Have you ever been hit by a sudden wave of secondhand embarrassment? That gut-wrenching
feeling that makes you squirm, shift uncomfortably, or even physically recoil, all because you just saw someone do something painfully awkward? Or maybe you remembered something embarrassing you did years ago, and suddenly you’re blushing all over again? That feeling is what we call “cringe.”
But what exactly is cringe?
It’s a unique emotional response we get when we witness someone make a social blunder or a faux pas that jeopardizes their social image or even ours, even if it’s not happening to us directly or right now (Escoe et al., 2024). It also happens when someone tries to make a good impression but completely messes it up in a way that’s hard to ignore.
According to research, cringe is a vicarious emotional reaction. That means it happens when we witness someone break social norms or mess up their social “integrity” (Mayer et al., 2021). The interesting part is that these social transgressions are usually trivial and pretty harmless. They don’t have serious moral consequences, and sometimes they even make us laugh.
Physically, cringe can show up in a bunch of different ways. Maybe you flush or scrunch up your face. You might squirm in your seat, cover your mouth, or even shout “eww!” Some people break into a sweat or get goosebumps. Your face might feel hot, and your whole body reacts, even when your brain logically knows it’s not you in that awkward moment.
That reaction? That’s cringe.
Cringe vs Embarassment
Now, to make it clear, cringe isn’t quite the same as embarrassment. Embarrassment is something we feel about ourselves when we mess up socially, especially if others see it. Think about waving back at someone who wasn’t waving at you, or accidentally calling your teacher “mom.” It’s sort of like an instant feeling of awkwardness that is personal.
Cringe, on the other hand, is more like secondhand embarrassment. It’s what we feel when someone else does something awkward or socially uncomfortable. Like watching a person try way too hard to seem cool in front of new people, or the classic example of someone pulling out a wedgie in public. It’s awkward, it’s uncomfortable, and it makes you squirm just watching it. What’s even funnier (or more painful) is that we can also cringe at ourselves, like remembering something cringey we did years ago and feeling all those feelings all over again.
So why do we feel cringe in the first place?
Well, humans are inherently social creatures. We share emotions, we try to figure out what others are thinking, and we quickly learn what kind of behavior leads to embarrassment or shame. Since belonging is a basic survival instinct, we naturally avoid things that might make us look weird, awkward, or unacceptable to others.
When we see someone break a social rule, or suddenly remember an embarrassing moment of our own, our brain treats it like a social threat. That’s why we squirm, look away, or get that full-body “eugh” feeling. It’s basically our brain trying to protect us from experiencing the same awkwardness firsthand.
A more neurological explanation could be that certain parts of the brain, like the anterior insula, which helps us process self-conscious emotions like embarrassment, are closely connected to the amygdala, our brain’s “emotion center”. When these two areas work together, they help explain pain empathy, or that feeling we get when we experience someone else’s pain or embarrassment, almost as if it were our own (Paulus et al., 2014).
Cringe ~kind of~ has a social power.
Surprisingly, cringe doesn’t just make us uncomfortable, it also makes us want to talk about it. Sharing cringeworthy moments can actually make us feel better, because it gives us a chance to compare ourselves to the person who messed up… and feel a little more socially competent in the process (Escoe et al., 2024).
It’s like saying, “At least I’m not that awkward!” and that makes us feel better about ourselves.
With that said, how do we handle cringe:
Although cringe is not the most comfortable feeling, it is a normal reaction that we all experience. It is unavoidable, but what we can do is to handle it with grace, or even a little humor.
Here are some ways to handle that awkward feeling:
- Pause, breathe: When you witness something awkward that catches you off-guard. Pause, let yourself be shocked or embarrassed, but don’t forget to breathe and let the awkwardness float away.
- Shift your focus: Instead of dwelling on the cringe, check your phone, chat with a friend, or think about something else.
- Remember, it’s not always serious. Everyone’s got a “wait, did I really just do that?” moment, and most cringeworthy moments are harmless. But it’s honestly funny looking back, and can even turn into funny stories later.
- Practice empathy. Put yourself in their shoes. Think about how the other person might be feeling. Chances are, the person who made the cringe move feels just as awkward. Cut them some slack– we all mess up sometimes, or even give them a mental high-five for bravery.
- Find the humor (but keep it kind). Sometimes the best cure is a little giggle. Like when someone pulls a wedgie in public… Yeah, awkward, but hey, life’s too short not to laugh a little.
EMBRACE YOUR INNER CRINGE!
At the end of the day, cringe is part of being human. Awkward moments happen to the rest of us, but they do not last forever. The key is to be kind and not to take these moments too seriously– sometimes, they even make life more interesting.
References:
- Escoe, B., Martin, N. S., & Salerno, A. (2024). EXPRESS: That’s So Cringeworthy! Understanding What Cringe Is and Why We Want to Share It. Journal of Marketing Research. https://doi.org/10.1177/00222437241305104
- Mayer, A. V., Paulus, F. M., & Krach, S. (2021). A Psychological Perspective on Vicarious Embarrassment and Shame in the Context of Cringe Humor. Humanities, 10(4), 110. https://doi.org/10.3390/h10040110
- Paulus, F. M., Müller-Pinzler, L., Jansen, A., Gazzola, V., & Krach, S. (2014). Mentalizing and the Role of the Posterior Superior Temporal Sulcus in Sharing Others Embarrassment. Cerebral Cortex, 25(8), 2065– 2075. doi: 10.1093/cercor/bhu011