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The ABC’s of Resilience

resilience

Last month, Dr. Joanna Herrera delivered the commencement address for
Miriam College Middle School, where she shared key insights on building resilience with the graduating 7th graders.

Here is an excerpt of that address, highlighting the ABC’s of Resilience:

“You’ve probably heard the word resilience many times over the course of the pandemic. We are told that we need to develop our resilience. Resilience means the ability to bounce back from difficulties—like when you drop a ball on the ground, and it comes right back up instead of staying on the ground. How do we become resilient? The good news is that neuroscientists tell us that we can train our brains, our minds, to be resilient. If we practice resilience, it grows stronger and becomes part of who we are. So, let’s get to our ABC’s of resilience. 

The A of resilience is Awareness and Acceptance.

We talked about all those big feelings we’re having about the pandemic. We need to turn to our feelings with awareness and acceptance. Not pushing our feelings away, not blaming ourselves for having feelings, not being harsh to ourselves when we’re not feeling ok.

Resilience is not about feeling ok all the time. It’s more about being aware of our internal weather patterns—our moods and emotions and being compassionate to ourselves.

We can say to ourselves, I hear you my sadness, I hear you my boredom, I hear you my fear…let me take care of you. We might want to give our feelings some soothing breaths, in and out. Our breath is a powerful tool for calming feelings. When our feelings are calm, we can think more clearly and make better choices. And perhaps we can reach out to our parents, family members, friends and tell them about how we feel so we are not alone with our emotions.  

The B of resilience is Building Competency.

Awareness allows us to see where we are. Building competency means strengthening our muscles—that is mentally and psychologically, to adopt a mindset and perspective that help us grow. I have a favorite quote from Jon Kabat-Zinn, a famous Mindfulness teacher. He said,

We can’t stop the waves, but we can learn how to surf.

Many times, we are not in control of situations that come up in our lives, big situations just like this pandemic, or everyday things, like getting through schoolwork. But we have a choice to get on our surfboard and not drown. Adopting a growth mindset is an important competency for resilience. Growth mindset means, changing how we talk to ourselves when we make mistakes or face challenges. Instead of saying to ourselves, “I’m not as good as others”, “I won’t try because I might fail”, “I can’t do this, it’s too hard” we can say, “I can learn and practice,” “I will succeed with effort and finding the right strategy,” “If I fail, I can try again until I make it.” People who learn to talk to themselves in this way, become more successful in accomplishing their goals in life. Start practicing now. When negativity arises, open the door of possibility. Your mind has the power to change reality when you choose the right angle to see things from—that is the angle of growth and possibility. Lastly,

The C of resilience stands for Connection.

Strong connections with our friends, our families, our teachers, and even our human family around the world is so essential to our wellbeing. We as human beings are wired to connect, to empathize, to care. While this is a time for physical distancing, it is not a time for social distancing. On the other hand, it is a time for presence and compassion, making each other feel we are here, and we are together. Reach out for support when you’re feeling lonely. Make it a habit to have meaningful connections everyday with your family by putting your gadgets aside during mealtimes and be 100% present. Reach out to your friends who you think might be having a hard time, listen and simply be there.

When we feel connected with one another, we feel safe, calm, and collected. 

We can also practice connecting with our goals and our sense of purpose and take small actions to contribute to the greater good—it can be cheering up a friend, helping with chores at home, baking treats for your grandparents, offering a prayer for those who are sick.

Your small actions can have big impact. Do not underestimate your power to make this world a better place.  

As Dr. Jabby emphasized in her commencement address, resilience is a skill that can be learned and practiced. Want to learn more about resilience and other wellbeing practices? Reach out so we can help get you started.

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General

PEACE Be With You: How to Skillfully Navigate Through the Pandemic

Calm

With the onslaught of mostly distressing news about the COVID-19 pandemic,

it is natural to find it challenging to relax and keep calm. Fear and anxiety can get overwhelming amidst the uncertainty and disruption of normal life. To cope, we sometimes tell others and ourselves to “stay calm”. But in times like these, it is understandably easier said than done. This is because calming down takes skills.

The good news is that with practice, skills can be developed and nurtured. The more we use a skill, the more we can master it.

In Space Calm, a mindfulness-based group program for children and teens, participants learn specific life skills they can use to cope with strong emotions such as anxiety, fear, anger, sadness, and loneliness. These are the PEACE skills: Presence, Emotional awareness and understanding, Acceptance, Compassion, and Engagement with others.

Adults and youth alike can benefit from practicing these skills during this challenging time. This could even prove to be the best time to build a skill or two, as you would have even more motivation to manage unpleasant emotions. So, take a look and invite your loved ones – both young and old – to join you in practicing and cultivating these skills.

P – Presence

This is the skill of bringing one’s full attention to what is in the moment. This is a key aspect of mindfulness practice. There’s extensive research evidence in the past 40 years of the many benefits of mindfulness on health and wellbeing. For one, mindfulness practice has been shown to increase resilience to stress and burnout. There have also been significant reductions in attention, behavioral, and anger problems, as well as decreased symptoms of depression and anxiety among youth who practiced mindfulness.

Cultivate the skill:

  1. Five senses – Our senses are the entry point to the present moment. Pause and, without judgment or evaluation, simply notice: 5 things you see; 4 things you can feel on your skin; 3 things you can hear; 2 things you can smell; and 1 thing you can taste at this precise moment in time. (This can be fun to do with others. Take turns in sharing what you’ve become aware of through your senses.)
  2. Mindful activity of daily living – Choose one daily activity that you intend to do mindfully everyday during the week (e.g., brushing your teeth, eating breakfast, combing your hair, taking a shower, etc.). Every time you do this routine activity, focus your full attention on it. If you get distracted, notice what distracted you and then gently bring your attention back to what you are doing. Notice the body sensations and emotions you feel during this “simple awareness” exercise.
  3. Mindful eating – Choose a small piece of food to eat mindfully (examples: a raisin, a bite-sized chocolate, or a small piece of cookie) and place it on your palm. Focus on it and observe its shape, color/s, and other details you can see. Pay attention to how it feels on your skin; turn it over or around slowly and notice its texture. Slowly put it close to your nose and savor its smell. Place it gently inside your mouth and let it sit on your tongue for a while. Notice what’s happening inside your mouth. Savor the taste that’s coming out from this small piece of food. Then, move it with your tongue and slowly bite it with your teeth. Notice the flavors oozing from it. As you swallow slowly, let your attention dwell on your throat and the sensations you feel there. Once you’re done, take a few moments to observe how you feel.
    (You may also check out this video of children demonstrating how to eat more mindfully)

E – Emotional awareness and understanding

This is the capacity to be aware of emotions and be comfortable with any emotion without needing to avoid it or indulge it. This skill allows individuals to calmly recognize emotions with openness and curiosity, with the wise understanding that emotions come and go. 

Cultivate the skill:

  1. Name the emotion – Take several pauses a day to check what emotions are there in the moment. Recognize each one. Still yourself when you feel the need to push a feeling away. Allow yourself to sit with the emotions for a minute or two.
  2. Feel the emotion – Check where in your body you feel the emotion. For instance, where do you feel the anxiety – your head, chest, or tummy? Focus on the body sensation for a minute.
  3. Draw the emotion – Draw an image to represent what you are currently feeling. For those of you who have kids, invite them to do this with you. Then, take turns in talking about the emotion. You can even make it a game and guess what emotion each image represents! (Just one rule: No one makes a judgment about the person or the emotion being felt.)

A – Acceptance

This is the skill of being at peace with what is being experienced in the moment. When we resist what is (e.g., fear, sickness, boredom, etc.), we create more suffering because fighting what is in the here and now is a losing battle. (It is already here!)

“Suffering equals pain times resistance.”

Shinzen Young, a mindfulness teacher and neuroscience research consultant

What creates the suffering is the thought that the pain, discomfort, or unpleasant emotion shouldn’t be here (i.e., non-acceptance of what’s here). 

Cultivate the skill:

  1. Smile at it – List down 5 things you’re struggling to be at peace with. Rank them from smallest to biggest struggle. Starting with your smallest struggle, experience the pain or discomfort, feel it in your body as much as you can, but this time, imagine yourself smiling at it. Then, let your lips curve into an actual smile. Smile at the pain or discomfort like it’s your friend. Repeat this exercise, over a few days if needed, until you feel you’ve fully accepted and befriended it. Then, move to the 2nd smallest struggle and so on.
  2. Accepting hands – When you catch yourself resisting what’s in the moment, take time to pause for 1-2 minutes and sit in a comfortable position. You may close your eyes or lower your gaze. Put your hands on your lap with the palms up and fingers relaxed. Feel your body accepting what’s in the moment through your hands. (For instance, if you find yourself worrying and wanting to push away the worry, practice accepting the reality that you feel worried with accepting hands.)

** These exercises make use of the body-mind connection by having your body communicate to your brain.

C – Compassion

This is the capacity of sensing others’ and our own pain and suffering and taking an action to ease away this suffering. Scientific evidence has shown that feeling loved (in contrast to feeling unloved) and being loving (in contrast to being indifferent) helps develop optimal human functioning in relation to stress hormones, immune system functioning, frontal cortical processing, creativity, and the capacity for happiness

Paul Gilbert, Chapter 7, Compassion: Bridging Practice and Science 

Cultivate the skill:

  1. Compassion in action for self – Purposefully and mindfully do one kind thing for yourself each day. Examples: eat a healthy snack, do yoga, or have a relaxing bath. You probably do such things already but the key here is being intentional in giving love and being kind to you.
  2. Compassion in action for others – Purposefully and mindfully do one kind thing for another person each day. Examples: send a sweet note to a family member or a friend, share your food to someone who’s hungry, or massage your mom’s back.
  3. Loving-kindness meditation – This meditation aims to foster feelings of goodwill, kindness, and warmth towards others and self. Here are a few suggested resources:

E – Engagement with others

The skill of engagement refers to one’s ability to relate and interact with others effectively by being curious, attuned, respectful, and empathic (CARE). Social connection is a basic human need. Our brains are wired to connect with one another.

Our capacity to reach out, connect, and interact with others ensures the survival and reproduction of our specie. Social isolation, or lack of social connectedness, has been linked to health risks.

Matthew D. Lieberman (author of Social: Why Our Brains are Wired to Connect)

Thus, effective engagement with others is an essential skill to learn. With this skill, you can make more meaningful relationships with others, lessen conflicts and misunderstandings, and work with others in a peaceful way.

Cultivate the skill:

Choose a person you haven’t paid much attention to or you find difficult to relate with. Practice the skill of engagement by demonstrating CARE every time you talk to him or her. Notice what’s different this time in your engagement compared to before.

  1. Curiosity – Take a not-knowing stance and an active interest in the other person.
  2. Attuned communication – As you talk, listen deeply to yourself and the other (What do I feel and want? What does he/she feel and want?). Communicate clearly and kindly (How can I be kind to myself and the other person while I communicate what I feel and want?).
  3. Respect – Mindfully act in a way that shows the other you care about his/her feelings and wellbeing.
  4. Empathy – Open your heart and mind to sense and understand what the other is experiencing.

Here’s a summary of the PEACE skills and ways to cultivate them:

Practice Exercises
P
Presence		Paying attention to what’s in the moment1. Five senses
2. Mindful activity of daily living
3. Mindful eating
E
Emotional awareness and understanding		Being aware of emotions as they arise and understanding that emotions come and go1. Name the emotion
2. Feel the emotion
3. Draw the emotion
A
Acceptance		Being at peace with what is here and now1. Smile at it
2. Accepting hands
C
Compassion		Sensing and easing away the suffering of self and others1. Compassion in action for self
2. Compassion in action for others
3. Loving-kindness meditation
E
Engagement		Engaging with others in a curious, attuned, respectful, and empathic way (CARE)1. Curiosity
2. Attuned communication
3. Respect
4. Empathy

With practice, we can become skillful in coping with uncertainties and difficulties. We can become PEACEful.

May PEACE be with you!

Categories
Blog Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC)

How does operational air traffic control relate to mindfulness?

mindfulness

The majority of you are most likely thinking “not at all.”

Having worked as an operational air traffic controller at a high-density facility for 40 years+ I’ll nevertheless reveal there is most likely a relationship if you are willing to cut mindfulness down to, for example “focus and concentration”.

Being an outspoken advocate for mindfulness and self-compassion, I decided to discover if a program targeted at this specific audience would have an effect on dropouts. In particular I was curious if trainees within this domain might benefit from training focused at lowering their self- criticism.

I left the operational environment a couple of years ago. Teaching mindfulness of various kinds to operational air traffic control personnel, health care staff as well as to those suffering from chronic pain is what I now focus on.

For quite some time during the 40 years+ in air traffic control I was part of the team recruiting trainees, later I became Head of Training.
So, I have insight to what is required from the trainees and what the typical obstacles are while going through training.

I was fortunate to start collaboration with a private training institute which offers ab initio as well as refresher and continuation training to national and international customers, GATE Aviation Training, in Copenhagen.

The signature of all training at GATE is first and foremost devoted to excellence within training. But it struck me to realize they in fact dare to challenge the educational culture in their form of training methods.

Having known the industry for as long as I have, I knew a door might open for me to try out a program targeted at what I know is of utmost relevance; focus and concentration.

Thanks to Dr. Steve Hickman, Executive Director, The Center for Mindful Self-Compassion, for granting me the permission to deviate from a standard SC-MSC. With Steve’s encouragement the door became open for me to write the curriculum. “FoCon – The Resilient Personnel” became the program’s title.

Session 1 was 90 min., the remaining 6 sessions were all 75 min.

From the onset it was my intention to follow the SC-MSC curriculum with only a few variations of which one would be a body scan as an add on to each session. Along the way real life for “FoCon” turned out to be a lot more than only a few variations.

I started off with what is in fact comparable to an introductory session of the 8-week MSC. I.e., general “house rules & guidelines” for our next many hours together, “How do I treat a friend-exercise,” the felt experience of mindfulness, common humanity and kindness and “Self- Compassion in Daily Life.”

But my point of departure for the unusual training became the UN 17 Goals for Sustainable Development, more specifically goal no. 3 about good health and wellbeing.

Way down in that paragraph it’s mentioned that before 2030 well-being must be promoted.

They just don’t come up with any definitions of what’s included in mental well-being, let alone methods of measuring improvements.

So, with what I took as a free ticket to elaborate further, I included how the mindfulness movement, and later the compassion movement too, for more than 30 years has proven to:

  • enhance general well-being
  • lower blood pressure
  • improve quality of sleep
  • lessen chronic pain, anxiety and stress and more
  • overall increase life satisfaction through fostering happiness

I mentioned a few of the scientific studies to back up the statements.

This is undoubtedly the first time ever any Air Traffic Control Training facility has had mindfulness and compassion training on the agenda with the sole purpose of enhancing focus and concentration.

By including the UN 17 Goals for Sustainable Development, everyone, including management who were present at the intro session, appeared to realize “Ah ha, we’re really among the forerunners for doing something big here!”

So, from there on the path of the course really turned into Hanne paving the road ahead of each session, looking at what do the students really need right now?

I started off with the “Compassionate Body Scan” but after just 2 sessions, I shifted to the body scan we use in the MBSR program.

Some other exercises I included were “Soothing Touch,” “Self-Compassion Break,” “The STOP-Practice,” “Soles of the Feet,” “Soften – Soothe – Allow,” “Compassionate Friend,” “Self-Compassion Stone,” and finally “Setting an Intention”.

All in all, “FoCon” has been a valuable process for trainees as well as for me being the facilitator.

I do think it’s very noteworthy that by the time they received their first progress report, i.e., after “FoCon” Session 4, one third of the trainees said they experienced enhanced concentration capabilities when studying for their exams.

After “FoCon” Session 6 half of the trainees said they felt generally lighter, less stressed when they were in the simulator and felt more overall happiness.

A formal feedback survey was carried out by completion of the “FoCon” program.

That gave me insight to what the trainees actually felt they benefited from most. It didn’t come in as a surprise the body scan was their high time favorite.

“Is “FoCon” something you’ll recommend GATE to have as part of our future training programs?”

On a scale 1 – 5, 5 being the best, the question scored 4.8.

So yes, I firmly believe GATE is among the forerunners offering “FoCon – The Resilient Personnel” as part of their training.

The course has proven to induce trainees with a dose of confidence: YES, I can complete my simulator and on the job training because I have learned I don’t need to bully myself with self- criticism.

For the first time ever, we will be fostering a new generation of personnel for the aviation industry who are being trained to motivate themselves with encouragement rather than criticism and to tackle stressful situations with greater ease.

When a student learns how to soften the inner critic, a successful outcome of training is more likely to become the result.

Learn more about mindfulness and register for our upcoming eight-week Mindful Self-Compassion online course here.

Resources:

Hanne Vedsted-Hansen: info@hannevedsted.dk www.hannevedsted.dk GATE Aviation Training, Copenhagen, Denmark
The Center for Mindful Self-Compassion:

Categories
Blog Thrive at Work Wellbeing Practices

The 3R’s of Providing Safety and Support to Co-Workers in Distress

3Rs

The experience of stress and anxiety have become so prevalent in our lives
as a result of these prolonged conditions of threat and minimal social engagement. Human nervous systems are designed to thrive in conditions of safety and connection. Conversely, our continued exposure to crisis makes us vulnerable to internal dysregulation, which can manifest in persistent worrying, heightened anxiety and fear, frustration, anger, mental confusion, and exhaustion. If you have not experienced these moments in the past year, you might not have been living on this planet. We have all been emotionally affected by the pandemic in one way or another. Though perhaps viewed from a different angle, this shared vulnerability that we are experiencing has given us an opportunity to be kinder to ourselves when we’re going through difficult emotions. And it has also opened the door for us to care for each other and extend compassion to alleviate the suffering that we see in people around us. 

About 78% of the global workforce reported negative mental health impact from the pandemic (www.thriveglobal.com). This probably does not surprise us. Now more than ever, it has become essential to build a compassionate workplace environment that capitalizes on our common humanity and our inherent human capacity for empathy and connection. We can all be part of cascading support in our workplace community. If everyone is acting on the intention of mutual care, the ripple effect of compassion will become wider and wider, reversing the contagion of toxic stress into that of collective resilience. It does not take extraordinary effort to have a significant impact. But it’s important to keep a few guidelines in mind so that our compassion can become an effective bridge that takes the other person to a state of emotional safety and agency.  

The 3 R’s, Regulate-Relate-Reason/Reflect (adapted from Dr. Bruce Perry),  is a brain-wise approach to helping co-workers and other people who might be experiencing emotional distress.

Stress reactivity and dysregulation occur when our brain senses danger (real or imagined), triggering an internal alarm state. In a state of heightened arousal, the brain has difficulty engaging its higher capacities of reflecting and reasoning.

When the person seeking support is in an emotionally dyresgulated place (i.e. anxious, angry/frustrated, helpless and stuck) we can be more effective in helping them by responding in a way that brings their nervous system back into safety. 

STEPS TO RESTORING SAFETY AND CALM:

1. REGULATE

Calm the flight-fight-freeze response by making the person feel you are fully present and available to listen. Reinforce the help-seeking behavior by saying you’re glad he/she reached out to you. Use a tone and body language that communicates comfort and reassurance. Our nonverbal presence is key to regulation. This includes using a warm and accepting tone of voice, nodding to signal you are actively listening, showing that you are focused and paying attention, and not interrupting what they are saying. When the other person is very agitated, regulating could also take the form of inviting the other person to take a few mindful breaths with you, “How about we take a minute to just breathe to settle our minds?” 

2. RELATE

Instead of jumping into problem-solving or advice-giving, focus on listening, providing empathy, and making the other person feel validated.  Our anxiety and helplessness can get activated in the face of someone else’s suffering. When this happens, we often push for an immediate resolution to the distress by offering solutions and advice. This can make the person in distress feel invalidated. While they might politely take your suggestions, they are not likely to act on it if there was no genuine sense of being understood or empathized with. Take the time to simply acknowledge and normalize their feelings. Use reflective statements such as, “You’re really feeling isolated and it’s been hard for you to stay motivated with work in this situation.” It is possible to validate the emotion without necessarily agreeing with their perspective, “I understand that it was frustrating when you had to take on more work than you expected.”  

3. REASON AND REFLECT

When the person has felt listened to and connected with, the higher parts of the brain become more available to reflect and reason. You may help the person think about concrete steps to address their situation or link them with needed resources. For example, you can help a co-worker figure out how to communicate in a constructive way with their manager or supervisor. You may also invite the person to brainstorm self-care practices that build their inner resource for coping with difficulties.  Sometimes it might help to ask a person experiencing a challenging situation to consider what they value and how their actions and choices can be aligned with what truly matters to them. Don’t hesitate to recommend seeking support from a mental health professional especially when there are safety concerns that require immediate attention. Seeing a mental health professional does not have to be the last resort, it can be a resource to tap into to prevent problems from escalating. 

There is so much that a compassionate conversation can do for someone who is experiencing pain and difficulty. We are wired to respond with empathy and care to our fellow human beings. And as we provide support to others, it is of UTMOST importance to keep our oxygen masks on. Check-in with yourself after assisting another person, take a pause to pay full attention to how you feel, be intentional in renewing yourself by doing something that restores your energy. Compassion only becomes complete when you don’t leave yourself out of the circle.

Contact us to learn more about trainings in providing safety and support in the workplace.