capacity for integration is significantly shaped by experience.

The experiences and responses parents provide, lay the foundation for children’s development towards stability, independence and resilience. With appropriate supports, we help our children improve decision-making and problem-solving, have better control of their body and emotions and strengthen themselves and their relationships.

Are these not some of the very things we want for our children, to find success in various aspects of life and development?

The 3 C’s towards Effective Parenting

How can this be achieved?

The 3 C’s of Calm, Connect and Cultivate can serve as a quick guide.

Developing the skill and practice to Calm, Connect and Cultivate, underscore the importance of being attuned to our child in the middle of chaos and conflict. Developing regulation and co-regulation skills
can help improve the ways we relate with our children, especially during tough situations –when your child kicks, screams, refuses to listen, refuses to respond, when your child is inconsolable.

1. CALM

We cannot calm our child when we are not calm ourselves.

It truly is easier said than done, but it can be done with practice, patience and intention! Self-regulation can become our parent superpower when we are mindful of our current feelings and reactions during stressful situations, and aware of our own thoughts and beliefs about the behavior of our children.

When we learn how to self-soothe and bring about a state of calm, we create a space to recognize that difficult behaviors are cues which tell us that children are having a tough time. Children may experience
big feelings which they may not necessarily recognize or have the skills yet to deal with more effectively. So they act up and act all sorts of out of control. If we meet their frustration with our own, the situation escalates as emotions go unchecked and unvalidated, and behaviors become more difficult to manage.

Pause and take a breath

Taking a few moments to pause, breathing in and out allows us to calm
feelings and to step back from a triggering situation and potentially intense emotions. It also models behavior that we can cultivate in children when they are going through a tough time.

Self-affirming statements

Self-soothing statements can also be effective as it builds an awareness to one’s current state. Words of affirmation such as, “My feelings are valid,” or “I can’t control how I feel, and I can control how I respond,” or “I am doing my best at this moment,” convey messages that build
self-compassion and self-kindness. It affirms the intentionality of supporting and connecting with our children. There are a myriad of statements, and it is about choosing powerful statements that calms and build toughness too.

Self-soothing activities

There are many other ways to pause and self-soothe to prepare yourself to connect with your child. These depend on what works and what is available to you. Simple activities like taking a short walk, listening to music, playing with a pet, writing or drawing in a journal are some examples.

Think before you speak

Training oneself to take pause and being mindful of the words we say builds a practice of regulating the self and controlling impulses. Take pause to think if your words are helpful and supportive of your child, or if it conveys validation and support. Thinking before speaking implies taking pause and bring the calm in to make better decisions about what and how to communicate and connect.

Practicing these regularly not only during stressful times, strengthen the mind and the body to respond to difficult situations in a more mindful way. We become less reactive when we are calm. The ability to
self-regulate builds our patience to take pause and wait for our children to be ready to engage. Being calm and staying calm then allows us to connect.

2. CONNECT

The warm and responsive interactions between parents and children especially during moments of stress and chaos and conflict, are opportunities for children to learn to understand and modulate their thoughts, feelings and behavior. When a parent feels calm, connection with their children can follow as both parent and child strive to reach states of calm. A child learns to respond instead of react when the parent models this and teaches the child regulation skills, when the child is good and ready.

A parent who takes a non-reactive, non-threatening stance allows the child to feel seen and heard, to regain a sense of control to listen and to make more thoughtful decisions of responding and behaving more effectively.

Give affection

During a meltdown, a child is so overcome with emotion and can feel threatened and unsafe with the intensity of their feelings. A warm hug, gentle stroking of the hair or a soft back rub can give children a sensory experience to ground them in the present, a space to recognize difficulties currently encountered. This allows discovery of their ability to recover. A parent’s calm supportive presence even without words sends the message that you are there for your child when he or she needs you most.

Speak in a soothing, calm voice

Speaking in a low and slow voice similarly helps soothe a child, allowing the child to feel intense negative emotions, and to sit with the discomfort as you the parent hold a space of trust and comfort.

HALT

Staying with your child (while in a Calm state) allows you to assess the function of the behavior. Some of these functions include Hunger, Anger, Loneliness and Tiredness. Decoding the particular trigger and function of behavior facilitates a more appropriate response thereby building skills and character.

Actively listen to your child

This strategy involves mirroring what a child tells you and conveying back to your child the meaning as well as the content of what was said. This gives a child the sense that his or her feelings and thoughts are valid and that you the parent recognize these.

Validate and emphatize

Statements like, “Don’t worry about it,” or “Just relax,” or “You’re just tired,” may seem harmless but they are actually dismissive and serve to invalidate and minimize the experience and feelings of the child, without us noticing it. Similarly, statements like “Just do it again,” or “Just stop crying, it’s not a big deal” gloss over the challenges that children are facing, indirectly telling them that it’s not okay to feel the way that they do in that moment.

Statements of validation and empathy that reflect what the child is feeling and going through, are empowering for a child and helps them be ready and open to engage and communicate further. When done successfully, this can open more spaces to connect and cultivate ways to teach and support children to respond to feelings and situations more mindfully.

There are many different ways of connecting with the child in times of chaos and distress, and it’s about finding which are most helpful for you as a parent, for your particular child and what response or strategy would be appropriate at the given moment.

3. CULTIVATE

The suggested strategies for calming and connecting outlined above can be helpful if it is cultivated. It is discovering and building practices to nurture and protect the parent-child relationship. Learning how to calm and connect will help ease the process of teaching children to be reflective, to learn skills and gain insight on themselves in relation to others, and to figure out how they can respond better to those around them. We cultivate practice to become more intentional in responding to our children – building nurturing relationships with them, inspired by connection and teaching with care and compassion.

It is also important to remember to cultivate practice in the everyday moments. Our lives are filled with the small day to day moments, that provide rich ground to parent our children most effectively. A gentle word, a comforting hug, and the many other ways we choose to nurture and connect with our children are opportunities to shape our relationship with them, and to equip them with skills that will help them live with kindness, intention and resilience.

References:

Rosanbalm, K. D., & Murray, D. W. (2018). Co-regulation from birth through young adulthood: A practice brief. Duke University, 1-10.

Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2014). No-drama discipline: The whole brain way to calm the chaos and nurture your child’s developing mind. Bantam Dell Publishing Group.

Siegel, E. D., & Bryson, T. P. (2011). The whole brain child: 12 revolutionary strategies to nurture your child’s developing mind. Scribe Publications Pty Ltd.

Tags co-regulation, Dr. Dan Siegel, Global Day of Parents, mental health, No Drama Discipline, parent-child relationship, parenting, The Whole Brain Child, Tina Payne Bryson, validation, We Thrive, We Thrive Consultancy and Wellbeing Services, We Thrive Inc, wellbeing, wellbeing practices, wellbeing resources, wethrivewellbeing

Blog Everyday Thriving General Wellbeing Practices

How Mindfulness Can Help Keep Problematic Internet Use at Bay

Post author By Danielle Alonzo
Post date May 19, 2022
No Comments on How Mindfulness Can Help Keep Problematic Internet Use at Bay

As the pandemic continues to affect restrictions on movement and

in-person interactions, Filipino adolescents today have a starkly distinctive experience of going online. Screens have become crucial in the conduct of one’s affairs, and internet use has skyrocketed. In fact, a recent survey reports that the average Filipino teen spends about 10 hours per day online via various devices compared to around 6 hours per week in 2014 (Statista Research Department, 2022).

This is a cause for concern as more screen time opens up the possibility of problematic internet use (PIU), otherwise known as compulsive internet use or internet addiction. PIU was already a growing area of interest by clinicians pre-pandemic, as a review of studies in 31 countries states that about 6% of adolescents already engage in PIU (Cheng and Li, 2014). It continues to be a problem amid the pandemic as in a study comparing internet use during
lockdown among young people in low to middle-income countries, respondents from the Philippines have significantly high scores in measures of problematic internet use, social media use, and general app usage (Fernandes et al., 2021).

Teens are said to be addicted to the internet when there is an inability to control thoughts and behaviors over going online that significantly cause impairment in functioning. Other indicators include a preference for online rather than face-to face-relationships and turning to the internet to relieve negative mood states such as stress, sadness, or anxiety (Gámez-Guadix et al., 2012).

The last indicator helps us understand why young people’s internet use is important to look out for, despite the ubiquity of screens nowadays. As social distancing measures continue to harbor feelings of isolation and loneliness in adolescents (Fegert et al., 2020), they likely fall into various activities such as using the internet to escape and cope (Yao and Zhong, 2014). The internet provides relief through small doses of dopamine for every notification, message, interesting story, or video (Liu and Luo, 2015). However, when we don’t monitor how it may take a hold in our lives, internet use may lead to more negative physical and emotional health outcomes, and the vicious cycle repeats.

Can Mindfulness Help?

Mindfulness has gained popularity in the past decade and has been increasingly incorporated into psychological interventions for children and adolescents. Evidence points to the many benefits of mindfulness training, including the reduction and prevention of stress, symptoms of depression and anxiety and behavioral problems for this specific population (e.g., Britton et al., 2014; Raes et al., 2014; Singh et al., 2007 as cited in Gámez-Guadix & Calvete, 2016).

Mindfulness refers to the ability to become fully present and aware of one’s sensations (what we see, smell, hear, taste, or feel), thoughts (e.g., “I am not good at this”), and emotions (e.g., “I feel really bad”), and turning towards them with curiosity and nonjudgment (Kabat-Zinn,
2003).

Through mindful awareness, teens can learn to befriend and ride the wave of negative emotions, realize that feelings of sadness, anxiety, stress, etc., come and go, and practice detachment. They can also begin to make thoughtful decisions in dealing with their distress
rather than automatically reacting or giving in to their impulses, and perhaps start using the internet with more intention (Gámez-Guadix & Calvete, 2016).

The Cellphone Observation Exercise

The good news is that information on mindfulness is accessible and there is a plethora of resources available to help teens get started on their practice. To get a teen to specifically notice internal reactions while using their devices and think of changes they might make in terms of their relationship with them, the exercise below, adapted from David M. Levy, may prove useful.

It can be done alone as well as with an older sibling or parent, to better facilitate reflection. Each step begins with a prompt to do something in relation to one’s phone or device. One is also asked to note how their mind and body are reacting while performing the steps. A piece of paper may be necessary to write down a few words or phrases.

Think about your phone or device without holding or using it. What do you experience (what comes up in your mind and body) when you think about your phone or device?
Take out your phone and hold it in your hand or go near your device without turning on the screen. Again, pause here to notice how you feel. Is there a pull to do something in particular. What does that feel like in your body? What does it feel like to pause for a moment and wait?
Turn on your phone or device and proceed to open an app of your choosing. Look at the interface in general and do not engage with the app right away. What was the experience like for you?
Engage in the app – perhaps read a post or send a message or two. What happens in your mind and body as you do this?
Finally, stash your phone in your pocket, bag, or drawer, or move a few feet away from your device. How did you feel as you did this?

Post Exercise Reflection:

Look back on the experience and notes written if there are any. Was any of your reactions in a particular step noteworthy? What might this suggest about your relationship with your phone or device? Does it suggest any changes you might need to make?

Mindfulness Practices and the Use of Technology

There are other ways mindfulness can be woven into a teen’s routine that may help address issues with internet use. The following are found below.

1. Mindfully setting and sticking to schedule

Setting specific hours for waking, eating, and sleeping, and committing to it will already make a huge difference in lessening opportunities to engage in nonproductive internet use.

2. Use a mindfulness bell and practice S.T.O.P.

Apps such as The Awakening Bell or The Bell of Mindfulness help recreate the experience of meditation bells in Buddhist temples by ringing a bell or gong sound through your phone or device’s speakers for every time interval specified. Use this as a reminder to bring your mind back to the present moment and then practice S. T. O. P., which stands for:
Stop. Whatever you are doing, pause momentarily.
Take a breath. Re-connect with your breath to anchor in the present moment.
Observe. What is happening inside you, and outside of you? What do you feel? What are you doing?
Proceed. Continue with what you are doing. Or not, depending on the information gathered during the exercise.

The more you STOP during the day, the more you could possibly be aware of your intentions behind every swipe or click thus preventing from going on autopilot.

It is important to keep in mind that it may take some time before mindfulness becomes a habit for anyone, let alone a teen. It is a skill that needs practicing. Many people become frustrated when their mind wanders or forget to apply the mindfulness skills above as there is pressure to get things “right or correctly” the first time. As long as one notices wandering to return and observe the present moment, one is already doing mindfulness.

Resources:
• https://www.humanetech.com/
• https://www.youtube.com/c/headspace
• https://mindful.org
• https://self-compassion.org/

Work Cited:

Cheng, C., & Li, A. Y. (2014). Internet addiction prevalence and quality of (real) life: A meta-analysis of 31 nations across seven world regions. Cyberpsychology, Behavior and Social Networking, 17, 755– 760. https://doi.org/10.1089/cyber.2014.0317

Fegert, J. M., Vitiello, B., Plener, P. L., & Clemens, V. (2020). Challenges and burden of the
Coronavirus 2019 (COVID-19) pandemic for child and adolescent mental health: a narrative
review to highlight clinical and research needs in the acute phase and the long return to
normality. Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and Mental Health, 14, 20. https://doi.org/10.1186/s13034- 020-00329-3

Fernandes, B., Uzun, B., Aydin, C., Tan-Mansukhani, R., Vallejo, A., Saldaña-Gutierrez, A., Biswas, U. N., & Essau, C. A. (2021). Internet use during COVID-19 lockdown among young people in low- and middle-income countries: Role of psychological well-being. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.abrep.2021.100379

Gámez-Guadix, M., Villa-Gorge, F. I., & Calvete, E. (2012). Measurement and analysis of the cognitive-behavioral model of generalized problematic internet use among Mexican adolescents. Journal of Adolescence, 35(6), 1581-1591. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.adolescence.2012.06.00

Gámez-Guadix, M., & Calvete, E. (2016). Assessing the Relationship between Mindful Awareness and Problematic Internet Use Among Adolescents. Mindfulness, 7, 1281 –1288. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12671-016-0566-0

Kabat-Zinn, J. (2003). Mindfulness-based interventions in context: Past, present, and future. Clinical psychology: Science and Practice, 10(2), 144 – 156. https://doi.org/10.1093/clipsy

Liu, M., & Luo, J. (2015). Relationship between peripheral blood dopamine level and internet
addiction disorder in adolescents: A pilot study. International Journal of Clinical and
Experimental Medicine, 8(6), 9943 – 9948. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4538113/#:~:text=Like%20addictive%20su
bstance%2C%20the%20activities,person%20a%20state%20of%20euphoria.

Statista Research Department (2022). Average daily time spent using online media in the Philippines, in third-quarter 2021, by activity. https://www.statista.com/statistics/803812/daily-time-spent-using-online-media-by-activity-philippines/#:~:text=Internet%20users%20in%20the%20Philippines,social%20media%20on

Yao, M. Z., & Zhong, Z. J. (2014). Loneliness, social contacts, and Internet addiction: A cross-lagged panel study. Computers in Human Behavior, 30, 164 – 170. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2013.08.007

Tags adolescent wellbeing, compulsive internet use, internet addiction, mindfulness, problematic internet use, STOP practice, teenagers and the internet

Blog General Wellbeing Practices

Three questions for cultivating a compassionate conscience

Post author By Jan Gabriel Castaneda
Post date May 14, 2022
No Comments on Three questions for cultivating a compassionate conscience

Compassion, which we can understand as the sharing in and a desire to relieve the suffering of others, comes naturally to us as human beings. It is one of our most potent qualities, and is a cornerstone of human societies and the dream for every person to have a conscience formed and directed by aspirations of justice, peace, and cooperation. However, this precious resource has many facilitators and inhibitors, and like all human potentials can be broadened or restricted. Drawing from our clinical work and inspired by the UN’s recognition of the International Day of Conscience last 5th of April, this article will describe what it means to have a “compassionate conscience” and offer three general questions to help direct us towards cultivating our capacities for compassion: whether we are “aware” of suffering; whether we are “moved” by suffering; and whether we “desire” to relieve suffering.

Defining Compassion

Compassion can be understood simply as “the feeling that arises when you are confronted with another’s suffering and feel motivated to relieve that suffering.”¹ Emphasizing its action-oriented nature, compassion is distinguishable from the related emotion of “empathy”, defined as the “mirroring or understanding of another’s emotion”.² Despite the cynicism of mainstream conversations (and sadly much of modern psychology until fairly recently), it is deeply rooted in the human condition: as professor and author Dr. Dacher Keltner puts it, compassion is “an innate human response embedded into the folds of our brains”, the “evolved instinct to help other people is a reflex”.³ And it does appear that human minds evolved the neural hardwiring for this sharing in another’s pain in some way.⁴ We’ve even seen how exercising “self-compassion” — the directing of kindness and understanding inwards, to our own suffering — can literally ease the experience of pain in the context of chronic illnesses.⁵ It has rightly provoked intense interest among scientists, hence the growing body of work focusing on its clinical application along with related practices such as “loving-kindness” and “mindfulness”.⁶ All this to say is that compassion comes naturally to us, and is one of our most potent qualities.

But as the clinical psychologist and founder of Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT) Dr. Paul Gilbert puts it: “Compassion too has its facilitators and inhibitors.”⁷

Many factors can affect our capacities for compassion: whether we were encouraged growing up to engage in compassionate works; our own personal resources; whether our own beliefs about specific compassionate acts (e.g. giving change to a poor stranger) aligned with the moral value we assign to social questions (e.g. poverty determined mainly by individual effort or systemic factors); whether, because of formative experiences, we safe enough in our own bodies to handle the compassionate impulse and the potency of its accompanying emotions; and many others.

For the frontliners of the pandemic, without whom our entire country may have simply collapsed, there was “compassion fatigue”: a deep physical and emotional exhaustion that sets in as a response to an overwhelming loss of human life and livelihood, when there is an accumulation of the suffering of those they serve and not enough space and resources to process and recover.⁸ Given how helpless we all were in many instances, we might relate to the very unpleasant feelings that came when our compassion was unable to express itself in ways we desired, including shame, doubt, guilt, and even anger.⁹ Like all human potentials, our potential for compassion can also be disturbed.

Compassion, whether it’s the capacity to offer it to others or accept it for ourselves, is a precious resource. It is the cornerstone of the well-formed conscience and the bedrock of the dream of a “culture of peace”, which the United Nations described as “a positive, dynamic, participatory process linked intrinsically to democracy, justice and development for all by which differences are respected, dialogue is encouraged and conflicts are constantly transformed by non-violent means into new avenues of cooperation.”¹⁰ If compassion ought to come naturally, which appears to be what the research is currently telling us, then how might we build on it? What kind of questions can we ask to direct us, especially when our capacities for compassion are obstructed in some way?

Three questions for cultivating compassion

For the former Buddhist monk and scholar of religious studies Dr. Thupten Jinpa, compassion is made up of different components, three of which we will look at here.¹¹ While these components overlap in actual human experience, making some distinctions can help us generate useful reflections.

1. “Are we aware of suffering?”

The cognitive aspect of compassion requires that we recognize that pain exists, both in ourselves and in others. But recognition cannot remain an abstraction; compassion is directed and active. Our ability to know suffering can be hampered by ignorance: we may not have an understanding that a person experiences pain in some way because we are unaware of their context and needs. It can also be hampered by prejudice: we might assume we understand a person even if we have not really begun to enter into a real knowledge of who they are. It may not have anything to do with the other person at all: something in our conditioning, past or present, may be keeping us from seeing suffering for what it really is. So what is keeping us from being really aware? Are we really paying attention to what that person is going through? Do our assumptions about that person take up too much headspace? And are there ways of doing things we learned growing up that have left gaps in our perception?

“Are we moved by suffering?”

The affective aspect of compassion requires that this recognition of pain reaches the heart. Put another way, the experience must be felt bodily, and not just at the level of the thought. But like our ability to see, our ability to feel can also be hampered. It may be physical or emotional fatigue: as such, our energy might be directed at conserving energy and towards the things that offer rest or familiar comforts.Our beliefs about suffering might also become like gatekeepers to our emotions: values inherited from our families and communities might have led us to believe that our suffering is somehow correlated with notions of merit or of what people do or do not deserve. Perhaps these same values do not adequately accommodate the fact that suffering is inevitable. It may also be that our bodies may have too much or too little sensitivity to pain, and the effort we put into trying to regulate how much we expose ourselves diverts these emotional resources away from compassion. So what is keeping us from being really present to these feelings? Are our bodies getting enough rest? Do some of our beliefs create barriers rather than openings for feelings of compassion? And do our bodies, whether it has become accustomed to too much or too little pain, allow for these feelings to be felt?

“Do we want to relieve suffering?”

The intent aspect of compassion requires that this experience of the pain of others has an outlet. From the head to the heart, it must then travel outward through speech and action. After all, that is exactly what the etymology of compassion means: to suffer with others. But this suffering with others is not about the passive taking in of pain, but an active partaking in it towards some kind of resolution. We might express this compassion by contributing time and resources to charitable works. We might also express this by becoming a kind of reference point for compassion, whose presence communicates safety and love, so that others might feel safe enough to approach for consolation. We also manifest this intention by directing it inward, at our own pains, and practicing on ourselves what others might ask of us: forgiveness, understanding, and openness to our own failings as human beings with as many flaws as gifts. So what is keeping us from expressing our compassionate impulses as concrete actions? Are we paying attention to the logistics of these compassionate impulses, so that we know what we have to offer? Are we paying attention to how we respond to others, so that we know whether our actions communicate an invitation of safety and warmth? And are we paying attention to how we react to our own experiences, so that we know that we give first to ourselves the compassion we offer others?

As we pass through what we hope to be the worst that the pandemic has to offer, it is important to recognize how our capacities for compassion have been tested and what this might mean for us moving forward. By reflecting on the things which expand or contract the depth and breadth of our compassionate impulses, we can continue to exercise this precious human instinct with less dread about how little we have been able to offer and more hope about how much we can do for ourselves and others within our own spaces.

Sources:

(n.d.). “What Is Compassion?” Great Good Science Center, UC Berkeley. Retrieved from: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/compassion/definition/.
Smith, J.A. (08 May 2009). “What Happens When Compassion Hurts?” Great Good Science Center, UC Berkeley. Retrieved from: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/what_happens_when_compassion_hurts/.
Keltner, D. (01 March 2004). “The Compassion Instinct.” Great Good Science Center, UC Berkeley. Retrieved from: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/the_compassionate_instinct/.
Lamm, C., Decety, J., and Singer, T. (2011). dMeta-analytic evidence for common and distinct neural networks associated with directly experienced pain and empathy for pain. NeuroImage, (54), 2492-2502. DOI: 10.1016/j.neuroimage.2010.10.014.
Wren, A.A., Somers, T.J., Wright, M.A., Goetz, M.C., Leary, M.R., Fras, A.M., Huh, B.K., Rogers, L.L., and Keefe, F.J. (2012). Self-Compassion in Patients With Persistent Musculoskeletal Pain: Relationship of Self-Compassion to Adjustment to Persistent Pain. Journal of Pain and Symptom Management, (43)4, 759-770, DOI: 10.1016/j.jpainsymman.2011.04.014.
Hofmann, S. G., Grossman, P., & Hinton, D. E. (2011). Loving-kindness and compassion meditation: potential for psychological interventions. Clinical psychology review, 31(7), 1126–1132. DOI: 10.1016/j.cpr.2011.07.003.
Gilbert, P. (2014). The origins and nature of compassion focused therapy. British Journal of Clinical Psychology, 53, 6-41. DOI: 10.1111/bjc.12043.
Clay, R.A. (11 June 2020). “Are you experiencing compassion fatigue?” American Psychological Association. Retrieved from: https://www.apa.org/topics/covid-19/compassion-fatigue/.
Culliford, L. (07 June 2011). “Compassion really hurts.” Psychology Today. Retrieved from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/spiritual-wisdom-secular-times/201106/compassion-really-hurts/.
United Nation (n.d.). “International Day of Conscience: 5 April”. Retrieved from: https://www.un.org/en/observances/conscience-day/.
Jazaieri, H. (24 April 2018). “Six Habits of Highly Compassionate People.” Great Good Science Center, UC Berkeley. Retrieved from: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/six_habits_of_highly_compassionate_people/.

Tags compassion, Conscience, International Day of Conscience, We Thrive Consultancy and Wellbeing Services, wethrive, wethrivewellbeing

Blog Everyday Thriving Restorative Practices Wellbeing Practices

Is My Pet Bringing Me More Joy?

Post author By Sandra Perfecto
Post date April 11, 2022
No Comments on Is My Pet Bringing Me More Joy?

I’ve always been a huge animal lover- I’ve had almost every type of pet imaginable,
from cats, dogs, hamsters, birds, and to something as exotic as an iguana. I can’t imagine my life without them and I really value what they have brought and taught me in life. Did you know that even our scientist Sigmund Freud had a favorite dog who never left his side even when doing therapy! Jofi was a chow that people were used to seeing in Freud’s office and “Freud claimed that he never needed to look at his watch during a session, as when Jofi got up and yawned it meant that the allotted hour was over. She was never late.” Essentially Freud became an animal lover himself!

Freud and Jofi in Vienna, 1931 (Photo credit: Freud Museum London)

Anna and Sigmund Freud with Wolf (Photo credit: National Purebred Dog Day)

How my pet affects my life

I had a roommate from college who was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, and living with her, I saw how much she struggled getting out of bed, going to classes, eating, and trying to get herself out of the room. A year after our freshman year, her father got her a dog and his name was Hershey! Hershey was the cutest thing ever, he
was a miniature poodle who loved to socialize and to play. After my roommate adopted Hershey, I slowly saw her more outside her room hanging out with me and our other friends. How due to Hershey she was taking more walks outside, even though there are days where she struggled to go on those walks, in the end the strolls with Hershey
definitely lifted her mood after! I lived with my roommate for 4 years and I was able to see a dog like Hershey be able to support and to save my roommate’s life making her realize that life is worth living!

Research says that having the companionship of a pet really does have positive effects on our bodies. Pets are able to support humans through reducing stress, depression, anxiety, and loneliness.

“Studies have demonstrated a reduction in cortisol, a hormone associated with stress level, as well as systolic and diastolic blood pressure following interaction with a therapy animal”
Animal-Assisted Therapy as a Complementary Intervention for
Mindfulness-Based Therapies (Atherton, Dunbar Jr. & Baker)

They are beneficial to cardiovascular health because they naturally advocate exercise and play! The animal- human bond is undeniable!

“Caring for an animal can help children become more secure and active as they grow older. Pets can also provide older adults with much-needed companionship. But, maybe most importantly, a pet can provide you with true joy and unconditional love.”
The Health and Mood-Boosting Benefits of Pets (Helpguide.org)

Wouldn’t knowing this will want you to go and get a pet right away!

But definitely before you get your loving companion, please do some research first and talk with other professionals in the pet stores or animal shelters to find out which animal is best for you to adopt- but even if you are not able to adopt a pet, having some animal interaction will also help you!

I came across a study that was titled “Pets and Happiness: Examining the Association between Pet Ownership and Wellbeing.” One part of the study is that they compared the well-being of pet owners to non-pet owners through a questionnaire and found that there was not much difference in the results in terms of well-being and personality, “Pet owners were higher in satisfaction with life than non-owners, but the two groups did not differ in happiness, positive emotions, or negative emotions.” One of the factors was that individuals are considerably more elated when they initially adopt their pet, and as time passes, they gradually return to their “baseline” well-being, which is known as hedonic
adaptation. That grabbed my attention because I never thought of it that way! The article says that “It is possible that this cognitive part of well-being is more resistant to adaptation since pet owners still consider their relationship with their pet when rating their overall life satisfaction, but the pet has little effect on their actual, day-to-day experience of emotions.” I recall being ecstatic when I first adopted my puppy—of course, I am still extremely happy when I see my furry friend but I have now become accustomed to having them in my life and they have now become my new reality—a joyful norm.

This flowchart explains the phenomenon of hedonic adaptation- how we all get what we desire and after a while we go back to our “baseline level of affect.” (Photo credit: Productive Club)

I was also not expecting the results of this study to find very little difference in terms of happiness; I was expecting a significant difference—actually, I was expecting dramatic results because my dogs make me the happiest!

What can my pet and I do?

After doing some research about pets and wellbeing, it made me wonder what my dogs and I can do for each other to be able to enhance our wellbeing, especially during this pandemic where we spend most of our time at home with nothing much to do. According
to the article “Dog tales: mindful dog interactions evoke similar experiences to dog assisted mindfulness meditations” the study looked at the feasibility and effectiveness of two six-week interventions that dog owners can conduct with their pets in the safety and comfort of their own homes, with the goal of improving both parties’ well-being. “Qualitative results supported that “the owner feeling happiness/enjoyment and relaxation/calm while completing the task, as well as feeling a sense of engagement and/or focus while completing the task, and enhanced emotional/spiritual connection with their dogs.” We can really see the positive effects of the intervention on the
participants!

To answer the question of what you and your pet can do, here is a mindfulness exercise that you can try together!

Observe the animal that you are with, what do they look like? Look at the different parts of the animal and carefully notice every aspect of him/her
Listen to the sounds that it makes, does it make a sound?
Are you able to touch your animal? If you are able to, how does it feel?
If you are doing an activity together, how does your movement compare to the animal?

Sources:

Animal-assisted therapy as a complementary intervention for mindfulness … (n.d.). Retrieved April 30, 2022, from https://www.counseling.org/docs/default-source/vistas/assisted-therapy-complementary-intervention
Jackson-Grossblat, A., Carbonell, N., & Waite, D. (2016). The Therapeutic Effects Upon Dog Owners Who Interact With Their Dogs in a Mindful Way. Journal of Humanistic Psychology, 56(2), 144–170. https://doi.org/10.1177/0022167814559390
Katherine Jacobs Bao & George Schreer (2016) Pets and Happiness: Examining the Association between Pet Ownership and Wellbeing, Anthrozoös, 29:2, 283-296, DOI: 10.1080/08927936.2016.1152721
Potkier , et al. “Practice Mindfulness with Animals.” Mindful Methods For Life, 5 Sept. 2019, https://mindfulmethodsforlife.com/practice-mindfulness-with-animals/.
The Health and Mood-Boosting Benefits of Pets – HelpGuide.org. (2022). Retrieved 30 April 2022, from https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/mood- boosting-power-ofdogs.htm#:~:text=Pets%2C%20especially%20dogs%20and%20cats,valuable%20companionship%20for%20older%20adults.

Tags mental health, mindfulness, National Pet Day, pet ownership and wellbeing, pets and mental health, pets and wellbeing, We Thrive Inc, wellbeing, wellbeing practices, wellbeing resources, wethrivewellbeing